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Should I marry a woman which physical apperance I dont like?

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  • #31
    Re: Should I marry a woman which physical apperance I dont like?

    proposed marriage to a girl who is very religious but she is not beautiful, and I want a wife who is more beautiful. What is the right thing to do?.

    Praise be to Allaah.

    One of the important reasons for which Islam has prescribed marriage is to achieve chastity and to protect oneself and prevent one from looking at haraam things. In order to achieve that, Islam encourages looking at the fiancée before getting married to her, as that will ensure that love and affection will be generated between them, and will create a happy family, based on love, affection and respect, and neither spouse will be tempted to do something other than that which Allaah has permitted. Hence beauty is one of the attributes which one is encouraged to seek and pay attention to.

    It says in Sharh Muntaha al-Iraadaat, which is a Hanbali book (2/621):

    It is also Sunnah to choose a beautiful woman, because it is gives a greater sense of transquillity and is more likely to help him lower his gaze and love her more. Hence Islam prescribes looking (at one's fiancée) before marriage.

    It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: It was said: O Messenger of Allaah, which of women is best? He said: “The one who, when he looks at her he feels happy, when he tells her to do something she obeys him, and she does not go against his wishes with regard to herself or his wealth.”
    Narrated by Ahmad (2/251); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (1838). End quote.

    Some scholars regard it as mustahabb, if a man wants to propose marriage to a woman, to start by asking about her beauty first, then about her religious commitment. That is because it is known that people seek beauty first and foremost.

    Imam al-Bahooti said in Sharh Muntaha al-Iraadaat (2/621):

    He should not ask about her religious commitment until he has been told good things about her beauty. Ahmad said: If a man wants to propose marriage to a woman, he should ask about her beauty first, and if good things are said, he should ask about her religious commitment, and if good things are said, he should marry her.

    If he does not hear good things about her religious commitment, then he will have rejected her because of her religious commitment.

    He should not ask about her religious commitment first, then if good things are said, the he asks about her beauty, then if he does not hear anything good, he rejects her because of beauty and not because of religious commitment. End quote.

    What is blameworthy is when a man seeks beauty and forgets about character and religious commitment – which form the foundation of happiness and righteousness. As this is how most people are, the hadeeth urges them to look for one who is religiously committed and of good character, to stop people focussing on outward appearances and ignoring inward qualities.


    It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).”
    Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4802) and Muslim (1466).

    Al-Nawawi said in Sharh Muslim (10/52):

    The correct view concerning the meaning of this hadeeth is that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was speaking of what people usually do, which is that they look for these four characteristics, the last of which in their view is religious commitment, but you who are rightly guided should choose the one who is religiously committed. End quote.

    The view that it is mustahabb to seek beauty in one’s intended wife does not mean that dazzling beauty is essential, and that a young man should imagine the image of a girl who is one of the most beautiful women in the world and spend his whole life pursuing the image that he wants, because in most cases he will not find her, she may be weak in religious commitment and character.

    Rather what is meant by beauty is the kind of beauty by means of which a man will keep himself chaste and avoid haraam things, and he will refrain from looking at other women. The definition of that beauty will vary from one person to another, and what matters is the opinion of the one who is proposing marriage.

    Our advice to you is not to propose marriage to any girl unless you know that she is of the level of beauty that you are happy with, so that it will not be a matter of initial keenness after which you get fed up or start looking for something new, which will lead to a difficult series of problems in married life.

    Whatever the case, the matter of religious commitment should take precedence over everything else.

    With this balanced approach and balanced way of thinking, you can build a happy family life, in sha Allaah. I ask Allaah to help you and decree good for you.

    See also the answer to question no. 8391 and 21510.

    And Allaah knows best.
    Islam Q&A
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet :saw: said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

    Comment


    • #32
      Re: Should I marry a woman which physical apperance I dont like?

      Originally posted by x--x View Post
      Well it doesn't really matter if someone disputes it or not, religious women go for religious men and vice versa. So far the only difference I can see between them is that she prays sometimes and he prays everyday.
      we are supposed to marry some1 more religious than us or hope so cause they could influence us also ....

      thats like saying u cant marry this 1 or that 1 cause u dont read quran enough.



      Comment


      • #33
        Re: Should I marry a woman which physical apperance I dont like?

        A) Get her to straighten out her imaan and deen and see if she's still interested when she's back on the right track. If yes, then...

        B) Niqab.

        Voila! Problems solved. Have a happy life

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: Should I marry a woman which physical apperance I dont like?

          Originally posted by noobz View Post
          we are supposed to marry some1 more religious than us or hope so cause they could influence us also ....

          thats like saying u cant marry this 1 or that 1 cause u dont read quran enough.
          how does that work.

          man A wants to marry woman B because she is more religious than him, but she refuses man A because he is less religious than her.

          So she wants to marry man c because he is more religious than her, but man c doesnt want to marry her because she is less religious than him..

          if this is something followed in some cultures, maybe this why ppl are finding it hard to get married these days ?

          if someone practices deen, and has a love of learning about deen and implementing what they learn then that is enough. Bottem line is dont marry someone who doesnt practice islam.
          "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

          The Prophet :saw: said:

          "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

          muslim

          Narrated 'Abdullah:

          The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


          "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

          By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

          [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: Should I marry a woman which physical apperance I dont like?

            Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
            how does that work.

            man A wants to marry woman B because she is more religious than him, but she refuses man A because he is less religious than her.

            So she wants to marry man c because he is more religious than her, but man c doesnt want to marry her because she is less religious than him..

            if this is something followed in some cultures, maybe this why ppl are finding it hard to get married these days ?

            if someone practices deen, and has a love of learning about deen and implementing what they learn then that is enough. Bottem line is dont marry someone who doesnt practice islam.
            :jkk:, I was thinking the same as well.

            It would be quite hard to find someone to marry if it's just going around in circle like this.

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: Should I marry a woman which physical apperance I dont like?

              Your only going to resent it more later. Dont do it
              May Your Cars be Fast, Your Spouses Hot and Your Water Always Cold,
              -El-Gallo
              "The Most Interesting Brown Man in the World"

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: Should I marry a woman which physical apperance I dont like?

                Originally posted by geeksupremo View Post
                Yeaps, it's clear cut to be honest.

                You shouldn't just marry someone who you think you would have an easy and stress free life in dunya with, you should find someone who will help you in your struggle to get to Jannah, and take her with you.
                well said,

                :jkk:
                http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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