Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

spouses from the same background as you is a must!

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • spouses from the same background as you is a must!

    :salams

    you end up living seperate lives, is that what you would want to see happen in the future?

    as my title describes what i mean by this is for example you are both muslim, pakistani, same mother tongue ie urdu, no cast system in islam, and then compatibility these points are absolute, This way you can become closer in the future and there are no misunderstandings.

    are there others who can give reasons to disagree?

    and what can make this kind of relationship work successfully?

    insha allah

  • #2
    Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

    Originally posted by sami_786 View Post
    :salams

    you end up living seperate lives, is that what you would want to see happen in the future?

    as my title describes what i mean by this is for example you are both muslim, pakistani, same mother tongue ie urdu, no cast system in islam, and then compatibility these points are absolute, This way you can become closer in the future and there are no misunderstandings.

    are there others who can give reasons to disagree?

    and what can make this kind of relationship work successfully?

    insha allah
    I agree .

    Americans should marry americans

    British should marry british

    Pakistanis should marry Pakistanis

    Indians should marry Indians

    Westerners should marry westerners

    People of the east should marry some one from east


    I know that I may be called a racist .

    I must also mention that I am not talking about dual nationalities .

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

      spouses from the same background is not a must, two people from different backgrounds can live happily together. it doesn't meant that 2 people from different background wont have any understanding thats sillyy.. the main thing is that if they both fear Allah and follow the sunnah of prophet muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasallam then the marriage is strong subhanAllah (culture doesnt come first but islam does) they can both live happily.. moreover communication, they dont need to know 2 languages to communicate with each other, if both know 1 languages such as English then its fine, no problem.. and in the future one can learn a new language so its cooll :) hope that answers your question brother. whats more important is deen and character.
      Last edited by safzis; 03-04-12, 09:06 PM.
      "Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion". 3:185

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

        there is no absolute here. You can be a couple from 2 different parts of the world and have amazing compatibility. You can have a couple from the same trend and have disagreements and divorce.

        you are divulging into blind idealism.
        "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

        Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

          I guess you would disagree with my marriage, an american to an egyptian. but yet, we are happy thanks to God and it's working out very good. we can communicate, we enjoy learning from each others culture. It's not this doom and gloom that you guys . There is no "clash."
          Fabi-ayyiala -i rabbikuma tukaththibani
          Then which of the favors of your Lord will ye deny?
          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr8DR8frP_s

          You are not here just to fill space or to be a background character in someone else's movie. Consider this: nothing would be the same if you did not exist. Every place you have ever been and everyone you have ever spoken to would be different without you. We are all connected, and we are all affected by the decisions and even the existence of those around us.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

            Depends how much you live for your culture vs how much you live for your deen.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

              i dont get it, why would you end up living two seperate lives if you made an effort to include each other in your life and do things together as a couple etc?
              Originally posted by sami_786 View Post
              :salams

              you end up living seperate lives, is that what you would want to see happen in the future?

              as my title describes what i mean by this is for example you are both muslim, pakistani, same mother tongue ie urdu, no cast system in islam, and then compatibility these points are absolute, This way you can become closer in the future and there are no misunderstandings.

              are there others who can give reasons to disagree?

              and what can make this kind of relationship work successfully?

              insha allah

              Recipes for all the family :inlove:
              (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                I am confused, what are you asking for?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                  Originally posted by sami_786 View Post
                  :salams

                  you end up living seperate lives, is that what you would want to see happen in the future?

                  as my title describes what i mean by this is for example you are both muslim, pakistani, same mother tongue ie urdu, no cast system in islam, and then compatibility these points are absolute, This way you can become closer in the future and there are no misunderstandings.

                  are there others who can give reasons to disagree?

                  and what can make this kind of relationship work successfully?

                  insha allah
                  I can understand what you mean. I don't want to have to be speaking English at home all the time. English is for everybody else, but when it comes to my family, I want to speak my mother tongue. Your family is your comfort zone and a major part of that is your mother tongue. No matter how fluently you can speak another language, you can always express yourself best in your mother tongue. It gives you and your spouse that common ground and brings you closer. Also, which language will we speak to the kids at hom? It would be too confusing. When our kids get older, who will they marry? Are they going to keep mixing until my grandchildren are a completley different race.

