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spouses from the same background as you is a must!

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  • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

    Originally posted by Ibadah View Post

    Let people marry who they want, if thats only to their own race then so be it, its not racist its preference. As long as the man/woman is deeni then khalas.
    I agree with you. I struggle to see the difference between preferring to marry into ones own race/culture. Or preferring to marry out of ones own race/culture.

    I also don't see why our attractions should be dictated to us. Some people prefer African women, some dislike Arabs women, some prefer Asian, some dislike European. So what?

    Some people prefer people from their own background. Some do not.

    How does not being attracted to a certain race/culture make you racist??

    Either way. It's a preference.

    Interestingly enough, ever since I left the UK and lived in Africa/Middle East etc. I've been exposed to many, many mixed race marriages. In some cases, they've worked very well. In some cases, its precisely the culture difference between the husband and wife which has led to their marital problems.

    Yes, deen is extremely important. However, I dont believe that its only deen that can always overcome all other issues....ones culture dictates your dress, your language, your social behaviour, your food, your way of reacting to certain situations etc etc

    I've seen situations, where how something may be perfectly acceptable to one culture is sometimes seen as a major insult to another culture.

    So, yes. I don't deny that there's nothing wrong with marrying out of your culture. It can work. However, people should also be aware that sometimes it can also be the reason behind marital discord.
    https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

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    • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

      Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
      Asiya what in the world is your point. Nobody is overreacting, but you. You have a problem with me and others saying we only want to marry our race. We have the CHOICE to want that. If others choose something else then that is also THEIR choice. Live and let live. You can't tell people who to marry and are not in a position to say that their reasons are wrong. You are not in their heart and mind. Some people will marry within their culture others will not. Neither is right or wrong. Like a said a million times, just because a preference doesn't favor YOU doesn't mean it is wrong. People can have their own criteria in marriage whether that is race, height, looks, where they live etc....AFTER looking at deen.
      salam alaykam sister muslimahhc, as long as you're not over reacting, dont worry about others inshallah, i make my point and stick to it firmly, i let others have their say. and if i dont like anything well then there are plenty of people to converse with inshallah. and the same advise to the other sister asiya. lets keep it peaceful

      Comment


      • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

        Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
        So is it by force to find EVERYONE attractive? I am an african girl and not offended by this at all. That is HIS preference and he is not the only man in the world. As a woman you want a man who is attracted to you so he is satisfied and won't be looking at other women. That was better for that girl. I don't want a guy to marry me just to prove he is not racist. In ADDITION to deen, things like attraction are important.
        Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd:

        I heard Ibn Az-Zubair who was on the pulpit at Mecca, delivering a sermon, saying, "O men! The Prophet used to say, "If the son of Adam were given a valley full of gold, he would love to have a second one; and if he were given the second one, he would love to have a third, for nothing fills the belly of Adam's son except dust. And Allah forgives he who repents to Him." Ubai said, "We considered this as a saying from the Qur'an till the Sura (beginning with) 'The mutual rivalry for piling up of worldly things diverts you..' (102.1) was revealed."

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        • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

          All I know is if a woman has TAQWA in the full sense of the word I'd marry her regardless of her race, but I'd like for her to learn to cook carribean food but food isn't the be all and end all that would just be a bonus I also like nigerian, ghanaian and gambian food. And I can cook myself so food isn't really a problem.

          Comment


          • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

            Originally posted by zakariyya21 View Post
            Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd:

            I heard Ibn Az-Zubair who was on the pulpit at Mecca, delivering a sermon, saying, "O men! The Prophet used to say, "If the son of Adam were given a valley full of gold, he would love to have a second one; and if he were given the second one, he would love to have a third, for nothing fills the belly of Adam's son except dust. And Allah forgives he who repents to Him." Ubai said, "We considered this as a saying from the Qur'an till the Sura (beginning with) 'The mutual rivalry for piling up of worldly things diverts you..' (102.1) was revealed."
            What does this mean?

            Comment


            • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

              i dont really understand how you can not be attracted to an entire race? like men wont marry a black girl but they still feel hallie berry or beyonce or rhianna are good looking etc. I dont really understand how race or skin colour defines attraction? is there really that much difference between the looks of an arab and a latino or an asian or a persian that one of them wont marry the other?

              and your missing the point, it is not about preferring to marry out of your culture to in your culture, it is that culture is irrelevant, in terms of skin colour and nationality.

              please watch this helpful video Sis Asiya posted FROM 59.50 which is relevant to this topic inshallah.
              Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
              I agree with you. I struggle to see the difference between preferring to marry into ones own race/culture. Or preferring to marry out of ones own race/culture.

              I also don't see why our attractions should be dictated to us. Some people prefer African women, some dislike Arabs women, some prefer Asian, some dislike European. So what?

              Some people prefer people from their own background. Some do not.

              How does not being attracted to a certain race/culture make you racist??

              Either way. It's a preference.

              Interestingly enough, ever since I left the UK and lived in Africa/Middle East etc. I've been exposed to many, many mixed race marriages. In some cases, they've worked very well. In some cases, its precisely the culture difference between the husband and wife which has led to their marital problems.

              Yes, deen is extremely important. However, I dont believe that its only deen that can always overcome all other issues....ones culture dictates your dress, your language, your social behaviour, your food, your way of reacting to certain situations etc etc

              I've seen situations, where how something may be perfectly acceptable to one culture is sometimes seen as a major insult to another culture.

