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My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

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  • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!


    Usually when i read stuff like this i feel so saddened that i have to go and cry for a while on the musallah to get better.But this made me feel nothing.It sounds so increduluos.

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    • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

      Originally posted by al-siddiq View Post
      This was a long read, but I am inshAllah going to try to go for the root of the problem here.


      Every human being makes decisions based on what they believe. The root problem here is not so many of the things mentioned, but rather her very belief itself since she believes it is acceptable for her to marry this non-muslim man.

      A Muslim who truly understands their belief can make a slip here or there. But in this case, to continue for 5 years is not really a slip, it is an acceptance in belief. In other words, her understanding itself is broken.


      What you need to do is discuss this from an aqeedah perspective. What I mean by this is that you need to go back to the basics of our belief to begin with. A Muslim looks at reality and understands that Allah is real, and that the Qur'an is from Allah. They reach yaqeen, so that they have no doubt at all in Islam itself. For instance, inshAllah ta'ala, my conviction in islam is concrete such that to make me change my belief you really have to convince me and cannot pressure me to change.

      If a person has conviction in Allah and the Qur'an, then the important point becomes understanding the purpose of life, and our view of it. Unfortunately, many uncles/aunties (parents of others) I meet, and people at the masajid are not equipped to speak of these topics. If I was in her position, I cannot even comprehend marrying a nonmuslim man, because that means every time I'm intimate with him I'm committing zina! And what about my children? How could I put myself in such a deep position of hellfire for the rest of my life and still be a sane Muslim? The only way is if I have somehow allowed myself to believe it's ok.

      What you need to do thus is the following:

      1) You need to first make sure she firmly believes in Islam. It MUST be concrete, she must have no doubt Islam is truth

      2) You need to speak to her clearly that our purpose in life is to worship Allah, to please Him, and we only have one life to reach jannah. You can for instance give her the story of burseesa, the one who started by talking to a woman, went to zina, murder, and finally died doing sujood to shaytan.

      This is where you remind that jannah and nar are real things, as real as the water you drink or the fire you cook over. That the Day of Judgement is going to come and everything will be recounted. That death could occur to her during her wedding itself, and is this how she wants to meet her Rabb? That life is a test, you either pass it or fail and that it is but a temporary enjoyment.

      3) You need to show her VERY clearly that this marriage is baatil (invalid) hence she will be doing zina every time she is intimate with him. That her children, who are a trust Allah puts upon her, will hold her accountable if they grow up messed up. That if they become kuffar they will tell Allah that she did it to them. That if they are bad Muslims it's her fault. Tell her this decision is not light, and this invalid relationship has heavy consequences.



      These are the primary and most important steps. People change due to what they understand, but first you yourself must be equipped so that you understand these things firmly first, and have the abililty to convey them in a good way.
      Best reply so far. Youve hit the nail on the head.
      Her belief is the root of the problem. If that was correct then this problem would not even exist.
      Alhumdulillah

      Comment


      • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

        go for counseling sister, talk with an imam and marriage counselor
        i know of two such cases---- first one the girl ran away with the boy and 3 years later now has a 2 yr old daughter is back home with her
        family dicvorced from this boy
        the other---the girl is living with the boy now married to him and now has one son she does not attend the family functions much and of course her husband does not get involved with the family
        remind her and ask her who she loves more--- her family or the boy?
        what is more important to her-- a family or just having a boyfriend?
        remind her what happens in a marriage sure the first years are good but once the first child comes your thoughts will turn more towards islam and how to raise the child in the best way and shes going to want a good husband who will help in that.
        this in -love syndrome (give it up for sh. yaser birjas!) is not going to last very long and soon she will see reality


        remind of her jannah and that this life is a temporary test that we all have to pass

        Comment


        • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

          Originally posted by ahmad12 View Post
          Salaam

          It's not necessarily a troll since such I know of such cases in the real world too. It's best just to advise her

          :jkk:
          :wswrwb:

          Possible, If not a Troll, then I fear it is Hypocrisy akhi,

          No Muslim can justify marrying their Children off to Kuffar/Mushrikeen ...

          utter absurdity to Claim that one knows it is wrong, but then goes and attempts to Justify it by claiming the Sikh/Mushrik has a "Good heart" ...

          Nauzubillah min zaliq

          :jkk:
          http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

          "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

          – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

          Comment


          • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

            Originally posted by Mich View Post
            troll or not it does happen. seen it myself. One of my co-workers for one. She married a non-Muslim.
            Thank you for that bit of info, I am aware of it, but suffice to say it doesn't in the majority of the cases,

            regardless, it is Haraam ... hence we can only advice against this Evil ...
            http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

            "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

            – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

            Comment


            • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

              This guy is not the "angel" you describe him as. If he truly cared about your daughter, he would not have snuck behind you and your husband's backs for 5 years with your daughter. Also, he would not have trespassed your home and put your daughter in a bad situation by snuggling up to her on your living room couch, in the very house of the two people he's been keeping a 5 year secret from. These are not the traits of an honorable man.

