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  • humblebrother1
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
    If you think past isn't good, that means you are concerned about the past, which is a bad sign. Brother, please, you really need to be sure how much the past matters to you.

    Don't ruin her life, because no woman wants to be in a marriage where her husband is thinking about her sinful past. She'd rather be single.
    Yes your right.

    Leave a comment:


  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    Originally posted by humblebrother1 View Post
    Have not. The girl is good now, the past isn't. Maybe I should man up and accept it.
    If you think past isn't good, that means you are concerned about the past, which is a bad sign. Brother, please, you really need to be sure how much the past matters to you.

    Don't ruin her life, because no woman wants to be in a marriage where her husband is thinking about her sinful past. She'd rather be single.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kya
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    Give yourself time to accept it. don't move forward until you have accepted fully

    Leave a comment:


  • muslimah_rose
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    Originally posted by humblebrother1 View Post
    Have not. The girl is good now, the past isn't. Maybe I should man up and accept it.

    remember that its history, wiped out in the book of allah if shes repented to him and changed her ways inshallah, if shes pious and that attracts you then go for it, if you find her less pious than others around her, then go for the MOST pious woman there, PIETY, RIGHTEOUSNESS, HER RELIGION is the key to the BEST WIFE. the more god-fearing she is, the more happy you'll be as she'll be obediant to you and love you alone and fear allah in the matter of being CHASTE.

    and with this sister, if shes left her past, and regrets it then i can guarantee you 100% shes forgotton those men, and instead despises them now, a woman cannot love more than ONE man at a time, so if she will develop love with you inshallah after marriage then you have nothing to worry about her thinking of those men.

    Leave a comment:


  • deenlover1
    replied
    Sounds gud but Please be certain in ur decision as if u marry with an uncomfortable feeling, u'll ruin her life and chances of u having a gud relationship

    Did u do istikhara?

    Leave a comment:


  • humblebrother1
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    Originally posted by muslimah_rose View Post
    so have you made up your mind up now inshallah?
    Have not. The girl is good now, the past isn't. Maybe I should man up and accept it.

    Leave a comment:


  • muslimah_rose
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    Originally posted by humblebrother1 View Post
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7UJVVsIS8A
    so have you made up your mind up now inshallah?

    Leave a comment:


  • humblebrother1
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7UJVVsIS8A

    Leave a comment:


  • muslimahc
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
    the hymen maybe broken without any immoral action taking place http://islamqa.info/en/ref/96214/hymen

    She is going to get married, and her hymen was broken without her committing any immoral action http://islamqa.info/en/ref/84364/hymen

    He consummated the marriage with her and found that she was not a virgin even though she has never committed any immoral action

    I am a Muslim woman, and I fear Allaah in all my deeds. I got married – praise be to Allaah – to a man who is good in all ways; he treats me well and I treat him well, our relationship was excellent in all ways, love, respect, harmony and love for one another’s families. But then things started to go wrong. These days my husband and I found out that I was not a virgin, but I am certain that I am innocent because no one ever touched me before him.

    Praise be to Allaah.

    If your husband is wise and religiously committed, and he trusts you a great deal, then what he should do is to believe you when you say that you are innocent of any wrongdoing, especially since the breaking of the hymen may be caused by many things, not necessarily by committing the sin of fornication.

    This is if we accept what you have discovered about your not being a virgin. It may be that intercourse has taken place between you but the hymen was not broken, and so there was no bleeding, because of the nature of the hymen. It may be that the hymen is flexible and cannot be broken by intercourse, and requires medical intervention, as is well known to the experts in this field.

    The hymen is simply a physical sign which cannot be considered proof of whether the woman is a virgin or not or whether she has committed an immoral act or not. Hence we find that in court, usually the absence of the hymen is not regarded as grounds for making accusations against the woman, because it may be broken for many reasons.

    So the fact that the hymen is present is not a positive indication that a woman is a virgin, and its absence is not a positive sign of the opposite.

    We advise you to refer to a female doctor to make the matter clear, because there may be many reasons why the hymen is broken.

