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  • Girl with a past

    No
    Last edited by humblebrother1; 05-03-14, 08:34 PM.

  • #2
    If you defo want to know what things her past involves then ask to put your mind at rest I guess but if she's changed for the better will you benefit from knowing of her past sins? Personally if I was to marry someone now I wouldn't want to know their past sins and I wouldnt want them to know mine the main thing is that we should sincerely ask Allah swt for forgiveness and move on

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    • #3
      Re: Girl with a past

      Originally posted by eshaM View Post
      If you defo want to know what things her past involves then ask to put your mind at rest I guess but if she's changed for the better will you benefit from knowing of her past sins? Personally if I was to marry someone now I wouldn't want to know their past sins and I wouldnt want them to know mine the main thing is that we should sincerely ask Allah swt for forgiveness and move on
      You know how it is, woman has something to compare to in the past I don't that's my problem.

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      • #4
        Re: Girl with a past

        Originally posted by humblebrother1 View Post
        Salam,

        I know a girl who is trying to better herself in Islam, she has a lot of knowledge and focus towards it. She carries a past (relationship), perhaps that relationship has involved bad things, I wouldn't ask that question.

        I am fine, at 24 I am chaste and I have not done wrong like that. Now I read this other thread which was closed which talks about repentance and that the sins are between the person and Allah SWT.

        I could have also been on the wrong path like that and thank Allah I did not go on that path (even at times I wasn't so religious).

        The fact that she is a nice girl, humble girl who is making herself better with Islam is a good reason enough. I do have that doubt about her past though, if I was to pursue marriage, what questions do you think I should ask, or do you think I should not bother, leave it at what I know and forgive and forget.
        Wa Aalaikum Assalam,

        It has been my experience that when someone who has not interacted with the other gender marries someone who has had very intimate interaction with another person, there tend to be problems later.

        Some people can handle it, but unless you firmly believe that you don't care who she's been with in the past, you might want to re-consider the marriage.
        If you have any questions feel free to PM me!

        Humililty, Sincerity, and the quest for Truth. There is no purpose in life but to seek the pleasure of Allah.
        There is a possibility a female might use this account to read something!

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        • #5
          Re: Girl with a past

          :wswrwb:

          I'd leave it, really. unless, you really think that's something that will affect you in the future.
          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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          • #6
            Strong generalisations in this thread

            Bro listen to me and listen to me carefully now, everyone has a past to some extent, no one is a saint and no one can say they have never committed any sins, find me one person and I'll quit this forum.

            What matters is the future, the thing is Allah gives people a chance all the time, but do people ? Hell no, so if your up for it and can work on it and man up and deal with it like a man then go for it, but do istikhara first and give it time. Remember Deen should matter not anything else, if she is steadfast in that, and you two can better each other in Deen, then go for it, good luck akhii.

            Also make dua for guidance :)

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Girl with a past

              Originally posted by humblebrother1 View Post
              Salam,

              I know a girl who is trying to better herself in Islam, she has a lot of knowledge and focus towards it. She carries a past (relationship), perhaps that relationship has involved bad things, I wouldn't ask that question.

              I am fine, at 24 I am chaste and I have not done wrong like that. Now I read this other thread which was closed which talks about repentance and that the sins are between the person and Allah SWT.

              I could have also been on the wrong path like that and thank Allah I did not go on that path (even at times I wasn't so religious).

              The fact that she is a nice girl, humble girl who is making herself better with Islam is a good reason enough. I do have that doubt about her past though, if I was to pursue marriage, what questions do you think I should ask, or do you think I should not bother, leave it at what I know and forgive and forget.
              You cannot blame women to like a man. She would have become a women at 13 14 years of age. Since then she was alone with out a partner. Some people cannot avoid those natural feelings and are more inclined to do bad things which would have been perfectly fine if done in nikah.

              Now the only thing which matters is that whether she have had emotional attachment only, may be with a little physical contact or she has had intercourse. later would be too much for most of the people. former is fine, one can understand and forgive more easily.
              Last edited by rackspace; 27-03-12, 06:41 AM.

