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Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

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  • #61
    Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

    Originally posted by Remember12345 View Post
    Me too...... :up:
    So you and cooldog think marriage is all about s**? Says a lot....

    Comment


    • #62
      Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

      Originally posted by flashnazia View Post
      Do you think your green bar makes you better than him? I hope not!
      No sis, actually, the fact that someone like me has the amount of rep that they have is proof that rep really does not mean much. However when someone consistently says very disagreeable things, it helps that they're flagged with a red bar. I typically do this to shiites and those who badmouth Muslims and Islamic principles.

      Also your fish example does not work. I can choose not to eat fish due to my not finding it appetizing, however I can still thank Allah (swt) for the great blessing of fish, that it was named in the Qur'aan "meat that is soft" by Allah, letting us know what a blessing it is. How many populations benefit from fish? How many would starve to death without? It's the same with polygamy and everything else Allah has made halal, we accept it, we respect it.

      Also Remember12345, thank you for your kind words :)
      والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

      "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

      Comment


      • #63
        Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

        Originally posted by flashnazia View Post
        So you and cooldog think marriage is all about s**? Says a lot....
        OMG, U finally understood me. :inlove: :inlove: NOT.

        Comment


        • #64
          Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

          Originally posted by flashnazia View Post
          So you and cooldog think marriage is all about s**? Says a lot....
          Also sister, this is simply not fair. Just because they agree that satisfying sexual desire is a valid reason for marriage (and I've not seen a scholar who disagreed with this) does not mean they believe that marriage is all about the intimacy element. They can still also believe in perfecting the marital relationship with good conduct, even though the reason they married another was to protect themselves from fitnah. It is in this topic where this very fact is mentioned over and over again by muslimahc, who is saying that Islam allows this and not mistresses.

          I mean may Allah forgive you people who speak this way. Yes, some men do have a desire for more than one woman, and this was the case both in the past and in the present, but who placed that within them? Such can be their natural disposition. If that pushes him to a second marriage, and he behaves responsibly and is now taking care of two of our Muslim sisters who we care about, do you not think this is a positive outcome? Just don't sweat the details, Allah knows best about His creations and how they operate. Have you ever considered that being a sister, perhaps you might not understand the element in the man that makes him allowed to marry up to four? As I said, Allah knows best about His creations, just follow the Qur'aan and Sunnah and all will be well insha Allah.
          والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

          "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

          Comment


          • #65
            Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

            Originally posted by flashnazia View Post
            So you and cooldog think marriage is all about s**? Says a lot....
            hahaha.......

            I never said marriage is all about sex...... You can believe it if you want to...... Doesn't really bothers me ....

            Comment


            • #66
              Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

              To all those females who think satisfying your desire is not a good reason to get married ......


              Oh no........To their disappointment


              IT IS .............



              Tell me any one scholar who says otherwise.....

              Comment


              • #67
                Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                Originally posted by علي View Post
                Also sister, this is simply not fair. Just because they agree that satisfying sexual desire is a valid reason for marriage (and I've not seen a scholar who disagreed with this) does not mean they believe that marriage is all about the intimacy element. They can still also believe in perfecting the marital relationship with good conduct, even though the reason they married another was to protect themselves from fitnah. It is in this topic where this very fact is mentioned over and over again by muslimahc, who is saying that Islam allows this and not mistresses.

                I mean may Allah forgive you people who speak this way. Yes, some men do have a desire for more than one woman, and this was the case both in the past and in the present, but who placed that within them? Such can be their natural disposition. If that pushes him to a second marriage, and he behaves responsibly and is now taking care of two of our Muslim sisters who we care about, do you not think this is a positive outcome? Just don't sweat the details, Allah knows best about His creations and how they operate. Have you ever considered that being a sister, perhaps you might not understand the element in the man that makes him allowed to marry up to four? As I said, Allah knows best about His creations, just follow the Qur'aan and Sunnah and all will be well insha Allah.
                Exactly. If men AND women both follow the Quran and Sunnah polygamy can work. Even if the man is good, the women can be jealous and problematic. I know some men who treat both wives well, but some are still not satisfied. They want to be treated better than the rest or even get rid of the other wife. Some are not satisfied with being equal. Well if you follow the Quran and Sunnah in everything as we should, all will be fine. I think a polygamist husband shoud try to hide who is beloved wife is so as to not hurt the other wives. That's what my uncle did to make it work with his 4 wives. He made them all feel loved and special. I would be so depressed and sick if I knew my husband preferred someone else over me. It would be so painful.

                And you know the Sunnah of polygamy is to marry widows so that orphans can have a father. I know that he doesn't have to and he can marry a young girl if he wants even if he is 50 or 60. However, it would be nice for more men to take care of children who have lost their father for good. Many of those muslim women in Somalia, Sudan, Iraq, and Syria would benefit from a finanially stable husband and loving father for their children. Young girls have a good chance of getting a single guy, but widows do not due to social stigmas.

