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Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

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  • Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

    I know a brother who was not so practising muslim but then he became a practising muslim and he asked his family to find a girl for him and his wish-list was not so long , he was only looking for two qualities , one, that, she sould be a practising muslima and the second , that, she should atleast know how to manage a house because he was living all alone and was fairly well off. To cut it short he got married to a practising muslima (wearing hijaab, praying 5 times, reciting dua on every occassion even before intercoursing , etc)
    After marriage he found out she was so cold that any halaal act of making simple, plain love was so unnatural for her although he had no demands for knocking boots or some horizontal tango in bed, in the beginning he thought perhaps practising muslima girls are like that and she'll be alright after some time but she started refusing him in bed , he still thought she would learn responsiblities of married life soon but she never did. She never cooked anything for him, but when her father came she cooked so many dishes,then he started realising that she was doing it delibrately.One day she started asking him to cut his beard short, he was so shocked to hear that from a practising muslima. Then she asked his permission to let her go to celebrate her first eid in her parents home knowingly that her husband lives all alone. He allowed her but was very sad and it made him even more upset when she didn't even call him on eid day and wish him eid mubarak. He started thinking either there was someone in her life already or she didn't like him. He started tapping her phones and found out she talked with her family members and friends like another normal girl and was happy to see there was no one else in her life but it made him very sad that why she never talked to him like that and whenever he sat with her , instead turning him on she used to turn the tv on with long bearded guys reciting nasheeds.He shaved his beard to save the marriage thinking perhaps she didn't like his beard. But after shaving beard things changed he started hating her and himself. He wanted to divorce her but he didn't because she was having his baby. They remain separated for 3 years , he gave her many chances but all in vain, when he complained to her parents they blamed him that he was doing all this cos he wanted money from them and he was so shocked to listen to that and his dreams of getting married to a practising muslima and living happily ever after ended in a divorce !

    Ofcourse we cannot generalise that all practising muslima sisters or brothers are cold,emotionless like that but before getting married we should atleast try to know each other well and not seek "level of aymaan" in beards, hijaabs, sujoods and wajoods !

  • #2
    Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

    Originally posted by shahpesh View Post
    I know a brother who was not so practising muslim but then he became a practising muslim and he asked his family to find a girl for him and his wish-list was not so long , he was only looking for two qualities , one, that, she sould be a practising muslima and the second , that, she should atleast know how to manage a house because he was living all alone and was fairly well off. To cut it short he got married to a practising muslima (wearing hijaab, praying 5 times, reciting dua on every occassion even before intercoursing , etc)
    After marriage he found out she was so cold that any halaal act of making simple, plain love was so unnatural for her although he had no demands for knocking boots or some horizontal tango in bed, in the beginning he thought perhaps practising muslima girls are like that and she'll be alright after some time but she started refusing him in bed , he still thought she would learn responsiblities of married life soon but she never did. She never cooked anything for him, but when her father came she cooked so many dishes,then he started realising that she was doing it delibrately.One day she started asking him to cut his beard short, he was so shocked to hear that from a practising muslima. Then she asked his permission to let her go to celebrate her first eid in her parents home knowingly that her husband lives all alone. He allowed her but was very sad and it made him even more upset when she didn't even call him on eid day and wish him eid mubarak. He started thinking either there was someone in her life already or she didn't like him. He started tapping her phones and found out she talked with her family members and friends like another normal girl and was happy to see there was no one else in her life but it made him very sad that why she never talked to him like that and whenever he sat with her , instead turning him on she used to turn the tv on with long bearded guys reciting nasheeds.He shaved his beard to save the marriage thinking perhaps she didn't like his beard. But after shaving beard things changed he started hating her and himself. He wanted to divorce her but he didn't because she was having his baby. They remain separated for 3 years , he gave her many chances but all in vain, when he complained to her parents they blamed him that he was doing all this cos he wanted money from them and he was so shocked to listen to that and his dreams of getting married to a practising muslima and living happily ever after ended in a divorce !

    Ofcourse we cannot generalise that all practising muslima sisters or brothers are cold,emotionless like that but before getting married we should atleast try to know each other well and not seek "level of aymaan" in beards, hijaabs, sujoods and wajoods !
    I have seen this happen in real life.Not very uncommon though.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

      :salams

      You're the brother who said earlier that about practicing sisters being cold, right?

      Khair, anyways, when people say they want someone practicing, that doesn't mean that's the only thing they look for in a spouse. It's usually implied that that's the top most thing on the list and something that can't be compromised. It's not that people only want someone who is practicing, but not compatible at all.

