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Is it wrong to only be attracted to one particular race?

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  • Is it wrong to only be attracted to one particular race?

    I'm 19 and not getting married anytime soon (due to family decisions) however I wanted to know if its immoral to only wish to marry a wife from a particular race/ethnicity (no it isn't my own race in case I am called a racist)... Also, when meeting a potential wife how are you supposed to know if you are attracted to her if you can't see her face.. I mean I know the deen is most important but if you arent attracted to your spouse then it isn't going to progress much is it..
    Last edited by Realist.H-Block; 28-05-12, 12:56 AM.

  • #2
    Re: Is it wrong to only be attracted to one particular race?

    You are usually attracted to what you see more of, so if you see more white people then you'd be attracted to them more than say asians. Same if you're surrounded by black people, you'd be more attracted to them than others. Nothing wrong with finding them attractive, but you should limit yourself to one race.

    As for the meetings, you're allowed to see her face and are encouraged to do so. Not her hair though, there is a difference of opinion on this but I don't think many girls will let you see it. You should be attracted to your spouse, but the first meeting isn't going to do that. If it does then you risk it being a superficial attraction and not one of substance, which can only happen the more times you meet someone.
    [RIGHT][SIZE=4]فباي الاء ربكما تكذبان[/SIZE][/RIGHT]

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    • #3
      Re: Is it wrong to only be attracted to one particular race?

      Salaam,

      From my pov I do not see anything wrong with it. To me I don't care about looks or degrees or anything like that. I care that she is a Muslim and that she and I are compatible. Life is too short t be miserable.
      "Knowing what you don’t know is more useful than being brilliant.”
      -Charlie Munger
      "It seems that we're better at finding someone to blame for our problems than we are at finding creative solutions to fix them.”
      -Neil deGrasse Tyson

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      • #4
        Re: Is it wrong to only be attracted to one particular race?

        nothg wrong.
        Just racist. You don't have to think that it's racist, but it's just...definition of racism :D Preferring one race over another

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        • #5
          Re: Is it wrong to only be attracted to one particular race?

          No I don't think its racist , having someone from the same race as you make it easier I think in a sense you would have same tradition and culture. You should be able to see her face , some people will say "ohh I don't care about looks" ..but we humans by nature are shallow . You have to be some how attracted to her either to her smile ,eyes ..or whatever . I personally know couple ,where the husband is not attracted to the wife . She is living miserably because she always has a fear that her husband will get married again.

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          • #6
            Re: Is it wrong to only be attracted to one particular race?

            Originally posted by Switch View Post
            You are usually attracted to what you see more of, so if you see more white people then you'd be attracted to them more than say asians. Same if you're surrounded by black people, you'd be more attracted to them than others. Nothing wrong with finding them attractive, but you should limit yourself to one race.

            As for the meetings, you're allowed to see her face and are encouraged to do so. Not her hair though, there is a difference of opinion on this but I don't think many girls will let you see it. You should be attracted to your spouse, but the first meeting isn't going to do that. If it does then you risk it being a superficial attraction and not one of substance, which can only happen the more times you meet someone.
            Jazakallah Khair all

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            • #7
              Re: Is it wrong to only be attracted to one particular race?

              Originally posted by Toutaa View Post
              No I don't think its racist , having someone from the same race as you make it easier I think in a sense you would have same tradition and culture. You should be able to see her face , some people will say "ohh I don't care about looks" ..but we humans by nature are shallow . You have to be some how attracted to her either to her smile ,eyes ..or whatever . I personally know couple ,where the husband is not attracted to the wife . She is living miserably because she always has a fear that her husband will get married again.
              I don't prefer my own race though lol. I prefer other races.

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              • #8
                Re: Is it wrong to only be attracted to one particular race?

                Originally posted by Realist.H-Block View Post
                I'm 19 and not getting married anytime soon (due to family decisions) however I wanted to know if its immoral to only wish to marry a wife from a particular race/ethnicity (no it isn't my own race in case I am called a racist)... Also, when meeting a potential wife how are you supposed to know if you are attracted to her if you can't see her face.. I mean I know the deen is most important but if you arent attracted to your spouse then it isn't going to progress much is it..
                It is permissible for a Muslim man to see the woman to whom he intends to propose marriage before taking further steps so that he can enter into the marriage knowing what is ahead for him. Otherwise, if he has not seen her before marriage, he may not find her looks to his liking and may have regrets after he is married to her.

