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Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

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  • #16
    Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

    Yeah asiya my family is like yours, my mum is Indian, south African Hindu and her partner Catholic polish for example, she goes and visits his family at least twice a year and gets on with them really well, she has learnt polish, me and my bro have been there with her amd got on well with everyone, she has taken my daughter for a weekend without me there, even though she is vegetarian there is no issur with food, they love her Asian dresses, his daughter and nieces and nephews often come for holidays. I can't see issue.

    Recipes for all the family :inlove:
    (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

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    • #17
      Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

      Salam

      Thanks for the replies, was expecting just another dead thread lol.

      If only the majority of the Muslims I know had the mentality of some of you. It's unfortunate.

      I have another question to add on to the situation.

      How would you handle a situation where parents expects you to marry within culture or even family tree, tribe(yes tribes)?

      The person(s) they expect you to be with isn't even a Muslim that follows sunnah and Qur'an. Just maybe does 5 daily prayers fast couple times of ramadan etc and disregards everything else.

      :jkk:
      "O friend, the cloth from which your burial shroud will be cut may have already reached the market and you remain unaware." Imam al-Ghazali R.A.

      GOOD MANNERS

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      • #18
        Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

        Originally posted by KurdishKid View Post
        Salam

        Thanks for the replies, was expecting just another dead thread lol.

        If only the majority of the Muslims I know had the mentality of some of you. It's unfortunate.

        I have another question to add on to the situation.

        How would you handle a situation where parents expects you to marry within culture or even family tree, tribe(yes tribes)?

        The person(s) they expect you to be with isn't even a Muslim that follows sunnah and Qur'an. Just maybe does 5 daily prayers fast couple times of ramadan etc and disregards everything else.

        :jkk:
        Wa Alaikum Asalaam,

        You should try to talk with your parents and let them know what exactly you are looking for in a spouse. Provide the evidence from the Quran and Hadith. Try to use some wisdom when explaining this to them. At the end of the day the man doesn't need a Wali so he can choose who he wants but make sure you go about it in the best way possible.

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        • #19
          Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

          i really want to find out aswell,beacause there are some cultures that dont allow marrige outside of there own culture

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          • #20
            Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

            Salaam,

            The only requirement I have is that she is Muslim. Other then that I do not care where she is from, whether she s Arab, Pakistani, British, whatever. That and she and I have to be compatible, it's difficult for me to be with someone who will take me foolishly or doesn't care for me whatsoever. Also I'm pretty accepting towards others ( I try to be) so hopefully my standards aren't set to high:D
            "Knowing what you don’t know is more useful than being brilliant.”
            -Charlie Munger
            "It seems that we're better at finding someone to blame for our problems than we are at finding creative solutions to fix them.”
            -Neil deGrasse Tyson

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            • #21
              Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

              1) Both families would have hard time to communicate, get along - nope since most of communication is body language, people will get on fine and everyone can speak english these days

              2) Clothing,food etc is too different for them to be compatible (weak argument) - as long as its not haram then no problem


              3) Parents would not agree and if even after you go ahead and get married it would sever ties of kinship. (doesn't want to separate or hurt ties of kinship) -

              i have open minded parents

              I tell you, if both people have been born in the same country but 2 diff races it doesnt matter. (example my sis and her husband)
              My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
              ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
              “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

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              • #22
                Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

                Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
                Women tend to do most if not all of the compromising and adaptation in such a marriage. We are the ones to lose. Also, our children will carry on his name as well.
                Meh... children don't take their mothers name regardless of background :(
                I agree with sis Asiya that people are people end of, but I can just imagine bringing someone of a different background to my parents. My father would laugh in a very non-humourous way. My mother would freak out and call all my family. My older siblings would like "ew you want to marry a foreigner", my younger siblings would stand up for me and my aunts and uncles would probably be like 'really? you rejected all the people we brought to you to marry an ajnab'. Too much of a hassle .

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                • #23
                  Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

                  1. Talking is overrated. Instead, I stare into their souls. But English is a neccesity.
                  2. Clothes are clothes
                  3. My parents will probably agree with whoever I find, as long as they are of good manners, Islamic and wear a hijab.

