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What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

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  • #46
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    @asiya thats true!! and i think its the same in all countries in europe, are u a revert too?

    Comment


    • #47
      Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

      iron sheets? :scratch: If I had time I would iron everything! :p I don't think small differences in how people do chores means too much time/ little time but just how that particular person has a preference to keeping their home?

      If a woman is not working and has ample time (in regards to not having children at home/ children grown up) then she should spend some time thinking about her interests she maybe had prior to children and maybe pursuing those once again? For example maybe she really enjoyed gardening so she could join a local community gardening group/ allotment volunteer/ further horticultural studies etc etc. so basically just enhance the interest she has into something better. A skill is always good to learn if it is your interest, sewing/ tailoring/ cooking/ beauty/ lotions and potions/ even other practical activities usually associated with men like woodchopping DIT/ electrical stuff/ plumbing etc etc.

      Everyone has an interest is SOMETHING, they just need to figure out what it is and then how they can use the facilities and people around them to enhance and bring that interest to life!
      What does 'freedom' mean?

      Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
      Restricted by the sky?

      Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
      Not enough river to explore?

      Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
      but death for the fish,

      The sea is wide for the fish
      but will engulf the bird.

      We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
      We can only express our nature as it was created.

      The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
      freedom from slavery to other than the One,
      Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
      and a horizon that extends to the next life,
      Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

      “All our handling of the child will bear fruit, not only at the moment, but in the adult they are destined to become.” Donate today! http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

      Comment


      • #48
        Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

        Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
        in my experience of 3 years in london, there is no "muslim community" not unless u are part of a specific race ie: asian, somali etc. and have family or ppl from your childhood, or ppl that u knew at school or if you can speak ur neighbours language and get to know them etc. the masjids dont cater for women, and i dont have children, so i dont attend schools, playgroups etc. so there is no way to meet other sisters in my area. its probably easier if u have little kids, u will be able to meet other mothers at toddler groups etc.
        TBH in most parts there won't be community groups just sitting there for us to walk in and 'join' up or sign up. Many sisters who may get together as a 'community' and have lessons at one anothers homes or do activites/ outings together will be formed through friedships and neighbours/ families.

        Its just a case of networking, meeting close neighbours and friends and branching out that way. If there was a total lack of anything then it would be a perfect oppurtunity to start one up from scratch with the few of you there are and then it can gradually increase from there.

        No Muslim needs a masjid or centre or playgroup to have a 'community' or have places to learn lessons/ exchange knowledge etc. There are many places which may have it all (womens masjid facility, centres etc) but have no proper sense of community or people using it fro this purpose because end of the day if the people themselves do not have the passion, no amount oof facilities will make it happen!
        What does 'freedom' mean?

        Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
        Restricted by the sky?

        Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
        Not enough river to explore?

        Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
        but death for the fish,

        The sea is wide for the fish
        but will engulf the bird.

        We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
        We can only express our nature as it was created.

        The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
        freedom from slavery to other than the One,
        Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
        and a horizon that extends to the next life,
        Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

        “All our handling of the child will bear fruit, not only at the moment, but in the adult they are destined to become.” Donate today! http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

        Comment


        • #49
          Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

          Originally posted by ze leetle elper View Post
          TBH in most parts there won't be community groups just sitting there for us to walk in and 'join' up or sign up. Many sisters who may get together as a 'community' and have lessons at one anothers homes or do activites/ outings together will be formed through friedships and neighbours/ families.

          Its just a case of networking, meeting close neighbours and friends and branching out that way. If there was a total lack of anything then it would be a perfect oppurtunity to start one up from scratch with the few of you there are and then it can gradually increase from there.

