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  • Inlaw problems

    ASA
    I am getting married in April but lately Im finding out more and more things about my inlaws and also how they are spreading dirty rumours about me to their circle of friends. (They dont want their son to marry me and have forced him to break it off for the longest time but he's really committed to me and wants this marriage to happen - hence the dirty rumours) (such as i slept with him, ran away with him...etc etc and the list is so disgusting and filthy it makes me sick to my stomach). How can anyone be so cold and nasty!!
    Im at the point where I want to marry him so much but im getting so distant and feel like i dont deserve that type of family as they will always be so much of a problem in my life.
    I pray iA Allah guides me through the right path.
    What do I do to get this sick feeling out of me??:'(
    Do inlaw problems ever end or is this just the beginning and we're not even married yet?:(

  • #2
    Re: Inlaw problems

    I would advise not to marry the guy if he expects you to keep close ties with his family after you marry and especially if you have to live with them. If it's bad now, most likely it'll get worse.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Inlaw problems

      :wswrwb:

      Have you talked to your husband-to-be about this? Is he aware of this? Why do you want to get him "so much" knowing his family is already harming you? I don't understand.

      Have you prayed istikhara? Have you consulted your parents/family and told them about all these rumors? Have you talked to the in-laws-to-be direectly and what exactly do they want from you?
      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Inlaw problems

        Originally posted by Umm_Hanzalah View Post
        I would advise not to marry the guy if he expects you to keep close ties with his family after you marry and especially if you have to live with them. If it's bad now, most likely it'll get worse.
        Salaams,

        I have to say, i agree with 'Umm_Hanzalah' here. If they already have very negative views about you then its likely they will always harbour these types of feelings/thoughts. But that said, it might change if you do marry him because then they cannot do anything to change the fact that you are already married to him. It will nonetheless, make you very unhappy in the first few years of marriage and if it doesnt break you, then it will only make you stronger.

        Does your fiance want you to live with his family? In which case, its a tough choice for you to make. if you feel strong enough to ignore their comments and resentment then go ahead and marry him because you will have control over your life and feelings. But if this is worrying you to the extent its made you doubtful and you dont think you will be strong enough to bear their comments and remarks, then its best to just leave things be. Its never too late, because after marriage you will feel stuck in a position where you cant leave him and if you did, it would look bad on you no matter how much you try to justify to others how his family are treating you.

        May Allah guide you. Pray for Allah to show you the way and in making the right choice.

        WS

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        • #5
          Re: Inlaw problems

          well firstly if his inlaws are asian then forgget marrying him you will have a hard life

          my advice dnt marry because his parents will make your life hell

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          • #6
            Re: Inlaw problems

            dont marry him, you need to consider this carefully.
            think of what problems lie in the waiting after wedding,
            I hate to judge but its not a good enviroemtn for you to be in.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Inlaw problems

              Originally posted by bruce lee View Post
              well firstly if his inlaws are asian then forgget marrying him you will have a hard life

              my advice dnt marry because his parents will make your life hell
              You can find crazy in-laws everywhere. No need to single out certain groups. :insha:
              Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

              "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
              - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Inlaw problems

                No

                life time commitment

                U deserve better, he will regret loosing u but that's way it will be.

                For xtra reassurance of ur decision to back out.., please ask Allah will give u best answer and guidance, So make haste and do istikhara

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Inlaw problems

                  I wouldn't marry into a family like that, just my personal opinion,
                  *~* Learn Patience from Aasiyah (RA); Loyalty from Khadhija (RA); Sincerity from Aisha (RA) and Steadfastness from Fatima (RA).*~*

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                  • #10
                    Re: Inlaw problems

                    Some people are just not worth the trouble.
                    "The discovery of truth is prevented more effectively, not by the false appearance of things present and which mislead into error, not directly by weakness of the reasoning powers, but by preconceived notions, opinion, and by prejudice." - Arthur Schopenhauer

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Inlaw problems

                      Originally posted by nazish123 View Post
                      ASA
                      I am getting married in April but lately Im finding out more and more things about my inlaws and also how they are spreading dirty rumours about me to their circle of friends. (They dont want their son to marry me and have forced him to break it off for the longest time but he's really committed to me and wants this marriage to happen - hence the dirty rumours) (such as i slept with him, ran away with him...etc etc and the list is so disgusting and filthy it makes me sick to my stomach). How can anyone be so cold and nasty!!
                      Im at the point where I want to marry him so much but im getting so distant and feel like i dont deserve that type of family as they will always be so much of a problem in my life.
                      I pray iA Allah guides me through the right path.
                      What do I do to get this sick feeling out of me??:'(
                      Do inlaw problems ever end or is this just the beginning and we're not even married yet?:(
                      It depends on what kind of person your husband is, whether he will be supportive of you as an individual, or whether he will allow his family to mistreat you after you got married.

                      Bad in-laws can literally destroy a marriage, and they can also destroy you as a person.
                      "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Inlaw problems

                        And it is often only after marriage that the realities of marriage sink in, and all the 'games' begin. If you have a fight on your hands now, I cannot see it getting better. UNLESS you are an amazing strong person, and immensely patient.
                        "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Inlaw problems

                          Avoid this marriage like the plague. 'Love' can be found elsewhere regardless of what you may think.
                          Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.”(Muslim)

                          "Zendagi Migzara..."

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                          • #14
                            Re: Inlaw problems

                            deleted post
                            https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

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                            • #15
                              Re: Inlaw problems

                              Originally posted by Umm Lu'ay View Post
                              It depends on what kind of person your husband is, whether he will be supportive of you as an individual, or whether he will allow his family to mistreat you after you got married.

                              Bad in-laws can literally destroy a marriage, and they can also destroy you as a person.
                              I agree. I believe its rare to find 'perfect in laws'.

                              So, its more important to marry a supportive husband who stands up for you if/when his family mistreats you.
                              https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

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