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Rejecting a really good proposal

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  • #16
    Re: Rejecting a really good proposal

    Originally posted by con View Post
    I agree with Sister Asiya. But as brother .mirror said, try to get both things and if things reach to a point where you have to choose, (given brother has deen and you like brother) inshaAllah go with brother. May Allah help you towards the right decision.
    Jazakallah khair for the advice. May Allah make it easy on us.

    Comment


    • #17
      Re: Rejecting a really good proposal

      Originally posted by anonymous_mehip View Post
      Salam aleykom, I'd say get married and continue your studies! Not every muslimah can help the ummah in that way...
      + if everyone choses marriage over job then where are we going to find muslim female doctors etc? and then we'd find some people saying "we don't want to go see a male doctor"!
      Marriage + work isnt incompatible. kids, it can wait i mean you don't wanna be pregnant by the first year in your marriage anyway (I wouldnt at least, But Allah swt is the one Who decide and I don't)
      I'd say, if its not possible with him, try to find someone who wouldnt mind/ with whom it would work out
      May Allah give you the best in this dunya and in the akhira; Amin
      Istikhara, Istikhara, Istikhara...
      I agree with you. It would be great if I could do both but it doesnt seem like its possible. And yes Alhamdullilah Allah (swt) gave me a good opportunity. Inshallah I hope I can find someone who is ok with my studies and everything else.

      Jazakallah khair for the dua, may Allah grant you the same. Ameen.

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      • #18
        Re: Rejecting a really good proposal

        Why is it not possible, because his parents want him to be settled and starting a family within a year? Why is that urgent. Like you said, it is a marriage of a lifetime, inshAllah one or two years is not really that big of a thing if you found the right person. Why can't his family compromise a little since it doesn't really directly affect them? I am with everyone else, I think it is a good idea to do the nikkah and when circumstances are right, live together and start a family. No reason it has to be done in exactly the traditional way.
        Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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        • #19
          Re: Rejecting a really good proposal

          I'd advice you tell your parents what you've told us. They deserve to know and you deserve their advice and support.

          So, tell your parents whether you should give up your education and get married or do they think it's better for you to let go off this proposal. Istikhara and advice, both need to be taken into consideration. :insha:

          Also, isn't possible to transfer your credits to a college where he lives? It'll be a hassle, but it's an avenue worth looking into.

          In the end, if you really, really can't come to a conclusion, then go with what your parents say. :insha:
          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: Rejecting a really good proposal

            Sister it might look cliche or you might not agree but I think, keeping a muslim man on right track :-). And raising good human beings with Islam ingrained in them is something which every sister can do for this ummah. Unfortunately with today's materialistic society we have started to think about our contribution towards ummah in terms of money or professional help. Both are good. But I think we should fulfill our Fardh then move towards Nafal. Its just like that a husband instead of providing his own family, starts doing some charity work for ummah while his chidren starve. (Yes he can balance between the both) and in same way inshaAllah you'll be able to balance between the both.

            Please remember us in your prayers.

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: Rejecting a really good proposal

              Originally posted by Feesabillilah89 View Post
              We've talked about all the possibilities but none of them are good enough. After finishing studies I will do internship which is for 2 years and then inshallah I will start a family. Internship is sort of a requirement in order to practice (or be qualified enough to work independently) but I am flexible in terms of the location. I have options of doing it in different places. If I didnt do internship I wouldnt be able to go back home or anywhere else I want to and use my skills properly.

              They are ok with me doing internship and even working after (though I dont want to because Id rather start a family as soon as I can). They even said that if you want to study something here (wherever he is), then you can. Basically all they want is that I be with him and live with him, doesnt matter whether I study, work or dont do anything.

              To me it kind of seems silly because marriage is a life-long committment and just because of these few things, we are letting go of what could potentially be a very happy relationship. In a few years these things will all be over. But maybe there is no khair in this thats why these little problems are coming up.

              I am just wondering where the greater good lies. Is it more rewarding that I be married and serve my role as a proper muslimah should by being an obedient wife and a good mother? Or is it more rewarding that you gain the pleasure of your parents and you utilize this opportunity which not many of us get and gain skills which you can use in the way of Allah?

              What is more pleasing to Allah?

