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  • #61
    Re: Girl with a past

    But in Islam a man is not allowed to ask anything in that regards from a lady unless she tells of herself her past to her husband? I thought this was what Islam said? Someone correct me if I am wrong.

    This obsession with virginity is rather perverse. It is definitely not religious and is more cultural. Mainly aimed at only one gender: women.
    Sister Jigsaw!

    Comment


    • #62
      Re: Girl with a past

      Originally posted by Jigsaw View Post
      But in Islam a man is not allowed to ask anything in that regards from a lady unless she tells of herself her past to her husband? I thought this was what Islam said? Someone correct me if I am wrong.

      This obsession with virginity is rather perverse. It is definitely not religious and is more cultural. Mainly aimed at only one gender: women.
      I agree
      Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

      Comment


      • #63
        Re: Girl with a past

        Originally posted by Jigsaw View Post
        But in Islam a man is not allowed to ask anything in that regards from a lady unless she tells of herself her past to her husband? I thought this was what Islam said? Someone correct me if I am wrong.

        This obsession with virginity is rather perverse. It is definitely not religious and is more cultural. Mainly aimed at only one gender: women.
        This is incorrect, I asked my sheikh this question and he said the evidences talking about it being forbidden to talk about your past is in relation to talking about it out of arrogance. There is also consideration to keep silent about a sin that was done privately, but he said as he understands the topic when it comes to marriage you should be very open and clear. Going into marriage with secrets leads to many problems later (because you will undoubtedly find out).
        If you have any questions feel free to PM me!

        Humililty, Sincerity, and the quest for Truth. There is no purpose in life but to seek the pleasure of Allah.
        There is a possibility a female might use this account to read something!

        Comment


        • #64
          Re: Girl with a past

          Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
          How does a man not know whether his wife was a virgin or not? Doesn't he find out on the wedding night anyway? The way her body will react will give him a clue unless he is completely ignorant to that fact. I don't think I need to go into too much detail. People can use google if they don't get what I mean.
          Salaam

          Actually, that's incorrect. A virgin may react the same way as a non virgin on the wedding night and vice versa so the reaction isn't really a proof of anything

          :jkk:

          Comment


          • #65
            Re: Girl with a past

            Originally posted by Jigsaw View Post
            But in Islam a man is not allowed to ask anything in that regards from a lady unless she tells of herself her past to her husband? I thought this was what Islam said? Someone correct me if I am wrong.

            This obsession with virginity is rather perverse. It is definitely not religious and is more cultural. Mainly aimed at only one gender: women.

            Is it permissible for a zaani (fornicator) to marry a believing woman?
            please tell me can i marry a beliver if i`ve had sex with a non muslim please answer?


            Praise be to Allaah.

            If a fornicator repents sincerely, Allaah accepts his repentance. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

            “And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

            The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

            Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

            And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance” [al-Furqaan 25:68-71]

            See also question no. 728.

            If he repents, then he may marry a believing woman. If a fornicator repents, he should conceal his past and not spread word of it. And Allaah knows best.


            Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
            "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

            The Prophet :saw: said:

            "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

            muslim

            Narrated 'Abdullah:

            The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


            "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

            By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

            [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

            Comment


            • #66
              Re: Girl with a past

              Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
              True. In my culture the men are made aware of what will happen b/c they still do virginity tests (which I don't agree with as it shouldn't be publicized). So if a girl is not a virgin she better just admit it before being embarassed on her wedding day. Her husband's family will make sure that she is a virgin. I think that is why I subconciously assume everybody else knows what will happen to a girl during her first time.
              sister please speak with knowledge inshallah, this virginty thing has NO basis in islam whatsoever, not all women are born with what will happen,i think this is off topic, this may be practised in your culture which is very backward and degrading for chaste pure women who have no men even get close to them in their lives but just because she does not bleed she is considered impure....

              Comment


              • #67
                Re: Girl with a past

                Originally posted by ahmad12 View Post
                Salaam

                Actually, that's incorrect. A virgin may react the same way as a non virgin on the wedding night and vice versa so the reaction isn't really a proof of anything

                :jkk:
                agree

                Comment


                • #68
                  Re: Girl with a past

                  assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
                  what did the prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam look for in a wife? shouldnt this be what men should aspire to when wanting to marry?

                  as far as sinning, Allah subhano wa ta'ala forgives, then who are we to pass judgement? either get over it knowing Allah (swt) has forgiven her or is forgiving her if she is repenting for it, and marry her, or if this is still on your mind, dont ruin both your lives by marrying her. just as you deserve someone right, so does she.