                  Anyway I am west african and I once spoke to an american muslimah married to a guy from my native country. She says it is as if she doesn't know her husband. He is more comfortable around his male african friends and keeps to himself a lot. I will not go into details, but the cultural issues were a lot for her to deal with.

                  The thing with marrying from a different culture is, you won't have much to relate on. Now I am not saying intermarriage can't work, but it makes marriage EXTRA harder. When you add in in-laws and extended families, it makes things much more complicated. This is why I can't marry out of my culture. I see too many women lose themselves and imitate the woman from their husband's culture in order to fit in and not lose him. It is worse for us women b/c we do most of the conforming. We are the ones who have to leave our family and join his family and your children will take on his name as lineage is determined through the father. This is why in a lot of cultures like the Arabs, the men are free to marry other women, but they women are much more restricted and rarely can. It is just a lack of suitors and shortage of eligible men that make it difficult to marry a guy specifically form the ethnic group you are from. I am not completely closed off to marrying out of my culture, but the closer to home the better. In a certain regions, the cultures tend to be similar.
                  Last edited by muslimahc; 03-04-12, 09:15 PM.
                  Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                  Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                  [Al Quran 13:28]
                  ]

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                    Originally posted by Starman1 View Post
                    Depends how much you live for your culture vs how much you live for your deen.
                    Why does there have to be a conflict between the two? There is nothing wrong with maintaining cultural practices (those that don't conflict with Islam).
                    Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                    Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                    [Al Quran 13:28]
                    ]

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                      Originally posted by samin62 View Post
                      there is no absolute here. You can be a couple from 2 different parts of the world and have amazing compatibility. You can have a couple from the same trend and have disagreements and divorce.

                      you are divulging into blind idealism.
                      salaams to all

                      i agree
                      even couples who outwardly seem to be incompatible, get along just fine
                      and then theres those that seem to be a perfect match but cant stand the sight of each other.

                      it may sound strange to some but ive noticed that to a certain degree & in certain aspects, opposites attract.
                      a person who is shy ends up with an extrovert
                      or someone who is very free spending ends up with someone who is very frugal.

                      despite all what we plot n plan
                      our hearts are between the fingers(figuratively) of Allah ta'ala & he has control over who we find attractive & compatible.

                      even i, saying i will never marry a girl who is ...& ...
                      but who knows what Allah ta'ala has decreed?

                      whatever i say on these forums regarding what i like in a wife & find attractive etc, is just my likes & preferences
                      or what generally happens in society

                      but theres no guarantee that things will work out for me the way i plan or desire.
                      Oh Allah, have mercy on me.

                      and Allah ta'ala knows best
                      jazakallah
                      Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
                      very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                        what is wrong with your grandkids being a different race from you? what is race anyway? how do you define ethnicity?

                        in the uk most people born here, or who came as a child, even those in 40s and 50s express themselves better in english then in home language.

                        even people from the same culture have issues with in laws.
                        these problems wont exist if you live seperately? about imitating family etc?

                        why cant kids have 3 languages? the more the better surely?

                        for the example you gave, there are just as many examples of mixed marriages working alhamdulillah.

                        why do you have to leave your family and join his? is this from islam? isnt the whole purpose of a muslim woman keeping her own family name showing she is still part of her family and has her own identity etc?

                        why do non muslims not have this problem?
                        Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
                        I can understand what you mean. I don't want to have to be speaking English at home all the time. English is for everybody else, but when it comes to my family, I want to speak my mother tongue. Your family is your comfort zone and a major part of that is your mother tongue. No matter how fluently you can speak another language, you can always express yourself best in your mother tongue. It gives you and your spouse that common ground and brings you closer. Also, which language will we speak to the kids at hom? It would be too confusing. When our kids get older, who will they marry? Are they going to keep mixing until my grandchildren are a completley different race.

                        Anyway I am west african and I once spoke to an american muslimah married to a guy from my native country. She says it is as if she doesn't know her husband. He is more comfortable around his male african friends and keeps to himself a lot. I will not go into details, but the cultural issues were a lot for her to deal with.