              By the way, I really appreciate your help.
              You know what I noticed sister, it seems like all of these conditions are being dictated by the potential's family. Take this with a grain of sand because I am sure I am from a different culture than you with very different cultural norms, but it just comes to mind, what is really important? what your inlaws expect or what your husband and you expect? What is the man's opinions on this all? Does he have his own opinion or does he just follow the opinion of his family in all matters? It is something to consider the role your inlaws would be playing in your family life, how much they would try to make decision for you, how much tolerance you have for that, and how much your future husband would stand up to them. Like I said I am from a culture were parents and in laws hold very little weight in interfering on husband and wife matters, but for me personally I would feel very uncomfortable if my mother in law was making the decision about whether I could work or not and where we could live. I feel that is a decision between husband and wife.
              Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

              Comment


              • #22
                Re: Rejecting a really good proposal

                Originally posted by inprogress View Post
                Why is it not possible, because his parents want him to be settled and starting a family within a year? Why is that urgent. Like you said, it is a marriage of a lifetime, inshAllah one or two years is not really that big of a thing if you found the right person. Why can't his family compromise a little since it doesn't really directly affect them? I am with everyone else, I think it is a good idea to do the nikkah and when circumstances are right, live together and start a family. No reason it has to be done in exactly the traditional way.
                I was thinking the same thing, that a few years are not that big of a deal if you find the right person. But apparently they are in somewhat of a hurry so whatever suits them. My parents have actually said that they think it wasnt good for me, not really because of anything, just a random feeling. I also think that there was no khair in it and thats why these issues came up which are ofcourse due to Allah.

                Sometimes we think something is good for us when it actually isnt ... "It may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows while you do not know" (2:216)

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                • #23
                  Re: Rejecting a really good proposal

                  Originally posted by con View Post
                  Sister it might look cliche or you might not agree but I think, keeping a muslim man on right track :-). And raising good human beings with Islam ingrained in them is something which every sister can do for this ummah. Unfortunately with today's materialistic society we have started to think about our contribution towards ummah in terms of money or professional help. Both are good. But I think we should fulfill our Fardh then move towards Nafal. Its just like that a husband instead of providing his own family, starts doing some charity work for ummah while his chidren starve. (Yes he can balance between the both) and in same way inshaAllah you'll be able to balance between the both.

                  Please remember us in your prayers.
                  Yes you are correct. Those duties of a muslimah are definitely the top priority. The desire to help the ummah should not be through negligence of our daily duties prescribed by islam. The core of a strong muslim community is the home of a muslim family than it goes beyond. But if you ask Allah for the ability to balance out these things I am sure He will help you. I have come across people who have happy muslim families yet they are able to spread their knowledge by voluntarily teaching others about the deen. Alhamdullilah they have done well by the grace of Allah. Inshallah I plan to do the same.

                  I could be wrong but I think the problem with people these days is not that they dont have the time, its just that they are running after more and more of the dunya. They can never be satisfied with what they have so they strive for more. Its easy to donate money and things but not many of us will actually go out there and help even if are able to. May Allah accept the smallest of our deeds. Ameen.

                  Inshallah you all will be in my duas.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Rejecting a really good proposal

                    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                    I'd advice you tell your parents what you've told us. They deserve to know and you deserve their advice and support.

                    So, tell your parents whether you should give up your education and get married or do they think it's better for you to let go off this proposal. Istikhara and advice, both need to be taken into consideration. :insha:

                    Also, isn't possible to transfer your credits to a college where he lives? It'll be a hassle, but it's an avenue worth looking into.

                    In the end, if you really, really can't come to a conclusion, then go with what your parents say. :insha:
                    Ive tried talking to my parents about this idea that maybe we can figure something out by compromising on the education part a little bit. They didnt seem to take it that well and I dont blame them.

                    Its possible to get into college there but I wont be in the same field as I am now. In the end we all decided that it cant work. So we left it. My parents feel its better this way. And as you said, I went with their choice. Alhamdullilah I am happy because I think parents are right most of the time.

                    Mashallah I appreciate your advice. As always its very good :)

                    Jazakallah khair for helping everyone, inshallah you'll be in my prayers :)

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: Rejecting a really good proposal

                      BarakAllah Feeki.

                      May Allah bring about someone even better.
                      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: Rejecting a really good proposal

                        Originally posted by Feesabillilah89 View Post
                        Ive tried talking to my parents about this idea that maybe we can figure something out by compromising on the education part a little bit. They didnt seem to take it that well and I dont blame them.

                        Its possible to get into college there but I wont be in the same field as I am now. In the end we all decided that it cant work. So we left it. My parents feel its better this way. And as you said, I went with their choice. Alhamdullilah I am happy because I think parents are right most of the time.

                        Mashallah I appreciate your advice. As always its very good :)

                        Jazakallah khair for helping everyone, inshallah you'll be in my prayers :)
                        Are you in med school ?

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Rejecting a really good proposal

                          Originally posted by Feesabillilah89 View Post
                          Ive tried talking to my parents about this idea that maybe we can figure something out by compromising on the education part a little bit. They didnt seem to take it that well and I dont blame them.

                          Its possible to get into college there but I wont be in the same field as I am now. In the end we all decided that it cant work. So we left it. My parents feel its better this way. And as you said, I went with their choice. Alhamdullilah I am happy because I think parents are right most of the time.

                          Mashallah I appreciate your advice. As always its very good :)

                          Jazakallah khair for helping everyone, inshallah you'll be in my prayers :)
                          May Allah guide us and our parents.

                          Comment

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