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spouses from the same background as you is a must!

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  • #46
    Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

    in our grandmothers time there wasnt even a pakistan

    Recipes for all the family :inlove:
    (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

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    • #47
      Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

      A lot of pakistani culture stems from indian culture. In fact a lot of the bad stuff can be traced back t o hindu culture.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

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      • #48
        Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

        Originally posted by Umm_Hanzalah View Post
        A lot of pakistani culture stems from indian culture. In fact a lot of the bad stuff can be traced back t o hindu culture.
        very true that.

        Reason why we should be giving more dawah back home. Move away from that bollywood bull.

        Everything bad we hear about muslims back home.. its cultural, and we need to teach them what is right and what is wrong.

        Comment


        • #49
          Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

          Originally posted by naila-k View Post
          in our grandmothers time there wasnt even a pakistan
          exactly
          "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

          The Prophet :saw: said:

          "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

          muslim

          Narrated 'Abdullah:

          The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


          "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

          By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

          [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

          Comment


          • #50
            Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

            Originally posted by oz99 View Post
            I don't hate the people. I hate the culture.

            Indian and Pakistani culture are almost the same.
            Its not the same believe me (not almost aswell) its totally different, india is a big country, people from mumbai or gujarat act and speak differently to the people from punjab etc. I am indian myself and im totally different to pakistani people, gujarati seem more into the deen whilst pakistani people follow jahil culture, pakistani even wear their scarfs differently to indians lol. Obviously not all pakistanis follow their culture but most do (all my friends did), thats why most pakistanis celebrate milad, kiss their thumbs when the azaan is mentioned, do eid a day later then most people etc etc. You will see indians do this aswell, but the gujarati people are on the deen mashaAllah (more than half anyway) well this is from my experiences, my family and my area that i speak from so i dont want to over generalize.
            Allahumma Insur Al-Islam Wal-Muslimeen

            Ahasiban naasu ay yutrakoo ay yaqooloo aamannaa wa hum laa yuftanoon. (Do men imagine that they will be left (at ease) because they say, We believe, and will not be tested with affliction? Surah 29 (2)

            Comment


            • #51
              Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

              Originally posted by sami_786 View Post
              :salams

              you end up living seperate lives, is that what you would want to see happen in the future?

              as my title describes what i mean by this is for example you are both muslim, pakistani, same mother tongue ie urdu, no cast system in islam, and then compatibility these points are absolute, This way you can become closer in the future and there are no misunderstandings.

              are there others who can give reasons to disagree?

              and what can make this kind of relationship work successfully?

              insha allah
              :wswrwb:

              So you get the same country. Why not go further and get the same part of the country. Actually lets go even further and get the same locality. But we can still go further in the pursuit of the 'same background' and just keep it within the family. So if your aiming to get as 'same background' as possible then won't that path just lead you to marrying your cousin?

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              • #52
                Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                When I read these sorts of threads I start to realise the wisdom behind Allah's (swt) decision to create thalasemia.
                The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                Comment


                • #53
                  Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                  This thread is fail. What kind of advice are you giving? The most important thing is deen and whatever comes after that is just prefrence.

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                    Originally posted by Hannahk92 View Post
                    Surprisingly they are not.
                    No surprises at all , they are both a lot similar culturally .

                    Especially the region of India bordering with Pakistan . As a race most Pakistanis are either descendants of Hindu castes or a mix of Persian , Arab , Central Asian along with Hindus .
                    Where there are no Ulemah(Scholars) there are many Muftis.

                    I
                    deal System of Living for All Mankind .

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                      :salams

                      I find that it would have helped a lot if both spouses spoke the same language, as for culture i dont have any comment on it except that as long as you are following the rules of islam. when i said these things are absolute, its a personal preference. i wanted to understand what other people thought about how marriages from different backgrounds work and if they work and by background i mean anything like language, from the same country, etc.
                      not every couple work the same way surely. it depends on the persons charater too, perhaps one person may not in practice be able to be that close to someone who speaks a different mother tongue because a majority of their time they feel more comfortable speaking their own mother tongue.

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                        salaams to all

                        ideally, as long as both parties are muslims, it should not matter which race or culture you are from
                        as long as both a practicing muslims & are happy to marry the other.

                        the problem arises when a person has been raised to give overdue importance to their language, caste etc

                        and its more serious if the couple are going to be living with the boys(or girls) family & they are soaked into that mentality
                        no matter how pious a sister is, she will inevitably feel like an outcast in that kind of a family

                        because people like this tend to link islam with culture & think both are one and the same.
                        they cant comprehend that a person can be a very good muslim but have nothing in common with their culture.

