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What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

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  • Sam_87
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    ^^ Ameen sis

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  • .: Anna :.
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    asiya i like ur suggestion of making a place like that for women to meet, masha allah nice idea may allah give u success with it & let it benefit the community

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  • naila-k
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    sis i am not there yet!! another 10 years to go! lol

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  • mademoiselle
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    Women usually have some hobbies, they can do something they enjoy, and weren't able to do while the kids were young, they have some "me time" or just go out shopping, (personally, I love learning new languages, traveling, hiking, biking, running and gym, but it can be any other thing that makes one happy).
    I don't think additional time should pose any problem :) If you are in that stage, I envy you :) Enjoy!

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  • naila-k
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    Originally posted by ze leetle elper View Post

    naila: I understand that reverts of course will have a hard time, after all you are changing every aspect of your life and basically putting everything you have ever known behind you and starting afresh, I aprreciate this and the difficulties that come with it. But it isn't any easier for a born muslim to go into a new place and make friends than it is a revert. If so, start off small, 1 or 2 friends and build up from there with classes/ lessons you can organise between yourselves. As long as you are getting the spiritual satisfaction and taking some steps towards that goal of knowledge and understanding then it doesn't matter really whether it happens in a group of 3 sisters at one anothers homes or in a masjid with 30 sisters.
    I think you are over simplyfying it sis, the majority of born Muslims know the etiquette of Masjid, now the meaning of the Arabic words used when people talk, Would any born Muslim have an issue walking in to a masjid that they know welcomes women? And a new revert is still finding themselves, they are like a child, they may be unsure of their new life and identity, because they have to change everything about themselves, like the way they interact, they will be less confident.
    and yes start small, but that is the hardest step, finding those 2 or 3 sisters and making them like you and trust you enough, at a time when you dont even know who you are, or what your interests are, and you are not even sure of yourself.

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  • al-siddiq
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    Originally posted by naila-k View Post
    lol the question was if you dont do that stuff are you lazy?
    Well everyone needs some time to relax with something.

    But really the point is to try to structure your life so that you are doing the most to please Allah. I know it's not easy and sometimes you can feel very demotivated. For me, I simply thing (every minute that passes by is one a minute I can never ever go back to regain to do something good with it).

    This is our only chance to get as much good as possible for our akhira. Once the Day of Judgement arrives that's it. There's no other chance =/.

    Whether you're a brother or sister, that situation is the same!

    So I won't say whether someone is lazy or not, but what I will say is that it is in all our best interests to try to push our nafs to do more especially when not pushing is so much easier in these times.

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  • *asiya*
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    its not an "attitude" hanafi and shafi are types of fiqh not aqeedah, im not ashari in beleif so of course therefore i wouldnt take my deen from them and attend islamic classes there, anyway you and i have been through this so many times over the years, i dont really need to explain, you know its not my thing, just as u dont accept athari aqeedah and each to their own :)

    i want to go to the masjid to learn deen to improve as a muslim, and i have been dissapointed that i havent been able to find shayookh to learn from in my area, and i havent been able to locate anyone anywhere else to learn from that i can travel to yet,islamic knowledge is what i crave in my life, thats how i want to spend my days, i do what i can just now, i read and study everyday and insha Allah i will find somewhere i can go and learn so i can interact with other people, because its not healthy being in the house all the time and having no contact with people and no one to talk to.

    in the meantime like i said im taking matters into my own hands, and looking to find a place and open it specifically for sisters to meet on nutral ground insha Allah, because waiting around for ppl to start acting on islam and include the women and children in the masjid so they can be a part of the community hasnt happened for the last 40 years in so many masjids, and the attitude prevails, and is unlikely to happen anytime soon. there are some good masjids mashaAllah:) but sadly theyre just not in my area.

    im not going to try beat down old closed doors when i know whats going on behind them, im going to open new ones insha Allah.
    Last edited by *asiya*; 29-05-12, 06:55 PM.

