Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Girl with a past

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #46
    Re: Girl with a past

    Originally posted by zakariyya21 View Post
    akhi if your a virgin then marry a virgin then you wont be worried like this and you'll have a better relationship inshAllah because honestly being with someone with a past relationship can cause problems later on.
    I think the truth is, that there is no truth. Some people will lie and you will just believe that they are virgin because they said so. Even if you read Istighara suppose after you made a decision for a girl that says she is something when she is not. I suppose its best never to bother asking.

    I know this may sound bad, but sometimes the personality or the look of that person can be a way of determining such a thing (IMO), however its not always the case and of course we can't always judge a book by its cover.

    I do find that post on the Sahaba interesting if its true, can anyone confirm this about the Sahabas life before Islam. Its weird how we think about reverts differently from non practicing born into Muslim family people.
    Last edited by humblebrother1; 28-03-12, 07:00 PM.

    Comment


    • #47
      Re: Girl with a past

      Originally posted by humblebrother1 View Post
      So if someone doesn't reveal their sins at all that's fine is it? Seems a bit harsh as well if they havn't told you certain things.
      Abu Hurayrah said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “All of my ummah will be forgiven except those who sin openly. It is a part of sinning openly when a man does something at night, then the following morning when Allaah has concealed his sin, he says, ‘O So and so, I did such and such last night,’ when all night his Lord has concealed him and the next morning he uncovers what Allaah had concealed.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5721; Muslim, 2990).

      Bro in my opinion there are those who won't be bothered about a potential's past and concentrate on what they're like now, and those that will let it affect them regardless of how pious a person is.

      Making this thread indicates you may have issues with it, and if you went ahead with the marriage it may cause issues.You know best how comfortable you are with what you know. We can only give our opinion but you are the one who will live his life with his partner and treat her how decent Muslim men should. Ask yourself would you look at her differently or even treat her differently to someone who didn't have a past? If the answer is yes, then walk away.
      Last edited by Starman1; 28-03-12, 11:00 PM.

      Comment


      • #48
        Re: Girl with a past

        Originally posted by rackspace View Post
        Yea, if you decide to get married to her, better ask her to do complete medical test for STDs
        Originally posted by humblebrother1 View Post
        So if someone doesn't reveal their sins at all that's fine is it? Seems a bit harsh as well if they havn't told you certain things.
        Allaahu Alim
        And He found you lost and guided you,
        ~ Qur'an (Ad Duhaa) 93:7 ~

        Salaah Reminders

        Guide us to the straight pain.
        " Ihdina-s-sirata-l-mustaqim "
        ~ Quran 1:6 ~

        الله أعلم

        Comment


        • #49
          Re: Girl with a past

          bro, if you werent a virgin this wouldent be an issue for you to be honest.

          but since you are a virgin, this is expected. if i were you, ide marry a virgin.
          And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (All‚h) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

          O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in All‚h and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of All‚h with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

          JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

          sponsor an orphan

          Comment


          • #50
            Re: Girl with a past

            Originally posted by humblebrother1 View Post
            I think the truth is, that there is no truth. Some people will lie and you will just believe that they are virgin because they said so. Even if you read Istighara suppose after you made a decision for a girl that says she is something when she is not. I suppose its best never to bother asking.

            I know this may sound bad, but sometimes the personality or the look of that person can be a way of determining such a thing (IMO), however its not always the case and of course we can't always judge a book by its cover.

            I do find that post on the Sahaba interesting if its true, can anyone confirm this about the Sahabas life before Islam. Its weird how we think about reverts differently from non practicing born into Muslim family people.
            give her another excuse and leave her. this thread being created is evidence enough that there will be issues in your mind after the marriage and the doubts will eat away at you. you'll probably consider her not as "clean/pure" as you and will never see her as equal. that is a natural part of male psychology. it'll never go. turn her down gently and find yourself a virgin. imho, she is better off marrying another revert, she may find him more amenable to her past because he himself may have a past.
            The Crisis of ISIS (Response to Hamza Yusuf)
            Destroying the lies of the Murjiah!
            http://www.islamic-awareness.org
            http://islamqa.info/ - Best source on Islamic fatwas
            Shia Death squads in Iraq ethnically cleansing Sunnis

            Comment


            • #51
              Re: Girl with a past

              first of all cut off all contacts with her.

