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  • #16
    Re: Inlaw problems

    :wswrwb:

    Sister where are your parents? Wallahi, a woman's honour is not something to play with. I know for a fact my parents would've exchanged a few "words" with them and there certainly wouldn't be any wedding.
    Allahumma innaa na'udhu bika min an nushrika bika shai-an na'lamuh; wa nastaghfiruka limaa laa na'lam

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    • #17
      Re: Inlaw problems

      Originally posted by Sam_87 View Post
      :wswrwb:

      Sister where are your parents? Wallahi, a woman's honour is not something to play with. I know for a fact my parents would've exchanged a few "words" with them and there certainly wouldn't be any wedding.
      totally agree, where is ur wali in all this, ur father/grandfather/uncle/brother theres a reason women dont speak alone to men about marriage its to protect u from unscrouplous people.
      "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

      The Prophet :saw: said:

      "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

      muslim

      Narrated 'Abdullah:

      The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


      "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

      By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

      [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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      • #18
        Re: Inlaw problems

        Hold up a second, it seems like this sister is marrying someone in a love marriage, not an arranged marriage. Can you not see why the family might think she's a bad girl?

        That's not to say they are right, they are wrong, 100% wrong, but you can see why they don't have good views of the girl.

        Is this a love marriage? If so, that changes the entire situation up big time and you earn far far less sympathy in this scenario.

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        • #19
          Re: Inlaw problems

          Already causing you problems and you arent even married.

          It's only going to get worse once you are living under their roof.
          You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

          ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

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          • #20
            Re: Inlaw problems

            Remember if your husband is supportive of you that is great.

            BUT i have seen marriages break down, in these sort of situations. How much patience can you have and with remarks like that?? It will tarnish your honour, what if you husband to be succombs to the thought you are wht his family says AFTER marriage. Step back and think....

            when you get fed such negative things about someone you almost come to believe them. Now im not saying this is the case with your fiancee. However quite often doubts (nafs) creep in and by the family being that negative way could create doubt in HIM, further down the line.

            His parents are not doing right and they will be answerable on day of judgement, splitting a married couple up or preventing a marriage is also hated, as it spreads fitnah across the land etc tec (Now there is islmaic ref but i cannot remmber details of it right now).

            If i was in your situation I would do Istikahara to validate my decision to back out.

            This will save you from "what if" scenarios and the regret wont be there on your side, as Allah (SWT) has willed what is in your best interest.

            Hope this helps.

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            • #21
              Re: Inlaw problems

              I think if your happy with the guy you should marry him, his family will have to accept it. and if the prefer to be stay nasty, then you can simply distance yourself from them.
              Originally posted by nazish123 View Post
              ASA
              I am getting married in April but lately Im finding out more and more things about my inlaws and also how they are spreading dirty rumours about me to their circle of friends. (They dont want their son to marry me and have forced him to break it off for the longest time but he's really committed to me and wants this marriage to happen - hence the dirty rumours) (such as i slept with him, ran away with him...etc etc and the list is so disgusting and filthy it makes me sick to my stomach). How can anyone be so cold and nasty!!
              Im at the point where I want to marry him so much but im getting so distant and feel like i dont deserve that type of family as they will always be so much of a problem in my life.
              I pray iA Allah guides me through the right path.
              What do I do to get this sick feeling out of me??:'(
              Do inlaw problems ever end or is this just the beginning and we're not even married yet?:(
              Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

              -Quran (57:20)

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              • #22
                Re: Inlaw problems

                What sort of a man are you marrying is the most important question to ask urself.
                Does he know what they are saying about you, and if so why has he not spoken up to put them in their place for saying such filth about his future wife??
                If he doesnt have enough of a backbone to protect you from his family now then i wouldnt expect him to stick up for ur honor in the future either. If this is the case then "love marriage or not" i would walk away as its easier to get over the heartbrk of losing someone before marriage than to get over a divorce!

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                • #23
                  Re: Inlaw problems

                  Originally posted by Abda View Post
                  What sort of a man are you marrying is the most important question to ask urself.
                  Does he know what they are saying about you, and if so why has he not spoken up to put them in their place for saying such filth about his future wife??
                  If he doesnt have enough of a backbone to protect you from his family now then i wouldnt expect him to stick up for ur honor in the future either. If this is the case then "love marriage or not" i would walk away as its easier to get over the heartbrk of losing someone before marriage than to get over a divorce!
                  I think the bolded part is a very important point.
                  "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

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                  • #24
                    Re: Inlaw problems

                    Originally posted by kong View Post
                    Hold up a second, it seems like this sister is marrying someone in a love marriage, not an arranged marriage. Can you not see why the family might think she's a bad girl?

                    That's not to say they are right, they are wrong, 100% wrong, but you can see why they don't have good views of the girl.

                    Is this a love marriage? If so, that changes the entire situation up big time and you earn far far less sympathy in this scenario.
                    Fair point.

                    But a love marriage could be initiated via a Wali.
                    Remember the destroyer of all pleasures: Death.

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