Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

the greatest mystery..

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • the greatest mystery..

    at the verge of a broken marriage, struggling to make my marriage work out, searching for hope everywhere... now i have only one question. maybe its a mystery for all men since the beginning of creation...

    "" how do i know what a girl (my wife) wants from me?
    i tried asking her a million times but she never says...

    :: how am i able to give her what she wants if she doesnt tell me?

    no offence to all my sisters in islam, do you yourself know what you want from us men? is there any secret language or sign that we men need to learn?

    i mean no disrespect.. its just that i am frustrated.

    salam.

  • #2
    Re: the greatest mystery..

    Well how have you approached? Have You just screamed at her and said, "I don't know what ou want woman, whats the problem?" or did you maybe sit with her, hold her hand and explain that as a man you need it to be spelt out, that you want to fix this and work at making her happy and having a healthy stable marriage but hat you need her to communicate with you so that you can see what is wrong and what can be changed?

    Have there been other factors that could potentially be a cause for this rift between the 2 of you? Anything that has happened recently, any changes or anything that you feel could be the reason? Sometimes you do have an incline but dismiss it when really that's part of a much bigger problem.
    *~* Learn Patience from Aasiyah (RA); Loyalty from Khadhija (RA); Sincerity from Aisha (RA) and Steadfastness from Fatima (RA).*~*

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: the greatest mystery..

      Women are a mystery my friend im a woman and I dont even understand myself at times*sigh* All I can say is be nice and ask her.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: the greatest mystery..

        maybe u did something wrong :L sit down with her, and look into her eyes and apologies to her and say 'sorry for whatever i have done' and tell her that you love her and buy her something nice for her. just be nice and sweet to her and thats enough. hope it helps brother. and may Allah bless your marriage inshaAllah.
        "Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion". 3:185

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: the greatest mystery..

          Originally posted by brother1ahmed View Post
          at the verge of a broken marriage, struggling to make my marriage work out, searching for hope everywhere... now i have only one question. maybe its a mystery for all men since the beginning of creation...

          "" how do i know what a girl (my wife) wants from me?
          i tried asking her a million times but she never says...

          :: how am i able to give her what she wants if she doesnt tell me?

          no offence to all my sisters in islam, do you yourself know what you want from us men? is there any secret language or sign that we men need to learn?

          i mean no disrespect.. its just that i am frustrated.

          salam.
          Sadly Brother you may never know, all I can suggest is a bit of reverse psychology.

          Sit her down, in a quiet moment and explain that you think the marriage is failing and is there something that you are not doing that she wants you to do or is there something that you are doing that she doesn't want you to do.

          If you don't get an answer, give up asking her, provide her with the basics, food, clothes and shelter but develop an active interest in a new 'hobby' or pastime. If she asks you to do something say you will but don't jump up straight away and do it, leave it a bit before you do it and occasionally 'forget' to do it.

          If you move away from her in an emotional sense it will give her enough room to decide that she wants you and make an effort or that she doesn't want to be with you and then you can both stop wasting your time trying to build something together that one of you doesn't want.

          I assume that you have investigated the possibility of other factors eg post-natal depression, depression, etc and ruled them out and discussed the situation with her parents/family.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: the greatest mystery..

            Bro RX-78

            Your generalisation is petty, your phrasing of your post has been poor and it's better that you do not slander his wife and call her 'trash' when you know nothing about her

            OP, why did you open this thread? Do you think you'll get the answer to this generic question, or that somehow we will be able to help your marriage if you don't really explain what is wrong?

            :jkk:

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: the greatest mystery..

              Originally posted by RX-78-2
              Women don't know what they want. But it's not cause they're a mystery. They're just incredibly self-entitled and selfish now. I'll pray for you bro.

              I don't know what problems you're having with your wife. But if she's not committed to fixing things and you don't have kids throw her out on her butt. She' sounds like trash.
              it will be a very very long time before you find a wife. I suggest you stop looking and improve your attitude first.
              "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

              Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: the greatest mystery..

                when women are hurt, they will say i am ok and literally make you believe that they are ok, and inside it'll be another story.
                women get HURT over little things, it could just be like she dressed up for you and you didn't pay attention, and no blame on you because she may not have asked, or it could be like you spoke a bit harshly and hurt her feelings...trust me they won't tell you whats wrong, they'll play around the bush UNLESS you be kind to her and in the most gentle manner ask her what's wrong, and she'll cry it all out then.....OR she may just be ignorant and without a reason is being like this, then tell her to fear allah but please don't run to divorce as the brother above said, it'll brake homes...

