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What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

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  • #61
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    sis Asiya, I know you think I live in the ghetto or something, but you should move here :love:

    Recipes for all the family :inlove:
    (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

    Comment


    • #62
      Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

      Originally posted by naila-k View Post
      sis Asiya :love: where are the womens daughters? coz 40 year old women would have daughters around 20-25? who would have been brought up here?
      Allahu alam, one is maybe in her early 20`s and she has small children, but theyre only afgahani speaking maybe theyre refugees? maybe she was brought over for marriage to their son ? i dont know, but u can tell shes not from here.there are two houses of muslims near me but the women at the other house dont even smile at me when i smile and make eye contact, i even waved one time and the woman just scowled at me, shes maybe 30 ish.

      anyway like i said i have tried and i can find nothing to do, and even other sisters i have asked here what do u do all day, where do u go, whats going on in the community ie: classes at the masjid etc, theres nothing. it all pretty much revolves around the house children or uni.
      "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

      The Prophet :saw: said:

      "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

      muslim

      Narrated 'Abdullah:

      The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


      "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

      By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

      [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

      Comment


      • #63
        Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

        ^ aameen

        I know what u mean about that, actually we just moved to a new area recently and i had a lot of community around me in my old area so i was worried about being lonely, so i managed to get in contact with quite a few people here alhamdulillah, but what i actually noticed a lot of these people who i know now they were all saying the same thing about they wanted to make some friends but they find it hard to get in contact with people and find people, so they do end up feeling lonely. There are a lot of people around wanting friends and wanting to make contact with others but sometimes it is just hard for people to find the way to make the connections so thats quite sad if so many people are each in their own homes feeling lonely with no idea that others are in the same situation just nearby!
        .: Rufaida :.
        .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
        http://s61.photobucket.com/albums/h6...th_Silence.jpg
        “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
        but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
        ~ Ibn Atallah

        Ramadan Activities for Children
        <button id="tw_schedule_btn" class="tw-schedule-btn" style="padding: 4px 6px;position: absolute;left: 141px;top: 840px;background-color: #F7F7F7; background: linear-gradient(#FFF, #F0F0F0); border: 1px solid #CCC; color: #5F5F5F; cursor: pointer; font-weight: bold; text-shadow: 0 1px #FFF; white-space: nowrap;border-radius: 3px;font-size: 11px; display: none; z-index: 8675309">Schedule</button>

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        • #64
          Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

          Originally posted by naila-k View Post
          sis Asiya, I know you think I live in the ghetto or something, but you should move here :love:
          i dont think that, i dont even know what ur area is like :) except it has a majorly busy motorway and roads to get to it :p i should know i drove up and down it so many times completely lost lol :love:
          "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

          The Prophet :saw: said:

          "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

          muslim

          Narrated 'Abdullah:

          The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


          "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

          By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

          [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

          Comment


          • #65
            Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

            definitely dont come now, the stupid olympics will mess things up even more, its soo irritating, and doing nothing good for local people, just bad, and the whole of newham will be parking permit only for olympics and paralympics

            Recipes for all the family :inlove:
            (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

            Comment


            • #66
              Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

              Originally posted by .: Anna :. View Post
              ^ aameen

              I know what u mean about that, actually we just moved to a new area recently and i had a lot of community around me in my old area so i was worried about being lonely, so i managed to get in contact with quite a few people here alhamdulillah, but what i actually noticed a lot of these people who i know now they were all saying the same thing about they wanted to make some friends but they find it hard to get in contact with people and find people, so they do end up feeling lonely. There are a lot of people around wanting friends and wanting to make contact with others but sometimes it is just hard for people to find the way to make the connections so thats quite sad if so many people are each in their own homes feeling lonely with no idea that others are in the same situation just nearby!
              yep and if thats how ppl who lived here all their lives feel, then its not that im doing something wrong or im looking in the wrong places, its just there is literally nothing going on and the muslims who have been here for 30 or more years havent done anything about it. and ur right theres nothing wrong with taking up cookery lessons or art or something, but im personally just not interested in those kind of things at my time of life, its something i did as a young girl, i have been cooking for my family already for 35+ years, so im not interested in that as a hobby now, to me thats a chore lol :p
              "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

              The Prophet :saw: said:

              "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

              muslim

              Narrated 'Abdullah:

              The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


              "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

              By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

              [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

              Comment


              • #67
                Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                you cant say they didnt do anything, they built the masjids, the halal meat shops, the madrassas etc. They did a lot. Now its our turn?

                Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

                Comment


                • #68
                  Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                  Yes, and "they" probably had the exact same problem when they came over the so many years ago. They didnt move over and just find friends. Its taken that long 20-30 years! to make the few friends they have.

