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Abusive husbands !!

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  • #16
    Re: Abusive husbands !!

    Originally posted by Muslimah3000 View Post
    One can change, true, but some one who choose abusing verbally or physically his own spouse, it's more a sickness, and he can't change if he doesn't see a specialist, or get closer to Quran and proper Islam, otherwise, i couldn't agree more with this decision, unless the brother prooves to the mosque that he have been seeing some one in order to recover from his short temper, or bring religious witnesses who can witness on what he says.
    I agree that many abusers don't change and I would not marry someone who was an abuser in the past but I am still at a loss as to who gave them the authority to make such a decision for 2 sane people.

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    • #17
      Re: Abusive husbands !!

      Originally posted by Muslimah3000 View Post
      Salam alaykom,

      What's the reason that makes a husband abuses his wife in any way ? to me it doesn't make sence, since a muslim husband is supposed to have mercy on his wife, and care about her, and cherish her, what can make him transform into a monster, abusing her, using many ways ? could be verbal, or physical abuse.

      I would really like to know your thoughts about that, some brothers look like angels before mariage, once they get married to a certain sister, for an unknown reason ( that i would like to know ) they start abusing their wives, does any brother have an explanation? or maybe a sister ? Is it because the wife abused doesn't have a strong personnaliy, and is quiet weak in front of her husband that he abuses her for not cooking dinner or not washing a sock out of 10 other clean socks ? i would like to understand really !
      sometimes its a temper thing.

      sometims its about power.

      some are just violent towards everyone.
      And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (All‚h) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

      O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in All‚h and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of All‚h with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

      JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

      sponsor an orphan

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      • #18
        Re: Abusive husbands !!

        They tend to be people who are insecure about themselves in combination with viewing women as objects or property. They dont see women as humans with feelings emotions and thoughts and act as if those things don.t exist. They will then blame their wife or women for their behaviour and fail to take responsibility for their own actions...like "you made me angry, thats why i did it, next time dont make me angry". These type of men whose wife stays with him tends to be manipultive. So sometimes there will be moments when he is nice and then when he gets what he wants, reverts back to abuse. The poor woman (remember this is her husband so she is emotionally involved) thinks if he is nice sometimes then maybe its my fault and she tries harder to please him whilst he sees it as a greenlight for further abuse.
        Last edited by Umm_Hanzalah; 22-05-12, 12:23 AM.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

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        • #19
          Re: Abusive husbands !!

          It's a pathological ego trip. Simple as that.

          There are those who are on such ego trips of entitlement but observe limits. The difference between your normal entitled ego trip person and the abuser is that the abuser will actually harm other people to enforce his delusions.
          Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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          • #20
            Re: Abusive husbands !!

            Originally posted by Umm_Hanzalah View Post
            They tend to be people who are insecure about themselves in combination with viewing women as objects or property. They dont see women as humans with feelings emotions and thoughts and act as if those things don.t exist. They will then blame their wife or women for their behaviour and fail to take responsibility for their own actions...like "you made me angry, thats why i did it, next time dont make me angry". These type of men whose wife stays with him tends to be manipultive. So sometimes there will be moments when he is nice and then when he gets what he wants, reverts back to abuse. The poor woman (remember this is her husband so she is emotionally involved) thinks if he is nice sometimes then maybe its my fault and she tries harder to please him whilst he sees it as a greenlight for further abuse.
            I think this is true. If you meet someone who cannot take responsibility for any of their actions, distance yourself pronto.
            Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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            • #21
              Re: Abusive husbands !!

              Originally posted by Tamaties View Post
              Do things he dislikes consistently even if he has told her many times not to.

              Still he shouldn't punch her, just don't smile at ther and act aloof, and most of all don't notice her when she does something you like, unless she is trying to make up. Just like, oh well what ever or oh you are here I didn't notice. Just be very, very cold, no romance no love, no attention, she will buckle really quick trust me. No need for a punch, besides the punch of a pain will only last a few minutes, silent treatment is perfect, they hate it, well most of them.
              Also a great way to ruin a marriage!
              Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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              • #22
                Re: Abusive husbands !!

                those hosbands, they should be greateful for their wives.

                cause there brothers like me, who just gotta wait it out, and thats a real big test on ones sabr and taqwa and tawwukul. they get to have a home and a wife and all that, Allah bless them, and what do they do? they beat her.

                disgusting. there are other ways to settle a dispute.
                And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (All‚h) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

                O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in All‚h and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of All‚h with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

                JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

                sponsor an orphan

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: Abusive husbands !!