          No Muslim needs a masjid or centre or playgroup to have a 'community' or have places to learn lessons/ exchange knowledge etc. There are many places which may have it all (womens masjid facility, centres etc) but have no proper sense of community or people using it fro this purpose because end of the day if the people themselves do not have the passion, no amount oof facilities will make it happen!
          well like i said, again that depends on already knowing ppl, or there being a few of you in the first place to start anything. the muslims on my street dont speak english, and women arent allowed in the masjids here, even if they were they all speak gujariati urdu pashtun, even my arabic speaking husband has no clue whats going on when he goes for prayer and jummah etc theres not even arabic spoken. anyway we have been through this before, and theres no way round it. i dont have any mundane interests outside of deen its a catch 22 situation
          Last edited by *asiya*; 27-05-12, 12:14 AM.
          "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

          The Prophet :saw: said:

          "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

          muslim

          Narrated 'Abdullah:

          The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


          "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

          By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

          [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

          Comment


          • #50
            Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

            Originally posted by naila-k View Post
            now we on the subject, I actually think in some areas it is really hard for sisters to find that community. and a lot of reverts get married and have kids quickly as well so it is even harder once they have babies and are pregnant etc.
            Do i think mosques are doing enough for revert muslims? No... do i think masjids doing enough for muslims generally?... No,. also.. Its a tough one to answer.

            What if a sister is from a non-practicing family and changes ways, isnt she in the same boat as a revert?


            I wont quote, but there was a statement that these communities are all asians/somalians etc. and dont cater for everyone.

            We all know, its a part of life, that you cater for the majority in the area. So for example, in East London, there are quite a few classes going on every week , Ilford/barking/seven kings area for women. They are majorly asian dominated classes(because these areas are majorly asian dominated) and thus the teaches cater for both the urdu + english speaking sisters. Now a sister who doesnt speak english + urdu will feel her needs are not being met, but that doesnt mean these communities are "racist or cultural" etc... they cater for the majority.



            Most people speak english, so should be fine.

            Comment


            • #51
              Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

              Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
              well like i said, again that depends on already knowing ppl, or there being a few of you in the first place to start anything. the muslims on my street dont speak english, and women arent allowed in the masjids here, even if they were they all speak gujariati urdu pashtun, even my arabic speaking husband has no clue whats going on when he goes for prayer and jummah etc theres not even arabic spoken. anyway we have been through this before, and theres no way round it. i dont have any mundane interests outside of deen its a catch 22 situation
              Sorry for being precise but: you live in London and there is not 1 single english speaking muslim lady in your vicinity?

              even if you didn't know anyone you can network and make new friends and aquaintences, unfortunately no one has groups and communities just ready for them at the waiting, we have to put in some hard effort ourselves by going out there and talking to people to find out info. we have some progress in regards to communication of muslim places/ events with muslim directory or islamic events yahoo email but even so the most efficient way to find out for you own exact area is to go out and find people and talk. use the internet togoogle your area, any kind of yahoo groups you can join and meet new people (thus making baby steps towards forming some sort of community group)

              also I'm not sure what mundane interests mean because ibadah is not limited to your forehead on the prayer mat. you can and do worship every minute of your day when you appreciate and take care of/ tend to the creation around you, whether that is in regards to nature, or in regards to learning to cook so you can feed something new to your husband or learning to sew. life skills and also other abilities (swimming, riding, archery, sewing, trading and buying) these and more are all from the sunnah. It is important for everyone, every human to have some hobbies or interests because this is how the human psyche is and how it progresses and develops.
              What does 'freedom' mean?

              Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
              Restricted by the sky?

              Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
              Not enough river to explore?

              Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
              but death for the fish,

              The sea is wide for the fish
              but will engulf the bird.

              We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
              We can only express our nature as it was created.

              The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
              freedom from slavery to other than the One,
              Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
              and a horizon that extends to the next life,
              Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

              “All our handling of the child will bear fruit, not only at the moment, but in the adult they are destined to become.” Donate today! http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

              Comment


              • #52
                Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                Originally posted by QMU View Post
                Do i think mosques are doing enough for revert muslims? No... do i think masjids doing enough for muslims generally?... No,. also.. Its a tough one to answer.