                        The thing with marrying from a different culture is, you won't have much to relate on. Now I am not saying intermarriage can't work, but it makes marriage EXTRA harder. When you add in in-laws and extended families, it makes things much more complicated. This is why I can't marry out of my culture. I see too many women lose themselves and imitate the woman from their husband's culture in order to fit in and not lose him. It is worse for us women b/c we do most of the conforming. We are the ones who have to leave our family and join his family and your children will take on his name as lineage is determined through the father. This is why in a lot of cultures like the Arabs, the men are free to marry other women, but they women are much more restricted and rarely can. It is just a lack of suitors and shortage of eligible men that make it difficult to marry a guy specifically form the ethnic group you are from. I am not completely closed off to marrying out of my culture, but the closer to home the better. In a certain regions, the cultures tend to be similar.

                        Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                        (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                          Originally posted by naila-k View Post
                          what is wrong with your grandkids being a different race from you? what is race anyway? how do you define ethnicity?

                          in the uk most people born here, or who came as a child, even those in 40s and 50s express themselves better in english then in home language.

                          even people from the same culture have issues with in laws.
                          these problems wont exist if you live seperately? about imitating family etc?

                          why cant kids have 3 languages? the more the better surely?

                          for the example you gave, there are just as many examples of mixed marriages working alhamdulillah.

                          why do you have to leave your family and join his? is this from islam? isnt the whole purpose of a muslim woman keeping her own family name showing she is still part of her family and has her own identity etc?

                          why do non muslims not have this problem?


                          Oh I didn't no that non-muslims have no problem with mixed marriages. Please.

                          Anyway, I am not closed off to the idea of mixed marriage, but I PREFER that cultural compatibility. I don't want to have kids and people wonder if I am their mother. Well I am fluent in English as I was raised in the U.S., but at HOME, I prefer to speak my mother tongue. I just don't want to have to integrate into somebody else's world. Also, I am not changing my name when I get married, but women do become a part of the husband's family when they get married.

                          Are you in a mixed marriage? If you are then if you could shed some insight on the issue that would be informative.
                          Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                          Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                          [Al Quran 13:28]
                          ]

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                            :wswrwb:

                            Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
                            Oh I didn't no that non-muslims have no problem with mixed marriages. Please.

                            Anyway, I am not closed off to the idea of mixed marriage, but I PREFER that cultural compatibility. I don't want to have kids and people wonder if I am their mother. Well I am fluent in English as I was raised in the U.S., but at HOME, I prefer to speak my mother tongue. I just don't want to have to integrate into somebody else's world. Also, I am not changing my name when I get married, but women do become a part of the husband's family when they get married.

                            Are you in a mixed marriage? If you are then if you could shed some insight on the issue that would be informative.
                            intergrate into what world ? we are muslims we share the same world.

                            my husband is from a totally different part of the world to me, his parents are also from totally different countries to each other, many of my non muslim family members are from different countries and there are no cultural issues, in fact there is no marriage in our family where a husband and wife are from the same land. as far we are concerned your culture is only the language u speak and the food u eat, and as we are all in english speaking country we speak the language of the country we live in, for obvious reasons like everyday necessity like work, shopping etc.
                            Last edited by *asiya*; 03-04-12, 10:08 PM.
                            "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                            The Prophet :saw: said:

                            "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                            muslim

                            Narrated 'Abdullah:

                            The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                            "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                            By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                            [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: spouses from the same background as you is a must!

                              yeah i am. my husband came to uk age 7. however he expresses himself better in english then urdu, as do his older siblings. my in laws dont like my food but my husband does.

                              i wont lie, i found it hard at first to understand his families way of thinking, it was different to mine, but alhamdulillah his thinking is more similar to mine then some of his family. he doesnt believe when he is at home i should stay home so i can make him cups of tea instead of doing stuff with children, or that it is embarassing if i let him cook, or that it is disrespectful to call him by his name, or whatever else, as he is raised in uk, and has the mindset and culture of someone raised in uk.

                              in my non muslim family there are countless mixed marriages, both my parents and all my siblings partners are different nationalities, my half sis and bro are different from me and my bro. even my family back home some are in mixed marriages. it is not an issue.

                              anyway my mum doesnt think any less of my kids or my sisters kids because they are different races/ethnicities/nationalities from her? why would she?

                              my husband hasnt been back to his home country since he was 11 and feels no attatchment to it, or to people just because they are from his home country.

                              Recipes for all the family :inlove:
                              (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X