                  Why were they able to do it?... 20-30 years ago, there wasnt this thing called a computer + facebook + twitter and for many a TV. We live in a time where society, as i have said before keeps itself to itself. Face to face communication and socialising has decreased hugely. Its the way society is going, thus meaning more difficult to find people to socialise with.
                  Last edited by QMU; 27-05-12, 01:10 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                    Originally posted by naila-k View Post
                    you cant say they didnt do anything, they built the masjids, the halal meat shops, the madrassas etc. They did a lot. Now its our turn?
                    i was referring to the next generation the children of the immigrants who built those masjids in the last 30+ years, but now u mention it, whats the point of having a masjid where brothers dont understand whats being spoken in jummah cos as the brother said before, its only catering for the immigrants from their native countries, and those who are still coming, and as he said, he thinks thats how it shold be because it appears to be the majority ( but actually its only the majority of people from one country going there because everyone else cant understand whats being said ) and if sisters arent even allowed into the building, and as my husband said english or even arabic, is not a language u hear in our local masjids, not even in the khutbah.

                    but in my experience this is a mentality is not uncommon, i mean we saw it back in my home town, we built up a community but then the local big buisnessmen came and took it over,kicked the arabic and english speaking imam out and urdu was the only language so although everyone spoke english and could understand english, it was more comfortable for others to have urdu as a main language, despite the majority of the community not speaking urdu.

                    its the same here, everyone must speak english,because they live here, and they cant work without it, but its not the chosen language of communication amonsgt ppl when brothers go to the masjid. but Allahu alam dont think it will change anytime soon, as so many ppl are still coming over and continuing this mentallity. we see it here, with memebers having to import husbands and wifes who often dont speak english so the problem will always be ongoing as long as the trend is not to marry locally.

                    and look how many times we have discussed this issue on the forum and many members actually get the hump with u for mentioning this fact, they dont see anything wrong with having a language that excludes the arabic and english speakers, because it doesnt affect them.

                    so when u say its "our turn" if we want to change anything, we would have to start building our own "revert" masjids where khutah is in arabic and english is the common langauge of the people there and women and children are allowed in for classes and halaqahs etc. i dont see any other way to fix the issue.
                    Last edited by *asiya*; 27-05-12, 01:26 AM.
                    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                    The Prophet :saw: said:

                    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                    muslim

                    Narrated 'Abdullah:

                    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                      With everything, you must cater for your target audience.

                      In the past the majority of people in the mosques were not english speaking!. Its this new generation that REQUIRES english and arabic. Thus, just as in my local masjid, they have brought in a new young, english/arabic speaking imam. You cater for the community. 20-30 years ago, when you had these immigrants, if you spoke in english or arabic they would not learn anything, thus demand for a native speaking imam was required.

                      Now, the new generation, cant speak a word of the language their parents did lol, need english imams, and there are plenty about ALHAMDULILAH. plenty of resources online also.

                      The problem is, we have 2 generations now. A generation where they can speak english and another where they cant, so you need to find a mix which is VERY difficult. You can forget about the oldies and have full time english speaking. Or forget the youth and cater for oldies.

                      The sisters not allowed in the masjid question.. thats for a different thread.

                      I agree, we def need mosques which cater for english speaker, i think there is MORE a demand for that now. And slowly, like everything, its comming around.

                      Our job was to stay one step ahead of the game, we didnt. Now we are facing the reprucusions.

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                        Originally posted by QMU View Post
                        Yes, and "they" probably had the exact same problem when they came over the so many years ago. They didnt move over and just find friends. Its taken that long 20-30 years! to make the few friends they have.

                        Why were they able to do it?... 20-30 years ago, there wasnt this thing called a computer + facebook + twitter and for many a TV. We live in a time where society, as i have said before keeps itself to itself. Face to face communication and socialising has decreased hugely. Its the way society is going, thus meaning more difficult to find people to socialise with.
                        those methods actually make it easier to find people and socialise tho i think! alot of the local people i know here, got to know of them thru facebook and netmums local, then we do meet ups in person but if not for the facebook and those kind of things it would have been a lot harder to get to know of people in the area
                        theres pros and cons to everything
                        i doubt most people just feel happy to make do with facebook etc as a replacement for normal human interaction as it is not quite the same thing, so wont really fulfil that need, and they will still be lonely. its just a useful supplement and tool not a replacement for face to face
                        .: Rufaida :.
                        .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
                        http://s61.photobucket.com/albums/h6...th_Silence.jpg
                        “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
                        but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
                        ~ Ibn Atallah