              pray istikhara for couple of days, try to better yourself and become closer to Allaah Azawajal, remmember Him all the time and this is the time you need him the most to make a decsion of Life time marriage.
              when you made your descion do it the correct way whether you plan to leave her or marry her. However if you plan to marry her make sure you meet her through her wali everytime you see her and let her know that your intrested in a practising wife.
              if you plan to leave her send one email of your reasons and never reply back. if you start replying every question she asks then remmeber shaytaan is going to be involved and trick you.
              ☝🏻️اللهمَّ لك الحمد حتى ترضى، ولك الحمد إذا رضيت، ولك الحمد بعد الرضا

              Comment


              • #52
                Re: Girl with a past

                Originally posted by zakariyya21 View Post
                akhi if your a virgin then marry a virgin then you wont be worried like this and you'll have a better relationship inshAllah because honestly being with someone with a past relationship can cause problems later on.
                bare in mind that we have muslims men and even some women who had a past and allah subhnatallah guided them, they also need to get married, we cannot just paint them with this brush of being dirty or whatever, if anything more men have these pasts.

                Comment


                • #53
                  Re: Girl with a past

                  Originally posted by muslimah_rose View Post
                  bare in mind that we have muslims men and even some women who had a past and allah subhnatallah guided them, they also need to get married, we cannot just paint them with this brush of being dirty or whatever, if anything more men have these pasts.
                  nobody is painting anybody with any brush here from what i can see.

                  its natural for a man who is a virgin to feel this way. this is in no way judging her or him.
                  And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (All‚h) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

                  O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in All‚h and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of All‚h with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

                  JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

                  sponsor an orphan

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Re: Girl with a past

                    Originally posted by humblebrother1 View Post
                    I think the truth is, that there is no truth. Some people will lie and you will just believe that they are virgin because they said so. Even if you read Istighara suppose after you made a decision for a girl that says she is something when she is not. I suppose its best never to bother asking.

                    I know this may sound bad, but sometimes the personality or the look of that person can be a way of determining such a thing (IMO), however its not always the case and of course we can't always judge a book by its cover.

                    I do find that post on the Sahaba interesting if its true, can anyone confirm this about the Sahabas life before Islam. Its weird how we think about reverts differently from non practicing born into Muslim family people.
                    The Prophet (SAWS) made du’a, “O’ Allah, give Islam strength and power through the most beloved of the two men to you” The two men were ‘Umar ibn Hisham (Abu Jahl) and ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA). Allah (SWT) chose ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA)

                    Here are some incidents that took place before he (RA) became a Muslim:

                    'Umar (RA) was a heavy drinker in the times of Jahiliyyah and he used to drink with his "drinking friends." So, one night 'Umar (RA) didn't find anyone to drink with and he though that since there's nothing better to do, why not go and do tawaf around Ka'bah. He went out and he saw a man praying alone at the Ka'bah. 'Umar (RA) went closer and saw that it was Prophet (SAWS) therefore, he decided to somehow disturb the Prophet (SAWS). Then 'Umar (RA) hid under the cover of the Ka'bah and slowly he came to the spot from where he could hear the Prophet (SAWS) reciting the Qur'an. Whilst 'Umar (RA) was listening to the recitation of the Prophet (SAWS) , he was impressed by the Qur'an and thought that this might be the word of poet. At that very moment, the Prophet (SAWS) reached the part:
                    وَمَا هُوَ بِقَوْلِ شَاعِر قَلِيلًا مَا تُؤْمِنُونَ ٍ
                    It is not the word of a poet, little is that you believe!
                    {Noble Qur'an 69:41}

                    'Umar (RA) was amazed at this so he thought that this might be the word of a soothsayer and then he heard this:

                    وَلَا بِقَوْلِ كَاهِنٍ قَلِيلًا مَا تَذَكَّرُونَ
                    Nor is it the word of a soothsayer (or a foreteller), little is that you remember! {Noble Qur'an 69:42}

                    'Umar (RA) was now really stunned at this and finally he thought then this might be the Word of Allah (SWT).

