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differences between husband and wife

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  • #16
    Re: differences between husband and wife

    Sorry to hear of your plight sister as no human being deserves such treatment.
    I also think that it is shameful that your parents know of what is going on but would rather you 'put up & shut up' just so they dont feel shame in the community WTF!!!! They care more about others than their own flesh&blood. What is the world coming to (rhetorical ?).

    I would suggest that you either try to get to the bottom of why he treats you this way as maybe he thinks that by controlling you, you wont leave him etc
    Another viable option would be to try a trial seperation and see if he pleads for ur return or not...perhaps this will be an answer for you in terms of how best to move forward with more permanent decisions, those you cannot undo once done.

    I pray he changes for all your sakes (especially if you have any little ones!)

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    • #17
      Re: differences between husband and wife

      Originally posted by Fairy View Post
      wont bring any shame, dont live your life like that. Maybe do a temporary separation, maybe he might learn to appreciate you.
      That is the worst advice! Never head into separation! Muslim men have pride and will rather find someone knew than look back at a failed marriage, even if they love them.

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      • #18
        Re: differences between husband and wife

        ....
        Last edited by muslim..sister; 25-06-12, 12:00 AM.

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        • #19
          Re: differences between husband and wife

          ...
          Last edited by muslim..sister; 25-06-12, 12:01 AM.

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          • #20
            Re: differences between husband and wife

            ...
            Last edited by muslim..sister; 25-06-12, 12:02 AM.

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            • #21
              Re: differences between husband and wife

              :wswrwb: islam freed women from opression and theres no reason u should allow anyone to do that to you, first step would be to make ur husband really understand how serious it is, and the affect his behaviour is having on you, and your kids by default. its honestly no wonder you are depressed living like that.

              obviously you know where the problems are, and what needs to change, and if your husband is not willing to take those steps then you will have to seriously consider if you want to spend the rest of your life like that, because if hes not willing to change then thats the alternative you are looking at by staying in the marriage.

              if u are in the uk then please contact the helplines that were posted above, Muslim Women's Helpline: 0208 904 8193 Muslim Sisters Haven: 0800 052 8714 insha Allah they can advise u on how to get marriage concelling in your area, so u can feel assured that u gave ur husband a last chance to change his attitude towards you. insha Allah you may be able to work it out, if not then at least you can know that you tried.

              make duaa sister and ask Allah ta ala to help u forward and to change his heart. Allah protect u and give u strength amin.
              "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

              The Prophet :saw: said:

              "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

              muslim

              Narrated 'Abdullah:

              The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


              "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

              By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

              [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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              • #22
                Re: differences between husband and wife

                thankyou to all that have taken out their time to read and reply.i will take on board your advice which is wise advice.i have some serious work to do now.thankyou for the helpline numbers.

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                • #23
                  Re: differences between husband and wife

                  Originally posted by Habibi27 View Post
                  That is the worst advice! Never head into separation! Muslim men have pride and will rather find someone knew than look back at a failed marriage, even if they love them.
                  How is it the worst advice, I know people who have done that and have had their relationship improved. If the guy wants to leave, he will go regardless, if a person wants to make it work, they will work hard. The OP will do what she feels is right for her, we can throw out ideas. And by temporary, i meant a week not 5 years. Just so she could get her head together. Sometimes when you are being abused and controlled, you become brainwashed and cant see clearly, removing yourself from the situation helps.

                  Also people in glass houses, Nazia already said she wanted to neg rep you and rightly so, the woman said she was being physically abused and you asked her to be more submissive? By what? licking his boots.
                  My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
                  ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
                  “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

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