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  • #91
    Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

    Originally posted by flashnazia View Post
    At Ali, I was referring to this:











    Marriage is about partnership, support, raising righteous children and sharing a life. It's not just about ^*[email protected]**g all day long.

    .
    This holier than thou attitude is really irritating.

    P.S I hope you get a husband or have a husband who is not like us......:up::o

    Comment


    • #92
      Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

      ok lets throw a hypothetical out there...

      1. a brother wishes to marry, he is a student / unemployed, has no way of affording to support a wife other than public support just now, but has no reason to think Allaah will not provide for him in the future to enable him to marry and so he makes a proposal with the intention of supporting her if / when he can do so in the future.

      2. a married brother wishes to marry again, he is a student / unemployed, has no way supporting the first or 2nd wife except through public support, but has no reason to think he will not be provided with a halal income in the future, it is in Allaah's hands and the first wife cannot have kids / more kids or there is some other problem but out of a mercy to her he does not wish to divorce her just to marry again.
      So he takes a 2nd wife.

      Now some still might say no to the 2nd but i hope this shows it is not as black and white as some make it out to be.
      in principle it is about the same. he wishes to provide for both, both times the sister being married knows his situation and accepts it before marriage, in both situations I don't personally have an issue with it.

      I know brothers who have faced this, and bigger problems in the first marriage but divorce is not an option so they marry again and I dont blame them, or speak ill of them as others might have done in their generalisations on here.
      Abu Saalehah

      OUTREACH4ISLAM - Calling the not yet Muslims of Leicester to Islam since 2006

      Comment


      • #93
        Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

        Originally posted by Abd. View Post
        .....isn't polygamy/polygyny forbidden in europe, north america, australia and south america?
        yes and?

        pretty certain despite otherwise having differences we are all on the same page here, where such laws contradict islam we ignore them.
        Abu Saalehah

        OUTREACH4ISLAM - Calling the not yet Muslims of Leicester to Islam since 2006

        Comment


        • #94
          Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

          Originally posted by flashnazia View Post
          Marriage is about partnership, support, raising righteous children and sharing a life. It's not just ...
          Ssiter, please. A muslimah shouldn't be using language like that. Subhan'Allah.

          And, yes, we can all fill in the blank, so $#@%$# doesn't help. We shouldn't have these words in our heads in the first place.

          Originally posted by Remember12345 View Post
          :up: I agree.....Women like here are meant to be ignored.....
          These "women" are your sisters. :insha: maybe, be more gentle.
          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

          Comment


          • #95
            Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

            I know what you were referring to, you are still wrong. Getting obscene when making your point will not make it more right, it just further establishes how wrong you already are. Desiring yet another woman is a valid reason for polygamy, you can get married to numbers 2 3 and 4 for this reason and still believe in partnership, support, raising righteous children and sharing a life.

            This is an obvious clear thing. People marry number one to prevent themselves from fitnah. So what does it mean when the Prophet :saw: says to marry, it is better for lowering your gaze? What does it mean when he says if you see a woman outside you like, go back to your own wife and you will find better? It means that this element is also considered. So how many people out there married to protect themselves and satisfy their desire who have also proven to be good husbands?

            Your criteria for what is required to marry more than one is nothing more than arbitrary. It has no basis, because if it did, scholars who know the deen and deal with marriages all the time (and Allah knows scholars deal with marriages, this is often the bulk of their work), they would not have said that fulfilling your desire is a valid reason for marriage. Why would they, when this is already clear from hadith? You attaching vulgar connotations to it does not apply, those ideas don't come from Islam, and I notice how they never apply for the first wife. He marries her to protect and satisfy himself, okay fine. Marries another for the same reason? [email protected]*&%#!
            والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

            "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

            Comment


            • #96
              Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

              Originally posted by flashnazia View Post
              Ok, what about fish? That's mentioned in Quran as halal but lots of people don't like to eat fish!
              people who don't like fish tend not to spend part of their life speaking against fish and warning others agains eating it or if a fish eating thread came up spending their time saying how much they don't care for it, or find it difficult thinking of others eating fish.

              so not a good analogy.
              Abu Saalehah

              OUTREACH4ISLAM - Calling the not yet Muslims of Leicester to Islam since 2006

              Comment


              • #97
                Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                OK here is another hypothetical for you all,

                a sister is unmarried, a brother of excellent deen and character comes to ask for her in marriage, he is desperately poor but heay he can afford an iron ring as mahr or he is knowledgeable and can instead teach her the deen as part of her mahr

                she doesn't want to live not provided for, but then again he has intention of providing for her in the future as soon as he can so she says yes.