                  Originally posted by RX-78-2
                  women get into abusive relationships because they care less about character and more about financial readiness or looks/race etc. It's as old as time itself. I have no sympathy for them.
                  you need to get out more. some men on the outside look good but in secret they are very evil.
                  And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (All‚h) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

                  O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in All‚h and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of All‚h with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

                  JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

                  sponsor an orphan

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Abusive husbands !!

                    Originally posted by RX-78-2
                    That's pretty rare and in those cases they're always free to leave but rarely do. Most of the trashy men I've met who have spouses or gfs tended to have warning signs for their behaviour. Quite often it was just plain blatant. I've found nice men who didn't brag or show off tend to be overlooked by women. Don't be so surprised that a loud mouth or some pakistani foreigner just clocked you in the jaw.
                    i dont know, maybe im not paying enough attention, but whenever i see or hear of an abuse case it wasent all that clear, but then again i dont know the intiate details. perhaps i should remain silent.
                    And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (All‚h) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

                    O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in All‚h and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of All‚h with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

                    JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

                    sponsor an orphan

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: Abusive husbands !!

                      honestly majority of woman abusers are

                      uneducated in religion
                      They don't fear Allah
                      uneducated in general
                      come from a background/culture that think its okay to beat up women
                      they want to feel superior

                      the biggest reason for Allah women abuse is
                      FORCED MARRIAGE, BECAUSE THEY GOT MARRIED TO SOME ONE WHOM THEY DISLIKE
                      May Allah guide our brothers and protect our sisters Ameen :)

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                      • #26
                        Re: Abusive husbands !!

                        I think there are alot of misconceptions about abuse. We should try to speak from a place of knowledge rather than spreading more misconceptions.
                        Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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                        • #27
                          Re: Abusive husbands !!

                          I know a man who is often quite verbally abusive to his wife. The first time I witnessed it, I felt so bad for the lady that I wanted to pretend that I didn't hear, just to spare her the embarrassment, but then I realised that she was so accustomed to it,that she accepted it. In fact, once she used an instance of her husband cursing her, as an example to explain how marriage works...subhanallah. I felt so sorry for her, that she kept making excuses for her husband's attitude.

                          The fact is,he is an owner/manager of a company where he bosses people around all day, so he goes home and does it to his wife and full grown kids.

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                          • #28
                            Re: Abusive husbands !!

                            Originally posted by x--x View Post
                            Low self-esteem and the need to exercise power over a weaker person. I doubt it's a temper problem as put the same person infront of a man stronger than him and watch him shiver.
                            true, once another man gets involved the whimp settles down

                            He it is Who sends blessings on you, as do His angels, that He may bring you out from the depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full of Mercy to the Believers. [Quran {33:43}]
                            www.QuranicAudio.com
                            www.Quran.com

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                            • #29
                              Re: Abusive husbands !!

                              No one wants to be with an abusive apouse even if he has wealth and looks. Like i sad before these type of guys tend to be emtionally manipulative, he puts his wife down all the time and makes her feel worthless cos at times he is nice so she thinks she needs to work harder to get his approval. Its not easy. It often takes physical and emotional distance to see him for what he really is. And yes above all abusive spouses do not fear Allah.
                              Last edited by Umm_Hanzalah; 22-05-12, 09:22 AM.
                              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

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                              • #30
                                Re: Abusive husbands !!

                                It's always insecurity, low self esteem, power and ego.

                                If a man feels inferior, he punishes himself, and he's horrible to himself.

                                If a man is horrible to himself, and allows this self hate, he is very capable of being horrible to others.

                                In his self hate, a man loses the plot and abuses other people close to him to relieve his pain.

                                Because people who are close to him will say things and do things that make him blame them for the negative way he feels about himself.

                                If a man hates himself, anger is his closest ally.

                                If a wife casually says "Kabir you forgot to buy the jam again! Why do you forget! I told you! Ah forget it I'll go myself"

                                The husband who has low self esteem, feel insecure, will argue with their wives for insinuating they are crap. And if the man truly believes he is crap man himself he will use everything in his power to be master over her to heal his ego.

                                This is where violence and verbal abuse can enter.

                                Women can be the same way, but Allah forced us to be more aware of our actions than he did for men. This is because women give birth to children, by default we are generally aware of others. (small print: some women are evil too but domestic violence is a massively male dominated issue worldwide)

                                I'm no expert, but I do ask the same question myself, and my reflections are the above.
                                Last edited by Jigsaw; 22-05-12, 03:32 PM.
                                Sister Jigsaw!

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