              Comment


              • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                Theres something very odd about a girl who wears hijab, prays 5 times, works at an islamic school but is willing to live a lifetime of zina and sacrifice the ahkirah of her future children by condemning them to the hellfire for eternity - all for a thing called "love".

                Comment


                • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                  Originally posted by -Shamil- View Post
                  Theres something very odd about a girl who wears hijab, prays 5 times, works at an islamic school but is willing to live a lifetime of zina and sacrifice the ahkirah of her future children by condemning them to the hellfire for eternity - all for a thing called "love".
                  "Love" is a disease which most people nowadays think is the be all and end all of their existance unfortunately
                  82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

                  Comment


                  • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                    Originally posted by -Shamil- View Post
                    Theres something very odd about a girl who wears hijab, prays 5 times, works at an islamic school but is willing to live a lifetime of zina and sacrifice the ahkirah of her future children by condemning them to the hellfire for eternity - all for a thing called "love".
                    Love is can make you go crazy like the story of Majnun and Layla.

                    Comment


                    • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                      Originally posted by -Shamil- View Post
                      Theres something very odd about a girl who wears hijab, prays 5 times, works at an islamic school but is willing to live a lifetime of zina and sacrifice the ahkirah of her future children by condemning them to the hellfire for eternity - all for a thing called "love".
                      Thats the thing I cant wrap my head round. but to Aleeza - I guess this must be a hard time for her so we keep you and your family in our prayers

                      I wouldnt put Allah before a muslim let alone a non muslim
                      My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
                      ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
                      “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

                      Comment


                      • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                        Okay it's been a couple days but here's what happened:

                        My husband talked to him and he even agreed to go down to the Masjid again to talk with the Imam and a few other brothers who have a lot of knowledge. All of this already happened over the weekend. He will not agree to become a Muslim. It isn't a matter of him having false information or anything like that. He disagrees with the fundamentals of the faith like these:

                        He does not support adultery but he does not think it should be punished, he is not homosexual but does not think it should be punished, he believes that any relationship between two consenting unmarried adults is nobodies business but their own (I guess you can say he flat out rejects the Shariah legal system), obviously he does not think Muslim women should be prevented from marrying non-Muslim, he does not know if God/Heaven/Hell exist but he feels that if they do then all good people will go to heaven regardless of religion or anything like that even if they are Atheist (which means he sees no point in converting), he doesn't really believe that any prophet got revelations from a divine source, he rejects the notion that prayer is important, he thinks that it is possible to be good and moral without religion (this one I think many Muslims will agree with but not all), and also he said he doesn't think that the supreme ruler of the universe (if there is any) cares what individuals of a species of "primates" on an insignificantly small blue planet on the edge of an infinitely large Universe do with their lives so long as they aren't hurting others. You may have guessed from that last one that he is a believer in evolution.

                        After this whole new chapter I've given up, my husband has given up and my son has given up. He isn't going to become a Muslim and he and my daughter aren't going to break things up. Like I said before they're planning on getting married sometime before the end of the summer. No actual date has been chosen but they say probably sometime in July but that doesn't rule out August.

                        The shock is gone, I've cryed myself dry of tears. I don't think there is anything else I can do. My parents and my husband's parents are wanting to meet him at our house in a few days. We'll see how that goes, maybe the grandparents can do something.

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                        • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                          I'm sorry. It's such a terrible thing to happen. :(

                          May Allah guide her and make her see aright soon. ameen.
                          Always remember that this is a test for you too as her parent so dont ever give in and give approval, even if this boy does impress you dont let it cloud your judgement. Always be firm in your stance and persevere for the sake of Allah and your efforts wont go wasted.

                          Comment


                          • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                            The best thing to do is go to your local Gurdwara and seek help there. They will help you a lot, believe me.

                            Comment


                            • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                              Originally posted by MuslimSoljah View Post
                              The best thing to do is go to your local Gurdwara and seek help there. They will help you a lot, believe me.
                              Thank you for the advice, we have not tried this yet. The only problem is that he is not religious and so even if they tell him to back off I doubt he'd care. If they refused to allow him to get married there then they're prepared to just do it in court or something like a civil union or whatever it is called. But as far as I know there is no universal ruling on the issue of a Sikh marrying a non-Sikh as Sikhism is a very open and tolerant religion. Most likely the Gurdwara people won't care but I'll ask my husband regardless to go talk to them. Can't hurt.

                              Thank you.

                              Comment


                              • Re: My daughter is marrying a non-Muslim man!!

                                Originally posted by Aleeza View Post
                                Thank you for the advice, we have not tried this yet. The only problem is that he is not religious and so even if they tell him to back off I doubt he'd care. If they refused to allow him to get married there then they're prepared to just do it in court or something like a civil union or whatever it is called. But as far as I know there is no universal ruling on the issue of a Sikh marrying a non-Sikh as Sikhism is a very open and tolerant religion. Most likely the Gurdwara people won't care but I'll ask my husband regardless to go talk to them. Can't hurt.

                                Thank you.
                                Sorry about my joke posts before. I know he isn't religious, they'll talk to his family and such as they're Sikhs. The Gurdwara people will care a lot believe me. I knew a Sikh who was trying to hit on a Muslim sister and it was sorted this way.

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