                I am pretty certain most of you would state yeah, good catch so reel him in before he escapes, no reason to think the chance will come back again if / when he finds work.

                but instead most of you would condemn stating don't live off benefits, blah blah blah, how can she let herself down etc etc etc, because the one fact you've not heard is he is already married.
                Abu Saalehah

                OUTREACH4ISLAM - Calling the not yet Muslims of Leicester to Islam since 2006

                Comment


                • #98
                  Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                  Come on guys, it is true indeed that the purpose of poly-game is to take care of the fatherless children and widows. But the truth? The reality speaking?

                  I ask you guys if you can have a chance to get the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wife, which woman would you choose?
                  A widow with children? Really?
                  A 40-something woman who has a very small chance to marry or re-marry? Really?
                  Or....A teenager? A younger woman? Prettier woman?

                  Almost every poly-game-ous guys chose a younger woman as his second wife. Why? Because he wants a "fresher" one than his first wife. That's what inside a man's mind. It has nothing to do with sunnah and Qur'an. When lust takes over, it's done.


                  Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                  :masha: A positive post on polygamy.
                  Firstly, women can't divorce. They can asked the judge for annulment of marriage or ask a khula from the husband.
                  NOT in my country. Alhamdulillah
                  :GB_bonesrock:
                  And all the heavens go their way.... And only change is here to stay...

                  Comment


                  • #99
                    Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                    Originally posted by arachnide View Post
                    Come on guys, it is true indeed that the purpose of poly-game is to take care of the fatherless children and widows. But the truth? The reality speaking?

                    I ask you guys if you can have a chance to get the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wife, which woman would you choose?
                    A widow with children? Really?
                    A 40-something woman who has a very small chance to marry or re-marry? Really?
                    Or....A teenager? A younger woman? Prettier woman?

                    Almost every poly-game-ous guys chose a younger woman as his second wife. Why? Because he wants a "fresher" one than his first wife. That's what inside a man's mind. It has nothing to do with sunnah and Qur'an. When lust takes over, it's done.
                    All this is your assumption, at the end of the day he would be marrying and taking care of more women if he's doing it correctly. A woman is still a woman, life is not that long for it to matter that some men marry only young, the fact remains that if more men married, young or old, more women would be married. If the current generation married only young let's say, how many old unmarried women would there be later? Less.

                    I said it once and I'll say it again, there are no good arguments against polygamy and it is from Allah's wisdom that He allowed it. All the arbitrary conditions and codes women who hate it attach to it are of no consequence.


                    Originally posted by arachnide View Post
                    NOT in my country. Alhamdulillah
                    He was speaking from the Islamic perspective, meaning the law applies since it is Allah's law regardless of the country.
                    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                    Comment


                    • Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                      Originally posted by arachnide View Post
                      Come on guys, it is true indeed that the purpose of poly-game is to take care of the fatherless children and widows. But the truth? The reality speaking?

                      I ask you guys if you can have a chance to get the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wife, which woman would you choose?
                      A widow with children? Really?
                      A 40-something woman who has a very small chance to marry or re-marry? Really?
                      Or....A teenager? A younger woman? Prettier woman?

                      Almost every poly-game-ous guys chose a younger woman as his second wife. Why? Because he wants a "fresher" one than his first wife. That's what inside a man's mind. It has nothing to do with sunnah and Qur'an. When lust takes over, it's done.




                      NOT in my country. Alhamdulillah
                      Many men hide behind the Sunnah excuse. The the prophet's sunnah was to marry widows and divorcees. If they REALLY wanted to follow the way the PROPHET (saw) practiced polygamy, that's what they would be doing. With the exception of Aisha, the rest including Khadija, were older and widows. he did not remarry to replace a former wife with a younger model. Most muslim men abuse their right to polygamy by using it as a way to have a halal mistress. There is no wonder why the vast majority of cases result in disaster and break up families. Foolish men are ready to abandon their wives and children for a younger woman.

                      Plus, there are still many young pretty women in their 30's who have lost their husbands. It is not as if you are widow you are automatically no longer attractive or something. Polygamy should be used more often to give such women a chance who have a low chance of remarrying. Many of these men pushing polygamy have in mind replacing their wife with a younger model. I will make sure to marry a man who has respect for women and doesn't see us as renewable objects. Women need to stop accepting this nonsense from men.

