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  • Need some advice please?

    There is someone I know (a Muslim male) who for some reason I really wish to marry... I am not going to go into detail... but I know for sure that in order to marry him...we are going to have to go over some 'hurdles'...and they're not small...I also don't know if he feels the same way...and don't really plan on asking anytime soon. I have read that you can pray for a specific person to be your spouse...but I have also read that Allah has already determined your destiny...We both have plenty of years in school left...I know for sure I don't plan on marrying anyone during this time...not sure about him... So for all of these reasons...should I even bother? Or is it a waste of my time?

    I've just become so attached to the idea...that the thought of him marrying someone else...makes me really jealous. I know I have no rights over him and that is wrong... but I can't help it for some reason. :( If it doesn't work out in the end, how do I get over it and move on? I have a bit of an attachment/obsessive problem...not just with people. I don't like this feeling. Please don't tell me to ust snap out of it...because it isn't that simple. I need some good advice. :)
    Nothing is impossible with Allah

  • #2
    Re: Need some advice please?

    :salams

    Dear sister, it's a bad idea. Why? because you don't see yourself getting married anytime soon. So, you should let this thought go.

    What are you going to achieve for trying to hold on to this guy, who is a non-mahram to you, for next few years? This is not appropriate at all. Plus, there's no guarantee that in the end you both are going to get married, anyway.

    And, yes, you do just have to snap out of it by avoiding contact with him. Remember, he is a stranger to you and you to him. All these butterflies and jealousy are nothing but shaytaan trying to sway you towards him, have thoughts about him, etc, while realistically you know you are in no position to get married. So, you just have to give it up.

    Put your trust in Allah that He will bring about someone better than him, and there is always someone better. More importantly, you should lower your gaze when you see him, because you are definitely attracted to him and he is a fitnah for you. So, fear Allah and obey His commands and keep away from this guy. That's best for you and for him.
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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    • #3
      Re: Need some advice please?

      Laugh it off man.Just laugh it off

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Need some advice please?

        Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
        :salams

        Dear sister, it's a bad idea. Why? because you don't see yourself getting married anytime soon. So, you should let this thought go.

        What are you going to achieve for trying to hold on to this guy, who is a non-mahram to you, for next few years? This is not appropriate at all. Plus, there's no guarantee that in the end you both are going to get married, anyway.

        And, yes, you do just have to snap out of it by avoiding contact with him. Remember, he is a stranger to you and you to him. All these butterflies and jealousy are nothing but shaytaan trying to sway you towards him, have thoughts about him, etc, while realistically you know you are in no position to get married. So, you just have to give it up.

        Put your trust in Allah that He will bring about someone better than him, and there is always someone better. More importantly, you should lower your gaze when you see him, because you are definitely attracted to him and he is a fitnah for you. So, fear Allah and obey His commands and keep away from this guy. That's best for you and for him.
        Salaams,

        I agree with what 'Mirror' has said and i can understand the problem you have of jealousy/obsession because this is common and normal for young adolescents. You say that you both have many years left in school which demonstrates that you still have a lot of growing up to do (i dont say this in a bad way) but i assume you are still very young and the feelings you are getting are a part of growing up in life, especially if you are in a mixed environment.

        No doubt you think you love him enough to want to marry him but i think the bigger picture is you are drawn to the 'idea' of marrying him because you see him as the perfect husband or so. As you say, you are not quite ready for marriage so it would be pointless to pursue this any further at this stage.

        Just remember, if Allah wills it, this guy will come in your path again many years later, when you ARE ready for marriage and he may be the one coming to you with proposal. You never know, just pray to Allah that He guides you and helps you overcome your strong obsessive/jealous feelings and i think a good thing would be to spend more time prayin and reading and engaging in things that dont remind you or let you think about him.

        I hope that helps.
        WS

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        • #5
          Re: Need some advice please?

          you need a reality check. your not going to marry someone by handing over $50 or £, so think realistically, your still in school, got long long way to go. what if that guy is not interested in marrying you? dont fall into that boyfriend/girlfriend trap.


          Originally posted by muslimgirl93 View Post
          There is someone I know (a Muslim male) who for some reason I really wish to marry... I am not going to go into detail... but I know for sure that in order to marry him...we are going to have to go over some 'hurdles'...and they're not small...I also don't know if he feels the same way...and don't really plan on asking anytime soon. I have read that you can pray for a specific person to be your spouse...but I have also read that Allah has already determined your destiny...We both have plenty of years in school left...I know for sure I don't plan on marrying anyone during this time...not sure about him... So for all of these reasons...should I even bother? Or is it a waste of my time?

          I've just become so attached to the idea...that the thought of him marrying someone else...makes me really jealous. I know I have no rights over him and that is wrong... but I can't help it for some reason. :( If it doesn't work out in the end, how do I get over it and move on? I have a bit of an attachment/obsessive problem...not just with people. I don't like this feeling. Please don't tell me to ust snap out of it...because it isn't that simple. I need some good advice. :)
          Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

          -Quran (57:20)

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Need some advice please?

            Just some advise -

            Umar ibn al-Khattab (رضي الله عنه) said: Do not let your love (for anyone) be obsessive and do not let your hatred (of anyone) be destructive.
            A Fast Growing Islamic Search Website -

            www.Searching-Islam.com

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            • #7
              :salams

              Pray to Allah :swt: sincerely to remove feeling/obsession for him if he isn't good for u
              Really works:)
              7 Heavens and The Arsh & Kursi Of Allah - by Sheikh Ahmed Ali [HD] :up:

              Subhan'Allah wa bi-hamdihi
              Glorified is Allah with all praise due to Him:love:

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              • #8
                Re: Need some advice please?

                Thank you for the advice :) I'll keep my distance as best as I can, and pray to Allah to remove these feelings...I really don't like them...and let him decide if this person is good for me.
                Nothing is impossible with Allah

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