    We hope that your husband will understand this matter and will not be hasty in judging you. You should be aware that one of the aims of the Shaytaan is to cause division between husbands and wives, because of the great evil that results from that affecting families and individuals, as we see in the hadeeth of Jaabir who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Iblees placed his throne on water then he sends out his emissaries, and the closest of them to him in status is the one who causes the most fitnah (tribulation). One of them comes and says, ‘I did such and such,’ and he says, ‘You have not done much.’ Then another of them comes and says, ‘I did not leave him alone until I caused division between him and his wife,’ and he draws him close to him and says, ‘How good you are.’” Muslim, 5023.

    So he should close this door to the Shaytaan and avoid thinking about this matter, so long as this matter is not definitive and you are certain that nothing bad happened.

    We ask Allaah to guide him and to reconcile between you.

    And Allaah is the Source of strength.
    Islam Q&A
    You were a virgin before you married him. Like you said, hymen is not equal to virginity. As long as it was not broken by a guy, then a girl is still a virgin. There few girls who are actually born without one in the first place.
    Last edited by muslimahc; 30-03-12, 01:44 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • muslimahc
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    Originally posted by muslimah_rose View Post
    sister please speak with knowledge inshallah, this virginty thing has NO basis in islam whatsoever, not all women are born with what will happen,i think this is off topic, this may be practised in your culture which is very backward and degrading for chaste pure women who have no men even get close to them in their lives but just because she does not bleed she is considered impure....
    Did I say it had a basis in Islam? I made it clear that it was a cultural practice that I don't agree with so what are you on about? Anyway, let's not get too off topic.

    Leave a comment:


  • cyber_abdullah
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    Originally posted by Zesty View Post
    Look its simple, if you feel you can look past this, that it won't affect your marriage and most importantly that if you as a married couple have disagreements (which even the best of marriages do) that you won't throw this back continuously in her face them marry her. Everyone sins, people make mistakes and Allah is the one to forgive those who repent sincerely. We must have mercy in our heart and learn to forgive others if we wish for Allah to forgive us but to be fair, she doesn't need your forgiveness here, she didn't do you wrong- she did herself wrong and wallahi that is something she probably has to live with for the rest of her life. She has been good enough (or silly enough whichever way you want to see it) by being totally honest with you and the last thing she will want is for ou to keep reminding her of her sins if you were to ever bring it up!

    But if your problem is going to be about comparison and you think you are one of those people who will be insanely jealous or allow shaitaan to over take your mind with a hundred million questions and scenarios then brother please, do yourself and her a favour because a marriage like that will not work. There will be no trust, no growth on that relationship.
    It takes someone very strong willed and mature to deal with this sort of thing and you have to be sure that you can overlook it entirely, not bring it up, focus on your marriage to her and having an Islamic home and raising pious children inshaAllah otherwise it will consume you and turn you into a monster.

    If you can love her and make a good Islamic life with her and can overlook her sins then bismillah go for it but if you can't and you feel this will cause ou too much heartache and anguish and you will always have questions then subhanAllah say Alhamdullilah and walk away.
    the best post on this thread by far, especially the highlighted part about how people can, and do, throw back past indiscretions into the faces of those who did them.

    Leave a comment:


  • Zesty
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    Look its simple, if you feel you can look past this, that it won't affect your marriage and most importantly that if you as a married couple have disagreements (which even the best of marriages do) that you won't throw this back continuously in her face them marry her. Everyone sins, people make mistakes and Allah is the one to forgive those who repent sincerely. We must have mercy in our heart and learn to forgive others if we wish for Allah to forgive us but to be fair, she doesn't need your forgiveness here, she didn't do you wrong- she did herself wrong and wallahi that is something she probably has to live with for the rest of her life. She has been good enough (or silly enough whichever way you want to see it) by being totally honest with you and the last thing she will want is for ou to keep reminding her of her sins if you were to ever bring it up!

    But if your problem is going to be about comparison and you think you are one of those people who will be insanely jealous or allow shaitaan to over take your mind with a hundred million questions and scenarios then brother please, do yourself and her a favour because a marriage like that will not work. There will be no trust, no growth on that relationship.
    It takes someone very strong willed and mature to deal with this sort of thing and you have to be sure that you can overlook it entirely, not bring it up, focus on your marriage to her and having an Islamic home and raising pious children inshaAllah otherwise it will consume you and turn you into a monster.

