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My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

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  • My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

    Okay this is going to be long and a lot of this may just be me venting but I really don't think I have anywhere else to turn and I will be forever grateful if someone on here can help me out of my situation!
    I'm a married woman, have 2 children, one son and one daughter. Son is 26, daughter is 24, both are financially stable and can support themselves. From the very beginning, we did our best to raise our children Islamically. Son went to a boys-only Islamic school, daughter went to a girls-only Islamic school. My daughter wore hijab since 12 years old, not because we made her (but we were about to have the talk anyways), but because she came home one day and said she wanted to wear it because she felt it would make her a better muslminah, I was so proud of her! She now teaches at the same all-girls Islamic school that she went to as a child.

    About a month ago my husband and son were gone to work and I had left to go pick up groceries and visit my sick aunt. I told my daughter that I'd be back in about 3 hours. My aunt unfortunately was very sick by the time I got there and I was told that they were taking her to the hospital and that there was nothing I could do. They said they'd let me know when to visit later and it was best I went home and rested. I was a bit over an hour early when I got home. I took the bus so I didn't have a car I was pulling into the garage or anything. I opened the front door and heard the tv on. When I went into the living room I saw my daughter there with a boy, watching a movie and up all close with each other hugging!! Needless to say I was furious, stormed in front of them and started yelling at my daughter, asking who he was and what he was doing there. My daughter stood up, grabbed the boy by his arm, and before I had a chance to talk to him, rushed him out the door and told him to leave. After he left, she tried going up stairs to her room but I wouldn't let her. I threatened to tell her father when he got back if she didn't tell me everything right there and then. Turns out the boy was her boyfriend, and not only that but she had managed to keep him a secret for 5 years!! He's also a Sikh boy, non-practicing though which I think is even worse because he doesn't really care for God at all! Honeslty I thought that I was going to have a heart attack right there and then, I didn't know how to control my anger but alhamdulillah I somehow managed to control myself. Knowing what my husband would do to her if he found out, I promised her I would tell him nothing if she cut off all ties with the boy as soon as possible. She rushed up stairs and didn't come back out the rest of the day.

    I finally managed to talk to her alone the next day and instead of getting an apology, I got the shock of my life when she declared to me that she intended on marrying this boy before the end of the summer!! I grabbed her and started shaking her asking her what on earth she was thinking, to please tell me that it was a joke but she didn't. She meant it.

    I thought about telling my husband again, but I don't want him to hit my daughter. I want to keep my family together. She suggested to me to come meet the boy, and she eventually wore me down and got me to say yes. I promised myself that I would give the boy an ultimatum; either convert to Islam or leave my daughter alone, and if he refused either, I would tell my husband. I went alone with her about a week after I caught them in the house watching the movie. It was in a park, somewhere away from everyone else. I immediately started yelling at him (maybe not the best idea) and continued for what seemed like ages, telling him he was breaking my family, that my husband would have a heart attack, that he needed to accept Islam or leave my daughter alone. Now here's the part I wasn't expecting. It turns out that he is a really nice person, and I honestly mean this. I need help and lying isn't going to do me any good and I sincerely mean it when I say that he has amazing manners, a great personality and at the end of the day, a heart of gold. I can say this because I met him other times after that. We've tried finding a spouse for our daughter before, have met almost a dozen practicing brothers, and all of them seemed like very nice people, but this boy is second to none. He told me that he will spend his life loving my daughter, that he will put her before everyone else, that he would give his life for her, that he will never let her face any challenge alone because he will always be there, by her side, supporting her in everything she did. And hearing him say this made me cry, because I truly feel that he means it. Other than being close and hugging, they claim to have never kissed and have not slept together. He said she made that clear from the beginning and he had no problem with it. Said he would go a lifetime without sex if he could spend that lifetime with her.

    When I asked him to convert, he said no. I begged and pleaded and offered to take him to the Mosque so he can learn more but he says he has already done all of that, at the beginning of the relationship. Says he outright does not agree with the teachings of Islam and cannot accept it, and what broke my heart even more is him telling me that any future children would be allowed to celebrate special Islamic holdays, but would not be raised as practicing Muslims.

    I have tried absolutely everything to get my daughter to call this thing off but to no avail. She's a legal adult in the country and marriage is a private matter, the government condemns forcing your beliefs onto anyone else. I could cut her off financially and threaten to kick her out of the house but that wouldn't work either because she has her own job and could easily get her own place to live, or worse, go live with that boy. My wonderful daughter, who was always so eager to go to the Masjid and learn about the prophet, to wear the Hijab and be the best Muslimah possible, is today getting ready to marry a non-Muslim man. She still goes to the Masjid and does all those other things but HOW ON EARTH DOES SHE JUSTIFY MARRYING A NON-MUSLIM MAN!?!?!?!