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Re: Girl with a past

                    Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
                    How does a man not know whether his wife was a virgin or not? Doesn't he find out on the wedding night anyway? The way her body will react will give him a clue unless he is completely ignorant to that fact. I don't think I need to go into too much detail. People can use google if they don't get what I mean.
                    the husband can find out if the wife is a virgin or not, which is scientifically proven. unless..... erm the lights are switched off

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Re: Girl with a past

                      Originally posted by Curious George View Post
                      the husband can find out if the wife is a virgin or not, which is scientifically proven. unless..... erm the lights are switched off

                      the hymen maybe broken without any immoral action taking place http://islamqa.info/en/ref/96214/hymen

                      She is going to get married, and her hymen was broken without her committing any immoral action http://islamqa.info/en/ref/84364/hymen

                      He consummated the marriage with her and found that she was not a virgin even though she has never committed any immoral action

                      I am a Muslim woman, and I fear Allaah in all my deeds. I got married – praise be to Allaah – to a man who is good in all ways; he treats me well and I treat him well, our relationship was excellent in all ways, love, respect, harmony and love for one another’s families. But then things started to go wrong. These days my husband and I found out that I was not a virgin, but I am certain that I am innocent because no one ever touched me before him.

                      Praise be to Allaah.

                      If your husband is wise and religiously committed, and he trusts you a great deal, then what he should do is to believe you when you say that you are innocent of any wrongdoing, especially since the breaking of the hymen may be caused by many things, not necessarily by committing the sin of fornication.

                      This is if we accept what you have discovered about your not being a virgin. It may be that intercourse has taken place between you but the hymen was not broken, and so there was no bleeding, because of the nature of the hymen. It may be that the hymen is flexible and cannot be broken by intercourse, and requires medical intervention, as is well known to the experts in this field.

                      The hymen is simply a physical sign which cannot be considered proof of whether the woman is a virgin or not or whether she has committed an immoral act or not. Hence we find that in court, usually the absence of the hymen is not regarded as grounds for making accusations against the woman, because it may be broken for many reasons.

                      So the fact that the hymen is present is not a positive indication that a woman is a virgin, and its absence is not a positive sign of the opposite.

                      We advise you to refer to a female doctor to make the matter clear, because there may be many reasons why the hymen is broken.

                      We hope that your husband will understand this matter and will not be hasty in judging you. You should be aware that one of the aims of the Shaytaan is to cause division between husbands and wives, because of the great evil that results from that affecting families and individuals, as we see in the hadeeth of Jaabir who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Iblees placed his throne on water then he sends out his emissaries, and the closest of them to him in status is the one who causes the most fitnah (tribulation). One of them comes and says, ‘I did such and such,’ and he says, ‘You have not done much.’ Then another of them comes and says, ‘I did not leave him alone until I caused division between him and his wife,’ and he draws him close to him and says, ‘How good you are.’” Muslim, 5023.

                      So he should close this door to the Shaytaan and avoid thinking about this matter, so long as this matter is not definitive and you are certain that nothing bad happened.

                      We ask Allaah to guide him and to reconcile between you.

                      And Allaah is the Source of strength.
                      Islam Q&A
                      Last edited by *asiya*; 29-03-12, 08:15 PM.
                      "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                      The Prophet :saw: said:

                      "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                      muslim

                      Narrated 'Abdullah:

                      The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                      "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                      By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                      [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Re: Girl with a past

                        Look its simple, if you feel you can look past this, that it won't affect your marriage and most importantly that if you as a married couple have disagreements (which even the best of marriages do) that you won't throw this back continuously in her face them marry her. Everyone sins, people make mistakes and Allah is the one to forgive those who repent sincerely. We must have mercy in our heart and learn to forgive others if we wish for Allah to forgive us but to be fair, she doesn't need your forgiveness here, she didn't do you wrong- she did herself wrong and wallahi that is something she probably has to live with for the rest of her life. She has been good enough (or silly enough whichever way you want to see it) by being totally honest with you and the last thing she will want is for ou to keep reminding her of her sins if you were to ever bring it up!

                        But if your problem is going to be about comparison and you think you are one of those people who will be insanely jealous or allow shaitaan to over take your mind with a hundred million questions and scenarios then brother please, do yourself and her a favour because a marriage like that will not work. There will be no trust, no growth on that relationship.
                        It takes someone very strong willed and mature to deal with this sort of thing and you have to be sure that you can overlook it entirely, not bring it up, focus on your marriage to her and having an Islamic home and raising pious children inshaAllah otherwise it will consume you and turn you into a monster.

                        If you can love her and make a good Islamic life with her and can overlook her sins then bismillah go for it but if you can't and you feel this will cause ou too much heartache and anguish and you will always have questions then subhanAllah say Alhamdullilah and walk away.
                        *~* Learn Patience from Aasiyah (RA); Loyalty from Khadhija (RA); Sincerity from Aisha (RA) and Steadfastness from Fatima (RA).*~*

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Re: Girl with a past

                          Originally posted by Zesty View Post
                          Look its simple, if you feel you can look past this, that it won't affect your marriage and most importantly that if you as a married couple have disagreements (which even the best of marriages do) that you won't throw this back continuously in her face them marry her. Everyone sins, people make mistakes and Allah is the one to forgive those who repent sincerely. We must have mercy in our heart and learn to forgive others if we wish for Allah to forgive us but to be fair, she doesn't need your forgiveness here, she didn't do you wrong- she did herself wrong and wallahi that is something she probably has to live with for the rest of her life. She has been good enough (or silly enough whichever way you want to see it) by being totally honest with you and the last thing she will want is for ou to keep reminding her of her sins if you were to ever bring it up!