                        the only hope of eradicating this sickness is to focus on the younger generation
                        the older people who are from back home are stuck in their ways & stubborn on top of that.

                        my example-im Gujerati speaking
                        and would very much like a Gujerati speaking girl who can teach my kids to speak their mother tongue
                        this is apart from the obvious that i would like a pious wife who will be a good role model & teacher to her kids.

                        but i wont advise another Gujerati boy against marrying a girl who has another mother tongue-as long as she is pious & her Aqeedah is sound.
                        people who place too much importance on culture want you to marry from "amongst your own" even if there are plenty good muslim girls from another culture/background
                        its seen as shameful, even sinful thing.

                        that said,
                        some people DO find it difficult to adjust to having a spouse with a completely different culture & mindset from their own
                        in that case its also sensible to marry someone with whom you would be more compatible with

                        and some people are adamant that their spouse has to do things the way its done in his/her home or family
                        then they should marry someone from the same background instead of making another persons life miserable.

                        also, as said above-what about those who speak only one language?
                        who would insist that this person should not be particular about marrying someone who speaks the same language?

                        its not like its the end of the world & theres only one woman left but you dont want to marry her because "she does not speak my language"

                        and Allah ta'ala knows best
                        jazakallah
                        Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
                        very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                          :wswrwb: its interesting that many people who want to speak their "mother tounge" rarely get the chance to return to the motherland" to use it. its like some people have cultural enclaves of the "mother land" are created in their settled lands, which is what creates divison. its not like the "mother tounge" is being preserved for return to the motherland. if it serves no purpose then it seems that is just for some sentimental reason.

                          its just like when many british go to live in spain and they all speak english there,and send their kids to english school, never bother to learn the local language, and all hang round ex-pat places.
                          "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                          The Prophet :saw: said:

                          "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                          muslim

                          Narrated 'Abdullah:

                          The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                          "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                          By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                          [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                            Maybe it's a must for narrow minded people. The most important aspect is Islam, that's what they are going to live their lives by. I don't understand why some people are so insistent on marrying someone from the same country as them, seems quite odd.
                            And strive because the sweetness of life lies in the struggle - Imam al-Shafi'i

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                              Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
                              :wswrwb: its interesting that many people who want to speak their "mother tounge" rarely get the chance to return to the motherland" to use it. its like some people have cultural enclaves of the "mother land" are created in their settled lands, which is what creates divison. its not like the "mother tounge" is being preserved for return to the motherland. if it serves no purpose then it seems that is just for some sentimental reason.

                              its just like when many british go to live in spain and they all speak english there,and send their kids to english school, never bother to learn the local language, and all hang round ex-pat places.
                              salaams to all

                              whats wrong with that, if you insist on marrying someone who speaks the same mother tongue?
                              as long as she is a good muslim-which is the first priority

                              its not like im saying that no matter what-you should marry a girl who speaks the same mother tongue
                              even if none of these girls are pious & theres plenty good muslim girls from another culture who speak another language.

                              if i found no Guji girl who is pious & that i was happy to marry
                              then i would obviously look elsewhere.

                              see, at the end of the day-it comes down to personal preferences
                              and as long as its with the parameters of Shariah-theres nothing wrong

                              as long as who you are choosing is not a bad choice for a spouse-from an islamic perspective.
                              never mind theres someone more pious etc-
                              if you dont find them attractive or compatible, u are not compelled to marry them.

                              BOTH PARTIES HAVE TO BE HAPPY WITH WHOM THEY ARE GOING TO MARRY.
                              many times the word "not compatible" is just a PC way of saying "not attractive"

                              if some sisters are feeling ignored or left out
                              and want to shout out "What about me?"

                              its understandable.
                              but just as you wish for what you like or find attractive-the other person has the same desire & its within his/her rights according to shariah.
                              surely youve read my views about marriage etc in other threads.

                              i dont blame any girl for rejecting me
                              i would'nt marry me-how can i expect it from another person?

                              but at the end of the Day, Allah ta'ala is in control & nobody knows what is destined for them

                              i wish everyone all of the best in Dunya & Aakhirah.

                              and Allah ta'ala knows best
                              jazakallah
                              Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
                              very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                                Why are you so full of self pity brother ?

                                Be happy with the decree of Allah swt and you will be blessed with contentment.

                                Focus on Allah swt and his love and his ma'iyaah......there is nothing greater.
                                وَالْعَصْرِ

                                إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                                إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

                                "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

                                "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                                Khanqah Habibiyah

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