                    One day, ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) saw a Sahabiyyah who was on her way to Abyssinia. He (RA) said, “Are you leaving?” She (RA) replied, “Yes, because you have oppressed us and persecuted us! We are going to travel in the land of Allah, in order we can practice our religion freely.” He (RA) said, “May Allah be with you!” This statement was contrary to the nature of ‘Umar (RA). ‘Umar (RA) showing compassion to a Muslim was not possible. When Nu’aym bin ‘AbduLlah (RA) came back, he was with the Sahabiyyah (RA), she told him what happened. He said, “It appears that you are hoping for ‘Umar to be a Muslim.” She said, “Yes.” He said, “Let me tell you, the donkey of his father would become a Muslim before he does.”

                    ‘AbduLlah ibn ‘Umar (RA) narrated, “One day, a handsome man walked in front of us so my father looked at his face and said, ‘If my intuition is right, this man was a fortune teller for his people’.’ So we called the man and ‘Umar (RA) said, ‘Tell me about yourself.’ The man said, ‘Yes, I was the fortune teller of my people.’ So ’Umar (RA) asked him, “Tell me about the strangest thing your Jinn has told you about.” He said, “My Jinn came to me and he mentioned some rhyming words speaking about coming of a Prophet.” ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) said, ‘Yes, that’s true. One day when a man was sacrificing an animal for idols, I heard a very loud voice and this voice was saying something similar that there was a Prophet coming and then immediately after that Muhammad claimed to be the Prophet.’ ”(‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar {RA} said, “Rarely would the intuition of my father would go wrong”)”

                    One day the Mushrikin were discussing the issue of Prophet (SAWS). They said, “Who’d want to volunteer in killing him?” ‘Umar (RA) said, “I will!” They said, “Yes, you are the man for it.” So ‘Umar (RA) carried his sword in the middle of a very hot day in Makkah and he was walking down the streets to Dar al-Arqam and you could see evil in his eyes. One of the companions who was practising Islam in secret, saw ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) and he realised that there was something wrong. So, he (RA) told ‘Umar (RA), “Where are you going?” He (RA) said, “To this man who has disunited our people and has made fools out of us and who has cursed our gods, I am going to kill him.” The Companion (RA) told him (RA), “It seems that you are too confident in yourself. Do you think Bani Abdul Manaf are going to let you walk on the face of this earth if you kill their man?” ‘Umar (RA) was upset, so they started an argument. Then ‘Umar (RA) continued, “I think that you have become Muslim and if I am sure that you are Muslim, I am going to start by killing you first!” So, the Sahabi felt that there is no hope in carrying on this discussion in this way, he told ‘Umar, “Before you go to RasuluLlah, why don’t you take care of our household first?” ‘Umar (RA) said, “What do you mean?” He (RA) said, “Your sister and husband have become Muslim” This Sahabi said this when every other argument did not work. So now ‘Umar (RA) changed his course and he went straight to the house of his sister. When he (RA) got next to the door, he heard them reciting Qur’an. Fatimah bint al-Khattab and her husband Sa’id ibn Zayd (RA) (who was the cousin of ‘Umar {RA}) were being taught Qur’an by Khabbab ibn al-Arat (RA). When he (RA) knocked the door and they saw that it’s ‘Umar (RA), Khabbab (RA) immediately went into hiding and Fatimah (RA) hid the scroll of the Qur’an under her thigh. ‘Umar (RA) came and in and said, “What was that humming sound that I heard?” They (RA) said, “It was nothing we were just talking.” He (RA) said, “Don’t lie! What was that noise? And have you become Muslim?” Sa’id ibn Zayd (RA) said, “Well, what if Islam is better than your religion?” At that point, ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) attacked Sa’id (RA), he threw him to the ground and then he sat on top of him. When Fatimah (RA) saw that, she came to defend her husband, ‘Umar (RA) struck her. It came onto her face and she started to bleed. She (RA) then said, “O’ Enemy of Allah, you hit me just because I believe in Allah? Whether you like it or not I bear witness and testify that there is God but Allah and Muhammad is Messenger of Allah, do whatever you want!” When ‘Umar (RA) saw the strength emanating from his sister, the confidence and to blood on her face, he regretted what he had done. He felt sorry for what he had done with his sister, so he moved away from Sa’id (RA) and sat down and said, “Hand me over your scrolls.” She (RA) said, “I wont.” ‘Umar (RA) said, “What you said, struck a cord in my heart and I promise you that I will return the scrolls to you safely.” She (RA) said, “You are a Mushrik and in state of impurity so you have to make Ghusl first.” ‘Umar (RA) went and did Ghusl and then came back. She (RA) handed him the scrolls. ‘Umar (RA) started to recited the Ayaat in the scroll:

                    طه (1) مَا أَنزَلْنَا عَلَيْكَ الْقُرْآنَ لِتَشْقَى (2) إِلَّا تَذْكِرَةً لِّمَن يَخْشَى (3) تَنزِيلًا مِّمَّنْ خَلَقَ الْأَرْضَ وَالسَّمَاوَاتِ الْعُلَى (4) الرَّحْمَنُ عَلَى الْعَرْشِ اسْتَوَى (5) لَهُ مَا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا وَمَا تَحْتَ الثَّرَى (6) وَإِن تَجْهَرْ بِالْقَوْلِ فَإِنَّهُ يَعْلَمُ السِّرَّ وَأَخْفَى (7) اللَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا هُوَ لَهُ الْأَسْمَاءُ الْحُسْنَى



                    TaHa.We have not sent down the Qur’an unto you (O Muhammad {SAWS}) to cause you distress. But only as a Reminder to those who fear (Allah).A revelation from Him (Allah) Who has created the earth and high heavens. The Most Beneficent (Allah) Istawa (rose over) the (Mighty) Throne (in a manner that suits His Majesty). To Him belongs all that is in the heavens and all that is on the earth, and all that is between them, and all that is under the soil. And if you (O Muhammad {SAWS}) speak (the invocation) aloud, then verily, He knows the secret and that which is yet more hidden. Allah! La ilaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He)! To Him belong the Best Names.” {Noble Qur’an 20:1-7}
                    When ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) recited, he said, “Is this what Quraysh is against? The One who has spoken these words needs to be worshipped. Where is Muhammad?” When Khabbab bin al-Arat (RA) heard this, he came out of hiding and said, “I think ‘Umar Allah (SWT) has accepted the du’a of RasuluLlah!” They (RA) told him where the Prophet (SAWS) was meeting with the Sahabah (RA). ‘Umar (RA) went to Dar al-Arqam, and knocked the door. The Sahabah (RA) peeked and saw that it was ‘Umar (RA), so they all sat down. Hamzah (RA) looked at them and asked, “What’s wrong with you?” They (RA) said, “It’s ‘Umar” He (RA) said, “So what is its ‘Umar? If he came for good, then he is welcomed, if he came for evil, then we are going to kill him with his own sword.” Hamzah and another companion (RA) opened the door and they held ‘Umar (RA) by his arms and they brought him to Prophet (SAWS). He (SAWS) said, “Leave him alone.” They (RA) released ‘Umar (RA). Then the Prophet (SAWS) pulled ‘Umar (RA) by his clothes, brought close to him and said, “Why did you come here O’ son Khattab? Aren’t you going to stop fighting Islam until Allah is going to destroy you?” ‘Umar (RA) said, “O’ Messenger of Allah, I have come here for no reason other than believing in Allah and His Messenger.” Prophet (SAWS) said Takbir. When the Sahabah (RA) heard the Prophet (SAWS)’s Takbir, the whole place erupted with Takbir. It was so loud, that they immediately had to disperse because everybody else could hear it.

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Re: Girl with a past

                      Originally posted by humblebrother1 View Post
                      You know how it is, woman has something to compare to in the past I don't that's my problem.
                      In the Quran is is recommended for chaste men to marry chaste women. If you are worried about her comparing you to other men, especially since you have never done it before, you should reconsider. Think about why you really want this girl and her choosing her amongst other girls you can marry. There are plenty of muslimahs who have never been touched before, so think what makes this one special to you that you might possibly be willing to overlook her past. Even if the person repented, it still doesn't change the past. What if you happen to bump into one of her ex boyfriends or a guy she had relations with? There are not too many male virgins anymore and I think it is better if they marry virgin girls, but that is just me. I personally would be bothered if my future husband had relations with other women. I just don't like the idea that he experienced something like that with someone else.