                      Men annoy me with the Sunnah excuse. Just say you are tired of your poor wife and want to replace her with something you THINK is better.
                      Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                      Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                      [Al Quran 13:28]
                      ]

                      Comment


                      • Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                        Originally posted by abu saalehah View Post
                        ok lets throw a hypothetical out there...

                        1. a brother wishes to marry, he is a student / unemployed, has no way of affording to support a wife other than public support just now, but has no reason to think Allaah will not provide for him in the future to enable him to marry and so he makes a proposal with the intention of supporting her if / when he can do so in the future.

                        2. a married brother wishes to marry again, he is a student / unemployed, has no way supporting the first or 2nd wife except through public support, but has no reason to think he will not be provided with a halal income in the future, it is in Allaah's hands and the first wife cannot have kids / more kids or there is some other problem but out of a mercy to her he does not wish to divorce her just to marry again.
                        So he takes a 2nd wife.

                        Now some still might say no to the 2nd but i hope this shows it is not as black and white as some make it out to be.
                        in principle it is about the same. he wishes to provide for both, both times the sister being married knows his situation and accepts it before marriage, in both situations I don't personally have an issue with it.

                        I know brothers who have faced this, and bigger problems in the first marriage but divorce is not an option so they marry again and I dont blame them, or speak ill of them as others might have done in their generalisations on here.
                        Either brother is not ready to get married. An unemployed brother should first focus on bettering himself and finding employment than taking on the responsibility of a wife. Plus, the point is a 2nd wife is an EXTRA responsibility that is not necessary to add. It divides your money further and makes your already poor life worse. Some broke brothers are not ready to admit polygamy is not for them. Sorry, leave polygamy for the rich brothers.

                        Plus, according to your 2nd example, you talk as if there must be a problem with the 1st in order for the man to marry a 2nd? He keeps her out of mercy? So if a man has a problem with his 1st wife he should run away from her and go to another woman? Oh, but out of pity he leaves the woman there for mercy. Please. Why should she be trapped in an unhappy marriage while he gets to go for his happiness. Chances are if he falls in love again, he will ignore her and her kid's needs leading to unfairness b/c he is too occupied with his new wife. These are the things that cause polygamy to fail.

                        A man with a strong first marriage will have a better chance of making polygamy work b/c the arrival of the new woman won't break up their family or weaken their relationship. But usually those men with strong first marriages are probably not thinking of hurting their first wife anyway by marrying another woman. They are usually happy enough with her. [SIZE=3]Polygamy is to help women and children not replace your first wife with a younger model.[/SIZE] It is aso not for broke men. Get out of denial
                        Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                        Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                        [Al Quran 13:28]
                        ]

                        Comment


                        • Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                          Originally posted by abu saalehah View Post
                          OK here is another hypothetical for you all,

                          a sister is unmarried, a brother of excellent deen and character comes to ask for her in marriage, he is desperately poor but heay he can afford an iron ring as mahr or he is knowledgeable and can instead teach her the deen as part of her mahr

                          she doesn't want to live not provided for, but then again he has intention of providing for her in the future as soon as he can so she says yes.

                          I am pretty certain most of you would state yeah, good catch so reel him in before he escapes, no reason to think the chance will come back again if / when he finds work.

                          but instead most of you would condemn stating don't live off benefits, blah blah blah, how can she let herself down etc etc etc, because the one fact you've not heard is he is already married.
                          Actually, many people will say no. A man is required to be able to provide at least the BASICS. A desperately poor man needs to improve himself instead of thinking about women. Maybe that is what is distracting him from working hard. If a man is financially stable and works hard to be able to provide, it shows RESPONSIBILITY on his part. A man needs to be responsible to be married, whether to 1, 2, 3, or 4 women. You should not be collecting wives and depending on others to take on YOUR responsibility. Focus on one wife first and the responsibilities to taking care of her and her children. Learn that first and then you can add more IF you can AFFORD it. Also, being a husand is not only about giving them money, but being a father figure, providing protection, and teaching your kids Islam. It is also being there to support your wife AND kids. Polygamy reduces your time away from them. Some men already don't have enough time for their one family due to the nature of their work, so adding another will make things worse. Many women in polygamy already live like single mothers with an absent father. A man needs to think about the RESPONSIBILITY that comes with polygamy. When they see a woman they are attracted to, they lose their senses and do not think of the consequences of their actions. Just their own desires. With that extra sex comes a lot of responsibility. I am glad Islam forces men to MARRY women, b/c instead they would take the easy way out and make them mistresses. He is forced to make them all wives and take on the responsibility and not just have sex with her and give her money like a prostitute.

