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  • Pre-marriage related issue

    Dear Brothers and Sisters,

    Assalam-o-alaikum

    I have recently been engaged, Alhamdulillah and am very happy but lately I have been struggling to find some guidance and I hope that my ummah can help me out.

    I currently chat with my fiancee via messages and messenger and in regards to this I have the following questions on my mind:
    1) Prior to nikah, is it incorrect for me to express any emotions, share any feelings of affection with her?
    2) What about talking about our day-to-day lives, personal experiences, etc, is this also not allowed?


    I would appreciate any input in this matter.

    JazakAllah Khairan for taking out the time to help out a brother.
    Wassalam

  • #2
    Re: Pre-marriage related issue

    :wswrwb:

    Check this out ! :up:

    No matter how many hours you spend getting to "know" your fiance/fiancee before marriage, the true personality will only be revealed to you after you get married and begin living with the person.

    When an unrelated man & woman communicate in private, the third person is Shaitaan.

    Before marriage, Shaitan will make everything about your partner appear attractive & encourage you to communicate freely because he wants you to do haraam but after marriage, he will try his best to pull you both apart...because he does not want you to enjoy what's halaal.

    Whoever indulges in haraam, will not enjoy it when it is halaal.

    So, don't fall into Shaitan's trap. He is only your open enemy. Allah warns us in the Qur'an to not even go near zina .

    Marriage is a beautiful Sunnah ... which shouldn't begin with haraam . If there's anything you need to know about your fiancee, don't contact her directly through unlawful means - rather, contact her wali.

    Meanwhile, strengthen your personal relationship with Allah Ta'ala - study the Qur'an , offer Tahajjud prayers , read beneficial Islamic literature , listen to Islamic lectures, keep company with pious & learned people, participate in local Islamic activities etc etc...You will feel the barakah of all these noble deeds seeping into your married life, InshaAllah.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Pre-marriage related issue

      Thank you for the video and the advice. I would like to know, if both our parents have given us permission to chat with each other, i.e., it is only after their permission that we did chat, is it wrong even then?

      Secondly, our nikah has been scheduled to happen 6-8 months from now, so does that mean that until then we cannot message each other?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Pre-marriage related issue

        Originally posted by ShadowW View Post
        Thank you for the video and the advice. I would like to know, if both our parents have given us permission to chat with each other, i.e., it is only after their permission that we did chat, is it wrong even then?

        Secondly, our nikah has been scheduled to happen 6-8 months from now, so does that mean that until then we cannot message each other?
        6-8 months and you're already chatting? Don't create fitna for yourself brother cut that time down

        He it is Who sends blessings on you, as do His angels, that He may bring you out from the depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full of Mercy to the Believers. [Quran {33:43}]
        www.QuranicAudio.com
        www.Quran.com

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        • #5
          Re: Pre-marriage related issue

          I wish I could cut down the time, but the only reason for keeping the nikah 6-8 months later is so that the rest of the family members and extended family and friends can attend.
          Given the feedback so far, it seems that I have stepped into "dangerous waters".....

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Pre-marriage related issue

            I would appreciate some feedback on the following solution:

            1) I have a court marriage with my fiancee soon (say within a month or so), then we will be legally married, so that resolves all issues mentioned before
            2) Have the walima 6-8 months later when the rest of the family members will be available

            Are there any problems with the above-mentioned solution??
            If someone can suggest some other solutions (if any), I would be very grateful.

            May Allah guide me to make the right decisions, Aameen

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Pre-marriage related issue

              by court marriage what do you mean?

              if this includes a simple nikkah ceremony then is fine to delay walima to later.

              this is the best solution to have nikkah now as soon as possible.

              Recipes for all the family :inlove:
              (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Pre-marriage related issue

                Originally posted by ShadowW View Post
                I would appreciate some feedback on the following solution:

                1) I have a court marriage with my fiancee soon (say within a month or so), then we will be legally married, so that resolves all issues mentioned before
                2) Have the walima 6-8 months later when the rest of the family members will be available

                Are there any problems with the above-mentioned solution??
                If someone can suggest some other solutions (if any), I would be very grateful.

                May Allah guide me to make the right decisions, Aameen
                By court marriage, if you mean just a registry. Then No. You guys are still non mehrams to each other.

                If by court marriage you mean an Islamic Nikkah. Then you guys can pretty much do whatever you want. As you are halaal for one another - you can talk freely, date etc its all allowed.
                https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Pre-marriage related issue

                  Just to clarify, by court marriage, I meant an Islamic Nikah at the courts.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Pre-marriage related issue

                    Originally posted by ShadowW View Post
                    Just to clarify, by court marriage, I meant an Islamic Nikah at the courts.
                    That's OK then. You guys can pretty much do what you want after your Nikkah.

                    Just wait a month.
                    https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Pre-marriage related issue

                      The only issue with the solution that I proposed is that its still a proposed solution, not sure if parents, both mine and hers will accept this....
                      I have a feeling they will say, "wait for 6-8 months" and not accept the proposed solution :(

                      This is going to be a test of patience .....

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Pre-marriage related issue

                        Originally posted by ShadowW View Post
                        The only issue with the solution that I proposed is that its still a proposed solution, not sure if parents, both mine and hers will accept this....
                        I have a feeling they will say, "wait for 6-8 months" and not accept the proposed solution :(

                        This is going to be a test of patience .....
                        Depends on the family.

                        My family didnt accept this proposal from my (now) husband.

                        So, we also had to wait 11months. And yes, it was difficult. However, I also understand why my father said No..
                        https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Pre-marriage related issue

                          I have a feeling, Insha Allah I will be able to wait patiently, my only concern is whether my fiancee will be able to wait.

                          When I look back at my life, my current situation seems quite ironic.

                          Proposed to another girl before (via my parents to her parents), the offer was turned down because "as per the girl", I never told her if i liked her.
                          And now, here I am, engaged with my supposedly destined life-partner, and can't tell her anything either... at least not until nikah :P

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Pre-marriage related issue

                            Wa Alaikum Asalaam,

                            Masha'Allah good to see people caring about sticking to the Sunnah. May Allah make it easy for you and your future spouse. Keep making dua brother.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Pre-marriage related issue

                              Sorry for the deletions. I usually don't read a whole thread before making a reply.
                              Last edited by muslimahc; 03-04-12, 03:16 PM.
                              Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                              Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                              [Al Quran 13:28]
                              ]

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