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  • ze leetle elper
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    asiya I'm not sure I understand your attitude towards 'not going to/ wanting to learn my deen from sufis' I am not aware of any masjids that are sufi or the such.

    The masjid may follow a paricular madhab ie: hanafi or shafi, and the lessons given may do this too but unless you are going to specific lessons regarding this aspect (sufism) its not really something that is going to be plastered all over the masjids and the lessons they offer?

    I do think you are missing out by not going to these places and going to any lessons that may be available to you. Even if after trying, it did not gauge your interest, you can still meet the sisters who do visit there and make friends and discuss deen and other things that way? I do think 'sufism' is sometimes exagerrated and hyped up, as if people in these masjids will be twirling about after prayers or chanting poems all day long. It really is not that apparent unless you want to get into those specific things, I personally do not let these differences hold me back. If I needed a place to pray and a 'masjid' ie: a building used for prayers was available then yes I will use it without question of 'what do the committe follow?' 'which madhab is the imam?' etc etc.If lessons are offered, I think it is always worthwhile to go a few times to at least try and see whether it is something thatwill appeal to you, you are quite strong in your beliefs thus not easily swayed so going to these won't be something that will change your ideas or anything overnight (in case some people think they will be brainwashed or something!)

    anyway that is my opinion, if a door is open its better to try it then close all doors off because they don't 'seem' suitable.

    naila: I understand that reverts of course will have a hard time, after all you are changing every aspect of your life and basically putting everything you have ever known behind you and starting afresh, I aprreciate this and the difficulties that come with it. But it isn't any easier for a born muslim to go into a new place and make friends than it is a revert. If so, start off small, 1 or 2 friends and build up from there with classes/ lessons you can organise between yourselves. As long as you are getting the spiritual satisfaction and taking some steps towards that goal of knowledge and understanding then it doesn't matter really whether it happens in a group of 3 sisters at one anothers homes or in a masjid with 30 sisters.

    Leave a comment:


  • naila-k
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    Low-income mothers are far less likely to be employed than are upper-income mothers (45% vs. 77%), a finding that is repeated with fathers. this is based on household income, so ofcourse if there are two incomes, then you are more likely to have a higher household income, so having a higeher household income means there is less liekly to be a sahmn

    Leave a comment:


  • naila-k
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    The percentage of mothers who are employed rises from 48% among those with no college education to 66% of those with some college experience, 75% of those with a college degree, and 84% of those with postgraduate education. By contrast, the large majority of men with children are employed regardless of their educational background, including 76% of those with no college education and 94% of those with postgraduate education.


    this shows women are less likely to be employed then men and the more education you have, the more likely you are to be employed, not that:
    most women who stay a home do so out of lack of confidence and skills
    not having a college education doesnt mean you dont have employable skills, such as cleaning, cooking, waitressing, tailoring, driving, etc

    and the article glosses over lifestyle choice, and the different approaches to child raising but admits "
    Women's lifestyle preferences may also play a role, as separate Gallup polling has found
    U.S. women closely divided
    over whether they would prefer to work or stay home and take care of their house and family if they were free to do either. Gallup's most recent data on this, from 2008, find 52% of women preferring to work and 45% preferring the more domestic lifestyle. By contrast, men favor working over staying home by 74% to 23%."

    which shows, despite education etc 45% of women prefer this lifestyle if they can have it, although this study shows only 14% of women that have a child under 18 dont work.

    I also feel that the category of having a child under 18 is too broad, and the study would be better if it differentiated between sahms with different age kids, such as under 5s' although a high percentage of those women with postgrad qualifications go to work with a child under 18, how many go to work with a child under 5? or under 10?

    Anyway this survey was in US, so in the UK it may be different
    http://www.gallup.com/poll/153995/st...er-income.aspx

    the bath one which is only uk one, i need a password to view.

    Leave a comment:


  • Nashmia
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    Originally posted by naila-k View Post
    What stats, present the data so we can see it, we would need to know who was surveyed, where, when the general level of confidence in that area etc.