                If my husband were to consider getting a 2nd wife, I would at least hope he would be considerate enough to inform me. I would suggest for him to marry one of those women. Even in my home country I know such women who lost their husbands at an early age. I would prefer to have my husband to myself, but in such a situation I would have compassion. I mean b/c I imagine say God forbid I lost my husband young, I would want my children to still have a father figure in their life. I think that is very important to have 2 parents in the house. No one plans to be a widow, it just happens so when I do see those women it softens my heart a little about polygamy. I think I would be more hurt if he just met some pretty girl he fell in love with. Yes, he will still love her whether she is a widow or young girl, but at least with the widow, I know some orphans will have a father in the process.
                Last edited by muslimahc; 03-08-12, 09:58 PM.
                Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                [Al Quran 13:28]
                ]

                Comment


                • #68
                  Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                  Sorry, but I think polygamy is more benefiting the man than the woman.

                  In my country men marry the second wife secretively, and sex usually is their biggest motivation. Their second wife is usually much much younger and prettier than the first. Too many horror TRUE stories that the men usually leaves his second wife irresponsibly, gave her no money and doesn't take care of her children after the lust is over. Sometimes they tell the second wife to do abortion because he doesn't want children from her. Just the sex.

                  I would respect a man who did polygamy who chose an old widow, widow with many children, middle-aged lady, or a virgin grandma as his second wife . Well, who will do such noble thing?

                  If my husband ever take a second wife, I'll divorce. Period. If we have children, I'll take the children with me and he'll never see them anymore. I' don't want to share my body with another man, and my man must do the same.
                  Last edited by Ariadne; 03-08-12, 05:23 PM.
                  :GB_bonesrock:
                  And all the heavens go their way.... And only change is here to stay...

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                    Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
                    Exactly. If men AND women both follow the Quran and Sunnah polygamy can work. Even if the man is good, the women can be jealous and porblematic. I know some men who treat both wives well, but some are still not satisfied. They want to be treated better than the rest or even get rid of the other wife. Some are not satisfied with being equal. Well if you follow the Quran and Sunnah in everything as we should, all will be fine. I think a polygamist husband shoud try to hide who is beloved wife is so as to not hurt the other wives. That's what my uncle did to make it work with his 4 wives. He made them all feel loved and special. I would be so depressed and sick if I knew my husband preferred someone else over me. It would be so painful.

                    And you know the Sunnah of polygamy is to marry widows so that orphans can have a father. I know that he doesn't have to and he can marry a young girl if he wants even if he is 50 or 60. However, it would be nice for more men to take care of children who have lost their father for good. Many of those muslim women in Somalia, Sudan, Iraq, and Syria would benefit from a finanially stable husband and loving father for their children. Young girls have a good hance of getting a single guy, but widows do not due to social stigmas. If my husband were to consider getting a 2nd wife, I would at least hope he would be considerate enough to inform me. I would suggest for him to marry one of those women. Even in my home country I know such women who lost their husbands at an early age. I would prefer to have my husband to myself, but in such a situation I would have compassion. I mean b/c I imagine say God forbid I lost my husband young, I would want my children to still have a father figure in their life. I think that is very important to have 2 parents in the house. No one plans to be a widow, it just happens so when I do see those women it softens my heart a little about polygamy. I think I would be more hurt if he just met some pretty girl he fell in love with. Yes, he will still love her whether she is a widow or young girl, but at least with the widow, I know some orphans will have a father in the process.
                    :salams

                    Agreed, very well said.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                      Originally posted by arachnide View Post
                      Sorry, but I think polygamy is more benefiting the man than the woman.

                      In my country men marry the second wife secretively, and sex usually is their biggest motivation. Their second wife is usually much much younger and prettier than the first. Too many horror TRUE stories that the men usually leaves his second wife irresponsibly, gave her no money and doesn't take care of her children after the lust is over. Sometimes they tell the second wife to do abortion because he doesn't want children from her. Just the sex.

                      I would respect a man who did polygamy who chose an old widow, widow with many children, middle-aged lady, or a virgin grandma as his second wife . Well, who will do such noble thing?

                      If my husband ever take a second wife, I'll divorce. Period. If we have children, I'll take the children with me and he'll never see them anymore. I' don't want to share my body with another man, and my man must do the same.
                      :rofl1:

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                        Originally posted by arachnide View Post
                        Sorry, but I think polygamy is more benefiting the man than the woman.

                        In my country men marry the second wife secretively, and sex usually is their biggest motivation. Their second wife is usually much much younger and prettier than the first. Too many horror TRUE stories that the men usually leaves his second wife irresponsibly, gave her no money and doesn't take care of her children after the lust is over. Sometimes they tell the second wife to do abortion because he doesn't want children from her. Just the sex.

                        I would respect a man who did polygamy who chose an old widow, widow with many children, middle-aged lady, or a virgin grandma as his second wife . Well, who will do such noble thing?

