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Who got it right??

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  • Who got it right??

    As'Salaam ya'll,

    Was in discussion with my co-worker about marriage and he said something that really has me thinking hard. He said "it's a really bad situation to be in when you emotionally attached to someone but you know they are not the one." This guy was soooo happy in August to get married to his then girlfriend. So I was really surprised that he said this to me (the topic was "marriage" not his marriage so he basically revealed a bit much).

    This makes me remember other friends who I knew so well from when they were single. They were super duper excited to be married, had the best things in the world to say about the guy and have complained to me later. It's not right to complain to anyone outside the marriage because it should be worked out solely between the husband and wife but I can't help but to feel afraid. I sit here and always saying how I want to meet someone and get married but now I am feeling fear. Allah knows best.

    My question is, those of you who got it right (Alhamdulilah), how did you know he/she was the one?


    I know that there is a lot of dua, ishtikhara and just faith involved. But even many Muslims don't get it right.

    Also, is there even such thing as 'the one?' Or is that fairytale?

    And I'm definitely NOT keeping away from marriage because I am fully aware that it is half by dean and..."Marriage is my sunnah. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me."
    Last edited by Xfit; 27-07-12, 07:59 PM.

  • #2
    Re: Who got it right??

    I don't understand what people mean when they say the "one". Do they mean their ideal dream man/girl? Or are they referring to someone they had feelings for in the past? Either way, neither of them are "yours" meaning they were clearly not the "one" for you because if they were, guess what? They would be with you. Forget the dream girls and guys and forget the past and embrace and make the most of what you can and do have.

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    • #3
      Re: Who got it right??

      From my understanding of "the one" is like soulmate. Not so much the cookie cutter ideal of a mate but the one you were supposed to end up with..forever.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Who got it right??

        i think when you meet that person, you'll just know instinctively. Allah swt has said he has made companions of our own nature, so e.g. Hazrat Adam and Umma Hawa (as). you are made from the same source, so just by talking to them e.g you have a connection, but of course, I believe this can only be done, through the right channels, by following Allah swt's law, like no premarital relations like non Muslims do, prayer, focusing on your relationship with Allah swt and following the Quran and Hadith e.g some people don't look at pious and some girls just go around looking themselves without through their wali etc.

        then, just leave to Allah swt to do it, he has made us in pairs alh. but of course, you need to put the effort in too, by doing what Allah swt wants.
        Last edited by Nashmia; 28-07-12, 02:41 AM.
        DO NOT PRIVATE MESSAGE IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

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        • #5
          Re: Who got it right??

          Originally posted by Xfit View Post
          From my understanding of "the one" is like soulmate. Not so much the cookie cutter ideal of a mate but the one you were supposed to end up with..forever.
          Yes but considering a Muslim man/women never dates... the person they end up with is all they will ever know of the opposite sex. So how can they even fathom what the "one" or a soulmate is unless they have made up an imaginary person that holds such qualities? Obviously, this imaginary person is an ideal, superior and nobody will live up to it. So they will forever feel let down when in fact they might actually have a very good partner from the real world which we all live in.

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          • #6
            Re: Who got it right??

            no such thing as the one imho

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Who got it right??

              Originally posted by Xfit View Post
              As'Salaam ya'll,

              Was in discussion with my co-worker about marriage and he said something that really has me thinking hard. He said "it's a really bad situation to be in when you emotionally attached to someone but you know they are not the one." This guy was soooo happy in August to get married to his then girlfriend. So I was really surprised that he said this to me (the topic was "marriage" not his marriage so he basically revealed a bit much).
              SubhanAllah, that statement he made hit home.

              We always hear the theoretical aspect of deen throughout lectures and khutbahs, but SubhanAllah the day you go through a situation and you see the very thing you hear or read time and time again happen before your very eyes is when you're left dumbstrucken, subhanAllah the sweetness of imaan you feel at that very moment is beyond words. In this case i speak of the hadith along the lines of "Whoever abandons something for the sake of Allah, He will replace it for him with something better than it." I cannot testify anymore to that subhanAllah!!! i cant even express to you how true Allah(swt) is to his promise.
              In relevance to this, i would also state that never let yourself be in a situation that you form an emotional attachment with another (opposite gender). Because i swear 99% of the time that very person isn't someone that you would want for a spouse, you enter the relationship by haraam and at the end result you are left with nothing but dissatisfaction, in most cases the relationship/the emotional attachment forms after prolonged interaction with the indvidual and you WILL find that with any excessive interaction with the opposite gender NO matter WHO He/She is, whether good or bad, attractive or unattractive, compatible or not shaitaan will rid your own criteria of a spouse and beautify this one individual FALSELY! SubhanAllah time and time again this happens and i just wish we all could understand this and implement barriers against this deadly disease of the heart,mind and soul.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Who got it right??

                I don't think anyone has ever absolutely "got it right". Everyone always has some misunderstandings and issues with the partner. The point is, not to let the problem to become a big one; at first the prevention is the best, but if not, than resolve it at early stage.
                The important elements are - getting to know the person before marriage, as much as possible, and during the marriage - hard work, and lot of hard work, to keep the closeness, friendship, frankness, understanding and respect. It's never easy, but it's hard work, and a lot of effort, I think it should work out inshallah.

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                • #9
                  Re: Who got it right??

                  Originally posted by Lost-Sheep View Post
                  SubhanAllah, that statement he made hit home.

                  We always hear the theoretical aspect of deen throughout lectures and khutbahs, but SubhanAllah the day you go through a situation and you see the very thing you hear or read time and time again happen before your very eyes is when you're left dumbstrucken, subhanAllah the sweetness of imaan you feel at that very moment is beyond words. In this case i speak of the hadith along the lines of "Whoever abandons something for the sake of Allah, He will replace it for him with something better than it." I cannot testify anymore to that subhanAllah!!! i cant even express to you how true Allah(swt) is to his promise.
                  In relevance to this, i would also state that never let yourself be in a situation that you form an emotional attachment with another (opposite gender). Because i swear 99% of the time that very person isn't someone that you would want for a spouse, you enter the relationship by haraam and at the end result you are left with nothing but dissatisfaction, in most cases the relationship/the emotional attachment forms after prolonged interaction with the indvidual and you WILL find that with any excessive interaction with the opposite gender NO matter WHO He/She is, whether good or bad, attractive or unattractive, compatible or not shaitaan will rid your own criteria of a spouse and beautify this one individual FALSELY! SubhanAllah time and time again this happens and i just wish we all could understand this and implement barriers against this deadly disease of the heart,mind and soul.
                  I don't see how you can be free of emotional attachment when you even marry someone in an arranged setting - that is bound to happen anyway. Or even free of bias and vanity - if anything Muslims in general (not all) are even more particular about aesthetics, age, status, education, family background, wealth ans race even. Religion is a given obviously.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Who got it right??

                    I have been married for four years, and there are times when i take a step back and thank Allah for my beloved husband as I know he has been soo good for me (Alhumdolillah!).

                    I think its very important to know what you would like in a husband, be clear in terms of their opinions, goals that kind of thing. ask yourself what kind of person are you most compatible with?

                    And to be able to talk, on a friendship level, to be careful with just simply being attracted to someone. Dont let that cloud judgement.

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