                          Anyway, I also blame some women for their bad judgement. It is perfectly halal to be a 2nd wife, but you also need to think rationally and take your time. You need to look at his situation with his first family and see if it would be a good idea to join them. You ARE joining an existing family when you choose to become a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wife. Many of these sisters as well just go by the man's sweet words and think they are his true love and better than his first wife. Some even think he will divorce her do they can become the one and only. Some of us women let men trick us all the time and fall for their false words. If a sister is considering becoming a 2nd wife, no problem, but just remember that men will tell you what you want to hear just to get you. Before marrying another sister's husband and imposing yourself on her family, think twice about the situation carefully. Don't let your ego get too inflated as you need to remember the first wife was his love at some point too and he most likely told her the same sweet words he told you. Don't help destroy a family or ruin another sister's life b/c it will come back to bite you. He might also get a 3rd who is also younger and prettier than you.
                          Last edited by muslimahc; 04-08-12, 02:44 PM.
                          Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                          Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                          [Al Quran 13:28]
                          ]

                          Comment


                          • Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                            Originally posted by arachnide View Post
                            Come on guys, it is true indeed that the purpose of poly-game is to take care of the fatherless children and widows. But the truth? The reality speaking?

                            I ask you guys if you can have a chance to get the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wife, which woman would you choose?
                            A widow with children? Really?
                            A 40-something woman who has a very small chance to marry or re-marry? Really?
                            Or....A teenager? A younger woman? Prettier woman?

                            Almost every poly-game-ous guys chose a younger woman as his second wife. Why? Because he wants a "fresher" one than his first wife. That's what inside a man's mind. It has nothing to do with sunnah and Qur'an. When lust takes over, it's done.




                            NOT in my country. Alhamdulillah
                            Yes,of course.Under kuffar laws,man is practically at the mercy of a woman.

                            I feel bad for these guys.They are gonna get enslaved by the woman they marry.
                            Last edited by Remember12345; 04-08-12, 04:08 PM.

                            Comment


                            • Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                              Originally posted by arachnide View Post
                              Come on guys, it is true indeed that the purpose of poly-game is to take care of the fatherless children and widows. But the truth? The reality speaking?

                              I ask you guys if you can have a chance to get the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wife, which woman would you choose?
                              A widow with children? Really?
                              A 40-something woman who has a very small chance to marry or re-marry? Really?
                              Or....A teenager? A younger woman? Prettier woman?

                              Almost every poly-game-ous guys chose a younger woman as his second wife. Why? Because he wants a "fresher" one than his first wife. That's what inside a man's mind. It has nothing to do with sunnah and Qur'an. When lust takes over, it's done.




                              NOT in my country. Alhamdulillah
                              Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
                              Many men hide behind the Sunnah excuse. The the prophet's sunnah was to marry widows and divorcees. If they REALLY wanted to follow the way the PROPHET (saw) practiced polygamy, that's what they would be doing. With the exception of Aisha, the rest including Khadija, were older and widows. he did not remarry to replace a former wife with a younger model. Most muslim men abuse their right to polygamy by using it as a way to have a halal mistress. There is no wonder why the vast majority of cases result in disaster and break up families. Foolish men are ready to abandon their wives and children for a younger woman.

                              Plus, there are still many young pretty women in their 30's who have lost their husbands. It is not as if you are widow you are automatically no longer attractive or something. Polygamy should be used more often to give such women a chance who have a low chance of remarrying. Many of these men pushing polygamy have in mind replacing their wife with a younger model. I will make sure to marry a man who has respect for women and doesn't see us as renewable objects. Women need to stop accepting this nonsense from men.

                              Men annoy me with the Sunnah excuse. Just say you are tired of your poor wife and want to replace her with something you THINK is better.
                              Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
                              Either brother is not ready to get married. An unemployed brother should first focus on bettering himself and finding employment than taking on the responsibility of a wife. Plus, the point is a 2nd wife is an EXTRA responsibility that is not necessary to add. It divides your money further and makes your already poor life worse. Some broke brothers are not ready to admit polygamy is not for them. Sorry, leave polygamy for the rich brothers.

                              Plus, according to your 2nd example, you talk as if there must be a problem with the 1st in order for the man to marry a 2nd? He keeps her out of mercy? So if a man has a problem with his 1st wife he should run away from her and go to another woman? Oh, but out of pity he leaves the woman there for mercy. Please. Why should she be trapped in an unhappy marriage while he gets to go for his happiness. Chances are if he falls in love again, he will ignore her and her kid's needs leading to unfairness b/c he is too occupied with his new wife. These are the things that cause polygamy to fail.

