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Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

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  • #31
    Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

    just to clarify: back int he time of the prophet, polygamy was practicsed properly e.g. each woman had a housed, cared for properly, each treated equally and well, no discord.

    now the quran asks us to be just. if not, marry only one. simple. which thus applies to 99% of muslims out there.

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    • #32
      Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

      Originally posted by Kya View Post
      The women who just want to get married are not the once who have access to internet or in position to voice their opinion. Unfortunately they are underprivileged sisters. However, these sisters are also not the sisters guys aim for when seeking wife. Hopefully more polygamy will be with single mothers in need of support instead of young virgin who’s was enchanting.
      You tell me, I can't even count the number of my mother's friends left alone for a younger "pretty virgin" in Morocco
      My Blog http://historyeyesopened.tumblr.com/ Watch out sister Nousername
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      • #33
        Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

        Originally posted by Massilia View Post
        You tell me, I can't even count the number of my mother's friends left alone for a younger "pretty virgin" in Morocco
        thats just pathetic !

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

          Originally posted by Massilia View Post
          You tell me, I can't even count the number of my mother's friends left alone for a younger "pretty virgin" in Morocco
          It's not just Morocco. I know many West African women whose husbands abandoned them to marry a young virgin girl back in Africa to waste their money on. When he gets old and sick is young wife sends him back to the old wife to take care of him. Some men can be so foolish. I don't understand their logic. It's surprising what men would do for sex. It makes them lose their senses. Many of these women stay in these marriages b/c of what people will say and financial dependence on the man. I couldn't care less what people say. If a man abandons me, I will abandon him. Some of these fools don't even think of their children. Some even want to use money from the first wife's children to take care of their young new brides. Then when he gets too old and useless for her and cannot provide her with money, she abandons him. Those men who abandon their first wives, it always comes back to bite them, as their young wives use them for money. But in the end the first wife and children lose b/c they are left to pick up the scraps.

          It is important to marry a man with respect for women. Many men see us as objects without feelings they can renew. Many of these SEEMINGLY religious men with beards are the main culprits who keep marrying women and abusing them. Polygamy practiced well is very rare. I don't want to take any risks. I am not taking the crap that some women take from these men. It is stupid cultural beliefs that keep women trapped in these marriages. A man will only do what you allow him to. If you continue to stay with him while he abandoned you and is living his life with his new wife, he will see you as a fool, not as a loyal wife with sabr. You have sabr for a man who is worth it and appreciates you. Not a fool who goes and gives everything you struggled with him to get on some teenage gold digger.
          Last edited by muslimahc; 02-08-12, 11:55 PM.
          Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
          Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
          [Al Quran 13:28]
          ]

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          • #35
            Originally posted by ~kittens~ View Post
            Originally posted by aekbal View Post
            well the benifits for men, can be seen as:

            1) another helping hand around the house and a easier lifestyle with less pressure,
            2) there is better education for children and upbringing,
            3) there are also significantly more women in the world than men, hence taking another women can mean having more children for the intrest of Islam and also protecting the woman from commiting sin from not getting married or if she cannot financially support herself due to divorce or other reasons she may choose prostitution this is a reason why taking another wife is advised.

            A good example can be seen the effects of male population after second world war and in any other war torn country where this is visible to the eye.

            4) There is a universal biological constraint in male and female reproduction. A woman’s reproductive capacity declines after her 20s and ends with menopause, but even a man in his 70s retains the ability to father children

            5)Islam also prohibits sexual relations during a woman’s monthly cycles. Therefore, the prolonged menstrual period of the woman which prevents the husband from having sex with her, or a man whose sexual urge is not satisfied by one wife, may marry another. Islam permits such men to realize their desire within a legal framework, making them responsible for their sexuality, so he does not have to resort to cohabitation or prostitution.

            I hope this will sum it up.
            Women living in the same house....their cycle tend to synchronize
            Precisely and sexual desires should not be a reason to remarry ;)

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

              Originally posted by sweetstar2 View Post
              Precisely and sexual desires should not be a reason to remarry ;)
              You'd be surprised sis at how many ppl think thats a good enough reason to get married again!
              "Innalilahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon" To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return." (Quran Surat Al Baqarah 2:156)
              "Every soul shall have a taste of death, then to us you will be ultimately returned." (Quran Surat Al Ankaboot 29:57)

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
                It's not just Morocco. I know many West African women whose husbands abandoned them to marry a young virgin girl back in Africa to waste their money on. When he gets old and sick is young wife sends him back to the old wife to take care of him. Some men can be so foolish. I don't understand their logic. It's surprising what men would do for sex. It makes them lose their senses. Many of these women stay in these marriages b/c of what people will say and lack of financial dependence. I couldn't care less what people say. If a man abandons me, I will abandon him. Some of these fools don't even think of their children. Some even want to use money from the first wife's children to take care of their young new brides. Then when he gets too old and useless for her and cannot provide her with money, she abandons him. Those men who abandon their first wives, it always comes back to bite them, as their young wives use them for money. But in the end the first wife and children lose b/c they are left to pick up the scraps.

                It is important to marry a man with respect for women. Many men see us as objects without feelings they can renew. Many of these SEEMINGLY religious men with beards are the main culprits who keep marrying women and abusing them. Polygamy practiced well is very rare. I don't want to take any risks. I am not taking the crap that some women take from these men. It is stupid cultural beliefs that keep women trapped in these marriages. A man will only do what you allow him to. If you continue to stay with him while he abandoned you and is living his life with his new wife, he will see you as a fool, not as a loyal wife with sabr. You have sabr for a man who is worth it and appreciates you. Not a fool who goes and gives everything you struggled with him to get on some teenage gold digger.

