Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

    Salaams,

    Before anyone gets all defensive and tries to squash me, this thread is not aimed at muslimah bashing, just something I would like to discuss.

    I know of numerous brothers who complain their wives demand to much, in fact my cousin divorced his wife a few years back because she was too demanding. I have only heard one side of the story so can't give much input there. Anyway I was just thinking is it permissible for a person to divorce his wife for being too demanding and making unreasonable demands??

    Unreasonable would obviously be defined on the persons financial standing, culture etc. but in general lets say someone who wants to live beyond the basic simple life. That imo would be 3 meals a day, a few pair of clothes, roof over the head and a few luxuries once in a while. It may seem like an insignificant issue but I think it's much bigger than most people think especially in the world we are living in today where people judge success by financial stability and wealth.

    An unreasonable demanding wife who is driven by material possessions can make a living hell of any mans life. The constant demanding and arguing over these worldly things takes away the barakah from ones life and leads to a hostile family environment. The ideal would be to find someone who is Allah fearing and does not look at material possessions for happiness but it's always possible that you may find the opposite. You try to mould and teach but if that does not work does it give you grounds for Talaq???


    Some hadith regarding simplicity.

    While Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) adopted simplicity himself, he stressed the same for the Sahaaba (R.A.) as well. When Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) dispatched Sayyidina Mu'az bin Jabal (R.A.) as the governor of Yemen, he gave him several advises among which was: "Beware of hankering after comforts and luxuries for verily the true servants of Allah Ta'ala are not self-indulgent."

    Once the Sahaaba RA were discussing some worldly aspects. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) addressed them and said: "Will you not listen? Will you not listen? Will you not listen? Verily simplicity is a part of Iman. Verily simplicity is a part of Iman. Verily simplicity is a part of Iman" (Abu Dawud).

  • #2
    Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

    :wswrwb:

    Depends on how unreasonable it is. Also, what will she do if you don't fulfill her demands?

    But, it all goes back to her being God-fearing and adhering to the deen. If she is like that, then this issue won't even come up.
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

      Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
      :wswrwb:

      Depends on how unreasonable it is. Also, what will she do if you don't fulfill her demands?

      But, it all goes back to her being God-fearing and adhering to the deen. If she is like that, then this issue won't even come up.

      Constantly nag, complain, campare life with others who have more. This can be very frustrating for the husband and can lead to arguments and a very disruptive home environment.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

        Materialistic things aren't my thing. I'm not here to live for the dunya I'm here to live for the aakhira and make my place in Jannat. Pleasing my husband and seeing him smile is the best thing I could ask for.
        ▪️••• 〰 Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs. 〰 •••▪️

        ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

          Depends on ones own understanding of what it means to be unreasonable.

          Someone I know married a brother who is MashAllah very well off - she doesnt work and stays at home, she gets a monthly allowance of 1k from him, her last bday he brought her a 1k designer bag, on the bday before that he brought her an Audi.

          He regularly surprises her with holidays.

          He recently got her a Ipad3, which she broke within weeks of getting it and he didnt bat an eyelid.

          Nearly of all her demands come from her - she tells him what she wants.

          It comes from the fact that she had a similar upbringing (her father was also very well off).

          As far as I can tell, the couple are very much happy together.

          On the flip side - yes, I know off women who are unreasonable in their financial demands. To the extent, that they ask for what their husband can not afford. I can see that it leads to rifts in marriages, however I have yet to see a divorce take place because of it.
          https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

            Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
            Depends on ones own understanding of what it means to be unreasonable.

            Someone I know married a brother who is MashAllah very well off - she doesnt work and stays at home, she gets a monthly allowance of 1k from him, her last bday he brought her a 1k designer bag, on the bday before that he brought her an Audi.

            He regularly surprises her with holidays.

            He recently got her a Ipad3, which she broke within weeks of getting it and he didnt bat an eyelid.

            Nearly of all her demands come from her - she tells him what she wants.

            It comes from the fact that she had a similar upbringing (her father was also very well off).

            As far as I can tell, the couple are very much happy together.

            On the flip side - yes, I know off women who are unreasonable in their financial demands. To the extent, that they ask for what their husband can not afford. I can see that it leads to rifts in marriages, however I have yet to see a divorce take place because of it.
            I understand that, but unfortantely very few men are like the brother mentioned here. I think the majority are working class who are barely making ends meet or are just moderately well off.

            I don't know of that many either, but often when these situations arise it brings many other nasty things into the scenario, so the demanding thing may just be a part of the problem in the end. The husband may feel his wife is disobedient or bad natured together with being too damanding, but perhaps the demands spurred many other issues in their marriage like rifts between them etc.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

              Originally posted by Hannahk92 View Post
              Materialistic things aren't my thing. I'm not here to live for the dunya I'm here to live for the aakhira and make my place in Jannat. Pleasing my husband and seeing him smile is the best thing I could ask for.
              Subhanallah.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

                Another brother I know, who is financially very stable, I know his wife as well, she is very materialistic, may Allah Swt guide her, Ameen, was complaining about how he feels the pressure of living a certain standard of life. How things are constantly getting more expensive and how hard it is to keep up.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

                  Originally posted by Tamaties View Post
                  I understand that, but unfortantely very few men are like the brother mentioned here. I think the majority are working class who are barely making ends meet or are just moderately well off.