                        Ramadan Activities for Children
                        <button id="tw_schedule_btn" class="tw-schedule-btn" style="padding: 4px 6px;position: absolute;left: 141px;top: 840px;background-color: #F7F7F7; background: linear-gradient(#FFF, #F0F0F0); border: 1px solid #CCC; color: #5F5F5F; cursor: pointer; font-weight: bold; text-shadow: 0 1px #FFF; white-space: nowrap;border-radius: 3px;font-size: 11px; display: none; z-index: 8675309">Schedule</button>

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                        • #72
                          Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                          Originally posted by .: Anna :. View Post
                          those methods actually make it easier to find people and socialise tho i think! alot of the local people i know here, got to know of them thru facebook and netmums local, then we do meet ups in person but if not for the facebook and those kind of things it would have been a lot harder to get to know of people in the area
                          theres pros and cons to everything
                          i doubt most people just feel happy to make do with facebook etc as a replacement for normal human interaction as it is not quite the same thing, so wont really fulfil that need, and they will still be lonely. its just a useful supplement and tool not a replacement for face to face
                          Thats interesting. I've heared a lot of the opposite stories from relatives and people brought up in the 70's and 80's

                          In their times, people used to actually go to the park every other day, play footy and cricket and whatnot. People used to travel miles and miles to visit families quite often. People would meet friends on a weekly basis etc

                          Now its like, the barakah in our time has been snatched away from us, we have time to do nothing, everyones busy, got no time to meet etc, so hearing the above gives some pro'si guess. Imho, it makes people lazy to meet up. There are externals, everything you do today has a cost + bad finanical times + not many halal forms of entertainement etc. Theres quite a few things.

                          I'm sure there have been surveys, and Im very sure, that as a result of these new technologies, face to face interaction has decreased hugely and people have become less sociable generally.
                          Last edited by QMU; 27-05-12, 01:33 AM.

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                            Originally posted by kite runner View Post
                            this is a really good thread mashaAllah, i think a good idea is to create a timetable and allocate certain times for certain tasks to get into the habit of using time wisely, cleaning,cooking, reading, memorizing Quran, listening to a lecture, staying in contact with friends and family and visiting them etc. that way our time will be used in a good way inshaAllah
                            nice idea, but you would need to have family and freinds in the first place to be able to visit and stay in touch with them :p
                            "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                            The Prophet :saw: said:

                            "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                            muslim

                            Narrated 'Abdullah:

                            The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                            "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                            By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                            [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                              That's true sis they have to move with the times, the next generation may have been a bit confused and apathetic.

                              In my area the local community center is used for jummah despite there being many mosques and they have a simple screen to divide area for sisters. It all started with one man hiring the hall and advertising
                              Personally I would reccomeend trying to start a halaqa in your house if you can. Put up notices in meat shops, and stand at the school gates and tell people, and have it at a time when kids are in school.

                              As for your husband, does he feel as you do? Has he no friends? If this is the case it reflects on all of us, and is very hard to understand.

                              Also London is a big place, it is easy to say there is so much going on, but the travel time is a big obstacle. What is going on in tayyibun etc in east is not really much use to a sister who lives far west, or south. Isoc events are not suitable for those with kids and sisters who don't go uni would feel uncomfortable to attend.
                              Last edited by naila-k; 27-05-12, 01:32 AM.

                              Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                              (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                                Originally posted by .: Anna :. View Post
                                those methods actually make it easier to find people and socialise tho i think! alot of the local people i know here, got to know of them thru facebook and netmums local, then we do meet ups in person but if not for the facebook and those kind of things it would have been a lot harder to get to know of people in the area
                                theres pros and cons to everything
                                i doubt most people just feel happy to make do with facebook etc as a replacement for normal human interaction as it is not quite the same thing, so wont really fulfil that need, and they will still be lonely. its just a useful supplement and tool not a replacement for face to face
                                yes face book is fine but most of the people u may have on ur freinds lists, u dont really know them, its not like u can call them up for a chat the dynamics of the interaction are totally different. and as we have seen especially in the last few days some people are not what they seem, so its handy to stay in touch with people you already actually know in person and know as trustworthy etc, but not ideal as an initial point of contact for getting to know people and meet up with them.

                                again i feel that in my experience, kids make it much easier to meet people, if u dont have kids then ur just a spare part at the local stay and play etc but would be totally weird turning up minus children. when my kids were small thats how i made freinds, i went to church halls and various mother and toddler groups, u would meet people in school playground waiting to pick up ur children, but now its different.
                                "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                                The Prophet :saw: said:

                                "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                                muslim

                                Narrated 'Abdullah:

                                The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                                "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                                By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                                [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                                Comment

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