    But there is a part of me now that is doubting myself. I want my daughter to be able to marry this man, because I see the look in her eyes when he is around her and I also see the look in this boys eyes when he is with her and I have no doubt in my mind that they were made for each other. Call me crazy, but I believe in love, and if what these two kids have isn't love, then I don't know what it is. I think every girl has the dream of one day meeting her prince-charming, the guy she will spend her life with, who will love her more than anyone else in the world, and I truly do think that she has found that person. I always imagined him being a Muslim but this guy has all those qualities, and as a mother, I want my daughter to be happy, and I have never seen her happier than when she is with this boy.


    Another thing, a lot of people have told me that "non-Muslim men want one thing and one thing only and once they get it they will leave". I would believe this if I hadn't seen the opposite to be true with my very own eyes. When I first moved to this country, my neighbors across the street were an old couple, Muslim lady with a Jewish husband. Been married enarly 60 years, had 4 kids and still loved each other very dearly. I do not know the details of how they came to be but there was apparently a lot of trouble from both sides of the family. At my job there is a Muslim lady who married an atheist guy a bit over 10 years ago, have 2 boys and a baby girl, and she claims that they are more in love now than when they got married. They too had a lot of trouble, unfortunately having to run away from home due to the girls side of the family threatening them both. I don't want this to be my daughters fate. Although I accept that there are bad non-Muslim men out there, there are also equally, if not more horrible "Muslim" men out there who treat their wives horribly, beat them and have emotionally destroyed them. I know a few such women at the Masjids, and it isn't ever pretty.

    Why do I tell you this? Because after telling my husband (who thankfully didn't hit our daughter but was so mad that he didn't talk to her for a week and even cried), we went to go meet the boys family, to try and get them on our side and maybe get them to convince the boy that what he was doing was wrong and needed to stop it. It didn't work out though. But after meeting them a few times, I came to know that they are an amazing family, and I can see why I think so highly of the boy, his parents have obviously raised him well, and I see the way his father and mother get along, and if he and my daughter have a relationship anything like that then I will know that my daughter truly is with a man who will always be by her side and make her happy. I do not think that he is one of those "bad non-Muslim men who only want one thing", his family have taught him good morals despite him coming from a non-religious household.

    Now 2 more things before I post:

    Firstly, YOU DO NOT need to show me any hadith that tells me that Islam condemns this relationship. I Know 100% it is against the teachings of our religion and I accept it. If all you want to post is a hadith that shows that this is wrong, then don't waste your time.

    Secondly, even though I think very highly of the boy, if there was any way of stopping this marriage, I would. But alas I feel I can do nothing. I only feel like giving in because legally I am unable to do anything in this country.

    So I'm at a crossroads. Because this is Islamically wrong, I want to stop it. But this boy seems perfect, and being unable to legally do anything, I feel like allowing my daughter to do this.

    If anyone has been in a similar situation, please let me know. How did you deal with it. If anyone has any advice at all, I would love to hear it.

  • #2
    Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

    is this post for real? (highly doubtful - therefore troll alert!) how are you so accepting of your daughter marrying a kafir? and how are you actually justifying it? the fact that he has a "good heart" and is "perfect" ect who cares? he is denying the existance of Allah swt.
    82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

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    • #3
      Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

      I think you are part of the problem, CHUCK YOUR daughter out the house and tell her if he doesnt convert then you wont ever talk to her again

      All this namby pamby of him being good, yea a lot of people are good

      I can talk about this because of a friends family, the parents said they would disown her if he (her boyfriend) didnt convert, anyways after months of him researching Islam he finally reverted on his own accord but the daughter only started forcing him to look into islam AFTER the parents cut off ties with her.

      Might be hard, but it just seems like you are going along with it and in the end you will accept it, have you asked her how they will raise their children

      Disgusting that she works in an Islamic school and failed to pick up on the basics
      My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
      ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
      “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

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      • #4
        Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

        Salaam

        I don't think you allowing her or not is going to do anything. She will marry this kaafir regardless. Unfortunately, she does not seem to understand that her marriage is void in Islam and hence she will be committing zina but that doesn't stop these bollywood lovers. Insha Allah, people will post with advice

        :jkk:

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        • #5
          Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

          Originally posted by Sis_Asiya View Post
          is this post for real? (highly doubtful - therefore troll alert!) how are you so accepting of your daughter marrying a kafir? and how are you actually justifying it? the fact that he has a "good heart" and is "perfect" ect who cares? he is denying the existance of Allah swt.
          Ditto,

          The guys a kaafirs heading for jahannam,

          Islam does not permit the muslimeen to marry kuffar...

          Troll alert...

