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advice on dealing with divorce

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  • advice on dealing with divorce

    recently divorced my wife, now feel my islam is running away from me due to this feeling of huge emptiness, i feel i dont have the power to do anything, My ibaadah has gone upside down so I pray some days and others I dont I really want to re establish my salah but I just feel so low, I know there is no excuse but everything just seems three times as difficult, how do i deal with this feeling? Ive never felt like this before, an uncle came to me the other day and asked me to have a meeting with his daghter and I said "no"straight away,I dont feel like I can trust a woman again. Need advice on how to get over it.
    Last edited by zakariyya21; 27-05-12, 03:16 PM.

  • #2
    Re: advice on dealing with divorce

    :wswrwb:

    Sorry to hear that but you have to pray all your salaat regularly.

    Divorce is not easy brother, it is a time where you are low and vulnerable which can bring you closer to Allah or take you away from his remembrance. All I can advice is to surround yourself with good company and take this time to reflect on the many blessings Allah has given you and remind yourself of those who have been afflicted with much worse.

    Also take up deeni classes or another hobby to keep your mind occupied.
    Allahumma innaa na'udhu bika min an nushrika bika shai-an na'lamuh; wa nastaghfiruka limaa laa na'lam

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    • #3
      Re: advice on dealing with divorce

      Dpi
      Allahumma innaa na'udhu bika min an nushrika bika shai-an na'lamuh; wa nastaghfiruka limaa laa na'lam

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      • #4
        Re: advice on dealing with divorce

        Subhanallah I'm really sorry to hear that. From your previous posts some months ago I mistakenly had the impression that things were okay. You seem like a decent enough brother, I really hope things get better for you inshAllah.

        I think the important thing is to try and be consistent with salah, even when you don't feel like it, or even if you don't feel the emotional connection to it, or it feels like "just going through the motions"- even then, perhaps that's when it becomes all the more important to maintain your salah. If you really don't feel like doing it, then at the very least commit to the fard prayer, so if it's dhuhr time and you don't feel like it, at least do the 4 fard rakahs, remind yourself that it's only a brief thing, it'll just take a few minutes but don't neglect it.

        Shaytan realises that when things are going well for a good Muslim then it's useless for him to try and push people away from the deen because a good Muslim going through good times will often marvel at what he has been blessed with and remain pleased with his (or her) Lord (swt). It is through difficult and painful times that shaytan knows even a good pious Muslim is vulnerable and can be swayed or more open to waswasa. Remember that shaytan remains close to us all but is the accursed enemy- yielding to his whispers might bring some temporary comfort or enjoyment, but once that novelty moment has passed, it'll drag you down to terrible depths that can bit by bit, step by step turn you towards sin and destruction.

        Make dua and seek refuge from the whispers of the accursed shaytan.
        The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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        • #5
          Re: advice on dealing with divorce

          :salams

          Brother divorce is a difficult process to get through but the old cliche that time heals all wounds is very true.

          Early on you'll ask yourself many questions, try to rationalise things and even question what the benefit of such a marriage was if it was going to end like this. However one thing you mustn't question is the Qadr of Allah - that this happened and is for the better. Even though you may not see it now and may never see it, put your trust and faith in Allah and make sincere dua that He removes the pain and brings you closer to Him.

          Even though you don't feel like it, you must keep up with your salah. Don't let shaitaan come between you and your Creator. Remember that the only person held accountable for missing his salah will be you, so don't let yourself down my missing them.

          Try and read Quran, in both Arabic and English. It'll help insha'Allah. And talk to your closest pals - be they friends or family. It helps to get things off your chest. Of course be careful not to backbite or share private things regarding you and your ex-wife.

          Be patient, and try to keep busy. It's not easy and your mind will wander asking all these questions that you may never get answers to. But with time it'll get better. Try and do things which perhaps you didn't have the time for before, things that will make you feel positive.

          May Allah guide you and help you through this.

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          • #6
            Re: advice on dealing with divorce

            Assalamo Alaikum:

            I have gone through divorce myself. Situations may vary but following would help InshaAllah.

            1) Give yourself time to grieve. It is a loss similar to losing someone when they die. In another three months, you'll start to accept the situation.

            2) Most people usually don't realize it but it is hard for men as well. Be prepared that some might unintentionally remark which won't feel good at all. They don't know how you're feeling.

            3) It WILL get better with time. In another three to six months, the sadness and emptiness will subside.

            4) Don't get married until emptiness subsides. My recommendation is to wait for at least a year before you decide to remarry.

            5) Finally you're fine and don't be hard on yourself. It just didn't pan out. You're fine.

            6) Keep in touch with your family and close friends and local community. Someone who is supportive and you find heartwarming.

            It is difficult but you'll be fine in time. May Allah get you through this difficult time. Ameen.

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            • #7
              Re: advice on dealing with divorce

              Salam
              Sorry to hear about your divorce.
              I know it is very difficult because I'm in the same boat as you..

              I never knew brothers were affected as much as sisters.I've always had the thought that brothers just switch off from the whole situation.

              Reality has mentioned it all to be honest.

              My advice is keep yourself busy.
              Keep steadfast on namaaz,because Allah is the only one that can get u through this.
              Don't become a recluse,stay around people that care about you.
              If Allah brings you to it,He will bring you through it.

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