                What if a sister is from a non-practicing family and changes ways, isnt she in the same boat as a revert?


                I wont quote, but there was a statement that these communities are all asians/somalians etc. and dont cater for everyone.

                We all know, its a part of life, that you cater for the majority in the area. So for example, in East London, there are quite a few classes going on every week , Ilford/barking/seven kings area for women. They are majorly asian dominated classes(because these areas are majorly asian dominated) and thus the teaches cater for both the urdu + english speaking sisters. Now a sister who doesnt speak english + urdu will feel her needs are not being met, but that doesnt mean these communities are "racist or cultural" etc... they cater for the majority.



                Most people speak english, so should be fine.

                This one really didnt deserve a neg rep.

                Comment


                • #53
                  Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                  Originally posted by ze leetle elper View Post
                  TBH in most parts there won't be community groups just sitting there for us to walk in and 'join' up or sign up. Many sisters who may get together as a 'community' and have lessons at one anothers homes or do activites/ outings together will be formed through friedships and neighbours/ families.

                  Its just a case of networking, meeting close neighbours and friends and branching out that way. If there was a total lack of anything then it would be a perfect oppurtunity to start one up from scratch with the few of you there are and then it can gradually increase from there.

                  No Muslim needs a masjid or centre or playgroup to have a 'community' or have places to learn lessons/ exchange knowledge etc. There are many places which may have it all (womens masjid facility, centres etc) but have no proper sense of community or people using it fro this purpose because end of the day if the people themselves do not have the passion, no amount oof facilities will make it happen!
                  I sort of disagree, before my eldest started school, I used to go to events on my own, and never made friends, I went to masjid weekly circles and didnt make friends, they werent rude or anything, just not interested in making new friends I guess, or their situations were different, ie younger, no kids, unmarried, it wasnt until I started meeting other mothers at nursery that I made friends. That is where i found the friends to do circles with etc.

                  Originally posted by QMU View Post
                  Do i think mosques are doing enough for revert muslims? No... do i think masjids doing enough for muslims generally?... No,. also.. Its a tough one to answer.

                  What if a sister is from a non-practicing family and changes ways, isnt she in the same boat as a revert?


                  I wont quote, but there was a statement that these communities are all asians/somalians etc. and dont cater for everyone.

                  We all know, its a part of life, that you cater for the majority in the area. So for example, in East London, there are quite a few classes going on every week , Ilford/barking/seven kings area for women. They are majorly asian dominated classes(because these areas are majorly asian dominated) and thus the teaches cater for both the urdu + english speaking sisters. Now a sister who doesnt speak english + urdu will feel her needs are not being met, but that doesnt mean these communities are "racist or cultural" etc... they cater for the majority.



                  Most people speak english, so should be fine.
                  yes I agree that its not a revert issue, even a sister who moves city after marriage etc could be the same.

                  The classes and events I went to didnt help me make friends tbh. They all just talked amongst themsleves to their friends, and have known each other their whole lives etc, it is hard to be a newcomer. I agree part of it was probably my lack of confidence and shyness as well.

                  Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                  (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                    Originally posted by ze leetle elper View Post
                    Sorry for being precise but: you live in London and there is not 1 single english speaking muslim lady in your vicinity?

                    even if you didn't know anyone you can network and make new friends and aquaintences, unfortunately no one has groups and communities just ready for them at the waiting, we have to put in some hard effort ourselves by going out there and talking to people to find out info. we have some progress in regards to communication of muslim places/ events with muslim directory or islamic events yahoo email but even so the most efficient way to find out for you own exact area is to go out and find people and talk. use the internet togoogle your area, any kind of yahoo groups you can join and meet new people (thus making baby steps towards forming some sort of community group)

                    .
                    I did all of this, and it didnt work, compounded by the fact I dont drive and had young kids so hard for me to travel.
                    Plenty of acquaintances, but no friends who i could invite, or we could go park together, have halaqas together etc