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              • #8
                Re: Girl with a past

                Originally posted by Dark Knight View Post
                What matters is the future, the thing is Allah gives people a chance all the time, but do people ? Hell no, so if your up for it and can work on it and man up and deal with it like a man then go for it, but do istikhara first and give it time. Remember Deen should matter not anything else, if she is steadfast in that, and you two can better each other in Deen, then go for it, good luck akhii.
                Works both ways brother, you can either be a man and deal with it or you can be a man and get yourself a wife who's not slept around with other men

                He it is Who sends blessings on you, as do His angels, that He may bring you out from the depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full of Mercy to the Believers. [Quran {33:43}]
                www.QuranicAudio.com
                www.Quran.com

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                • #9
                  Re: Girl with a past

                  I like her honesty, she has told me she has had sex 4 times and has no attachment to anyone. That past is gone. Maybe this is the wrong thing to post but but this is done so by being anonymous here. I am not trying to expose anyone or make someone else feel bad for what they have done. She is a better person now, however my heart aches a little bit knowing this because of me being clean.

                  Jazakallah for the posts. I do agree with some statements above in that Allah is the one who forgives and that's all that matters. The only thing to deal with is having that at the back of your mind all the time for a period of time.

                  Like I said, I never did anything wrong like that but perhaps I could have gone the wrong way as well, not using this as a means of justifying the person for marriage, if Allah can forgive maybe I should as well. Course there isn't going to be a sinless person on this forum, we have different wrongs but some wrongs you just can't take. I guess what I can take from knowing such a fact is to grow stronger and have patience, to remember the life is just a test and that we are here to pray to Allah SWT. I think we have probably read stories of people who have done major deeds and been forgiven for it in the past, perhaps I should take a lesson.

                  But I will think on it still.
                  Last edited by humblebrother1; 27-03-12, 08:29 AM.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Girl with a past

                    brother,where was her wali when you are discussing with her how many times shes had sexual relations..

                    seriously, you shouldnt be asking, and she shouldnt be telling you anything like that, if someone has done something haram then they need to hide their sins, and repent to Allah, not speak about them without shame. This is just shaitan sitting with both of you in these talks. if you want to marry her, speak to her wali, if she doesnt have one, then she needs to get one. but you need to stop speaking to her alone about marriage, because the prophet :saw: said when a man and woman are alone shaitan is the third amongst them.
                    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                    The Prophet :saw: said:

                    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                    muslim

                    Narrated 'Abdullah:

                    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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                    • #11
                      Re: Girl with a past

                      Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
                      brother,where was her wali when you are discussing with her how many times shes had sexual relations..

                      seriously, you shouldnt be asking, and she shouldnt be telling you anything like that, if someone has done something haram then they need to hide their sins, and repent to Allah, not speak about them without shame. This is just shaitan sitting with both of you in these talks. if you want to marry her, speak to her wali, if she doesnt have one, then she needs to get one. but you need to stop speaking to her alone about marriage, because the prophet :saw: said when a man and woman are alone shaitan is the third amongst them.
                      There is none. Your probably right but how do you ask a Wali to ask these questions for you then?

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                      • #12
                        Re: Girl with a past

                        To be honest brother, if you were to marry this sister, don't you think it would have been better if she didn't tell you that so directly? Now you will always have that in your mind. If you hadn't ask and she hadn't told, you might have had a little doubt, but it would fade after you were together and you would know you both belonged to each other alone. Now you have this bad feeling having been exposed to this when you could have been hidden from it.
                        Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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                        • #13
                          Re: Girl with a past

                          Originally posted by inprogress View Post
                          To be honest brother, if you were to marry this sister, don't you think it would have been better if she didn't tell you that so directly? Now you will always have that in your mind. If you hadn't ask and she hadn't told, you might have had a little doubt, but it would fade after you were together and you would know you both belonged to each other alone. Now you have this bad feeling having been exposed to this when you could have been hidden from it.
                          True, but you just have to know sometimes. That's how I feel anyway. I feel a bit down now that I know. So I personally agree now someone should look at their present and how they see themselves later.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Girl with a past

                            Originally posted by humblebrother1 View Post
                            There is none. Your probably right but how do you ask a Wali to ask these questions for you then?
                            There's a difference of opinion on whether you can ask her. Best way is to tell her you're looking for someone who has not had any previous relationships outside of marriage, that way she should get the message without having to reveal anything.

                            http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...to-know-or-not

                            He it is Who sends blessings on you, as do His angels, that He may bring you out from the depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full of Mercy to the Believers. [Quran {33:43}]
                            www.QuranicAudio.com
                            www.Quran.com

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Girl with a past

                              Jazakallah for the responses. I want to know how many of you (brothers and sisters) would be OK with knowing such a thing.

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