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  • aliman
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    jazakallah bi khayr. thank you for the replies. it has given me a different perspective. I spoke to the bride to be inshallah. about this and she doesnt mind. Make dua for me.
    Barakallah fi

    Leave a comment:


  • muslimah10
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    Originally posted by aliman View Post
    Salamz. I am getting married inshallah in the summer. I never intended to, it was Allahs will. My problem is that i have a job, and business, but i am not able to buy a house because of wedding costs.. etc and it will take me two years to afford a house.. And also it is not my ideal job i want because it is night work, i am looking for a job in correct field, but finding it difficult to get that career. Im just wondering sisters, would it disappoint you, in the near future if your husband, did not get the respectable job you thought he would get.. And living with his parents for 2 years..
    I am a 24 year old man.
    nah a job is just a means to an end isnt it? as long as a guy can provide, he has a job, thats enough. it dont matter what kinda job it is as long as its all halal work. if its just 2 years living with parents, i wouldnt mind that but you really need to be asking your spouse to be these questions. every sister thinks differently. i had a friend who really wanted to live with her in laws and me, i'm like the person that likes my space so everyone is different.

    i tell you something though, you know what would disappoint me in the future, is if i married someone and he neglected any of his obligations towards Allah, i.e. salaah on time, fasting and if his imaan suddenly was going downhill, now thats what would be the biggest disappointment. but really speak to the girl that your going to marry as no other sister can speak on her behalf.

    Leave a comment:


  • Fatimaah
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    I say from my experiance. Living with family is so difficult. I wish you will be happy in your life. Inshaallah.

    Leave a comment:


  • anonymous_mehip
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    many wouldn't care what your job is. Though I wouldnt live with your parents. I need my own space, private space. I should be the queen of the house ya know ;)
    why you're talking about a house like its a must, you can't afford a lil flat at first at least? I rather live in a flat than living with anyobody else than my hubby. especially at the beginning, you need to geet to know each other, would feel terribly uncomofrtable around anybody else
    (too tired to check my spelling)

    Leave a comment:


  • Goldfinger
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    Originally posted by Umm Lu'ay View Post
    Of course it is better to have your own place for the long term - but at what price?

    In this climate, with high house prices, and most people earning a moderate wage, buying a house is impossible - except over a very long term, and with saving sensibly. Mortgages are haraam, and there is a question mark over the current Islaamic mortgages.

    The only entirely islaamically compatible 'mortgage' is with http://www.ansarfinance.com/ but you still need to lay down a deposit, which needs saving up for.

    I think it is very wrong to think of buying a house as so important, such that your whole life revolves around it, and you end up entering haraam.

    Many people rent, Muslims and non-Muslims, and they move about a lot, for whatever reason.
    Is it halal to rent if you know the rented property is mortgaged and the money you pay will go towards financing it and paying off the haram mortgage. Isn't this what happens with most rented property on the market. All the ones I know have mortgages against them and the tennants pay the landlords who in turn pay the mortgages off. How is that halal then, when you know essentially the money you pay is used for haram? confused.

    Leave a comment:


  • Umm Lu'ay
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    Originally posted by Goldfinger View Post
    Not at your age. If she is understanding then she will take into consideration.

    Ignore the people who recommend renting, short term it is acceptable but not long term. You can be asked to move out and given minimum notice period. You don't have that many rights a tennants. If you have a pregnant wife and children in tow then moving out and finding another property won't be so easy. My sister rented for a while, best getting your own property as soon as you are able to do so.
    Of course it is better to have your own place for the long term - but at what price?

    In this climate, with high house prices, and most people earning a moderate wage, buying a house is impossible - except over a very long term, and with saving sensibly. Mortgages are haraam, and there is a question mark over the current Islaamic mortgages.

    The only entirely islaamically compatible 'mortgage' is with http://www.ansarfinance.com/ but you still need to lay down a deposit, which needs saving up for.

    I think it is very wrong to think of buying a house as so important, such that your whole life revolves around it, and you end up entering haraam.

    Many people rent, Muslims and non-Muslims, and they move about a lot, for whatever reason.

    Leave a comment:


  • Goldfinger
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    Originally posted by aliman View Post
    Salamz. I am getting married inshallah in the summer. I never intended to, it was Allahs will. My problem is that i have a job, and business, but i am not able to buy a house because of wedding costs.. etc and it will take me two years to afford a house.. And also it is not my ideal job i want because it is night work, i am looking for a job in correct field, but finding it difficult to get that career. Im just wondering sisters, would it disappoint you, in the near future if your husband, did not get the respectable job you thought he would get.. And living with his parents for 2 years..
    I am a 24 year old man.
    Not at your age. If she is understanding then she will take into consideration.