                    Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                    (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                      i`ve been here for almost 3 years, so unless your calling me a liar then you have to accept that im telling u how it is, there is no community centre round here, my muslim neighbours are pakistani, gujarati, and afgahni and no the women dont speak any english. when i was in hospital there was a hindu gujarati woman opposite me, who had been here 40 years and barely spoke more than 10 words. seems thats how it is on the whole. as we know many women are imported from asian lands for marriage and seems in my experience that many dont speak english because they dont have to, they come into families where everyone speaks their language.

                      i have actually even tried speaking to sisters in supermarkets, but once again no english, some wont even stop and speak to you. i can drive 2 1/2 hours to the next masjid in the next zone and sometimes i find the odd english speaking sister there, i have even been to sisters meet ups from the forum and gave my number to so many sisters, only one called, and i`ve met her once. Allah reward her amin. i have been invited by one other sister Allah reward her, but its a very long way from my home.

                      thats how it is here in my area, obviously things are different for you as you have lived here all ur life and know people have family etc. my husband and i dont have the same privillage. this is my experience.
                      Last edited by *asiya*; 27-05-12, 12:43 AM.
                      "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                      The Prophet :saw: said:

                      "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                      muslim

                      Narrated 'Abdullah:

                      The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                      "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                      By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                      [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                        Originally posted by naila-k View Post
                        I sort of disagree, before my eldest started school, I used to go to events on my own, and never made friends, I went to masjid weekly circles and didnt make friends, they werent rude or anything, just not interested in making new friends I guess, or their situations were different, ie younger, no kids, unmarried, it wasnt until I started meeting other mothers at nursery that I made friends. That is where i found the friends to do circles with etc.


                        yes I agree that its not a revert issue, even a sister who moves city after marriage etc could be the same.

                        The classes and events I went to didnt help me make friends tbh. They all just talked amongst themsleves to their friends, and have known each other their whole lives etc, it is hard to be a newcomer. I agree part of it was probably my lack of confidence and shyness as well.

                        I am/was the same. You just have to get out there. If you go to talks and they talk amongst themselves, then this is just the way it is here. People are generally more vary of just speaking out. People like to keep themselves to themselves. If you get involved, then inshAllah, you will make friends.

                        I cant give an answer, its a tough scenario, and it depends on the person and the occasion.

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                          Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
                          i`ve been here for 3 years, so unless your calling me a liar then you have to accept that im telling u how it is, there is no community centre round here, my muslim neighbours are pakistani and afgahni and no the women dont speak any english. i actually even tried speaking to sisters in supermarkets, but once again no english, some wont even stop and speak to you. i can drive 2 1/2 hours to the next masjid in the next zone and sometimes i find the odd english speaking sister there, i have even been to sisters meet ups from the forum and gave my number to so many sisters , only one called, and i`ve met her once. Allah reward her amin.

                          thats how it is here in my area, obviously things are different for you as you have lived here all ur life and know people have family etc. my husband and i dont have the same privillage. this is my experience.
                          without getting personal, which area is this?

                          No-one called you a liar.

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                            About community - when you know noone in your area, it is hard to get the feeling of community and take the first step to make contacts and get involved in things. I think once u know one or two people then the ice is broken and you will start to hear of various things going on, various opetunities come open to you but when you are at the stage of dont know anyone at all then you do feel quite cut off and it can be very hard to know where to go to actually break into the community - if that makes sense.. especially like asiya said if you dont have small children, because they are one of the easiest ways to meet others and get to feel part of the community, or if alot of the classes and circles are in languages u dont understand or ur area is majority in one community. I can sympathise with it, if u go to a gathering and everyone already knows each other and speaks urdu for example, u wont really feel included and as the others already have their own friends, family etc in the neighbourhood then they wont feel that inclined to make effort cos from their own perspective they dont "need" anyone new in their life
                            Alhamdulillah not every community is like that but it is a real problem sometimes, and if u do find ur self in situation like that it can be quite disheartening and discouraging.
                            Yes in every place there must be something u can join or some way of making friends and somehow finding ur way into some kind of community, but it is valid to say that in some circumstances it can be hard! which is a real shame because loneliness is horrible

