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Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

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  • #46
    Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

    Originally posted by علي View Post
    Lol subhaan Allah. I am working out in my room while watching a lecture just an hour or so after posting in this topic, and this is what the lecturer said. He said in Arabic the sacrifice in polygamy is the man, he needs to satisfy this wife and he does not know how, and he needs to satisfy that wife and he does not know how.

    Link to the exact spot where this speech is being said, but unfortunately it is in Arabic only:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NShNdOjPYuY#t=31m54s
    I really wish I could speak, read, and write arabic as well as I do English. Anyway, many men do not seem to consider the responsibility involved in polygamy. Many of them just think about the intimate part of things forgetting that it is more bills to pay, more household issues, more kids to feed and send to school, and more inlaws. I actually do like the fact that Islam makes men marry women instead of having mistresses. It makes him take responsibility for the women and children. If she is just a girlfriend it is all about sex and money. I think it also serves as a lesson for men who do not appreciate their wives. If you make a girlfriend your wife, you live with her and come to see all her flaws. You see her without make up and it is not all fun anymore. You will realize she is probably not better than the one you already have. Having a mistress on the other hand is VERY disrespectful to a wife. However, if your husband gets a 2nd wife, it is not a disrespect to you, thought it will hurt.

    Now I am not saying all 2nd wives are like mistresses. No. What I mean is that Islam makes it possible for a man to marry more than 1 women, b/c without that permission that woman can only be his mistress. If he makes her a wife he takes responsibility for her and she also takes on wifely responsibilities. Many mistresses just take the man's money and sleep with him. A wife has to take care of his house and children, and entertain his guests. She also has to deal with his family. Islam makes it harder for men to have more than 1 woman. Very few men can make it work and have enough respect for women and fear of Allah to treat all women well even the ones he loves less or doesn't love very much. It takes a very considerate man to do that. If a man abandons his family in favor of a new one, it reflects badly on his character. If a woman is considering becoming a 2nd wife, she needs to look at how he treats his 1st wife. Get to meet them and don't be selfish as you are joining and existing family. Some women just think oh I am his true love and come in with an inflated ego. Your marriage to the man will affect the life of his existing family. If he treats his 1st wife like crap, I wouldn't let my ego get too inflated by what he says, b/c if he gets tired of you as well and your beauty fades, he will do the same to you. I had an Uncle (aunt's wife)who had 4 wives. He was the ONLY man I knew who made it work. His wives were more like sisters than co-wives. It takes a very special man to make it work. With my uncle, whom I lived with for a few years before joining my parents in the U.S., it was impossible to tell who was his favorite wife b/c he treated them all so well.
    The key is to make each woman feel loved and wanted. Unlike most polygamists,he could afford to provide all of them with a good standard of living. He would never take sides in a quarrels between his wives. His situation is very rare unforunately, this is why sisters get scared of the idea. It is too risky. You don't know how it will affect your marriage.

    For it to work:

    The man needs to have a lot of respect for his wives, consideration for their feelings and fear of Allah. He also needs to be very financially stable. The women need to be peaceful sisters. You need to add women to your family that won't come try to get rid of your first wife and family. A man also needs to be a man and not let one wife control the situation. Also, one bad thing some men do is they bad talk one wife to the other causing one wife to act superior. Things like that cause resentment.

    Anyway what it all comes down to is TREATMENT. How he treats you. Whether, your husband is married to you only or not, if he treats you well you will be happy, if not you will me miserable.
    Last edited by muslimahc; 02-08-12, 10:22 PM.
    Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
    Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
    [Al Quran 13:28]
    ]

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    • #47
      Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

      Originally posted by علي View Post
      It's your opinion, but Allah made it halal, which means He likes it and is satisfied with it. This did not stop you from saying it would mean the man is "passed around like a parcel", so that shows how much respect you have for the religion, which in turn shows how much respect anyone who actually does have respect for the religion should have for your posts. But anyway, let the red bar under your name do the speaking :)
      Lots of things are 'halal', doesn't mean you have to love them. For example, Brussels sprouts are halal but would you force it down the throat of someone who doesn't like it?

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      • #48
        Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

        Originally posted by flashnazia View Post
        Lots of things are 'halal', doesn't mean you have to love them. For example, Brussels sprouts are halal but would you force it down the throat of someone who doesn't like it?
        1. Brussel sprouts isn't specifically written in the Qur'an.
        2. Since when did brussel sprouts help women in need?
        3. How can you compare brussel sprouts to this?
        ▪️••• 〰 Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs. 〰 •••▪️

        ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

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        • #49
          Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

          Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
          I really wish I could speak, read, and write arabic as well as I do English.
          I agree with your post entirely, but how I wish all could understand that lecture. I just watched the rest of it and it is full of such goodness, he even later on says that taking on a second wife should never be to make up for lost happiness with the first wife in some broken situation, it should be only to add happiness to his current happiness. He said that polygamy does require certain men to pull off, and he said it falls under the five shar`i categories. It can be wajib, it can be mustahab, it can be mubah, it can be hated, it can be haram, it all depends on the situation. Later on he goes on to talk about marriage in general, and he talks about the stages one goes when informing/advising his wife, and how those who beat their wives abusively are traitors. He brought a hadith to explain this, when the Prophet :saw: said fear Allah with your women, and he was saying how if her parents knew you, the man, were going to treat her this way, they would have never given her to you. But you went to them, humble and meek, asking for their daughter's hand in marriage. Then he brought another hadith, where the Prophet :saw: is asking if a man who beats his wife like a slave is shy at all when he approaches her the same day, suggesting what a brazen shameless individual such a man must be.

