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Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

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  • Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

    People have different views about marriage websites, wondered when would brothers/sisters consider using such a forum to find their life time partner?

    If, not why not??

  • #2
    Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

    tbh, I ama proffessional and lack time to go out and find someone, hence the sites can be useful in that context however, there are many flaws and implications of how can you trust the person on the site who is responding to you.
    But then again they are designed to be where they will go to be finding a partner,
    Last edited by aekbal; 22-03-12, 02:36 PM.

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    • #3
      Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

      If you use the same safeguards in both scenarios (whether the person you are looking into is from a personal recommendation, or from a website) and trust in Allaah, you should be fine.

      Things like: making sure parents are involved, research, asking around, references, dad meeting brother, multiple meetings etc.

      A good website will have safeguards in place to minimise anything haraam happening, and should always have parental involvement as a requirement.

      I can recommend: http://www.afafmatrimonials.com/
      "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

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      • #4
        Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

        I can see your point aekbal but when i spoke to friends they stated that it was sort of "desperate times, call for deperate measures." They would never look for a life partner on there they would prefer to go through family and friends and finding out if they knew someone....


        and you never know if the people that are on there are actually serious, Im not saying they are not, but some cases its just an easy way. im sure you know wht i mean.

        I dont know i always had a neagtive view on these site not taht i been through any negative experinces, its just like a last option so in that respects i feel i would not go through them to find a life partner.

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        • #5
          Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

          Originally posted by Umm Lu'ay View Post
          If you use the same safeguards in both scenarios (whether the person you are looking into is from a personal recommendation, or from a website) and trust in Allaah, you should be fine.

          Things like: making sure parents are involved, research, asking around, references, dad meeting brother, multiple meetings etc.

          A good website will have safeguards in place to minimise anything haraam happening, and should always have parental involvement as a requirement.

          I can recommend: http://www.afafmatrimonials.com/

          Thank you for the info, i have proposels in family that are good of character but are not as deeny as me. My parents may put the pressure on when i hit the other side of 25 i still got time but its flying by... but even then i want to settle in early 20's which is now, and so i was wondering... lol that "what if "thing again,

          if worst came to worst and my parents put me in situation where i was left with limited choices and if i do eventually hit my 30's....I mean dont know if i could go on such site to find someone

          Maybe im being stubborn, but i know exactly wht i am looking for and they are realistic expectations- just good character and Allah (SWT) fearing and practicing muslim.

          My parents have high expectations and and my concern is if they dont come down to earth i be left with 2nd choice. By 2nd choice where i will have to make a lot of compramises in some areas that to me is not option like character and deen.
          Last edited by BeReal; 22-03-12, 03:19 PM.

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          • #6
            Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

            Originally posted by BeReal View Post

            if worst came to worst and my parents put me in situation where i was left with limited choices and if i do eventually hit my 30's....I mean dont know if i could go on such site to find someone
            I know someone who has used this route, and are happily married.

            It was actually me who had to convince them to use it, as they had very few other options - so I do understand where you are coming from - these sites are there because it is hard to find someone suitable.

            But I think you should never rule them out, because at the end of the day, Allaah is the one who is going to send you someone, this person is written for you. And the ball is in our court to tie the camel, and then trust in Allaah - which means we must use all means to find someone suitable, and leave it to Allaah to facilitate it.

            By going on such a site, it is not a means to an end, i.e. you dont have to marry someone from there - it is simply another means to search for a spouse.

            Before I was married, I had suggestions from friends and family (who should know me!) which were totally unsuitable in one way or another. So just because someone you know is suggesting someone, it doesn't always mean that person will be better!

            You have to have immense trust in Allaah, and be willing to ignore the negative feelings people have about using such sites (which often stems from sites which are a bit weird).
            "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

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            • #7
              Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

              Ruling on getting married through matrimonial websites on the internet

              I am a student in a French university, of Algerian origin. I do not have any family in this country and I want to get married. Is it permissible for me to use the internet and the matrimonial websites to get married? Please note that there are Salafi sisters on these websites .


              Praise be to Allaah.