                U made your point sister.You dont want to marry a polygamist.Make sure its in ur marriage contract.Get a nice career going(something to fallback on).Easy peasy.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                  Originally posted by ~kittens~ View Post
                  You'd be surprised sis at how many ppl think thats a good enough reason to get married again!
                  I am one of those people :up:

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                    MODS:

                    Can this thread be closed Inshallah.This topic has been discussed a trillion time before on this forum and results in nothing but fighting amongst brothers and sisters.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                      Originally posted by shockwave View Post
                      they dont want their 'man' shared around like pass the parcel.
                      Or like a timeshare apartment.

                      This is an interesting concept when it comes to how things are viewed by feminists. If a woman is being shared like a timeshare apartment or pass the parcel, then that's oppression against women because she's not an object to be shared around, she's a person. If a man's in the same situation then it's oppression against women because they have to share him and can't have one to themselves.

                      Seems it's okay to objectify men, and okay for men to share women. But the other way around it's oppression.

                      Just something I've observed.

                      BTW I'm in a polygamous marriage and I don't consider my husband to be an object or a timeshare apartment. :p lol honestly he's a human :p but it is kind of a timeshare thing. And I like having the extra free time for myself and less responsibility. When it's done according to the Qur'an and Sunnah and everyone's gone into it willingly, it works well alhamdulillah and no-one's being oppressed or treated like an object.

                      And I agree with you that when polygamy is not done according to the Qur'an and Sunnah it's a complete and utter disaster and in most cases the wives suffer more than the husband. So I only support polygamy when it's done correctly. And I also caution brothers that there is a LOT LOT LOT of work and stress on the husband if he's sincere about doing polygamy properly. And if he's not bothered about following the Qur'an and Sunnah, then I warn him of the fact that men who are not just and fair between their wives will get raised up on judgement day with half their body paralysed. So bear that in mind before considering polygamy. It can be done the right way, but it's very hard work.
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                      • #41
                        Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                        Originally posted by shockwave View Post
                        most woman want to love one man

                        they dont want their 'man' shared around like pass the parcel.

                        'when he sits on the table he might have something new to eat'. LOL ridicilous.

                        honestly, i am against polygamy as most people don't practice it properly. it's abused.

                        think of how many families are broken down coz the husband decides to run, get a new wife, and bring her home.

                        breaking family ties is one of the greatest sins after shirk according to this book i read.

                        it would spell disaster for most families. it doesn't do good. it causes headache. how is the husband supposed to financially manage too, by caring for multiple families? especially since most 'brothers' who want 'polygamy' are the type to say NO, YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO WORK, WOMAN.
                        It's your opinion, but Allah made it halal, which means He likes it and is satisfied with it. This did not stop you from saying it would mean the man is "passed around like a parcel", so that shows how much respect you have for the religion, which in turn shows how much respect anyone who actually does have respect for the religion should have for your posts. But anyway, let the red bar under your name do the speaking :)
                        والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                        "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                          Originally posted by cooldog View Post
                          MODS:

                          Can this thread be closed Inshallah.This topic has been discussed a trillion time before on this forum and results in nothing but fighting amongst brothers and sisters.
                          I agree, and I'm in favour of closing this entire marriage forum.

                          However even if we close the entire forum, there will still be constant polygamy threads in the general section instead. And they'll be the same. And if I close this one, sooner or later someone will open another one. And another one. And another one.
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                          • #43
                            Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                            Originally posted by dhak1yya View Post
                            Or like a timeshare apartment.

                            This is an interesting concept when it comes to how things are viewed by feminists. If a woman is being shared like a timeshare apartment or pass the parcel, then that's oppression against women because she's not an object to be shared around, she's a person. If a man's in the same situation then it's oppression against women because they have to share him and can't have one to themselves.

                            Seems it's okay to objectify men, and okay for men to share women. But the other way around it's oppression.

                            Just something I've observed.

                            BTW I'm in a polygamous marriage and I don't consider my husband to be an object or a timeshare apartment. :p lol honestly he's a human :p but it is kind of a timeshare thing. And I like having the extra free time for myself and less responsibility. When it's done according to the Qur'an and Sunnah and everyone's gone into it willingly, it works well alhamdulillah and no-one's being oppressed or treated like an object.

                            And I agree with you that when polygamy is not done according to the Qur'an and Sunnah it's a complete and utter disaster and in most cases the wives suffer more than the husband. So I only support polygamy when it's done correctly. And I also caution brothers that there is a LOT LOT LOT of work and stress on the husband if he's sincere about doing polygamy properly. And if he's not bothered about following the Qur'an and Sunnah, then I warn him of the fact that men who are not just and fair between their wives will get raised up on judgement day with half their body paralysed. So bear that in mind before considering polygamy. It can be done the right way, but it's very hard work.
                            As usual, dhak1yya beats me to the punch with a far more excellent response.
                            والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                            "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                              Lol subhaan Allah. I am working out in my room while watching a lecture just an hour or so after posting in this topic, and this is what the lecturer said. He said in Arabic the sacrifice in polygamy is the man, he needs to satisfy this wife and he does not know how, and he needs to satisfy that wife and he does not know how.

                              Link to the exact spot where this speech is being said, but unfortunately it is in Arabic only:

                              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NShNdOjPYuY#t=31m54s
                              والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                              "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Re: Pologamy,The Benefits for Men and Women.

                                Originally posted by cooldog View Post
                                U made your point sister.You dont want to marry a polygamist.Make sure its in ur marriage contract.Get a nice career going(something to fallback on).Easy peasy.
                                I definitely cannot stay home and not make any money of my own or not make something for myself. I think I will put that clause in my contract that gives me the option of divorce in case my husband takes another wife. I won't say I will divorce him right away, but it depends on how things go.
                                Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                                Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                                [Al Quran 13:28]
                                ]

                                Comment

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