                          But if your problem is going to be about comparison and you think you are one of those people who will be insanely jealous or allow shaitaan to over take your mind with a hundred million questions and scenarios then brother please, do yourself and her a favour because a marriage like that will not work. There will be no trust, no growth on that relationship.
                          It takes someone very strong willed and mature to deal with this sort of thing and you have to be sure that you can overlook it entirely, not bring it up, focus on your marriage to her and having an Islamic home and raising pious children inshaAllah otherwise it will consume you and turn you into a monster.

                          If you can love her and make a good Islamic life with her and can overlook her sins then bismillah go for it but if you can't and you feel this will cause ou too much heartache and anguish and you will always have questions then subhanAllah say Alhamdullilah and walk away.
                          the best post on this thread by far, especially the highlighted part about how people can, and do, throw back past indiscretions into the faces of those who did them.
                          The Crisis of ISIS (Response to Hamza Yusuf)
                          Destroying the lies of the Murjiah!
                          http://www.islamic-awareness.org
                          http://islamqa.info/ - Best source on Islamic fatwas
                          Shia Death squads in Iraq ethnically cleansing Sunnis

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Re: Girl with a past

                            Originally posted by muslimah_rose View Post
                            sister please speak with knowledge inshallah, this virginty thing has NO basis in islam whatsoever, not all women are born with what will happen,i think this is off topic, this may be practised in your culture which is very backward and degrading for chaste pure women who have no men even get close to them in their lives but just because she does not bleed she is considered impure....
                            Did I say it had a basis in Islam? I made it clear that it was a cultural practice that I don't agree with so what are you on about? Anyway, let's not get too off topic.
                            Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                            Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                            [Al Quran 13:28]
                            ]

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Re: Girl with a past

                              Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
                              the hymen maybe broken without any immoral action taking place http://islamqa.info/en/ref/96214/hymen

                              She is going to get married, and her hymen was broken without her committing any immoral action http://islamqa.info/en/ref/84364/hymen

                              He consummated the marriage with her and found that she was not a virgin even though she has never committed any immoral action

                              I am a Muslim woman, and I fear Allaah in all my deeds. I got married – praise be to Allaah – to a man who is good in all ways; he treats me well and I treat him well, our relationship was excellent in all ways, love, respect, harmony and love for one another’s families. But then things started to go wrong. These days my husband and I found out that I was not a virgin, but I am certain that I am innocent because no one ever touched me before him.

                              Praise be to Allaah.

                              If your husband is wise and religiously committed, and he trusts you a great deal, then what he should do is to believe you when you say that you are innocent of any wrongdoing, especially since the breaking of the hymen may be caused by many things, not necessarily by committing the sin of fornication.

                              This is if we accept what you have discovered about your not being a virgin. It may be that intercourse has taken place between you but the hymen was not broken, and so there was no bleeding, because of the nature of the hymen. It may be that the hymen is flexible and cannot be broken by intercourse, and requires medical intervention, as is well known to the experts in this field.

                              The hymen is simply a physical sign which cannot be considered proof of whether the woman is a virgin or not or whether she has committed an immoral act or not. Hence we find that in court, usually the absence of the hymen is not regarded as grounds for making accusations against the woman, because it may be broken for many reasons.

                              So the fact that the hymen is present is not a positive indication that a woman is a virgin, and its absence is not a positive sign of the opposite.

                              We advise you to refer to a female doctor to make the matter clear, because there may be many reasons why the hymen is broken.

                              We hope that your husband will understand this matter and will not be hasty in judging you. You should be aware that one of the aims of the Shaytaan is to cause division between husbands and wives, because of the great evil that results from that affecting families and individuals, as we see in the hadeeth of Jaabir who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Iblees placed his throne on water then he sends out his emissaries, and the closest of them to him in status is the one who causes the most fitnah (tribulation). One of them comes and says, ‘I did such and such,’ and he says, ‘You have not done much.’ Then another of them comes and says, ‘I did not leave him alone until I caused division between him and his wife,’ and he draws him close to him and says, ‘How good you are.’” Muslim, 5023.

                              So he should close this door to the Shaytaan and avoid thinking about this matter, so long as this matter is not definitive and you are certain that nothing bad happened.

                              We ask Allaah to guide him and to reconcile between you.

                              And Allaah is the Source of strength.
                              Islam Q&A
                              You were a virgin before you married him. Like you said, hymen is not equal to virginity. As long as it was not broken by a guy, then a girl is still a virgin. There few girls who are actually born without one in the first place.
                              Last edited by muslimahc; 30-03-12, 12:44 AM.
                              Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                              Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                              [Al Quran 13:28]
                              ]

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Re: Girl with a past

                                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7UJVVsIS8A

                                Comment

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