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Living with Mother In Law

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  • Living with Mother In Law

    Assalamualaikum,

    I have been living with my parents in law since 2006, i agreed to live with them thinking that many people say it is a blessing living with them.
    My husband been buying house with the mother in law since he is still not married.
    now its 2012, and i have 2kids aged 3&4, i have been not doing any housework chores nor cooking since i am married to my husband as i was a
    full time working mom, the children was sent to day care centre from 7am to 7pm. My mother In Law was the one doing everything as she prefer
    that way and that cant be changed as that is her habit.

    I and the children don't watch TV with her, most of the time we were in our room, as per each meals she cook the children porridge. She
    dont like to see toys laying around and she will watch her country channel (shes PR in our country), sometime i feel afraid of her because i dont have the freedom to cook and to do anything in that house besides my own room. She will bang things around when she felt moody, i will just sit in the room and listen. I have told my husband about it and hes reply is "sihir", he thinks someone from my family trying to make my mother in law hate me and also to make me stress and also to make me and my husband apart which i have been trying to suggest that this is the best way for me not to be stress.

    Last Year, my brother in law decided to stay with us temporarily which i think was alright, all i need to suffer is wearing hijab at home whenever i wanted to go kitchen or the living room but now it seems that hes not budging yet. It is making me and the children worse by staying more time in the room, and he is insensitive and make decision as if this is his home.

    Recently, i was asked by my husband to resigned from my job which i did, there was a numerous complaint from school about the children and decided that maybe they need attention from me and all i need to do is sent them to school and fetch me from school at 1pm instead of 7pm. It is becoming difficult for me to even concentrate raising my children as my mother in law was unhappy that i am at home most of my time, i tried taking over little by cooking for my children food, however at times she alright and at times she is unhappy, i am not sure why but it could be she felt in secured. She tried teaching me on how to cook which i did but my husband wants a healthy version, so i kind of change the recipe which make her more unhappy. I am really torn and hurt and whenever i tell my husband about it hes reply is sihir again, my family side is not really a religious type, my parents practises and believe in supernatural so i on behalf dont believe, it is my parents who that do to me.. i have been suffering some kind of sihir but no idea who and how so i really dont know who to believe. I always seek Allah for forgiveness and doa that i get better but im still waiting for miracle till now. I ask my husband to sell and shift house but hes reluctant to do that as houses in our country and ridiculously expensive. Ive no one to talk to, i need a islam point of view about this.... Thank you for reading.

  • #2
    Re: Living with Mother In Law

    :salams

    Why not move in to a new apartment? Can he afford that?
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Living with Mother In Law

      salam,

      Its not possible, in our country you cant have 1 name in two different apartment, unless you get a private apartment which is impossible too
      as it is very very expensive.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Living with Mother In Law

        You can't even rent out a separate section if a house? Say like 2nd floor of someones house?
        Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

        "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
        - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Living with Mother In Law

          If you cant afford to move out, then perhaps its time your husband spoke to her about letting you live in the house and do things for yourself, and your children as its also yours as much as it is hers. You cant live in one bedroom all your life with your children can you? Its meant to be your home, not a prison where you have to confine yourself to one room for hours on end.

          This is the problem with living with inlaws on a long term basis - you never feel like its your home as you cant do anything without someone having an issue with it or you or both.

          Seems like your MIL is set in her ways, and thats normal as you get like that as you get older. She has a routine, likes to do things her own way and has been doing so for x years so its not easy for her to let up...does she try to accomodate you in anyway?