    If you can love her and make a good Islamic life with her and can overlook her sins then bismillah go for it but if you can't and you feel this will cause ou too much heartache and anguish and you will always have questions then subhanAllah say Alhamdullilah and walk away.

    Leave a comment:


  • *asiya*
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    Originally posted by Curious George View Post
    the husband can find out if the wife is a virgin or not, which is scientifically proven. unless..... erm the lights are switched off

    the hymen maybe broken without any immoral action taking place http://islamqa.info/en/ref/96214/hymen

    She is going to get married, and her hymen was broken without her committing any immoral action http://islamqa.info/en/ref/84364/hymen

    He consummated the marriage with her and found that she was not a virgin even though she has never committed any immoral action

    I am a Muslim woman, and I fear Allaah in all my deeds. I got married – praise be to Allaah – to a man who is good in all ways; he treats me well and I treat him well, our relationship was excellent in all ways, love, respect, harmony and love for one another’s families. But then things started to go wrong. These days my husband and I found out that I was not a virgin, but I am certain that I am innocent because no one ever touched me before him.

    Praise be to Allaah.

    If your husband is wise and religiously committed, and he trusts you a great deal, then what he should do is to believe you when you say that you are innocent of any wrongdoing, especially since the breaking of the hymen may be caused by many things, not necessarily by committing the sin of fornication.

    This is if we accept what you have discovered about your not being a virgin. It may be that intercourse has taken place between you but the hymen was not broken, and so there was no bleeding, because of the nature of the hymen. It may be that the hymen is flexible and cannot be broken by intercourse, and requires medical intervention, as is well known to the experts in this field.

    The hymen is simply a physical sign which cannot be considered proof of whether the woman is a virgin or not or whether she has committed an immoral act or not. Hence we find that in court, usually the absence of the hymen is not regarded as grounds for making accusations against the woman, because it may be broken for many reasons.

    So the fact that the hymen is present is not a positive indication that a woman is a virgin, and its absence is not a positive sign of the opposite.

    We advise you to refer to a female doctor to make the matter clear, because there may be many reasons why the hymen is broken.

    We hope that your husband will understand this matter and will not be hasty in judging you. You should be aware that one of the aims of the Shaytaan is to cause division between husbands and wives, because of the great evil that results from that affecting families and individuals, as we see in the hadeeth of Jaabir who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Iblees placed his throne on water then he sends out his emissaries, and the closest of them to him in status is the one who causes the most fitnah (tribulation). One of them comes and says, ‘I did such and such,’ and he says, ‘You have not done much.’ Then another of them comes and says, ‘I did not leave him alone until I caused division between him and his wife,’ and he draws him close to him and says, ‘How good you are.’” Muslim, 5023.

    So he should close this door to the Shaytaan and avoid thinking about this matter, so long as this matter is not definitive and you are certain that nothing bad happened.

    We ask Allaah to guide him and to reconcile between you.

    And Allaah is the Source of strength.
    Islam Q&A
    Last edited by *asiya*; 29-03-12, 09:15 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Curious George
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
    How does a man not know whether his wife was a virgin or not? Doesn't he find out on the wedding night anyway? The way her body will react will give him a clue unless he is completely ignorant to that fact. I don't think I need to go into too much detail. People can use google if they don't get what I mean.
    the husband can find out if the wife is a virgin or not, which is scientifically proven. unless..... erm the lights are switched off

    Leave a comment:


  • rina
    replied
    Re: Girl with a past

    assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
    what did the prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam look for in a wife? shouldnt this be what men should aspire to when wanting to marry?

    as far as sinning, Allah subhano wa ta'ala forgives, then who are we to pass judgement? either get over it knowing Allah (swt) has forgiven her or is forgiving her if she is repenting for it, and marry her, or if this is still on your mind, dont ruin both your lives by marrying her. just as you deserve someone right, so does she.

    Leave a comment:

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