                            However, i do agree its worthwhile to have various interests whether directly deen orientated or not, if its not something haram then why not! even if u are mixing with non muslim ppl in the community thats fine, as long as its not going to involve alcohol or anything (i doubt hobbies would) then atleast u get opertunity to mix with people as human interaction is important, also its good for muslims to be seen as part of the community, mixing with everyone so they know us and dont feel intimidated etc so there could be all sorts of things, cooking courses, art course or whatever else - I actually do wana do some of these kind of courses when mine are in school cos it seems fun
                            .: Rufaida :.
                            .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
                            http://s61.photobucket.com/albums/h6...th_Silence.jpg
                            “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
                            but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
                            ~ Ibn Atallah

                            Ramadan Activities for Children
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                            • #59
                              Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                              sis Asiya :love: where are the womens daughters? coz 40 year old women would have daughters around 20-25? who would have been brought up here?

                              Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                              (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                                Originally posted by .: Anna :. View Post
                                About community - when you know noone in your area, it is hard to get the feeling of community and take the first step to make contacts and get involved in things. I think once u know one or two people then the ice is broken and you will start to hear of various things going on, various opetunities come open to you but when you are at the stage of dont know anyone at all then you do feel quite cut off and it can be very hard to know where to go to actually break into the community - if that makes sense.. especially like asiya said if you dont have small children, because they are one of the easiest ways to meet others and get to feel part of the community, or if alot of the classes and circles are in languages u dont understand or ur area is majority in one community. I can sympathise with it, if u go to a gathering and everyone already knows each other and speaks urdu for example, u wont really feel included and as the others already have their own friends, family etc in the neighbourhood then they wont feel that inclined to make effort cos from their own perspective they dont "need" anyone new in their life
                                Alhamdulillah not every community is like that but it is a real problem sometimes, and if u do find ur self in situation like that it can be quite disheartening and discouraging.
                                Yes in every place there must be something u can join or some way of making friends and somehow finding ur way into some kind of community, but it is valid to say that in some circumstances it can be hard! which is a real shame because loneliness is horrible

                                However, i do agree its worthwhile to have various interests whether directly deen orientated or not, if its not something haram then why not! even if u are mixing with non muslim ppl in the community thats fine, as long as its not going to involve alcohol or anything (i doubt hobbies would) then atleast u get opertunity to mix with people as human interaction is important, also its good for muslims to be seen as part of the community, mixing with everyone so they know us and dont feel intimidated etc so there could be all sorts of things, cooking courses, art course or whatever else - I actually do wana do some of these kind of courses when mine are in school cos it seems fun
                                Its the same when you move to a new area. You get neighbours(who are not nasty or bad) but generally like to keep themselves to themselves. It takes time and some effort to get to know them. A local fair, or an invite to eat, or simply knocking on the door and giving a dish and getting to know them etc

                                If women in the locality cant speak english, then theres not much you can do about it. Its not their fault, and im not a person whos going to go the route and say, if they live here then they should learn the language. I cant imagine an area in London, where no one can speak English.

                                Lonliness is horrible, and I can understand where the sister is comming from. In London, theres a lot of places to go, tayyibun, Ebrahim college, university isoc events, all cater for sisters.

                                Its a tough time out there, and in the society we live in, its become so independent, that people are generally just like keeping themselves to themselves. If someone doesnt need to talk to another, they wont. Thats just a general point in the west, its become a time when meeting with friends and family has become hard... times are getting tough. May Allah help us in all our affairs. Ameen.

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