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How to look for a second wife

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  • #31
    Re: How to look for a second wife

    Maybe finding a widow for your husband would be. good option?
    Ask your friends if they know someone and I don't mean women that love backbiting, I mean close friends of yours that you can consider sisters. Maybe they can help you insha'allah.

    May Allah سبحانه و تعالى reward you immensely for trying to help your husband.

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    • #32
      Re: How to look for a second wife

      Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
      Salams sister,

      Why can't he look for a 2nd wife the same way he married you as his first wife? He can have trusted friends and relatives look for a suitable sister for him. It is a little more challenging finding a 2nd wife than a 1st b/c polygamy is hard for many people including myself to accept. I don't know what your husband's preferences are, but it will be harder getting a young never married woman with no children b/c such girls would prefer single men with no children. He will have an easier time with a more mature woman who will most likely be either divorced or widowed with children. Did he try looking back in your country of origin (that is if you are not originally British)?
      Originally posted by Sistah_Dime View Post
      ^Why should she settle for a man who's already got another wife when she can find a man who has never been married before?

      Why dosen't the OP look for a divorcee or a widow for her husband? She can be the second wife.
      Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
      Thats exactly what i meant by whydoesn't she get married, not necessarily to OPs husband.
      Well in OP's case the likely hood of finding single women who are religious is less as they get married pretty soon and have preferences.
      Yes their are marriage events for divorcees and widows ,that might be a good place to find a sister and i have seen so many revert sisters here who want to learn the deen more ,If they are open to polygamy then their is a good chance.
      Originally posted by ceeri_sista View Post
      Maybe finding a widow for your husband would be. good option?
      Ask your friends if they know someone and I don't mean women that love backbiting, I mean close friends of yours that you can consider sisters. Maybe they can help you insha'allah.

      May Allah سبحانه و تعالى reward you immensely for trying to help your husband.

      Assalamo Alaykum Sister_82,

      I do agree with all those replies above. It doesnt matter that your hubby is just 28, 22,40,60...etc fact is he is married, and the girls who are young never married with no kids, most does prefer a never married guy without kids, as well. Im sure your hubby can understand that becouse Im sure was his case when he was looking for a 1st wife, he wanted a never married girl. More young and educated and never married is the girl more hard will be that she wanted to be in poligamy( and yes you can find exception but is rare) maybe a divorced women or widow with child would be more willing to acept to be married as a second wife, but also have a big chances that if she is a very independent sister that does have a good job and can provide for herself it will be hard to acept poligamy even if se is widow or divorced with kid(s)...so my advise is not put the demands so high and keep in a more realistic settlings, truth is a women that have child(ren) and is in hard time and needs provision would be more incline to acept poligamy becouse means a way of being care for.
      Just a FYI to the person who posted that he should look for a converted that wants to learn her deen... I didnt get it? So a converted that wants a husband just for her she isnt not in her deen? So a birth muslimah can to prefer have a husband with 1 wife but a reverted/converted she is a deny sister if she is in poligamy? Poligamy is a choice for man and women is not required for any gender to be a co-wife or marry more than 1 women. The only obligation WE as muslims have towards poligamy is not declare Haram(forbiden) what Allah have declare halal. Im a converted sister, alhamdolilah and Im a divorced and I do have a child, and Im open to poligamy yet I do have restrictions in what case I would acept a proposal from a married man and I also have my boderline in what I want from a poligamy marriage, as such have my own house separated from his 1st wife,etc...But that have nothing to do with my deen. I know a bunch of poligamist muslim man that dont know his deen and have 3 wives. I also know so many muslims sister that would not want to participated in a poligamy marriage but truly knows her deen. So a sister converted or birth muslim still can be very deeny without being poligamist.
      Walikum Assalamo
      Last edited by KhadidjahAlmeid; 04-11-12, 03:37 PM. Reason: atypo

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      • #33
        Re: How to look for a second wife

        Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
        Let's keep on topic ppl pls :)
        Unfortunately, you are a rare one. That's why you may see some happy users lol.