          But the best ever is when he said this:

          القوامة حزمٌ ورحمةٌ وصدقٌ وعفافٌ

          When talking about how the man is in charge of the woman. He said this charge is four things: steadfastness, mercy, honesty, and chastity. Goooooolllld.

          Sorry it's off topic, but I just finished watching it and it's just loaded with goodness one is humbled just contemplating it.
          Last edited by علي; 02-08-12, 10:51 PM.
          والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

          "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

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          • #50
            Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

            Originally posted by flashnazia View Post
            Lots of things are 'halal', doesn't mean you have to love them. For example, Brussels sprouts are halal but would you force it down the throat of someone who doesn't like it?
            I didn't say anyone had to love them, I was saying Allah (swt), when He makes something Halal, it means He is satisfied with it and accepts it.
            والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

            "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

            Comment


            • #51
              Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

              oh, not again...:ragepc:

              Comment


              • #52
                Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                Originally posted by علي View Post
                It's your opinion, but Allah made it halal, which means He likes it and is satisfied with it. This did not stop you from saying it would mean the man is "passed around like a parcel", so that shows how much respect you have for the religion, which in turn shows how much respect anyone who actually does have respect for the religion should have for your posts. But anyway, let the red bar under your name do the speaking :)
                You clearly lack even basic English comprehension. My advice to you is to do your Key Stage 3 or GCSE exams again. If you read the next post before rashly quoting the above, you would realise I only find it acceptable if done right.

                The fact I have so many neg reps just shows how you all can't handle my posts. Bitter, bitter people. Lol.

                But you need to realise is that polygamy is not fardh. It's merely optional. And more often than not, it's abused. I summarised my reasons quite succinctly in the previous post.

                Comment


                • #53
                  Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                  Originally posted by shockwave View Post
                  You clearly lack even basic English comprehension. My advice to you is to do your Key Stage 3 or GCSE exams again. If you read the next post before rashly quoting the above, you would realise I only find it acceptable if done right.

                  The fact I have so many neg reps just shows how you all can't handle my posts. Bitter, bitter people. Lol.

                  But you need to realise is that polygamy is not fardh. It's merely optional. And more often than not, it's abused. I summarised my reasons quite succinctly in the previous post.
                  I'm sorry, but the way you described it indicated your hatred and lack of respect for it. This is despite the fact that you may have set some arbitrary criteria on how it can be "done right", and thus perhaps sometimes grudgingly acceptable.

                  The trouble with doing GCSE exams "again" is that I would have had to do them a first time, which I did not. For I was not educated in the UK or anywhere else with that particular system, and thus it is impossible for me to take your advice though advice is something I typically appreciate, when given nicely at least. I see you have commented on the red bar under your name. I like it, it's a nice preliminary to your posts, let's people know what to expect :D
                  والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                  "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                    take it easy, pepople

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                      Originally posted by علي View Post
                      I'm sorry, but the way you described it indicated your hatred and lack of respect for it. This is despite the fact that you may have set some arbitrary criteria on how it can be "done right", and thus perhaps sometimes grudgingly acceptable.

                      The trouble with doing GCSE exams "again" is that I would have had to do them a first time, which I did not. For I was not educated in the UK or anywhere else with that particular system, and thus it is impossible for me to take your advice though advice is something I typically appreciate, when given nicely at least. I see you have commented on the red bar under your name. I like it, it's a nice preliminary to your posts, let's people know what to expect :D

                      Do you think your green bar makes you better than him? I hope not!

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                        Originally posted by cooldog View Post
                        I am one of those people :up:
                        Me too...... :up:

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                          Originally posted by Hannahk92 View Post
                          1. Brussel sprouts isn't specifically written in the Qur'an.
                          2. Since when did brussel sprouts help women in need?
                          3. How can you compare brussel sprouts to this?
                          Exactly !!! Weird co relation....

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                            Originally posted by علي View Post
                            I'm sorry, but the way you described it indicated your hatred and lack of respect for it. This is despite the fact that you may have set some arbitrary criteria on how it can be "done right", and thus perhaps sometimes grudgingly acceptable.

                            The trouble with doing GCSE exams "again" is that I would have had to do them a first time, which I did not. For I was not educated in the UK or anywhere else with that particular system, and thus it is impossible for me to take your advice though advice is something I typically appreciate, when given nicely at least. I see you have commented on the red bar under your name. I like it, it's a nice preliminary to your posts, let's people know what to expect :D

                            haha.....what an elegant way to insult .... like it :up:

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                              Originally posted by flashnazia View Post
                              Do you think your green bar makes you better than him? I hope not!
                              Ali most of the time talks sense where as shockwave

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                              • #60
                                Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                                Originally posted by Hannahk92 View Post
                                1. Brussel sprouts isn't specifically written in the Qur'an.
                                2. Since when did brussel sprouts help women in need?
                                3. How can you compare brussel sprouts to this?
                                Ok, what about fish? That's mentioned in Quran as halal but lots of people don't like to eat fish!

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