Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Is this a valid enough reason?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Is this a valid enough reason?

    :salams

    Would you proceed to marry someone who has a really different opinion/view/outlook on your hobby or something that you have a great interest in? I mean other than your love for Islam?

    Say, you're trying to lead a healthy, clean lifestyle but that person thinks there's no point in it since everything is decreed?

    Or, you have a soft spot for animals (particularly cats :inlove:) but the potential can't even stand seeing one?

    Or you're concerned about nature and try to preserve it as best as you can, but he/she just couldn't care less?


    To some, these things might be petty/silly, but I was just wondering if two people with really different perspectives (except on religion) can get along well?

    :jkk:

  • #2
    Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

    Yes but no cats : )
    "Try to distance yourself from everything that causes you worry and sadness, so that you may always live with peace of mind and an open and tranquil heart, seeking Allah and His worship and working on your worldly and otherworldly matters, for if you try this, you will find rest.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

      :wswrwb:

      If they're not interested but happy for you to continue with certain interests it's probably not such a big deal. However if they are seriously opposed to it then it can cause problems. Best to find out where they stand on the issues important to you. Also you need to ask yourself how much of a deal is it if they don't take interest in something you're passionate about. You don't want to end up resenting someone.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

        :wswrwb:

        It depends if the spouse cares.

        1) if he/she doesn't get in the way of leading healthy life than that's fine. Although his/her viewpoint on decree is off.

        2) Get spouse to love cats, if not, not worth ruining marriage over.

        3) if he doesn't care, he doesn't care as long as he doesn't irritate the other.

        1 and 2 can be answered using the Sunnah which he can't have an opinion of. The cat thing is meh...
        "O friend, the cloth from which your burial shroud will be cut may have already reached the market and you remain unaware." Imam al-Ghazali R.A.

        GOOD MANNERS

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

          Originally posted by geeksupremo View Post
          :salams

          Would you proceed to marry someone who has a really different opinion/view/outlook on your hobby or something that you have a great interest in? I mean other than your love for Islam?

          Say, you're trying to lead a healthy, clean lifestyle but that person thinks there's no point in it since everything is decreed?

          Or, you have a soft spot for animals (particularly cats :inlove:) but the potential can't even stand seeing one?

          Or you're concerned about nature and try to preserve it as best as you can, but he/she just couldn't care less?


          To some, these things might be petty/silly, but I was just wondering if two people with really different perspectives (except on religion) can get along well?

          :jkk:
          Sister
          I would not expect a potential to have an interest in cricket or football, but the issues you mention are a little more serious than that.

          A Muslim should be trying to live a healthy and clean lifestyle, and rejecting this because "everything is decreed", shows a lack of understanding of part of our Religion and the concept of predetermination. In addition, we have a custodial responsibility towards this world and Allah's creation, we should not reject this responsibility.


          The fact that he isn't into animals and go all cutesy over cats, is less of an issue than the other two, but this picture should touch the inner cat-lover in anyone:
          http://www.fatcatrescue.org/animals/M/Mimi_1548.jpg


          If these issues are not silly or petty to you, then they are not silly or petty. I knew of a very level-headed woman who didn't marry someone because he was too short. When asked about it, she said that she understood herself and knew that this wasn't a really good reason and quite out of character but the feeling was so strong that she rejected him. Later on quiet reflection, she realised that there were in fact other character differences that would have made the marriage difficult but at the time all she could see was that he was too short and something was telling her not to go through with the marriage.

          Of course, we have IstiKhara, which helps us when we need guidance.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

            Yeah I think the pets thing is more in tune with the topic than the decreed thing. As stated, that's a problem with a religious viewpoint they have, since we have something in the religion called Al-akhth bil-asbaab, that is, taking steps towards your goals even if you know all is decreed. There is a deviant sect that claims everything is decreed, so they just do what they want and all must accept it, because it was decreed. Scholars of old have bashed this group quite a bit. So that kind of thinking is, imo, problematic and needs to be corrected.

            But regarding pets, yeah that's the kind of difference of opinion I can overlook. A lot of people can't stand animals, I can live with someone if I liked them enough even if it means no pets. Their lack of care for the environment is also not a huge deal, so long as they do not litter or waste. If I see that I'm going to have to correct them on that issue, I can't stand people littering and that will be something not allowed in my household if I ever get one.
            والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

            "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

              Originally posted by geeksupremo View Post
              :salams

              Would you proceed to marry someone who has a really different opinion/view/outlook on your hobby or something that you have a great interest in? I mean other than your love for Islam?

              Say, you're trying to lead a healthy, clean lifestyle but that person thinks there's no point in it since everything is decreed?

              Or, you have a soft spot for animals (particularly cats :inlove:) but the potential can't even stand seeing one?

              Or you're concerned about nature and try to preserve it as best as you can, but he/she just couldn't care less?


              To some, these things might be petty/silly, but I was just wondering if two people with really different perspectives (except on religion) can get along well?

              :jkk:
              Honestly, no, I would not. I take preferences very seriously and they are intertwined with my understandings and views of Islam. If my potential spouse had no interest in those things I would be concerned, and if they conflicted with them or was against them, I would forget that person and go find another potential. I would never force someone to live with what they hated, and I wouldn't put us both in a situation to live a miserable life by accepting a proposal I wasn't comfortable with.

              Don't ever think that person is going to "change" for you or that you can "mould" them into something new.

              Originally posted by abubakarbristol View Post
              If these issues are not silly or petty to you, then they are not silly or petty. I knew of a very level-headed woman who didn't marry someone because he was too short. When asked about it, she said that she understood herself and knew that this wasn't a really good reason and quite out of character but the feeling was so strong that she rejected him. Later on quiet reflection, she realised that there were in fact other character differences that would have made the marriage difficult but at the time all she could see was that he was too short and something was telling her not to go through with the marriage.