        We have to many polygamy discussions, possibility this might turn in to one.

        May Allah make things easy for you and your husband.
        "O friend, the cloth from which your burial shroud will be cut may have already reached the market and you remain unaware." Imam al-Ghazali R.A.

        GOOD MANNERS

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        • #34
          Re: How to look for a second wife

          JazakAllah Khair to everyone who has responded. I will definitley discuss more with my husband.

          I have already asked a few sisters (friends) to let me know of any potential matches - as they dont really agree with 2nd marriage idea I dont think they will be much help.

          I even joked ill put him on shaadi.com LOL! Not that I would!

          We had a brief discussion this weekend about what hes looking for - i know for certain he doesnt want to marry a sister 'back home' - thats just personal preference.
          But he definitely wants practising sister - one who has been highly educated and is looking to settle down and start family.
          I didnt really discuss marrying a divorcee or widower - maybe thats something he will need to think about.

          But I do realise that finding someone to marriage is very difficult in any case! May Allah (swt) guide us All!
          No Longer On UF

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          • #35
            Re: How to look for a second wife

            Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
            JazakAllah Khair to everyone who has responded. I will definitley discuss more with my husband.

            I have already asked a few sisters (friends) to let me know of any potential matches - as they dont really agree with 2nd marriage idea I dont think they will be much help.

            I even joked ill put him on shaadi.com LOL! Not that I would!

            We had a brief discussion this weekend about what hes looking for - i know for certain he doesnt want to marry a sister 'back home' - thats just personal preference.
            But he definitely wants practising sister - one who has been highly educated and is looking to settle down and start family.
            I didnt really discuss marrying a divorcee or widower - maybe thats something he will need to think about.

            But I do realise that finding someone to marriage is very difficult in any case! May Allah (swt) guide us All!
            Sub7anAllah

            you are one of a kind sister ,, mashallah

            it makes me wonder how many of us (women) can actually cope with polygamy but we refused it out arrogance and pride?

            http://quran.cc/images/Quranlogo.png........http://i.imgur.com/b066ayL.png

            “My sin burdened me heavily. But when I measured it against Your Grace, O Lord, Your forgiveness came out greater.” Imam Shafie

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            • #36
              Re: How to look for a second wife

              You would be surprised at the number of practising sisters are against this .. really shocks me!
              I dont know how I will cope when the times comes, inshaAllah Allah (swt) will make it easier for me!
              My husband will pray istikhara to help him make the decision before he proceeds.

              I would like to hear from anyone who is a 2nd wife too!
              No Longer On UF

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              • #37
                Re: How to look for a second wife

                MashaAllah, your husband must be an exceptional human being in order for you to be happy and willing to have him re-marry. May Allah continue to bless your marriage with love, understanding and patience. Ameen.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: How to look for a second wife

                  as salaam alaykum ppl hope everyone is well inshaAllah!

                  I had a few more questions that I wanted to ask relating to the same matter, but thoought it would be easier to post here!

                  Well the reason for my hubby is looking for a 2nd wife is because I am infertile. We have had many tests and treatment, but unfortunatley nothing has worked. Qadr Allah this is something which i have now accepted (just about) We are currently at a stage of our lives were all of our friends have children, and this is taking a toll on both of us.
                  Speaking to family and friends, a lot of them have said 'wait' -speaking to my husband last night - his answer was 'but for how long?'. I know how much hes wants children and unfortunatley there is nothing I can do about my medical situation.
                  I have agreed to second marriage - but this is going to be struggle to find, he seems to think we will be able to find a sister who will include me in their lifes and inshaAllah their children.

                  Do you think I am being pessimistic about this all??