                The eye is the messenger of the heart; when the eyes meet, the hearts and the souls of man and woman may meet as well. Muslim reported Abu Hurairah as saying that a man came to the Prophet (peace be on him) and told him that he had contracted to marry a woman of the Ansar. "Did you look at her?" the Prophet (peace be on him) asked. "No," he said, 'Then go and look at her,' said the Prophet (peace be on him), 'for there is something in the eyes of the Ansar,' meaning that some of them have a defect of their eyes

                Al-Mughira ibn Shu'bah said, I asked for a woman in marriage and Allah's Messenger (peace be on him) asked me whether I had looked at her. When I replied that I had not, he said 'Then look at her, for it may produce love between you.' I went to her parents and informed them of the Prophet's advice. They seemed to disapprove of the idea. Their daughter heard the conversation from her room and said, 'If the Prophet (peace be on him) has told you to look at me, then look.' I looked at her, and subsequently I married her. (Reported by Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Ibn Hibban, and Darimi.)

                The Prophet (peace be on him) did not specify either to Mughirah or to the other man how much of the woman they were permitted to see. Some scholars are of the opinion that looking is limited to seeing the face and hands. However, it is permissible for anyone to see the face and hands as long as no desire is involved; therefore, if asking for woman in marriage is an exemption, obviously the man making the proposal should be able to see much more of the woman than that. The Prophet (peace be on him) said, "When one of you asks for woman in marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so." (Reported by Abu Daoud.)

                Some scholars have gone to one extreme or another in relation to this permission, but the best course seems to be the middle one. One researcher considers it quite appropriate in our time that the man who is proposing be allowed to see the woman as she normally appears before her father, brother, and other muharramah. He says: In the context of the above hadith, he may even accompany her, together with her father or some other mahrem as chaperone, on her usual visits to relatives or to public places, while clad in full hijab. (Hijab denotes the proper Islamic dress. (Trans.)) In this way he will have the opportunity to get an insight into her reasoning, behavior, and personality. This is a part of the meaning of the hadith, "...to look at what will induce him to marry her." (Al-Bahee al-Khooly, Al-Mar'ah Bain al-bayn al-bait wal-Mujtamah'.)

                If the man's intention of marriage is sincere, he is permitted to see the woman with or without her and her family's knowledge. Jarir ibn 'Abdullah said concerning his wife, "(Before marriage) I used to hide under a tree to see her."

                From the hadith concerning al-Mughira we understand that the father of a girl cannot, out of deference to custom and tradition, prevent a suitor who is in earnest from seeing her, for customs and traditions must be governed by the Shari'ah. How is it possible that the Divine Law should subjected to the whims of human beings? On the other hand, however, neither the father, the suitor, or the fiancee can stretch this permission to such an extent that the young man and woman, under the pretext of betrothal or engagement, go to movie theaters, clubs, and shopping places together without being accompanied by a mahrem of hers, a practice which has become common today among Muslims who are fond of imitating Western civilization and its customs.

                It is not haram to have preferences in race, because as our Great Prophet Mohammad said, " All people are as equal as the teeth of a comb, There is no virtue, nothing better or superior over an Arab over an non-Arab, a white over a colored, except by the fear of God."

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                • #9
                  Re: Is it wrong to only be attracted to one particular race?

                  i don't think theres anything wrong with it....its your natural preference. My natural preference led me to reverting.....so it can't be all bad!

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                  • #10
                    Re: Is it wrong to only be attracted to one particular race?

                    Nope, as long as you dont think you are superior to another race etc.
                    My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
                    ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
                    “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

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                    • #11
                      Re: Is it wrong to only be attracted to one particular race?

                      Originally posted by Zeynab_2012 View Post
                      i don't think theres anything wrong with it....its your natural preference. My natural preference led me to reverting.....so it can't be all bad!
                      If you were meant to be a muslim Allah would have guided you to it another way, unless you reverted for your partner..then that seems wrong and odd
                      My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
                      ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
                      “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

                      Comment

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