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  • differences between husband and wife

    ....
    Last edited by muslim..sister; 25-06-12, 01:04 AM.

  • #2
    Re: differences between husband and wife

    well, how is he being controlling sis? is he to demanding and unreasonable? is he asking of you what your Deen asks of you?

    communication is key, approach him gently and talk to him about what is important to you and why. let him know how your feeling and that if you are to be a good wife you need fair treatment. maybe go out for a walk and sit in the park and talk? prepare a nice picnic basket?

    may Allah grant you ease. amin.

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    • #3
      Re: differences between husband and wife

      Good question. Though I do not know what is GP. I feel that when a spouse is controlling and you fight it, there will be turmoil, upset and fitna. The only smart way to tackle this is become super submissive to him and tell him you really want to please him. Listen to what he says to NOT do and concentrate not to do those things. If you have to keep a book on what he tells you not to do, then do so because there are be some things you will forget.

      Muslim men tend to be controlling because they are responsible for the wife and children on the day of judgement. Also too even if his deen is lacking he will be controlling just because he saw this from his society.

      Not sure if you are a convert or born Muslim, but I feel that this can be a hard thing to adopt to if you are a convert. Add that mix to a suspicious personality and you will have to have a lot of Sabr meaning patients! A lot!

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      • #4
        Re: differences between husband and wife

        ..
        Last edited by muslim..sister; 08-06-12, 12:47 AM.

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        • #5
          Re: differences between husband and wife

          ...
          Last edited by muslim..sister; 08-06-12, 12:46 AM.

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          • #6
            Re: differences between husband and wife

            Originally posted by muslim..sister View Post
            gp is doctor.i am a muslim. married to my cousin,,typical.....ive tried not arguing back but that has made him think that im scared of him and im subjected to more verbal abuse and now hes started to get physically violent too.
            Im sorry to hear that, you dont deserve it. Do you think getting a third person involved might help, you say he is a cousin so maybe getting your parents involved.
            My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
            ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
            “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

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            • #7
              Re: differences between husband and wife

              my parents have known now for years and i have always listened to their advice.which was to try and make it work.it will bring shame,,etc on the family if we seperated.

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              • #8
                Re: differences between husband and wife

                Originally posted by muslim..sister View Post
                my parents have known now for years and i have always listened to their advice.which was to try and make it work.it will bring shame,,etc on the family if we seperated.
                wont bring any shame, dont live your life like that. Maybe do a temporary separation, maybe he might learn to appreciate you.
                My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
                ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
                “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: differences between husband and wife

                  thanks for your views,the problem with that is that he doesnt see that we have a problem as its been going on for years now.now that ive decided to make a stand he says that its my depression talking.i know what hes doing is wrong but i also want the best for the kids.

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                  • #10
                    Re: differences between husband and wife

                    Originally posted by muslim..sister View Post
                    thanks for your views,the problem with that is that he doesnt see that we have a problem as its been going on for years now.now that ive decided to make a stand he says that its my depression talking.i know what hes doing is wrong but i also want the best for the kids.
                    Sometimes when you take yourself out of a situation, then you can reflect on it. Maybe he needs time away from you guys to realise what hes done and plus being subjected to physical and verbal violence is not excusable and shouldnt be just put down to 'depression talking'

                    I really hope you have friends or family members that can support you, have you got any brothers? How do they feel about their sister being hit?
                    My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
                    ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
                    “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: differences between husband and wife

                      .....
                      Last edited by muslim..sister; 08-06-12, 12:46 AM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: differences between husband and wife

                        Find an organization that helps abused women in your area, they can likely give you a lot of advice, often free counseling, and if you do find the best option is leaving, then they can also help you do that safely.
                        Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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                        • #13
                          Re: differences between husband and wife

                          Sister,
                          How is your husband controlling you?

                          Is he beating you? Is he abusive to you?

                          If he is there are organisations that can help, these are in UK:

                          Muslim Women's Helpline: 0208 904 8193

                          Muslim Sisters Haven: 0800 052 8714

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: differences between husband and wife

                            Originally posted by Habibi27 View Post
                            Good question. Though I do not know what is GP. I feel that when a spouse is controlling and you fight it, there will be turmoil, upset and fitna. The only smart way to tackle this is become super submissive to him and tell him you really want to please him. Listen to what he says to NOT do and concentrate not to do those things. If you have to keep a book on what he tells you not to do, then do so because there are be some things you will forget.

                            Muslim men tend to be controlling because they are responsible for the wife and children on the day of judgement. Also too even if his deen is lacking he will be controlling just because he saw this from his society.

                            Not sure if you are a convert or born Muslim, but I feel that this can be a hard thing to adopt to if you are a convert. Add that mix to a suspicious personality and you will have to have a lot of Sabr meaning patients! A lot!
                            I was going to neg rep you for this but I decided against it because I think it's petty.

                            So I'll highlight what I think is wrong with your post.

                            It's not fair to expect a sister to become 'super submissive' to a controlling man. A controlling man will not only ruin a woman's life but also the lives of his children.

                            The man is the problem in these situations. It's grossly unjust to expect a woman to change because of this. Women are not animals.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: differences between husband and wife

                              Stop trolling the forum! You don't get free advertising!!
                              Fabi-ayyiala -i rabbikuma tukaththibani
                              Then which of the favors of your Lord will ye deny?
                              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr8DR8frP_s

                              You are not here just to fill space or to be a background character in someone else's movie. Consider this: nothing would be the same if you did not exist. Every place you have ever been and everyone you have ever spoken to would be different without you. We are all connected, and we are all affected by the decisions and even the existence of those around us.

                              Comment

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