          Seeing as you have no plans on moving anytime soon, the only other option is to start doing things as you want to for your children, if your MIL has a problem with it then so be it, listen to it and let it go in one ear and out the other. If she starts to complain about it to you, just remind her you are the mother of your children and so are doing it for them. If she complains to your husband, then remind him also that its your home as much as everyone elses and so are doing what people who consider a house their home do. At first there will be problems, there always are when you introduce change but after a while they will all get over it.
          You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

          ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Living with Mother In Law

            yes, we cant afford to move out even to rent a house. My husband has yet spoke to her but he has been telling me to tell her that i am doing this for my husband
            who request me to do so or because my children need it eg food, space to play their toys however it is difficult for me to even say it let alone to see her shadow
            i will definitely hide in the room till no one is at home then i will quickly do the necessary thing i need to do eg. wash clothes, do laundry. I dont know what comes over me
            i dont even want to speak up, i did so once and she was so angry with me that she screamed saying that this is her house. I nearly asked my husband to let me go as im too
            stress however he keep on assuring me that there is a way out to the problem, he says sihir again. I have tried as you suggest but shes becoming big headed and would insist her way.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Living with Mother In Law

              Carry on doing your tasks, and just ignore her. Let the children play with toys etc. She cant exactly tidy up after them everytime or tell them off everytime can she? She will soon get tired of it and let you get on with it.

              If she is being unreasonable, there is no use in trying to explain why you are doing something. Besides you shouldnt have to explain anyway, you're not a child. Next time she yells its her house, nicely remind her its your house also. There is no need to get involved in arguments with her, since she'll probably just create an exaggerated version and complain to your husband about it. If she does, then dont worry about it he can give her the answer.

              This isnt sihr sister, as there are numerous examples of these kind of mother in laws on this forum and in real life. This is about a woman who is set in her ways and cant bear to see anything change in the house she considers queen of.
              You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

              ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Living with Mother In Law

                you cant say its not sihr. you never know. get it checked and if it is treated. Best advice is to try and move out

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Living with Mother In Law

                  What could be sihr? You mean why the mil is acting like that?

                  Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                  (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Living with Mother In Law

                    its more like someone is jealous of the happy life we have and they sent sihr hate so both me and mil will not live together in peace. Anyway insya allah i will get myself checked, if this will solve the problem, if not then i have to endure living with her maybe another 10? 20? years....

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Living with Mother In Law

                      No, you don't Maybe, your husband should save money to get a place, even if it's cheap.
                      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Living with Mother In Law

                        Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                        No, you don't Maybe, your husband should save money to get a place, even if it's cheap.
                        Salam mirror, i hope so but we have been having this issue since i delivered my daughter and it seems nothing can be changed.
                        I think my husband felt the responsibility to take care of his mother who is 62, and i felt that by asking him more by staying on our own will make him more stress even though my brother in law is staying with us. He (bro in law) just started his own business and he might not afford to buy his own house, n i felt disturbed and annoyed when hes at home alone with me when my MIL is out to mosque. I have to cover myself, wear hijab and cook for my children if i have the chance to or if i dont have to then i will just stay in my room watch tv etc.... Im living in asia what with the hot weather, i felt whats the need to wear hijab when you are at your own home... im not complaining, i love the fact wearing hijab is my identity of muslim women. I pray Allah will give me strength and more patient for me to overcome this situation.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Living with Mother In Law

                          you're lucky she's not making you do all the chores, that's how it is with some paki mils

                          He it is Who sends blessings on you, as do His angels, that He may bring you out from the depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full of Mercy to the Believers. [Quran {33:43}]
                          www.QuranicAudio.com
                          www.Quran.com

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                          • #14
                            Re: Living with Mother In Law

                            Originally posted by IAmAMuslimah View Post
                            He (bro in law) just started his own business and he might not afford to buy his own house, n i felt disturbed and annoyed when hes at home alone with me when my MIL is out to mosque. I have to cover myself, wear hijab and cook for my children if i have the chance to or if i dont have to then i will just stay in my room watch tv etc.... .
                            be careful. the prophet (peace be upon him) said the brother-in law is death. you should not tolerate living like this for long.
                            Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

                            -Quran (57:20)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Living with Mother In Law

                              Originally posted by IAmAMuslimah View Post
                              its more like someone is jealous of the happy life we have and they sent sihr hate so both me and mil will not live together in peace. Anyway insya allah i will get myself checked, if this will solve the problem, if not then i have to endure living with her maybe another 10? 20? years....
                              How can you get yourself checked? and how can some one know if there's sihr or not ? just wondering

                              Comment

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