                        If my husband ever take a second wife, I'll divorce. Period. If we have children, I'll take the children with me and he'll never see them anymore. I' don't want to share my body with another man, and my man must do the same.

                        :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

                        That is wrong Islamically.

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                          Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
                          Exactly. If men AND women both follow the Quran and Sunnah polygamy can work. Even if the man is good, the women can be jealous and porblematic. I know some men who treat both wives well, but some are still not satisfied. They want to be treated better than the rest or even get rid of the other wife. Some are not satisfied with being equal. Well if you follow the Quran and Sunnah in everything as we should, all will be fine. I think a polygamist husband shoud try to hide who is beloved wife is so as to not hurt the other wives. That's what my uncle did to make it work with his 4 wives. He made them all feel loved and special. I would be so depressed and sick if I knew my husband preferred someone else over me. It would be so painful.

                          And you know the Sunnah of polygamy is to marry widows so that orphans can have a father. I know that he doesn't have to and he can marry a young girl if he wants even if he is 50 or 60. However, it would be nice for more men to take care of children who have lost their father for good. Many of those muslim women in Somalia, Sudan, Iraq, and Syria would benefit from a finanially stable husband and loving father for their children. Young girls have a good hance of getting a single guy, but widows do not due to social stigmas. If my husband were to consider getting a 2nd wife, I would at least hope he would be considerate enough to inform me. I would suggest for him to marry one of those women. Even in my home country I know such women who lost their husbands at an early age. I would prefer to have my husband to myself, but in such a situation I would have compassion. I mean b/c I imagine say God forbid I lost my husband young, I would want my children to still have a father figure in their life. I think that is very important to have 2 parents in the house. No one plans to be a widow, it just happens so when I do see those women it softens my heart a little about polygamy. I think I would be more hurt if he just met some pretty girl he fell in love with. Yes, he will still love her whether she is a widow or young girl, but at least with the widow, I know some orphans will have a father in the process.
                          :masha: A positive post on polygamy.

                          Originally posted by arachnide View Post
                          If my husband ever take a second wife, I'll divorce. Period. If we have children, I'll take the children with me and he'll never see them anymore. I' don't want to share my body with another man, and my man must do the same.
                          It doesn't work like that, sister.

                          Firstly, women can't divorce. They can asked the judge for annulment of marriage or ask a khula from the husband.

                          I guess, your post shows exactly why Allah didn't allow women the right to divorce. No offense to any sister, but in the end, if women were given the right to divorce, men would end up in poverty because of paying maintenance, paying the dowry, and spending on the kids after divorce.

                          As for "he'll never see them anymore," again, that's not up to us. After a certain age, the custody for the children transfers to the father. Even when the children are with you, he has the right to see them.
                          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                            Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                            Firstly, women can't divorce. They can asked the judge for annulment of marriage or ask a khula from the husband.

                            I guess, your post shows exactly why Allah didn't allow women the right to divorce. No offense to any sister, but in the end, if women were given the right to divorce, men would end up in poverty because of paying maintenance, paying the dowry, and spending on the kids after divorce.
                            Wow subhaan Allah, your words here are almost exactly like those of the sheikh in the video I posted earlier, he said almost the exact same thing. Only he said, if women can divorce, all the men would be on the streets broke.
                            والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                            "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                              Originally posted by arachnide View Post
                              Sorry, but I think polygamy is more benefiting the man than the woman.

                              In my country men marry the second wife secretively, and sex usually is their biggest motivation. Their second wife is usually much much younger and prettier than the first. Too many horror TRUE stories that the men usually leaves his second wife irresponsibly, gave her no money and doesn't take care of her children after the lust is over. Sometimes they tell the second wife to do abortion because he doesn't want children from her. Just the sex.

                              I would respect a man who did polygamy who chose an old widow, widow with many children, middle-aged lady, or a virgin grandma as his second wife . Well, who will do such noble thing?

                              If my husband ever take a second wife, I'll divorce. Period. If we have children, I'll take the children with me and he'll never see them anymore. I' don't want to share my body with another man, and my man must do the same.
                              You don't think it's a bit extreme to take away the kids. I would find it difficult to share my man intimately as well. I understand how you feel b/c I feel the same, but you shouldn't take his kids away from him unless it is bad for them to be around him. If he is not abusive to them or anything like that then he has a right to his children. Even if you divorce you shouldn't take them away from him. It will be your children's loss. What will happen is he will eventually move on with his new wife and have kids by her. He will be there for her kids while your kids lose their father in their life. In polygamy you should take your time before making any decision b/c in the beginning you wll be very depressed and will not be able to make a rational choice at that time. Don't be so quick to let another woman break up your marriage and ruin everything you've established with your husband. Sometimes divorce might be necessary, but you should take your time.
                              Last edited by muslimahc; 03-08-12, 09:56 PM.
                              Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                              Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                              [Al Quran 13:28]
                              ]

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                                the wifes can look for each other's children. that's a benefit....

                                Comment

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