    Start a poll and see how many sahm are because of lack of confidence, do it here, or on parenting website, and you will see this is not true for the majority of sahms of our generation. We see sahm as valid choice.

    As for who wouldn't want to work when struggling, plenty, we would rather stay with kids.
    Originally posted by naila-k View Post
    What stats, present the data so we can see it, we would need to know who was surveyed, where, when the general level of confidence in that area etc.

    Start a poll and see how many sahm are because of lack of confidence, do it here, or on parenting website, and you will see this is not true for the majority of sahms of our generation. We see sahm as valid choice.

    As for who wouldn't want to work when struggling, plenty, we would rather stay with kids.

    here are a few, but there's plenty more, you can look yourself. if you choose to do it outside of this, then good for you. however, just saying, this is the stats and nothing wrong with a woman working. Hazrat Khadijah (ra) was a successful business woman, who employed our beloved prophet (saw).

    http://www.gallup.com/poll/153995/st...er-income.aspx

    http://suite101.com/article/helping-...idence-a247400

    (blog relevant to this topic) http://www.circleofmoms.com/stay-at-...-school-464958

    http://blog.imperfectparent.com/2012...e-resurrected/

    when i get married isA, i will eork with my husband what is best, but i would at least keep the options open to work, when he's struggleing right now with the current economic status. personally, i believe that she should prioritize home first, however, one of the biggest reasons why they cannot get a job, is apart from lack of experience is confidence, lack of relevant education, recession, understanding of culture and society so on and so forth. kids will be exposed to this though, and if the mother has no understanding of this, then how can she support the kids, in a non Muslim country without knowledge of what's going on outside of her home. one of the biggest problems we face is generation divide.

    no thanks, you wanna start a poll, you can do that. i don't need to prove myself to you, but I have no opinion either way.

    http://opus.bath.ac.uk/25919/

    http://minnesota.publicradio.org/dis...uter_marriage/

    http://www.americanprogress.org/issu...employment.pdf

    http://www.americanprogress.org/issu...mployment.html

    and the UKs in recession again!

    Leave a comment:


  • naila-k
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    Originally posted by ze leetle elper View Post
    naila I agree with young children and limited travel it will be more difficult to do this. however in asiyas case or other ladies whose children are all grown up/ not need of mothering and can drive they won't have this obstacle.

    Also you made a really interesting point where you said 'I went to all thes eplaces but never made any friends but maybe my shyness and lack of confidence encouraged this.' I do think that a big art of it is how we approach things. If we approach with the mindset that it will end negatively from the offset then most likely that is how it will end. we may have to step out of our comfort zones for a bit or soacialise in ways we haven't before/ don't want to to gain the initial freiendship and attention of another.

    Like someone else posted, it is sad because face to face communication is dying out rapidly so sometimes its not the case that no one wants to be your friend but that people have forgotten how to communicate in this manner thus when faced with someone smiling, saying hellp,, saying come round for tea etc etc people just close up and move on because they don't know how to deal with this type of direct face communication.

    asiya, please let me know what area you are in I will help you find out of anyc lasses/ masjids etc in your area.
    you know when your a revert and you revert in twenties, you have to change everything, the way you walk, the way you stand, the way you talk, the language you use, your interests, and your friends. Can you truly imagine that? Like I spent from 11 to 21 learning and perfecting acting in a certain way, buy when I reverted, it wasn't appropriate any more. The whole being muslim, wearing hijab etc was out of my comfort zone, going to Masjid and events was out of my comfort zone. I think I have described before how I reverted in shop as was a bit apprehensive of Masjid. I had never made friends in this sort of environment before. And of course I didn't attend negatively, until this day when I attend an event I am genuinely excited, and to this day where I am a lot more confident, if I go on my own and try to meet sisters, get involved etc it doesn't work out.

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  • naila-k
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    Originally posted by Nashmya Imtiaz View Post
    i don't know why you feel the need to dispute with me. these are sociological stats. the fact is it is like i've said, it is mixed. and 'MOST' stay at homes are due to this, not just based on a handful of personal acquaintances. my original statement however is that who wouldn't want to work when there are financial pressures. these are well known facts that people, especially new couples struggle, and both partner to stand their own ground.
    What stats, present the data so we can see it, we would need to know who was surveyed, where, when the general level of confidence in that area etc.

