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What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

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  • What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    A salaam alaykum, in an attempt to get this forum back to normal, I thought I'd make a marriage topic, inspired by the wright stuff this morning.

    What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    I am talking high school age.

    If there is a woman who doesn't not work ( by work I include paid, unpaid, volunteer, charity, PTA, halaqahs etc) or study, does this make her lazy? If she irons her sheets does that mean she has too much time? ( no offence ze) . Should we all make our days as productive as possible and what does productive mean?

    Recipes for all the family :inlove:
    (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

  • #2
    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

    Ironing sheets does not necessarily mean too much time. unironed sheets are horrible, i dont always iron mine but i am looking forward to get chance to go back to always do this when kids are a bit older. Its time well spent to make sure all the little things in ur house are nicely in order, it improves ur mood and would make u more productive cos of a nice tidy clean orderly environment..

    However if there is no routine at all of work including voluntary, or studying etc then may start to get lonely unless you have a lot of other friends nearby in similar position so that u have the chance to socialise with them. that is a big thing to me, if staying at home doing nothing but housework meant u end up isolated, then its not a good idea. if u stay home, do some housework then go for coffee with friend, then nip round to neighbours house to visit etc etc - then why not

    I am thinking of volunteering for homestart once my lot are all into school, this seems like something that would use the skills that stay at home mums already have, but just using it to help others. so i think that will suit me more than a business orientated office type job (ill be clueless with that :p ) but i dont want a fulltime job, dont think i will have too much trouble filling the time if i do still have some days free with nothing scheduled

    If she sits at home, does not clean, does not cook, does not volunteer - literally just sits there n does nothing (or watches jeremy kyle :p) obviously that is lazy, but if the house is very clean, food cooked etc, everything in order then no - how is that lazy cos all of that does take time and effort
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    • #3
      Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

      Seek knowledge from cradle to grave

      That's what I think anyone with time on their hands should do
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      • #4
        Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

        Isn't laziness part of shaytan thing? I can't fathom doing "nothing". Do you rule out hobbies in your question?
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        • #5
          Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

          Originally posted by naila-k View Post
          A salaam alaykum, in an attempt to get this forum back to normal, I thought I'd make a marriage topic, inspired by the wright stuff this morning.

          What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

          I am talking high school age.

          If there is a woman who doesn't not work ( by work I include paid, unpaid, volunteer, charity, PTA, halaqahs etc) or study, does this make her lazy? If she irons her sheets does that mean she has too much time? ( no offence ze) . Should we all make our days as productive as possible and what does productive mean?
          :wswrwb:

          Nope. I don't see how a woman who doesn't work and stays at home can be considered a lazy person. There is simply so much to do at home even with children who are of High School age. Cooking, for one, is something that can eat away the whole morning.

          I'm hearing the ironing of sheets for the first time, but I don't see how that can mean one has too much time on hand. It could be that's just her way of making a household. Women have very unique styles when it comes to managing the home.

          We should definitely make our days as fruitful as possible. In the light of being a housewife, that would mean to ensure that the house is clean and neat. One would also expect that the meal is cooked on time, laundry done etc.

          It would also mean to spare a good amount of time for oneself busy in books and other Islamic resources, to enhance knowledge, and act upon on. For example, memorising Duas, reading the stories of the Sahabah RadiAllahu Anhum (there are hundreds to read through), learning the etiquettes of regular activities and so on and so forth. If one doesn't sit in Halaqas or go somewhere to study, then these things can still be done at home, making the day productive, InshaAllah.

          But yes, as sister Anna said, isolation can start to haunt you at some point if there is zero socialisation with other sisters. Spending time with practising sisters is also an important aspect. And... it's an excellent opportunity to give dawah, the noble work of Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam.
          Shukr to Allah in abundance...

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          • #6
            Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

            i dont know if this is a marriage issue, or more of a life issue

            i hear many people talk about retiring, (yeah, i am that old) and they say they would rather work then sit at the house and watchtv

            sad that people think their life evolves around work, to me, if i didnt have to work there are a million other things to do

            there are sick people who need visiting, their are orphans who need big brothers and sisters

            there are poor people who need assistance

            there are normal folks who may need help

            there is studying, reading a host of things to do besides marry your job

            we have defined ourselves by our jobs and careers and that is a sad existence for anyone
            .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
            نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
            دولة الإسلامية باقية





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            • #7
              Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

              Allah says those who believe and do good deeds

              i cannot believe the only good deeds we can think of entail a job outside of the house

              you can go nag a politician to get off their butt and do something useful with themselves, many of us who are bogged down by jobs cannot afford the time to hold a fire to the feet of these politicians and same can be said for the muslim communities, too many people work out of the home and the muslim communities needs people too
              .لا نريد زعيما يخاف البيت الإبيض
              نريد زعيما يخاف الواحد الأحد
              دولة الإسلامية باقية





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              • #8
                Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                i didnt get the last paragraph

                btw the sheets thing was Matthew Wright, not me :p

                Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

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                • #9
                  Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                  Originally posted by naila-k View Post
                  A salaam alaykum, in an attempt to get this forum back to normal, I thought I'd make a marriage topic, inspired by the wright stuff this morning.