              So, yes. I don't deny that there's nothing wrong with marrying out of your culture. It can work. However, people should also be aware that sometimes it can also be the reason behind marital discord.

              Recipes for all the family :inlove:
              (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

              Comment


              • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                Originally posted by zakariyya21 View Post
                Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd:

                I heard Ibn Az-Zubair who was on the pulpit at Mecca, delivering a sermon, saying, "O men! The Prophet used to say, "If the son of Adam were given a valley full of gold, he would love to have a second one; and if he were given the second one, he would love to have a third, for nothing fills the belly of Adam's son except dust. And Allah forgives he who repents to Him." Ubai said, "We considered this as a saying from the Qur'an till the Sura (beginning with) 'The mutual rivalry for piling up of worldly things diverts you..' (102.1) was revealed."
                What does this have to do with marriage or anything that I said?
                Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                [Al Quran 13:28]
                ]

                Comment


                • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                  Originally posted by naila-k View Post
                  i dont really understand how you can not be attracted to an entire race? like men wont marry a black girl but they still feel hallie ]

                  B/c they don't have dark skin like the majority of black people. Why do people have an issue with preferences? I don't care b/c you don't need everybody in the world to find you attractive as you are not going to marry everyobody in the world. You just need 1 person lol...
                  Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                  Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                  [Al Quran 13:28]
                  ]

                  Comment


                  • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                    Originally posted by naila-k View Post
                    i dont really understand how you can not be attracted to an entire race?
                    You may find it difficult to understand. To others, that's just the way they feel.

                    Some people are not attracted to people from an entire race.

                    Some people are attracted to people from other races.

                    Sometimes, its not even the 'looks' its the culture/ways/mannerism etc that are universal in that particular race, that some people are not attracted towards.

                    Either way. Each to their own.

                    Our attractions should not be dictated to us.
                    https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

                    Comment


                    • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                      Originally posted by uncle umar View Post
                      you missed the entire point and context of my first post.

                      the sister posted a story of a brother who said hes looking for a deeni sister. then when she comes along he rejects her based of skin.

                      contradiction. thats what my post was about lol.


                      anyways im not going to entertain an entirely pointless discussion with you.
                      Yeah, and you did the exact same thing when you said the old man was not good looking.

                      Let's get into reality here. A preference is a preference. You think it's fine for men to prefer younger women, so it should be fine for a man to prefer whatever race he wants. Did you mention anything about deen when preferring that 20-something woman over the 30-something woman lol?

                      It's all pointless to you when it doesn't favor you. What a joke.

                      Comment


                      • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                        Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                        You may find it difficult to understand. To others, that's just the way they feel.

                        Some people are not attracted to people from an entire race.

                        Some people are attracted to people from other races.

                        Sometimes, its not even the 'looks' its the culture/ways/mannerism etc that are universal in that particular race, that some people are not attracted towards.

                        Either way. Each to their own.

                        Our attractions should not be dictated to us.
                        like what? how can an entire race have the same culture/ways/manerisms? I am confused? if you take Africans as a race there is huge differences between culture/ways/manerisms, if you take a single country in Africa, say Kenya, then there will still be a large difference between these things, you will have rich and poor, educated and uneducated, academic and labourers, if you live in Nairobi the culture will be different from mombassa which has majority Muslims etc.

                        Please sis, tell me one culture/way/manerism that is universal to an entire race, and explain to me how thinking like this is not the same as prejudice caused by stereotypes.

                        Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                        (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

                        Comment


                        • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                          he also said he married a woman ten years older then him, showing that this preference isnt put above deen, and if a practicing sister which doesnt meet his preference proposes or is available then he wont automatically discount her because of this, but would get to know her in a halal manner before making his decision, the same way if a sister who did meet his preference was available.
                          Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post
                          Yeah, and you did the exact same thing when you said the old man was not good looking.

                          Let's get into reality here. A preference is a preference. You think it's fine for men to prefer younger women, so it should be fine for a man to prefer whatever race he wants. Did you mention anything about deen when preferring that 20-something woman over the 30-something woman lol?

                          It's all pointless to you when it doesn't favor you. What a joke.

                          Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                          (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

                          Comment


                          • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                            Originally posted by naila-k View Post
                            he also said he married a woman ten years older then him, showing that this preference isnt put above deen, and if a practicing sister which doesnt meet his preference proposes or is available then he wont automatically discount her because of this, but would get to know her in a halal manner before making his decision, the same way if a sister who did meet his preference was available.
                            I read that he married a woman older than him. Was he speaking about himself, though, when he was speaking in the other thread about men preferring younger women? Did he mention anything about deen in that comment and that it should take precedence? That's great if he feels that people can choose someone from their own culture/race with deen being the first priority. I completely agree with that.

                            Comment


                            • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                              Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                              You may find it difficult to understand. To others, that's just the way they feel.
                              Agree. I think that's the issue here.

                              People who are against this don't realize how others feel about it.

                              Some people are attracted to certain skin color. For example, a European might prefer a dark skin spouse because he/she feels attracted to dark, velvety skin. Or some Chinese might prefer tanned skin from so-and-so region. Plus, attraction isn't something that's in our control, either. However, we can leave it aside and marry someone who is very pious, even though we aren't physically attracted to them.
                              Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                              "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                              - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                              Comment


                              • Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                                Originally posted by uncle umar View Post
                                just like a mans fitrah that he likes younger.
                                If you have time, expand on this please. Where did you get that this is fitrah?

                                Comment

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