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: the greatest mystery..

                  Originally posted by muslimah_rose View Post
                  when women are hurt, they will say i am ok and literally make you believe that they are ok, and inside it'll be another story.
                  women get HURT over little things, it could just be like she dressed up for you and you didn't pay attention, and no blame on you because she may not have asked, or it could be like you spoke a bit harshly and hurt her feelings...trust me they won't tell you whats wrong, they'll play around the bush UNLESS you be kind to her and in the most gentle manner ask her what's wrong, and she'll cry it all out then.....OR she may just be ignorant and without a reason is being like this, then tell her to fear allah but please don't run to divorce as the brother above said, it'll brake homes...
                  enough to drive a man crazy, sadly a lot doesn't know the dealing is very simple while trying to understand it is like trying to swim an ocean.
                  "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

                  Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: the greatest mystery..

                    they are strange creatures man, you better stay away when the monthly cycle comes or your doomed!!!

                    Originally posted by brother1ahmed View Post
                    at the verge of a broken marriage, struggling to make my marriage work out, searching for hope everywhere... now i have only one question. maybe its a mystery for all men since the beginning of creation...

                    "" how do i know what a girl (my wife) wants from me?
                    i tried asking her a million times but she never says...

                    :: how am i able to give her what she wants if she doesnt tell me?

                    no offence to all my sisters in islam, do you yourself know what you want from us men? is there any secret language or sign that we men need to learn?

                    i mean no disrespect.. its just that i am frustrated.

                    salam.
                    Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

                    -Quran (57:20)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: the greatest mystery..

                      Much of my marriage consisted of educated my husband on what I want/dont want.

                      Sometimes, its in a straightforward way i.e. I like this/I don't like this..

                      But most of the time, I tend to pre-empt situations from arising...so I will mention a hypothetical scenario. Perhaps from a book or a friend of mine...and state very vocally what I would do if I was her or what I would never tolerate...or what would really upset me etc. I take from other people's experiences and am very vocal in stating what I would do if I was them...

                      On a handful of occasions, its my reaction to certain events that have led my husband to understand what women do/do not want.

                      I think the biggest eye opener for him has been the fact that, all women are not the same. He thought he really knew women. He was brought up quite closely with two sisters. But that didnt put him in a advantage. I am nothing like his sisters.

                      I'm very sensitive. But I do not get emotional and unreasonable when I'm trying to make a point. I feel that when women do, it takes away from their message and what they are trying to convey. So, whenever I've wanted him to know something. He's become aware of it. This has never been done with OTT emotions, hysterics or tears on my side.

                      But more than half of it comes from him. He's interested in communicating. He wants to know whats wrong (if somethings wrong) he doesnt brush any issues under the carpet. He wants to know how I think/feel etc

                      I'm sure if you made an active effort in trying to find out from your wife what she wants - she will tell you.
                      https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: the greatest mystery..

                        Why don't you educate yourself on women and how to communicate with them by reading some books. I'd start with the book men are from mars, women are from venus. It is seriously a very good book to explain what women and men want and how they see the relationship. Give it a try inshAllah it is worth a little investigation to improve your marriage. It know many guys don't like reading relationship books but it better than just sitting back and watching it all fall apart and you don't even know why. But if you really do know why inside your heart and don't want to admit, just admit and do what needs to be done.
                        Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: the greatest mystery..

                          Women do know what they want, but all their life they have been told what to want and what to do (get married young, have kids, be a wife/mother, & do not desire anything else). Just look at this form and you will see plenty of threads on how women should dress to what they should do with their life and arguments on why the “halal want” some women have are wrong.

                          When a person grows up in such pressure they suppress their desire to the point they cannot communicate what they want because they are afraid of all the judgment. Few women are strong enough to voice their opinion and express themselves but most, especially growing up in above culture, just bottle things up until they can’t anymore.
                          You should seek marriage counseling or try to get her to be comfortable to share things with you. You don’t have emotional connection because not all words need to be spoken in words to be heard.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: the greatest mystery..

                            How did the problem start?

                            Comment

                            Working...
                            X