    Start a poll and see how many sahm are because of lack of confidence, do it here, or on parenting website, and you will see this is not true for the majority of sahms of our generation. We see sahm as valid choice.

    As for who wouldn't want to work when struggling, plenty, we would rather stay with kids.

    Leave a comment:


  • *asiya*
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    there are of course solutions, and theyre very simple ones. english should be the common language spoken in the masjids, as everyone in this country will need english at some point, so it will benefit not only those attending the masjids, but it will benefit people outside of the masjids like that poor elderly couple who dont have any help with the shopping because they cant make themselves understood.

    women and children should have an area they can go and gather in the masjids, and there should be a change in the leadership of the masjids, with english speaking imams,khutbahs in arabic and english,and masjid comittees having people from all walks of life, and from all nationalities, and who all speak the local language, and they can better meet the needs of the whole community, not just a portion of it.

    and i am looking at solutions, i have already tried to rent a shop to make a buisness with the main intention that its a meeting place for sisters, but it had already been bought by the masjid next door, so i am making an effort to change things for the better of the muslims in my community insha Allah. if we cant meet in the masjids, then we need somewhere public where everyone can feel welcome, and at ease insha Allah, as not everyone wants to go into someones home to meet. insha Allah i will keep looking for the right premises and continue to find a solution to these issues insha Allah.
    Last edited by *asiya*; 27-05-12, 10:32 AM.

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  • *asiya*
    replied
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    alhamdulillah, i have invited many sisters, given my number out to so many sisters i have met, when i start counting it gets to well over 40 ppl, and i am freindly and always speak to ppl, even random strangers in the street, i was recently in hospital and went out of my way to speak with ppl, talk to the ladies there about islam, educate the staff about muslims, and make the food manager for the hospital and the cooks who provide the food, understand what halal food is, and that halal does not mean curry in various forms, so none of that could be said of me, i am in the process of providing them example of recipies that could be served to muslims instead of chilli filled curry as its not suitable for all muslims, as like me they may have stomach problems, so for sure im not someone who lacks confidence or is negative. im into my 13th year as a muslim and im still ploughing on as a muslim, trying to do dawah whereever i go, trying to reach people in positive ways.

    i have checked my local area for classes thanks for the offer, but theres nothing u could do that i havent already done, many of them are sufi orientated masjids even when i go as far as the next town, and u know im not into all that, i wouldnt go learn deen from sufis, i know ur into all that but its not my thing. The nearest non sufi masjid is one and a half hours away and i do go there sometimes, buy some books, and sit in the masjid chat to any sisters i can, and i met some sisters but i was told that ppl there arent keen to speak to strangers as there have been spies sent there to make problems for the muslims so even with that aside, as Anna was saying sometimes people already have their freinds family and what they "need" so theyre not keen to make room for anyone new.

    Also obviously some younger sisters are not going to want to hang out with someone their mothers age, or older, i met one sister and shes alone too, and i offered to drive the whole way there and come get her, go here and there, take her out and do stuff but she always cancelled when we made plans, shes very young, younger than my children, so maybe she doesnt want to hang out with me Allahu alam, shes very nice mashaAllah, but i can understand that. so i have tried, im not sitting here moaning for the sake of it without having made an effort, i do make an effort when eid comes i go out to the local park for salat, and hang around the ladies tent and try speaking to pp, but again the language is in my experience has been a barrier. i did find some Quran classes but its a good drive away, and its doesnt finish till 10pm at night, which is too late to be walking the streets of london alone to ur car once u have found somewhere to park.

    As Anna said its not easy, and im not the only one experiencing this, Naila has experienced this too, so its not an uncommon experience, and its not due to lack of effort.
    Last edited by *asiya*; 27-05-12, 09:38 AM.

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