      As for that story, well, part of being practicing would be to please her husband in halal ways. So, if the husband wanted to make "halaal act of making simple, plain love," then as a practicing Muslimah, she should have done so.

      Being a practicing Muslim is a complete package. Our deen covers all aspects of life, i.e. relationship with Allah and relationship with people around you.

      Making a marriage work is part of being a practicing Muslim. You can't just pray 5 times and wear hijab and make Dua'as, and think that's it.
      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

        wow ... parents who actually supported their daughter and blamed the husband ....

        its kind of coincidental or what cause if the husband is in the wrong then the parents support the husband and if the wife is wrong then the parents support their daughter?



        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

          He should have divorced her before the child.Now life is that much more complicated.

          Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

          **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

          Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

            Originally posted by shahpesh View Post
            I know a brother who was not so practising muslim but then he became a practising muslim and he asked his family to find a girl for him and his wish-list was not so long , he was only looking for two qualities , one, that, she sould be a practising muslima and the second , that, she should atleast know how to manage a house because he was living all alone and was fairly well off. To cut it short he got married to a practising muslima (wearing hijaab, praying 5 times, reciting dua on every occassion even before intercoursing , etc)
            After marriage he found out she was so cold that any halaal act of making simple, plain love was so unnatural for her although he had no demands for knocking boots or some horizontal tango in bed, in the beginning he thought perhaps practising muslima girls are like that and she'll be alright after some time but she started refusing him in bed , he still thought she would learn responsiblities of married life soon but she never did. She never cooked anything for him, but when her father came she cooked so many dishes,then he started realising that she was doing it delibrately.One day she started asking him to cut his beard short, he was so shocked to hear that from a practising muslima. Then she asked his permission to let her go to celebrate her first eid in her parents home knowingly that her husband lives all alone. He allowed her but was very sad and it made him even more upset when she didn't even call him on eid day and wish him eid mubarak. He started thinking either there was someone in her life already or she didn't like him. He started tapping her phones and found out she talked with her family members and friends like another normal girl and was happy to see there was no one else in her life but it made him very sad that why she never talked to him like that and whenever he sat with her , instead turning him on she used to turn the tv on with long bearded guys reciting nasheeds.He shaved his beard to save the marriage thinking perhaps she didn't like his beard. But after shaving beard things changed he started hating her and himself. He wanted to divorce her but he didn't because she was having his baby. They remain separated for 3 years , he gave her many chances but all in vain, when he complained to her parents they blamed him that he was doing all this cos he wanted money from them and he was so shocked to listen to that and his dreams of getting married to a practising muslima and living happily ever after ended in a divorce !

            Ofcourse we cannot generalise that all practising muslima sisters or brothers are cold,emotionless like that but before getting married we should atleast try to know each other well and not seek "level of aymaan" in beards, hijaabs, sujoods and wajoods !


            audu billah, that was hard to read audu billah its haram to speak about what goes in in private between a man and his wife, its also haram to spy on muslims, the prophet :saw: said suspicion of a muslim is from shaitan, shaving the beard is also haram. can totally see why his life fell apart, how can a persons marriage be blessed when there is no fear of Allah ta ala. seems neither of them knew very much about how to be muslims.

            when you say people should " get to know each other well before marriage" what do you suggest ?
            Last edited by *asiya*; 04-11-12, 08:52 AM.
            "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

            The Prophet :saw: said:

            "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

            muslim

            Narrated 'Abdullah:

            The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


            "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

            By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

            [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

              Sometimes I think it is better to go and live in a cave in seclusion.Atleast you can avoid this fitna.

              Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

              **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

              Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

                Story is weird, poorly written, crass, dull and just.... bleah.

                Actually you know what, I'm just going to spare myself and say it never happened. There, problem solved.

                Next sordid topic please.
                والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

                  Originally posted by علي View Post
                  Story is weird, poorly written, crass, dull and just.... bleah.

                  Actually you know what, I'm just going to spare myself and say it never happened. There, problem solved.

                  Next sordid topic please.
                  thats cold bro.



                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

                    Originally posted by noobz View Post
                    thats cold bro.
                    Oh my this is awkward. Look, not all sordid topics were created equal, how bout that. I didn't even have you in mind when I said that.