                      So I suggest you should try to find an indirect way to ask. It is unlikely that a non-muslimah, especially if you live in the west is still a virgin or had never had premarital sex. I don't think it is wrong to find out things like that in marriage has you are committing for the rest of your life to be with this person. Before you tie yourself down with someone, you should find out all the things that are important to you within reason. With all these STDs nowadays it is better to be safe than sorry. If the person gets upset and rejects your proposal, move on to the next person. There are many fish in the sea, especially for men.
                      Last edited by muslimahc; 29-03-12, 04:11 PM.
                      Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                      Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                      [Al Quran 13:28]
                      ]

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Re: Girl with a past

                        Originally posted by humblebrother1 View Post
                        I like her honesty, she has told me she has had sex 4 times and has no attachment to anyone. That past is gone. Maybe this is the wrong thing to post but but this is done so by being anonymous here. I am not trying to expose anyone or make someone else feel bad for what they have done. She is a better person now, however my heart aches a little bit knowing this because of me being clean.

                        Jazakallah for the posts. I do agree with some statements above in that Allah is the one who forgives and that's all that matters. The only thing to deal with is having that at the back of your mind all the time for a period of time.

                        Like I said, I never did anything wrong like that but perhaps I could have gone the wrong way as well, not using this as a means of justifying the person for marriage, if Allah can forgive maybe I should as well. Course there isn't going to be a sinless person on this forum, we have different wrongs but some wrongs you just can't take. I guess what I can take from knowing such a fact is to grow stronger and have patience, to remember the life is just a test and that we are here to pray to Allah SWT. I think we have probably read stories of people who have done major deeds and been forgiven for it in the past, perhaps I should take a lesson.

                        But I will think on it still.
                        Her honesty is good about her. At least she is not hiding anything from you. Many women put up a front and act like saints in order to get a guy to marry them and let their true colors out as soon as she gets him. Some people have a bad past and then when they become guided, it like they completely transform into a new person and become so pious. It is really up to you if you are not bothered by her having experience with other men.
                        Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                        Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                        [Al Quran 13:28]
                        ]

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Re: Girl with a past

                          Originally posted by aadil77 View Post
                          Sometimes bro whether you like it or not someones past can come out even if they do not tell you themselves.

                          And women can have a tough time keeping secrets, even their own secrets.

                          I've read some sad cases on another forum where marriages have been ruined cause of it, example: a brother was lied to by his wife that she was chaste (or hiding her sins as you'd call it), she couldn't keep it in any longer and tells him about her history with other men, he ends up heartbroken and couldn't ever look at her the same way again - marriage ruined.
                          How does a man not know whether his wife was a virgin or not? Doesn't he find out on the wedding night anyway? The way her body will react will give him a clue unless he is completely ignorant to that fact. I don't think I need to go into too much detail. People can use google if they don't get what I mean.
                          Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                          Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                          [Al Quran 13:28]
                          ]

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Re: Girl with a past

                            Originally posted by muslimahc View Post
                            How does a man not know whether his wife was a virgin or not? Doesn't he find out on the wedding night anyway? The way her body will react will give him a clue unless he is completely ignorant to that fact. I don't think I need to go into too much detail. People can use google if they don't get what I mean.
                            Well, I'm sure he would be ignorant if he was previously unmarried himself.
                            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Re: Girl with a past

                              there is also a hadith where the prophet salallahu alyhi wa salam has said the more deviant you were in your jahil days the best you are in islam to the sahabah r.a.

                              at the end of the day brother just ask allah subhnatallah to help you to what is best for you, there is no point dragging this so long, jus do istikhara and then go with your instincts, if you chose to marry her then she was written for you in your destiny, and if you chose not to then she wasn't yours from the start and you can't do anything as allah azaawajal willed it not to be and please adivse her to be ashamed and HIDE her sins! it makes me so angry that they go about doing these things then a lot of women reveal their major sins like zinah..la haula wa la kuwataillabillah...please advise her to not tell anyone again, and especially potential husbands wholl just run away... :/

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Re: Girl with a past

                                Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                                Well, I'm sure he would be ignorant if he was previously unmarried himself.

                                True. In my culture the men are made aware of what will happen b/c they still do virginity tests (which I don't agree with as it shouldn't be publicized). So if a girl is not a virgin she better just admit it before being embarassed on her wedding day. Her husband's family will make sure that she is a virgin. I think that is why I subconciously assume everybody else knows what will happen to a girl during her first time.
                                Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." [Qur'an 2:152]
                                Behold in the Remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
                                [Al Quran 13:28]
                                ]

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X