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rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

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  • rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

    Hi I was friends with a guy and we got along so well, it was incredible. we had the same interests in music, food, religious views, etc. We just clicked and he felt that he could talk to me about anything in the world. We were were friends for 8 months and he did like me but he never told his parents. Now his parents have pressurized him into getting married to a girl. Is there something better out there for you if someone rejects you because i feel soo upset. I thought he was the one for me in every way possible. He knew I loved him but he still went ahead and said yes to this girl. I feel like turning away from religion.

  • #2
    Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

    :salams

    How does all of this made you feel like turning away from religion?

    Sister, do you realize this "relationship" you had with this guy is totally haram in Islam? There's no pre-marital relationship in Islam, at all. You should thank Allah that He has saved you from going further with this guy, instead of turning away from religion. It seems like you are blaming religion for the wrongs you did.

    :insha: Ask forgiveness for whatever has happened and turn a new page in your life. Learn about Islam :insha: and stay away from such relationships in the future. They are impermissible and bring no good.
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

      Originally posted by riley105 View Post
      Hi I was friends with a guy and we got along so well, it was incredible. we had the same interests in music, food, religious views, etc. We just clicked and he felt that he could talk to me about anything in the world. We were were friends for 8 months and he did like me but he never told his parents. Now his parents have pressurized him into getting married to a girl. Is there something better out there for you if someone rejects you because i feel soo upset. I thought he was the one for me in every way possible. He knew I loved him but he still went ahead and said yes to this girl. I feel like turning away from religion.
      Ukti you do realize you are not supposed to have guy friends in Islam right? Mingling with non mahrams is strictly forbidden in Islam. Allahu alim maybe this is for the best.

      Islam we shouldn't even spend too many time with people we are engaged with because feelings develop then when the marriage doesn't work out people are all depressed and emotional because they had gotten attached to that person .
      Say, O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.”
      (Surah Az Zumar, (Chapter 39: Verse 53)

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

        Awe. If you feel like turning away from your religion, your deen is not good to withstand the trials of life which you cannot escape. You feel rejected and upset but within time you WILL feel like he is in the past, like a distant memory. Here is a copy and paste of something I felt useful when I am tested.

        Being SAD is NOT Encouraged In Our Religion


        So do not become weak [against your enemy, nor be sad... (Quran 3: 139)

        And grieve not over them, and be not distressed because of what they plot.(Quran
        16: 127)

        Be not sad, surely Allah is with us. (Quran 9: 40)

        Referring to true believers, Allah informs us that:
        Upon such shall come no fear, nor shall they grieve. (Quran 2: 38)

        Sadness
        enervates the souls will to act and paralyzes the body into
        inactivity. Sadness prevents one from action instead of compelling one
        towards it. The heart benefits nothing through grief the most beloved
        thing to the Devil is to make the worshiper sad in order to prevent him
        from continuing on his path.

        Allah, the Exalted, says:

        *Secret
        counsels [conspiracies] are only from Shaytaan [Satan], in order that he may
        cause grief to the believers. (Quran 58: 10)

        In the following hadith, the Prophet (bpuh) said:

        "In a company of three, it is forbidden for two to hold secret counsel to
        the exclusion of the third, since doing so will be a cause of sadness
        for him."

        Contrary to what some believe (those who have an
        extreme ascetic bent); the believer should not seek out sadness, because
        sadness is a harmful condition that afflicts the soul.The Muslim must
        repel sadness and fight it in any way that is permissible in our
        Religion.



        There is no real benefit to sadness; the Prophet
        (bpuh) sought refuge from it in the following supplication: "O Allah, I seek
        refuge in you from anxiety and grief."

        Grief is coupled
        with anxiety in this hadith. The difference between the two is that if a
        bad feeling is related to what is going to happen in the future. Then
        one is feeling anxiety. And if the cause of this feeling concerns the
        past, then one is feeling grief both of them weaken the heart, causing
        inactivity and a decrease in will power.

        Despite what has been
        mentioned above, grief may sometimes be both inevitable and necessary.
        When they enter Paradise, its dwellers will say:All the praises and
        thanks be to Allah, Who has removed from us [all] grief. (Quran 35: 34)


        This
        verse implies that they were afflicted with grief in this life, just as
        they were afflicted with other forms of hardship, both of which were
        out of their control. So whenever one is overcome by grief and there is
        no way to avoid it, one is rewarded, because grief is a form of
        hardship, and the believer is rewarded for going through hardship.
        Nonetheless, the believer must ward off grief with supplication and
        other practical means.



        "Whatever befalls the believer in terms of anxiety, hardship or grief, Allah
        will remove his sin"

        It
        indicates that grief is a trial with which the believer is afflicted,
        and through which some of his sins are atoned for. However, it does not
        indicate that grief is something to be sought after; the believer should
        not seek out means of finding grief, thinking that he is performing an
        act of worship.