                  What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                  I am talking high school age.

                  If there is a woman who doesn't not work ( by work I include paid, unpaid, volunteer, charity, PTA, halaqahs etc) or study, does this make her lazy? If she irons her sheets does that mean she has too much time? ( no offence ze) . Should we all make our days as productive as possible and what does productive mean?
                  waalaiqum Assalam,

                  play games.
                  "Europe died in Bosnia and was buried in Syria. Bodies of innocent children washing ashore are the
                  western civilization's tombstones"


                  Rajab Tayyab Erdogan

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                  • #10
                    Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                    you can't say, it's too generalised. up to her and her husband on where they want to go in the marriage, and if she has the necessary skills to support thier goal. e.g if they want to make more money and his wife has been educated can work etc, and he wants her too she can contribute there. and if she is happy working at home, and husband foesn't object there is no problem there too. although in islam i don't think he can make her work regardless, that's the option part. but in this day and age in the economy, who has the luxury to not work.
                    DO NOT PRIVATE MESSAGE IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

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                    • #11
                      Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                      Originally posted by Nashmya Imtiaz View Post
                      you can't say, it's too generalised. up to her and her husband on where they want to go in the marriage, and if she has the necessary skills to support thier goal. e.g if they want to make more money and his wife has been educated can work etc, and he wants her too she can contribute there. and if she is happy working at home, and husband foesn't object there is no problem there too. although in islam i don't think he can make her work regardless, that's the option part. but in this day and age in the economy, who has the luxury to not work.
                      Most women I know do not work regardless of their financial situation. From wealthy to poor hardly any of them work. Most of them who do work have husbands that could easily support the household alone. It is just about priorities.



                      To OP question, I think it really depends on the woman. IMO she should do whatever makes herself feel healthy and taken care of as well as of course, making sure all things are set up so her family is taken care of. After that I think it is great to be continuously expanding our education. It is also healthy to have your own projects whether that be a business, a community activity, providing a service or having a strong hobby. Something to make you feel useful and connected. My kids are still young, but for me now it is studying both religion and other topics. When I am older and more educated, I hope to be able to serve the community more and inshAllah have a business.
                      Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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                      • #12
                        Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                        Wa Alaikum Asalaam,

                        One thing this ummah is lacking nowadays are sisters who are very knowledgeable in their deen. So seek knowledge and insha'Allah you can help your community by spreading this knowledge that you gain. Memorize the book of Allah so it may intercede for you on the day of Judgement.

                        Seeking knowledge nowadays is as easy as doing it from online.

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                        • #13
                          Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                          Originally posted by naila-k View Post
                          A salaam alaykum, in an attempt to get this forum back to normal, I thought I'd make a marriage topic, inspired by the wright stuff this morning.

                          What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                          I am talking high school age.

                          If there is a woman who doesn't not work ( by work I include paid, unpaid, volunteer, charity, PTA, halaqahs etc) or study, does this make her lazy? If she irons her sheets does that mean she has too much time? ( no offence ze) . Should we all make our days as productive as possible and what does productive mean?

                          This is a problem I have with these topics being discussed. My mum, my grandmother, and a lot of my friends mums stayed at home. I dont think they are lazy at all, im still very very suprised mashAllah, that they are still very proactive at home doing the same duties for so long. I've said this before, men and women both have their roles and responsibilites. A man who's providing for his family, been driving a bus or a train for over 20 years, he cant just say, Ah ive been providing for them for 20 years, I just want out or move on.
                          Same with a mother, when the children grow up, you job is still at home. To protect it, to maintain it, and to keep everything up right. I heared children are more of a handfall when they grow up, more demanding, more needs to be met and most importantly of ALL, the tarbiyaa during these years are vital.

                          I hope you dont take this wrong, but i just feel a lot of your threads are about getting out of the home. I guess its different in the way women have grown up. sisters that went to college and uni are more inclined to be out, whilst a lot of those who didnt, are generally more at peace at home. Im not saying is right or not, but you understand what I mean.

                          High school age you say?,catch up with things that youve said you were not able to do when you had the little ones? Eg, quran classes, tafsir, tajweed.... etc. These things are all things you can catch up on.

                          I again, get that vibe, that the duties at home are getting less credit than they should be. If things are in order at home, then surely it must have been due to hard work?... you want to be fresh when your children and husband get back from work dont you?, if you go work, clean the house, cook + pray, you will be fairly exhausted, and thats why i come back to my logic, with women at home and man at work, so its more convinient, a more stable enviornment.

                          maybe doing a couple hours of voluntary work is ok, its just these threads, we have women saying motherhood is tough throughout, that women dont get enough help and time, yet it seems otherwise from some of other threads.

                          For me personally, catch up on the islamic studies, keep the domestic affairs upright and JUST relax?