                              A man with a strong first marriage will have a better chance of making polygamy work b/c the arrival of the new woman won't break up their family or weaken their relationship. But usually those men with strong first marriages are probably not thinking of hurting their first wife anyway by marrying another woman. They are usually happy enough with her. [SIZE=3]Polygamy is to help women and children not replace your first wife with a younger model.[/SIZE] It is aso not for broke men. Get out of denial
                              Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
                              Actually, many people will say no. A man is required to be able to provide at least the BASICS. A desperately poor man needs to improve himself instead of thinking about women. Maybe that is what is distracting him from working hard. If a man is financially stable and works hard to be able to provide, it shows RESPONSIBILITY on his part. A man needs to be responsible to be married, whether to 1, 2, 3, or 4 women. You should not be collecting wives and depending on others to take on YOUR responsibility. Focus on one wife first and the responsibilities to taking care of her and her children. Learn that first and then you can add more IF you can AFFORD it. Also, being a husand is not only about giving them money, but being a father figure, providing protection, and teaching your kids Islam. It is also being there to support your wife AND kids. Polygamy reduces your time away from them. Some men already don't have enough time for their one family due to the nature of their work, so adding another will make things worse. Many women in polygamy already live like single mothers with an absent father. A man needs to think about the RESPONSIBILITY that comes with polygamy. When they see a woman they are attracted to, they lose their senses and do not think of the consequences of their actions. Just their own desires. With that extra sex comes a lot of responsibility. I am glad Islam forces men to MARRY women, b/c instead they would take the easy way out and make them mistresses. He is forced to make them all wives and take on the responsibility and not just have sex with her and give her money like a prostitute.

                              Anyway, I also blame some women for their bad judgement. It is perfectly halal to be a 2nd wife, but you also need to think rationally and take your time. You need to look at his situation with his first family and see if it would be a good idea to join them. You ARE joining an existing family when you choose to become a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wife. Many of these sisters as well just go by the man's sweet words and think they are his true love and better than his first wife. Some even think he will divorce her do they can become the one and only. Some of us women let men trick us all the time and fall for their false words. If a sister is considering becoming a 2nd wife, no problem, but just remember that men will tell you what you want to hear just to get you. Before marrying another sister's husband and imposing yourself on her family, think twice about the situation carefully. Don't let your ego get too inflated as you need to remember the first wife was his love at some point too and he most likely told her the same sweet words he told you. Don't help destroy a family or ruin another sister's life b/c it will come back to bite you. He might also get a 3rd who is also younger and prettier than you.
                              All B.S

                              These are opinions of lay-mans.Men will marry whoever they like.Your opinions doesn't count.

                              Comment


                              • Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                                Sister, your posts have some contradictions in them. You say that men who "push" polygamy hide behind the Sunnah excuse because they just want women. The point I am making is that no matter what your reason for marrying a second wife is, if you do it in the Islamic way and are fair, the end result is more married Muslim women in a good household. The actions of men of low moral fiber do not have bearing on the nobility of the practice. Also you say the sunnah is to marry only widows or divorcees, and that is not so, because you then state Aisha as an exception, meaning you can marry a virgin too and that too is a sunnah. There are also the actions of Sahabah, they married women, the end. There is nothing to indicate one is better than the other, the point is that more Muslim women are taken care of.

                                The point I am making is that polygamy is halal, the restrictions you place on it, that it must be widows or divorcees is not valid or backed Islamically. Yes it would be nice if people did do that, but the end result would still be better with polygamy provided the man was doing his part and being even. He can do this regardless of the reason that pushed him into polygamy in the first place. Until evidence is shown that Islamically this isn't the case, all of these arbitrary interpretations are meaningless. Men will also marry divorcees and widows, yes even polygamists, since monogamous men are doing it all the time anyway, and that's even more "exceptional" than doing it in a polygamous marriage since his ONLY wife is a divorcee or a widow. Mind you I don't discriminate, but it's the way sisters talk about it, that because it's his second one, he has to "settle" for "less". No, it's a marriage, and a marriage is a marriage, virgin, widow, divorcee, short, tall, attractive and otherwise.

                                Also when looking to get married, one has to find the other person acceptable, it's no different than it was with wife number 1. There is such a thing as a level of attractiveness one finds acceptable, and this is the case be the person a widow, divorcee, or what have you.
                                والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                                "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                                Comment

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