              Firstly:

              If the matrimonial websites on the internet are controlled by Islamic guidelines, then there is nothing wrong with going to them and making use of them. These guidelines include the following:

              1 – They should not show pictures of the women, because looking at the woman to whom one is proposing is only allowed for the suitor once he has resolved to marry her, and it is not permissible for anyone else to look at her, and it is not permissible to enable anyone to do that.

              2 – The website should not give detailed descriptions of the woman so that it is as if one can see her, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should describe another woman to her husband so that it is as if he is looking at her.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5240).

              3 – It should not allow any correspondence between the two sexes, because of the evils that result from that, including the participation of mischief-makers both male and female whose intention is to do evil or have fun. Rather the administrators of the site should first check on the identity of the suitor, then put him in touch with the guardian (wali) of the woman.

              Secondly:

              You should seek the help of your family and friends, and those who are in charge of Islamic centres, in looking for a righteous wife, in your homeland or in the place where you are staying. This is easy, praise be to Allaah, and it is safer and better than doing that via the internet.

              Thirdly:

              In order for the marriage to be valid, it is essential to have the consent of the woman’s guardian (wali), because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Maajah (1881) from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

              And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali and two witnesses of good character.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 7557.

              And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If he has consummated the marriage with her then she is entitled to the mahr because of the intimacy that he has had with her, and if there is a dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.” Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 2709.

              We have drawn attention to this because it may be thought that if a young man gets to know a young woman over the internet and she accepts him, this is regarded as a marriage.

              We ask Allaah to help you and guide you.

              And Allaah knows best.


              Islam Q&A
              Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

              -Quran (57:20)

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              • #8
                Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

                Deen1984


                Just to clarify I will never marry without the permission of my wali.
                Parents are humans at end of day and they need guidance too

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                • #9
                  Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

                  :salams

                  Well, if you get your parents (wali) involved even while using these sites, they should be relatively safe.

                  In the end, no matter if you marry offline or online, you will both come face-to-face and meet/talk to each other before nikah. So, it's just the initial stages that are different, but both paths lead to the same destination, really.
                  Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                  "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                  - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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                  • #10
                    Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

                    Assalamu alaykum. I recently got married through those sites, and alhamdulillah, I believe I found the right one. He is perfect for me. My parents love him, and he loves my parents. We love each other. He is everything that I asked for. So yes, it is possible. Living in this society, it is difficult to find people as there aren't too many muslims. On top of that anyone who meets all our criteria. But alhamdulillah, I found someone who fears Allah (swt). But I agree, there can be problems in this way too. To eliminate those problems, it is important to involve parents right from the beginning. In my case, he was very adament on getting my parent involved from the beginning. My parents spoke to him, and it turns out, he is related to one of my dad's close friends. So from there on, everything went pretty smoothly alhamdulillah. I have spoken to other guys before, and alhamdulillah, my parents were able to find good reference. I know this method is looked down upon, but in this time in this society, it shouldn't. As many of us have experienced, its not necessarily anything wrong with us, but it is our limited options. May Allah (swt) make it easy for you inshaAllah.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

                      I would, but my parents are old fashioned. They think I'll wind up with a serial killer LOL.
                      Say, O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.”
                      (Surah Az Zumar, (Chapter 39: Verse 53)

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                      • #12
                        Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

                        Originally posted by sis_niqabi View Post
                        I would, but my parents are old fashioned. They think I'll wind up with a serial killer LOL.
                        oh dear ....... :rotfl:

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                        • #13
                          Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

                          If you're desperete (joking)

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                          • #14
                            Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

                            As long as there are muslims potential mate around :::: NAY

                            if you're living in a country where majority are nonmuslims :::: Okay

                            (I think "matrimonial" sites being equal to "muslim dating sites" only written in different words, right? and it's easy to fell to haraam matters like khalwat etc. In my personal view it's syubhat)

                            And all the heavens go their way.... And only change is here to stay...

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                            • #15
                              Re: Finding a husband/ wife via Matrimonial websites????? yay or nay

                              Some people consider this desperate! But let's all remember not everyone has helpful family that are willing to find them suitable patners! And not many masjid help! So it's a choice! Take a new Muslim for example! You just have to be careful still, you don't know who could be chatting to you! If you looking for a patner sincerely then pray to Allah to find you a pious suitable patner!

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