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                  • #24
                    Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

                    I have a few members in my family who have turned their back on their culture - i.e. food, dress, language and certain ways of celebrating weddings, mouring in funerals, certain mentalities etc etc

                    They married out of our culture.

                    I married in my culture - to a man who has also turned his back on our culture.
                    https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

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                    • #25
                      Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

                      Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                      I have a few members in my family who have turned their back on their culture - i.e. food, dress, language and certain ways of celebrating weddings, mouring in funerals, certain mentalities etc etc

                      They married out of our culture.

                      I married in my culture - to a man who has also turned his back on our culture.
                      How is rest of your families relationship with your family and with there husbands/wives
                      "O friend, the cloth from which your burial shroud will be cut may have already reached the market and you remain unaware." Imam al-Ghazali R.A.

                      GOOD MANNERS

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

                        Originally posted by KurdishKid View Post
                        How is rest of your families relationship with your family and with there husbands/wives
                        We're a close knit family. Everyone gets on well with each other - we've never had 'family feuds' or families that are not talking to one another etc. But we are all living over the UK. Some in Birmingham, some in Manchester, some in Bolton and some in London. I live in the Middle East.

                        So, those who all live in Birmingham together are closer to each other than they are with those who live in Bolton.

                        It's not culture that influences the strength/weakness of the relationships. Its the proximity.
                        https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

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                        • #27
                          Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

                          There is nothing wrong with marrying from your own culture - I did just that and had an amazing partner. We shared a language/food/clothes styles and celebrations. It was only when we moved close to his family that problems arose!

                          My sister is getting married outside of our culture but luckily he is sooo nice that he is already trying to learn the lingo so he can impress his to-be inlaws. She has always insisted that she wont marry from our culture and Allah answered her wishes by giving her an amazing soulmate.

                          I think people should hold onto their individual culture as they make us special but not to the extent whereby it effect marriages negatively.

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                          • #28
                            Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

                            Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
                            Women tend to do most if not all of the compromising and adaptation in such a marriage. We are the ones to lose. Also, our children will carry on his name as well.
                            Both partners make compromises in the mixed cultural marriages that I know of, different compromises but compromises nether-the-less, but in any marriage husband and wife have to compromise.

                            The idea that a marriage to someone of our own ethnicity is easier and we will get along better with their family is frankly not born out by my experience and the experience of my friends in a similar position.

                            I realise that it is anecdotal, but I don't even know of a mixed cultural Muslim marriage that has ended in divorce (obviously some must do) but know of plenty of same culture marriages that have.

                            As I am writing this I am wearing clothes from my wife's culture and today have eaten food from not only my wife's culture but another culture as well. On the more serious issues, communication does require more patience and understanding but this is a good thing as in every marriage we should listen to our spouse with patience and make sure we have understood exactly what they mean.

                            If we look at threads on this subject, we see on a pretty consistent basis, that most of those in mixed cultural marriages say that they are more of a blessing than a problem and it is those that are generally fearful of them that lack such experience.
                            Last edited by abubakarbristol; 24-05-12, 05:17 PM.

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                            • #29
                              Re: Brothers/Sisters that are married outside/Inside of culture...

                              Salams I'm English married to a man from the Indian culture. Culture can be an issue but only if you choose to make it. But you do have to be weary of whether people are mixing culture with Islam i.e when I first got married i was told by my MIL that not wearing shalwa kameez is haram. I didn't know any better then. Well anyway I used to hate wearing them and have stopped, I wear an albaya instead. I cook mainly Indian food sometimes a little English but once in a blue moon. My MIL speaks a little English and I wouldn't say communicating is hard it was at first but I got used to it. If you don't know the language then your going to be very bored at family gatherings, though they may know how to speak English they won't. I feel under pressure a lot when I'm with my husband's family, sometimes I feel like they expect too much from me too fast. But I take it all in my stride. My father and father in law have only just recently started speaking. But I doubt it will go any further as my family are non muslim and my husband comes form a pious family. And my family aren't really talking to me. Sometimes it gets lonely because my husbands family don't really understand me. But alhamdulillah everything is good. You definitely have to go into marriage with an open mind whether the same culture or different.
                              ▪️••• 〰 Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs. 〰 •••▪️

                              ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

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