                  .
                  Agreed.

                  But the problems that I've seen is the management of money -

                  I know of some guy, who dont even like to spend the money that they have, I knew this one guy who would make his wife walk long distances, rather than waste some petrol by giving her a lift. I know of another, who would refuse to give his wife 'lunch money' when she was out studying all day, cos he didnt like to part with his money.

                  Then there are others, who are engrossed in the credit card culture and spend what they do not even have.

                  My personal opinion is - one should spend within their means.

                  I remember in the early days of marriage, when we were struggling to make ends meet. (We were living in Egypt - where the cost of living is crazy low). We would catch buses/trams everywhere, even though the infrastructure of Egypts roads is so bad, that it would take the bus 2-3hours to get somewhere, that a taxi could do in 20min. But we couldnt afford it.
                  We also lived on a diet of potatoes and eggs for months (we'd alternate between making eggs one night and potatoes another night) cos that was all we could afford. However, we werent miserable. We were OK. I knew that, thats all my husband could afford so I accepted it. I never complained.

                  However, now that he is working. If he expected me live on a diet of potatoes and eggs for months and/or expected me to bus it everywhere. I would complain, as I know that he can afford more.
                  https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

                    Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                    Agreed.

                    But the problems that I've seen is the management of money -

                    I know of some guy, who dont even like to spend the money that they have, I knew this one guy who would make his wife walk long distances, rather than waste some petrol by giving her a lift. I know of another, who would refuse to give his wife 'lunch money' when she was out studying all day, cos he didnt like to part with his money.

                    Then there are others, who are engrossed in the credit card culture and spend what they do not even have.

                    My personal opinion is - one should spend within their means.

                    I remember in the early days of marriage, when we were struggling to make ends meet. (We were living in Egypt - where the cost of living is crazy low). We would catch buses/trams everywhere, even though the infrastructure of Egypts roads is so bad, that it would take the bus 2-3hours to get somewhere, that a taxi could do in 20min. But we couldnt afford it.
                    We also lived on a diet of potatoes and eggs for months (we'd alternate between making eggs one night and potatoes another night) cos that was all we could afford. However, we werent miserable. We were OK. I knew that, thats all my husband could afford so I accepted it. I never complained.

                    However, now that he is working. If he expected me live on a diet of potatoes and eggs for months and/or expected me to bus it everywhere. I would complain, as I know that he can afford more.
                    I doubt any man would divorce his wife for demanding things he can afford, the problem arises when they demand things he can't afford. I had some situations in my marriage were I was feeling pressure due to some demands, we were living a very miserable life and argued a lot. Then we discussed this issue at length and unpacked where we were going wrong and Alhumdhulillah we came to an understanding. This was largely due to the fact that my wife is quite Allah conscious, but not all wives are like that or not all may be understanding.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

                      Originally posted by Tamaties View Post
                      I doubt any man would divorce his wife for demanding things he can afford, the problem arises when they demand things he can't afford..
                      You get all types of men.

                      1. Spend on their wives even when they cant afford it.
                      2. Spend on their wives within their means.
                      3. Do not spend on their wives even when they can afford it.
                      4. Do not spend on their wives cos they cant afford it.

                      I agree that, wives shouldnt demand what their husband can not afford.

                      I personally, even have an issue with wives who demand regularly and unnecessarily - above the basics, even if her husband CAN afford it.

                      Cos I disagree with the idea that a husband works crazy hours all day, to earn money, only to spend it ALL on the unnecessary demands of his wife. I know, how hard it is to earn money. Thats why I think 10x before I spend it on that what I do not need.
                      https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

                        Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                        You get all types of men.

                        1. Spend on their wives even when they cant afford it.
                        2. Spend on their wives within their means.
                        3. Do not spend on their wives even when they can afford it.
                        4. Do not spend on their wives cos they cant afford it.

                        I agree that, wives shouldnt demand what their husband can not afford.

                        I personally, even have an issue with wives who demand regularly and unnecessarily - above the basics, even if her husband CAN afford it.

                        Cos I disagree with the idea that a husband works crazy hours all day, to earn money, only to spend it ALL on the unnecessary demands of his wife. I know, how hard it is to earn money. Thats why I think 10x before I spend it on that what I do not need.
                        I agree, I can't fault men above described in point 2 and 4.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

                          I still don't know if this is sufficient grounds for talaq, I know we should have sabr and all that, but to what extent and when does it cross the line?? Is this left up to the individual involved??

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

                            Originally posted by Tamaties View Post
                            I still don't know if this is sufficient grounds for talaq, I know we should have sabr and all that, but to what extent and when does it cross the line?? Is this left up to the individual involved??
                            Usually, its up to the husband to put their foot down on the matter (and not be unreasonable about it).

                            A decent Muslim wife, would obey her husband.

                            If she doesnt - then I suppose further steps may need to be taken.
                            https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Demand, Demand, Demand - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq.

                              Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                              Usually, its up to the husband to put their foot down on the matter (and not be unreasonable about it).

                              A decent Muslim wife, would obey her husband.

                              If she doesnt - then I suppose further steps may need to be taken.
                              So you feel there is sufficient grounds for a divorce??

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X