    Ignore the people who recommend renting, short term it is acceptable but not long term. You can be asked to move out and given minimum notice period. You don't have that many rights a tennants. If you have a pregnant wife and children in tow then moving out and finding another property won't be so easy. My sister rented for a while, best getting your own property as soon as you are able to do so.
    Last edited by Goldfinger; 11-04-12, 06:19 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Umm Lu'ay
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    Originally posted by aliman View Post
    Salamz. I am getting married inshallah in the summer. I never intended to, it was Allahs will. My problem is that i have a job, and business, but i am not able to buy a house because of wedding costs.. etc and it will take me two years to afford a house.. And also it is not my ideal job i want because it is night work, i am looking for a job in correct field, but finding it difficult to get that career. Im just wondering sisters, would it disappoint you, in the near future if your husband, did not get the respectable job you thought he would get.. And living with his parents for 2 years..
    I am a 24 year old man.
    * You do not need to buy a house, many many many people rent. In fact I would highly recommend it, as you learn many things through the process, such as flat hunting, deciding what aspects in a house are important to you both, drawing up a contract, getting to know the local area without committing - and much more. It is a very very beneficial learning process.

    In addition, there is the amazing benefit of truly feeling like a traveller in this world - no one is going to take their house with them to the grave - the fact is that people get attached to their houses, and feel secure - nothing is for certain in this life, you cannot take anything for granted.

    * A wife would not mind living temporarily with in-laws, as long as Islaamically, guidelines are maintained, such as privacy, not having to mix with non-mahrams and so forth. But you do have the option of renting (although it depends where you live).

    * If the sister is marrying you, then she has accepted you as you are. And don't 'try' to live upto anyones 'expectations' (i.e. your new in-laws) - you just try your best, that is what is the most important - and be confident that you are trying your best. But if you are a simple person, and don't appreciate some women who like to spend lots of money, it is better that you made this clear from the outset.

    Leave a comment:


  • BeReal
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    Brother,

    Keep the wedding simple. it can be modest elegant affair rather than a lavish extravagant one.
    That way u may be able to afford a house.

    If u can't then don't worry, those two yrs will give allow ur wife to get to know ur mother and father
    And understand them. So no rush brother, take it easy.

    Plz also discuss with wali and the girl whom u are to marry InshaAllah.
    See what there thoughts are on the matter.

    Congratulations on ur upcoming nikah. InshaAllah

    Leave a comment:


  • deen1984
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    you should be grateful you have a job, how would a sister feel being married to an unemployed man? live according to your means, if you cant afford to buy a house, then rent, or stay with your parents.

    Originally posted by aliman View Post
    Salamz. I am getting married inshallah in the summer. I never intended to, it was Allahs will. My problem is that i have a job, and business, but i am not able to buy a house because of wedding costs.. etc and it will take me two years to afford a house.. And also it is not my ideal job i want because it is night work, i am looking for a job in correct field, but finding it difficult to get that career. Im just wondering sisters, would it disappoint you, in the near future if your husband, did not get the respectable job you thought he would get.. And living with his parents for 2 years..
    I am a 24 year old man.

    Leave a comment:


  • Uthmani
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    Originally posted by i.badat View Post
    Do you think we could modify that to

    0.5) Shukr
    1) Sabr
    1.5) Shukr
    2) Sabr
    2.5)Shukr
    3)Sabr

    But then its not 3 secrets is it....
    Or you can just divide it by two and have two secrets.

    1) Sabr
    2) Shukr

    Leave a comment:


  • i.badat
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    Originally posted by Bugz View Post
    The three secrets to marriage my friend, make sure you are well stocked all the time:
    1.) Sabr
    2.) Sabr
    3.) Sabr

    the winning formula you can't go wrong....
    Do you think we could modify that to

    0.5) Shukr
    1) Sabr
    1.5) Shukr
    2) Sabr
    2.5)Shukr
    3)Sabr

    But then its not 3 secrets is it....

    Leave a comment:


  • Bugz
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    The three secrets to marriage my friend, make sure you are well stocked all the time:
    1.) Sabr
    2.) Sabr
    3.) Sabr

    the winning formula you can't go wrong....

    Leave a comment:


  • Starman1
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    Congratulations bro :D

    Just as this marriage is Allah's Will, so will He provide for you and look after both of you. Always be firm in your deen and be of good character, treat your wife well, and everything will fall in to place Insha'Allah.

    Leave a comment:


  • aliman
    replied
    Re: Getting married

    jazakallah bi khayr. I very much value your opinions. I wasnt looking to get married. But one day i read istikara prayer asking for guidance, so Allah can keep me away from the sins that a single life brings. Then the next day i got the wedding talk etc.. Im only getting married inshallah to prevent me from sinning etc. I feel her family have high expectations of me, they mainly chose me for my character, but i feel i have to live up to expectations for myself and them.

    Thank you sister for the congratulations much appreciated.

    Leave a comment:

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