                  Also - I continually have people asking me 'when you having kids' etc. Ive just started to tell ppl that i cant have kids beucase im sick of the questioning- i dont know if this is the right thing to say.
                  No Longer On UF

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                  • #39
                    Re: How to look for a second wife

                    Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
                    as salaam alaykum ppl hope everyone is well inshaAllah!

                    I had a few more questions that I wanted to ask relating to the same matter, but thoought it would be easier to post here!

                    Well the reason for my hubby is looking for a 2nd wife is because I am infertile. We have had many tests and treatment, but unfortunatley nothing has worked. Qadr Allah this is something which i have now accepted (just about) We are currently at a stage of our lives were all of our friends have children, and this is taking a toll on both of us.
                    Speaking to family and friends, a lot of them have said 'wait' -speaking to my husband last night - his answer was 'but for how long?'. I know how much hes wants children and unfortunatley there is nothing I can do about my medical situation.
                    I have agreed to second marriage - but this is going to be struggle to find, he seems to think we will be able to find a sister who will include me in their lifes and inshaAllah their children.

                    Do you think I am being pessimistic about this all??

                    Also - I continually have people asking me 'when you having kids' etc. Ive just started to tell ppl that i cant have kids beucase im sick of the questioning- i dont know if this is the right thing to say.
                    Walaikummussalam,May Allah SWT make your affairs easy sister.Well from my standpoint I think this is one of the only options available especially coming from you husband that another sister will include you in their marriage.
                    I am sure that you would have thought about the fact that ,after marriage when they have kids things can change and you might be feeling lonely as well.

                    I do have a few suggestions though.
                    Make sure that your husband is aware of the conditions of the second marriage and you have your rights.Make sure the sister you guys choose knows the situation well and all three of you discuss your viewpoints before hand.
                    Also have you considered adoption.

                    Keep Asking Dua from Allah SWT for guidance in this matter.

                    Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                    Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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                    • #40
                      Re: How to look for a second wife

                      You not being able to have kids is from Allah. What if your husband marries again and still no kids? You never know what the future holds, just recently one of my cousins had a baby after 13 years of marriage.
                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

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                      • #41
                        Re: How to look for a second wife

                        Thanks for that...we discussed adoption, he really wants a child of his own..which I completely understand.

                        I am also thinking maybe divorce if we are unable find someone who willing to be second wife.

                        At the moment - I have to be realistic and consider all options i think
                        No Longer On UF

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                        • #42
                          Re: How to look for a second wife

                          Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
                          Thanks for that...we discussed adoption, he really wants a child of his own..which I completely understand.

                          I am also thinking maybe divorce if we are unable find someone who willing to be second wife.

                          At the moment - I have to be realistic and consider all options i think

                          I understand,Just remember Divorce is always the last option.Western countries are not that easy to find women who are into polygamy.Maybe you can look elsewhere broaden your search.
                          End of the day Sis do not despair as hard as it may be ,DEATH IS MORE HARDER.( Thats how i console myself when i have problems) .Allah SWT knows whats best for us and keep praying and Ask dua.

                          Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                          **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                          Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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                          • #43
                            Re: How to look for a second wife

                            Yes, i definitley agree divorce is the last option
                            I just feel very empty at the moment, I dont know what to do or say.
                            I have had 3/4 years of stress and sadness due to this matter, I still cry at night when I think about this too much
                            I guess everyone has a test in life and this is mine
                            No Longer On UF

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                            • #44
                              Re: How to look for a second wife

                              Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
                              Yes, i definitley agree divorce is the last option
                              I just feel very empty at the moment, I dont know what to do or say.
                              I have had 3/4 years of stress and sadness due to this matter, I still cry at night when I think about this too much
                              I guess everyone has a test in life and this is mine
                              Its important you guys communicate a lot on this issue.
                              If i may ask How long are you married.

                              Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                              **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                              Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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                              • #45
                                Re: How to look for a second wife

                                just over 5 years mashAllah, but we both wanted children after a year of marriage, now i really regret it
                                No Longer On UF

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