              Of course, we have IstiKhara, which helps us when we need guidance.
              Agree 100%

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

                Originally posted by geeksupremo View Post
                :salams

                Would you proceed to marry someone who has a really different opinion/view/outlook on your hobby or something that you have a great interest in? I mean other than your love for Islam?

                Say, you're trying to lead a healthy, clean lifestyle but that person thinks there's no point in it since everything is decreed?

                Or, you have a soft spot for animals (particularly cats :inlove:) but the potential can't even stand seeing one?

                Or you're concerned about nature and try to preserve it as best as you can, but he/she just couldn't care less?


                To some, these things might be petty/silly, but I was just wondering if two people with really different perspectives (except on religion) can get along well?

                :jkk:
                Their skin is home of germs and diseases.Plus,their hairs are also harmful if they enter human body.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

                  These little "petty" things can be a sign of character traits and differing perspectives which could be the tip of the iceberg indicating compatibility problems. It is not a big issue if he doesn't share a particular interest, but it becomes an issue if he disrespects something important to you. And in the end, a lot of little issues that you don't have in common can add up to nothing in common.
                  Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

                    Originally posted by geeksupremo View Post
                    :salams

                    Would you proceed to marry someone who has a really different opinion/view/outlook on your hobby or something that you have a great interest in? I mean other than your love for Islam?

                    Say, you're trying to lead a healthy, clean lifestyle but that person thinks there's no point in it since everything is decreed?

                    Or, you have a soft spot for animals (particularly cats :inlove:) but the potential can't even stand seeing one?

                    Or you're concerned about nature and try to preserve it as best as you can, but he/she just couldn't care less?


                    To some, these things might be petty/silly, but I was just wondering if two people with really different perspectives (except on religion) can get along well?

                    :jkk:
                    Chances are you will rarely find a couple who are compatible in many things to start with.
                    Yes their are Big compatibility issues and minor compatibility issues.
                    For Eg - if someone cant live with a pet, then it becomes a issue if your partner who likes pets wants to keep one. Just liking it is not is not a problem.

                    People get into a marriage not scrutinizing compatibility to a very high level.
                    If you obviously find issues that are apparent and big enough which might cause issues then you should not marry in the first place.

                    Allah SWT blesses a marriage then you learn to compromise in Marriage and give in and sacrifice.
                    If both partners are adament and hold firm to the views then it is going to be a miserable marriage.

                    Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                    Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antê” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

                      Originally posted by geeksupremo View Post
                      :salams

                      Would you proceed to marry someone who has a really different opinion/view/outlook on your hobby or something that you have a great interest in? I mean other than your love for Islam?

                      Say, you're trying to lead a healthy, clean lifestyle but that person thinks there's no point in it since everything is decreed?

                      Or, you have a soft spot for animals (particularly cats :inlove:) but the potential can't even stand seeing one?

                      Or you're concerned about nature and try to preserve it as best as you can, but he/she just couldn't care less?


                      To some, these things might be petty/silly, but I was just wondering if two people with really different perspectives (except on religion) can get along well?

                      :jkk:
                      Theres a difference between compatibility when it comes to hobbies and compatibility when it comes to personality.

                      I have no issue with having different interests. However, I really wanted someone to had almost the same temperament as me.
                      https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

                        well, it depends.
                        For example, for me healthy lifestyle is of extreme importance.I could not live with someone who doesn't care what he eats and have no physical activity whatsoever. Because I spend weekends in the hills and mountains, I like hiking and walking in spare time, and I want a partner to share my interests and I want him to be with me when I do something I enjoy doing.
                        And another example you gave; cats. I mean, you will not have a cat in the house anyway, so what's the big deal? You become emotional when you see a cat at the street, and he/she doesn't? Not worth mentioning..

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

                          Originally posted by |Sister| View Post
                          Don't ever think that person is going to "change" for you or that you can "mould" them into something new.
                          Yes, yes, yes!!!

                          It is a common misconception, you might smarten him up a bit and get him to wear nicer clothes or eat better but little more than this.
                          Last edited by abubakarbristol; 05-11-12, 10:21 AM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

                            Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                            Chances are you will rarely find a couple who are compatible in many things to start with.
                            Yes their are Big compatibility issues and minor compatibility issues.
                            For Eg - if someone cant live with a pet, then it becomes a issue if your partner who likes pets wants to keep one. Just liking it is not is not a problem.

                            People get into a marriage not scrutinizing compatibility to a very high level.
                            If you obviously find issues that are apparent and big enough which might cause issues then you should not marry in the first place.

                            Allah SWT blesses a marriage then you learn to compromise in Marriage and give in and sacrifice.
                            If both partners are adament and hold firm to the views then it is going to be a miserable marriage.
                            agree, if islam is your bond then the other things arent important, theyre just personal preferences. The problem would only come when one of the partners arent flexible and wants to impose their view on the other. for example one is a health food keep fit fanatic, and the other doesnt exercise outside of whats normal and likes chilling with popcorn, sweets and chocolate and then the other will get annoyed about that and be upset with them and then give them a hard time and claim theyre doing it for their benefit.

                            marriage is about acceptance and love of another person and all that comes with them, not trying to change them or mold them to fit someone elses idea of what is right or wrong in a person. As long as the deen is sound, then everything else is an adventure in learning about your spouse and loving who they are.
                            "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                            The Prophet :saw: said:

                            "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                            muslim

                            Narrated 'Abdullah:

                            The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                            "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                            By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                            [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Is this a valid enough reason?

                              I can relate to the second one. I absolutely adore cats and pets in general. I already have two cats and I would like to continue having pets after I'm married so I wouldn't be too happy if I married someone who hated animals.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X