        And as for the alleged hadith, "Verily, Allah loves all sad hearts," the chain
        of its narrators is unknown, so it is not an authentic hadith, especially in
        view of the fact that the basic
        principles of our religion are contrary to it.



        In this
        verse, Allah says of his Prophet Israaeel (Israel):And he lost his
        sight because of the sorrow that he was suppressing. (Quran 12: 84)

        Here
        we are informed of his grief over losing his beloved son. Simply
        informing about something does not in itself signify either approval or
        disapproval of that thing. The fact is that we have been ordered to seek
        refuge from sadness, as it is a heavy cloud that hangs above its
        victim, and is a barrier that prevents one from advancing to higher
        aims.


        There is no doubt that sadness is a trial and a hardship,
        and is in some ways similar to sickness. However, it is not a stage,
        level, or condition that the pious should actively seek out.








        Permission is granted to circulate among private individuals and groups, to
        post on Internet sites and to publish in full text and subject title in
        not-for-profit publications.



        http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LoveIslam_LiveIslam/

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

          Salaam aleykoum

          "Say, Bring forth your argument, if you are telling the truth!" 27/64

          To those whose first move was to criticize the sister.

          Can you provide evidence from Quran and Sunna that talking to someone from opposite gender in a public place is forbidden by Allah.

          Or, if you cannot, then provide evidence as to why you say that the relationship she has with that man is forbidden by Allah, ( haram, not makruh ) based on what she wrote.

          Thanks.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

            well, what can I say, most find me ridiculous, awkward and too liberal because I don't mind going out with someone in order to get to know a guy better, so I could decide whether he is a good match for me (in terms of marriage). But having real, male friend, with no intentions to get to know him with a marriage as an overall aim? Pointless, and impossible. In male-female friendship, one always has some feelings for another, trust me..
            Being "friends" with him would never increase your chances to be with him, or to marry him, I guess you know that? Also, among the people who practice this male-female "friendship", there is a phenomenon called "friend zone". If you stuck in friend zone, he/she will never look at you as a woman/man, he will look at you, exclusively as a friend, and there's nothg you could do about it. And I think this is exactly what happened, unfortunately for you. He doesn't like you the way you like him. And this should be a lesson for you - don't every try to be a friend with a guy you like. You can express a will to get to know him better, in order to decide should you marry him or not. But just friends? No, no and no.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

              Going out with the opposite gender is not allowed in of itself, regardless of the intention of marriage or not. It's best if two people meet and talk while they are still near their mahrams,
              Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

              "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
              - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

                P.S.

                And the title of the thread is somehow misleading; who rejected who's proposal? As I understood, he accepted the proposal from other girl? And here's an interesting vide, which shows that you're actually an exception that confirms the rule :P


                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

                  Originally posted by riley105 View Post
                  Hi I was friends with a guy and we got along so well, it was incredible. we had the same interests in music, food, religious views, etc. We just clicked and he felt that he could talk to me about anything in the world. We were were friends for 8 months and he did like me but he never told his parents. Now his parents have pressurized him into getting married to a girl. Is there something better out there for you if someone rejects you because i feel soo upset. I thought he was the one for me in every way possible. He knew I loved him but he still went ahead and said yes to this girl. I feel like turning away from religion.
                  Sister, if he had felt the same way as you he would have mentioned you to his parents when the subject of marriage and the possibility of his parents having found a potential wife was discussed.



                  Don't worry about Islam saying that there shouldn't be boyfriend/girlfriend relationships before marriage, there is no good reason behind it and it is just there to stop you having fun and finding a nice husband.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

                    There is good in this, someone who is not good for you will be leaving your life. You may feel bad because you got attached, but he wasn't someone who deserves your love, so alhamdulillah.
                    Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

                      Originally posted by abubakarbristol View Post
                      Don't worry about Islam saying that there shouldn't be boyfriend/girlfriend relationships before marriage, there is no good reason behind it and it is just there to stop you having fun and finding a nice husband.
                      Am I misunderstanding you? It sounds like you are saying there is no good reason behind the Islamic prohibition on dating? Dating is a good way to have fun and find a nice husband? Can you clarify?
                      Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

                        here we go :D

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

                          Yeah, I hope I'm misinterpreting that...:scratch:
                          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

                            Originally posted by inprogress View Post
                            Am I misunderstanding you? It sounds like you are saying there is no good reason behind the Islamic prohibition on dating? Dating is a good way to have fun and find a nice husband? Can you clarify?
                            Tongue in cheek, comment.

                            I put it in the reverse of what I meant to provoke some thought.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: rejected marriage proposal, is there something good in this

                              Yes pre-marital relationships are forbidden in Islam. Personally..I can see this as a positive, I've seen many young Muslims enter such relationships and the couples constantly fight, argue, hurt each other. Rarely does it seem to end well.
                              But sometimes stuff happens and people click.
                              Not going to lecture you Riley, I'm sorry about your heart break, hope you feel better soon and be more careful next time <3

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