          :jkk:
          http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

          "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

          – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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          • #6
            Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

            :salams

            Sister, this is a Islamic forum and we are all Muslims, so any advice we give will be according to Islam. How can you say you know it is wrong, yet you want us to give you advice without telling what Islam says?

            Do you know it's not just "wrong," but it's totally impermissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslims. The Jewish-Muslim couple and the Muslim-Atheist couple you know, their marriage is INVALID. There's no marriage in the sight of Allah between a non-Muslim man and a Muslim woman, whatsoever. Period. Any relations they have will be considered fornication.

            So, I hope you see the seriousness of this situation. Instead of falling for the boy, you have to figure out how to keep your daughter away from him. She'l playing with her deen and her Akhirah.

            Don't go all soft and think this guy is amazing and all that. The fact is, he is a non-Muslim, and that alone changes everything. She's better of staying single for the rest of her life, than marry a non-Muslims.

            Please, take this seriously and be firm.

            May Allah guide your daughter.
            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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            • #7
              Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

              As Salaamu Aliaikum,

              I dont understand how people think sending your kids to Islamic school will automatically make them righteous people. You seem to really like this boy and his morals and his love for your daughter. How far will that love and moral take them on Yamul Qiyamah. If you dont stop your daughter from seeing this boy, you will have played a hand in her destruction. You should have told your husband right away instead of going to meet the boy in secret. You are weak and emotional, i can tell just by reading your post. And you visiting the boy's family pretty much shows that you have agreed with your daughter decision. He may the best guy in the world but if he has no Iman, he is doomed, in this life and in the next...

              Verily! The worst of (moving) living creatures with Allâh are the deaf and the dumb, who understand not (i.e. the disbelievers) [8:22]

              This is the kind of guy she is going to marry...How are you going to even find an Imam who will conduct this marriage? This marriage isn't even recognized in Islam.

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              • #8
                Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                Salaam,

                As has been said above this needs to end or else I doubt Allah swt will forgive you for marrying a non Muslim man. My cousin married a white man but he had converted a few months prior to the wedding and mashallsh they are happy and have 2 little girls. Take the advice of these posters, we should do our best to follow our teachings. My advice is to end iris ave him convert or have your daughter leave this person.
                "Knowing what you don’t know is more useful than being brilliant.”
                -Charlie Munger
                "It seems that we're better at finding someone to blame for our problems than we are at finding creative solutions to fix them.”
                -Neil deGrasse Tyson

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                • #9
                  Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                  Yes on this forum, only smira, shy brother AC and Sister Faisa have had similar situations like yours.

                  So, I would suggest you contact and speak to them. I think you all would make a great company.
                  لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا

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                  • #10
                    Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                    Two young people falling for Bollywood nonsense is so old its not even funny anymore. But when the mother falls for it too.. That's just hilarious.
                    Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.”(Muslim)

                    "Zendagi Migzara..."

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                    • #11
                      Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                      ^

                      urgh...arent ppl tired of bollywood yet?? it's just the same cheesy, regurgitated, poorly executed nonsense over and over again.
                      Last edited by cho09082489; 06-06-12, 03:56 AM.

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                      • #12
                        Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                        Originally posted by Aleeza View Post
                        Firstly, YOU DO NOT need to show me any hadith that tells me that Islam condemns this relationship. I Know 100% it is against the teachings of our religion and I accept it. If all you want to post is a hadith that shows that this is wrong, then don't waste your time.

                        Secondly, even though I think very highly of the boy, if there was any way of stopping this marriage, I would. But alas I feel I can do nothing. I only feel like giving in because legally I am unable to do anything in this country.

                        So I'm at a crossroads. Because this is Islamically wrong, I want to stop it. But this boy seems perfect, and being unable to legally do anything, I feel like allowing my daughter to do this.
                        You're telling us you know that you know their relationship is Islamically wrong, yet u still try to justify their relationship by saying "he's a perfect boy" etc etc. Jeeze woman, pull yourself together! Make a decision already. I hope u make the right one.
                        إن للمتقين مفازا

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                        • #13
                          Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                          We seem to be getting an influx of similar posts, this one OP is certainly dubious, be weary that kuffar have been known to come under the guise of a Muslim on this forum, in their vain attempt to dupe us ...

                          :jkk:
                          Last edited by Saif-Uddin; 08-06-12, 04:05 PM.
                          http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                          "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                          – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                            Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
                            Ditto,

                            The guys a kaafirs heading for jahannam,

                            Islam does not permit the muslimeen to marry kuffar...

                            Troll alert...

                            :jkk:
                            Salaam

                            It's not necessarily a troll since such I know of such cases in the real world too. It's best just to advise her

                            :jkk:

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                              I find this all hard to believe tbh.

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