                          Youve had years of difficulty with kids, dont you want to relax a bit?... im not saying waste time, but ask any man now, if they could get some rest and they would bite your hands for it.

                          I think the rules set by islam lead to stabilty and better enviornment for families at home. Families can decide themselves how they attain that. My way of thinking is that off above. Backward, cultural, conservative or whatever people may call it, i think stabiity leads to a better upbringing for children.

                          Proactive is measured differently by everyone. It whatever works and makes us better muslims + better atmosphere at home.
                          Last edited by QMU; 25-05-12, 05:46 PM.

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                          • #14
                            Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                            brother, i think you are right that a lot of my threads are about that, and i just posted this one to get the forum back to normal, i didnt really mean it! lol

                            Anyway, tbh I think I am misunderstood by the brothers here, I have no inclination to go and sit in an office for 8 hours a day and let someone else raise my kids.

                            I have said before, it is one thing telling kids you are always there for them, they can talk to you etc, but if you are not actually there, and when you are you are busy, then what is the point?

                            Personally, before, when i didnt go out, and meet people, i was very unhappy. Can you imagine going for days on end without talking to anyone? My husband worked night shift so would just sleep and get up and rush to work.

                            I wasnt happy and it effected my feelings towards my kids, and my raising of them.

                            Then Carol_au said something about that you have to rely on yourself for 90% of your emotional needs.

                            So I started going out to childrens center, every day, getting involved with community and charity work, helping others, and yes for instance my garden had flowers and veg in before but hasnt now, so it has had an impact on my home, but the impact it has had on my self, my iman, my emotions, my relationship with my kids, confidence, ability to help others, Islamic knowledge etc imo outweighs that.

                            If I had never started going out more then I would never have met sisters and never been trusted enough for them to invite me to their homes for halaqas etc, I would never have found my daughters arabic teacher, as the masjids all have waiting lists, and :masha: i love the way she teache her, in fun, interactive ways that makes my daughters heart love Islam. If it wasnt for going out I wouldnt have met friends who were practicing and had kids similar ages, so that my daughter could grow up with Muslim, practicing friends as well.

                            When I mean go out of the house and help the community etc, I dont mean anything big, or that seperates you from kids. I mean things that compliment it. Going to toddler group increased my confidence as a mother so much, and gave me a source of constant reassurance and guidance that I can trust and dont feel judged by. At home you may get busy with other stuff, but when you go there it is alhamdulillah 2 hours dedicated to only doing activities with your kids, and that makes a big difference.

                            A better atmosphere at home is not always caused by a woman who is home all day.

                            And motherhood is tough, it does keep you busy. But you told me the kids are not kids forever and this thread is about kids who are baligh, able to clean after themselves and help in the house, help with the cleaning so it is not all on the mother.

                            Motherhood is tougher if you dont have any support, if you look at the same four walls all the time, if you have nothing to look forward to in your day except cooking and cleaning. If you know you have somewhere to go with kids it inspires you and makes you a better mother imo.

                            I see women who stay at home, but imo neglect their kids, and dont play with them, teach them etc.

                            but i mean if you want to do big and start an organisation like solace, or nour domestic violence, or a womans only gym and archery school like the shade or whatever alhamdulillah, this is of benefit to me, it benefits the sisters and the ummah, should we discourage sisters from dedicating time and effort to this stuff?

                            Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                            (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

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                            • #15
                              Re: What should a woman be doing while older kids are at school?

                              Originally posted by .: Anna :. View Post
                              If she sits at home, does not clean, does not cook, does not volunteer - literally just sits there n does nothing (or watches jeremy kyle :p) obviously that is lazy, but if the house is very clean, food cooked etc, everything in order then no - how is that lazy cos all of that does take time and effort
                              oh LOL I just saw the thread title and wanted to reply "sit around eating junk with your feet up watching Jeremy Kyle" LOL or maybe "spend the whole time in the ummah marriage forum having flamewars with the brothers"

                              actually I think there's no necessity for people to fill every moment of their lives with activity. That's not good for everyone anyway. People need to have time to rest and relax in their schedule, and time for things like exercising. If she doesn't work, then IMO she should clean the house or at least the important parts of it (bathroom, kitchen) each day. And I don't think if you iron sheets you have too much time on your hands. Maybe it's a good way to de-stress and unwind, and some people consider those things more important than others. Personally I hate ironing, and would like to point out that if you wash the sheets at 40 degrees then hang them on the washing line with all the edges straight (so the washing line is right where the sheet folds in the middle) then it'll dry flat and you won't need to iron it. (this doesn't work in Saudi though :( ) and you can do the same with other clothes, just make sure they're hanging right on the line, you can use coat hangers for shirts. Some people may think it's a bit OCD, but let them assume that while they do all their ironing that you avoided, mwahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

                              I think most women with too much leisure time will find something beneficial to occupy their time, unless they let themselves become a Jeremy kyle/ummah forums addict

                              yes I'm trying to kick the ummah forum habit but failing quite epicly right now. :(
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