                    Alright I kind of did, like I do whenever the word "sordid" is even used, but I waved the thought away quickly. Look, how was I supposed to know you'd come into this topic anyway? Let's just pretend none of this happened and stay friends.
                    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

                      Originally posted by علي View Post
                      Oh my this is awkward. Look, not all sordid topics were created equal, how bout that. I didn't even have you in mind when I said that.

                      Alright I kind of did, like I do whenever the word "sordid" is even used, but I waved the thought away quickly. Look, how was I supposed to know you'd come into this topic anyway? Let's just pretend none of this happened and stay friends.
                      Click image for larger version

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                      • #12
                        Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

                        Walaikum Salaam brother

                        Yes , i said about *some* practising sisters are like that and that was the real stroy behind my comment.

                        Originally posted by noobz View Post
                        wow ... parents who actually supported their daughter and blamed the husband ....

                        its kind of coincidental or what cause if the husband is in the wrong then the parents support the husband and if the wife is wrong then the parents support their daughter?
                        It should be in the same manner as you said but some parents take sides of their children , in this case she was apparently very good daughter so they could and even the husband could never imagine that she would be like that.

                        Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
                        when you say people should " get to know each other well before marriage" what do you suggest ?
                        In real life there are people who are very good practising muslims , some of them become very good compatible husbands and wives, same could be true with less practising husbands and wives. In the above case husband and wife were shown each other pictures before marriage and they didn't talk to each other before marriage. I'll not go against Islam in anyway , but there should be some way to find out more about the person you want to marry in addition to getting to know his/her level of practising from others.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

                          Originally posted by shahpesh View Post
                          In real life there are people who are very good practising muslims , some of them become very good compatible husbands and wives, same could be true with less practising husbands and wives. In the above case husband and wife were shown each other pictures before marriage and they didn't talk to each other before marriage. I'll not go against Islam in anyway , but there should be some way to find out more about the person you want to marry in addition to getting to know his/her level of practising from others.
                          this is where the wali comes in, he should be a man who practices and knows his deen, he should be honest about the woman hes seeking a husband for, and he should be very careful in making sure the character and deen of any prospective husband is verified. honesty in regards to a person even if they are a family member muslims have to be just.

                          I didnt speak to my husband except for 20 minutes and i married him the day after meeting him alhamdulillah it worked out fine for us masha Allah, because the brother who introduced us had informed him of what i was like, which he knew through his wife, and i was informed about my husband to be before meeting him. So the key to all this, is making sure the one introducing a prospective husband and wife, is honest and properly informed, and of course duaa, and consulting Allah ta ala through istikarah throughout is an absolute must.
                          Last edited by *asiya*; 04-11-12, 09:29 AM.
                          "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                          The Prophet :saw: said:

                          "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                          muslim

                          Narrated 'Abdullah:

                          The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                          "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                          By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                          [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

                            People who don't like this topic , just ignore it please , but this is an important issue for some people who are looking for their spouses and want to marry a practising spouse. The only issue is how to know the compatibility through relatives/family and friends of the person you want to marry if you are not allowed to talk to each other before marriage ? So far i could only find out one thing in Sharia which is "Istikhara" ! But other than instikhara is there any way to find out more about the person you want to marry ?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Don't you wish your wife was cold like this ?

                              Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
                              this is where the wali comes in, he should be a man who practices and knows his deen, he should be honest about the woman hes seeking a husband for, and he should be very careful in making sure the character and deen of any prospective husband is verified. honesty in regards to a person even if they are a family member muslims have to be just.

                              I didnt speak to my husband except for 20 minutes and i married him the day after meeting him alhamdulillah it worked out fine for us masha Allah, because the brother who introduced us had informed him of what i was like, which he knew through his wife, and i was informed about my husband to be before meeting him. So the key to all this, is making sure the one introducing a prospective husband and wife, is honest and properly informed, and of course duaa, and consulting Allah ta ala through istikarah throughout is an absolute must.
                              Jazak Allah for replying ...

                              In Pakistan , to check a prospective groom's views and knowledge of Islam , father/brothers or relative men from the bridegroom side invite the prospective husband to their house and talk to him about different topics and then they take him to the masjid on prayer time to see how he offers his prayer to get to know which madhab he is following or even if he can pray or just pretending which is fair enough for me. But my question is how can you find an honest wali who will speak the truth about the prospective bride, in this case his daughter or sister when every father/brother wants his daughter/sister to get married to a good practising muslim ? And for a man it is next to impossible to know about a practising woman on his own ? It is difficult for me to make you understand the culture of Pakistan but i have tried my best , let's see if you can understand this.
                              And the above practices only happen in practising muslim families.

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