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Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

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  • Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

    I was doing some research on this walima practice and have found this detailed islamic info about it.
    http://www.daruliftaa.com/question?txt_QuestionID=q-17220261

    But the problem is that it doesnot mention that what will happen if husband and wife fail to consume marriage due to wife's period on wedding night.

    Will the next day walima which is general practice now a day, still be called as walima and if not, then what should be done after marriage is consummated.

    consummated = have sex

  • #2
    Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

    :salams

    In that case, you can use the other opinion. There are scholars who say consummation is not required for walima to take place.

    Wallahu Alam.
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

      there is no time limit for consummation of the marriage. Muhammad :saw: and Aisha (ra) had three entire years before they consummated their marriage. And whether you do or do not, and when you do, is *completely* private, and none of anyone else's business. Most Muslims go into marriage with no prior experience, and will not be ready to consommate the marriage the first night, especially women. It's something that takes time, most couples have to get used to being with each other, and work they way up to things in terms of intimacy. There are exceptions of course, but the timing is entirely up to the individual couple, and if one wants/needs to take things more slowly, the other *must* respect that, or it will destroy the trust and sense of safety they have with each other, which can potentially cause serious problems later on.

      I'm not even sure if there's any necessity in the Sunnah to have any walima at all. It's not haram as far as I know, (although annoucing to the world that the marriage has been consommated is haram because all such details are private between husband and wife, the only exception is if they are having problems in that department they can discuss it with a doctor, counsellor or scholar for the purpose of getting advice, help, treatment etc) but I really don't know of any necessity for a walima, it's enough that you do the nikah and make it known in the community that you're married. AFAIK walima is an optional extra and doesn't have anything to do with if/when/whether the marriage has been consommated.
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      • #4
        Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

        Well, there is the opinion that walimah should be done after the consummation.

        And, it's a Sunnah, as well. Of course, nowadays, it's less of a Sunnah and more of another chance to commit haram. Subhan'Allah.
        Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

        "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
        - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

          @dhak1yya

          wow... over 40000 posts?? i am impressed.

          strangely, i was able to guess that you are a lady from just first paragraph of your answer.

          may be because i am finding women always debating and trying to find a way to delay consumption of marriage.

          no pun intended. i honestly find it strange.

          some how it all ends up that they need more time, and they want to delay the right of man, even though they are getting ready to be marriage itself for months in most cases. i think if they need time, they should seriously delay the marriage date and not just its consumption. right??

          any ways, kindly check the link i have provided in the original post and learn that walima is not only sunnat but majority of scholars think it should be done within 2 days of consumption of marriage.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

            Mirror, according to that opinion, how does the couple get around the fact that they're broadcasting that information to the neighbourhood? In Saudi the couple marry and live separately for a number of months or even years, then have the wedding party when they move in to their own house together. The time in between they spend time together, go to restaurants etc, but as far as I know when they actually consommate the marriage is between them, i.e. could be the wedding night, could be after they move in together, could be any time in between, could be not yet, etc. That;s how it is as far as I know, of course I'm not Saudi and looking into other cultures from the outside you can miss some subtle stuff. But that's how it seems to me.
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            • #7
              Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

              i will like to give another example.

              consider wife wants to get intimate, then it is husband's responsibility to satisfy her.

              even if he feels, he needs more time, it is still his duty to take care of her wife's need.

              after marriage, it is more important to fulfill the desire of woman than to respect the desire of husband who wants to delay intimacy. because this is fundamental use of marriage.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

                Originally posted by rackspace View Post
                @dhak1yya

                wow... over 40000 posts?? i am impressed.
                don't be, I've been here far too long and post too much lol

                strangely, i was able to guess that you are a lady from just first paragraph of your answer.

                may be because i am finding women always debating and trying to find a way to delay consumption of marriage.

                no pun intended. i honestly find it strange.

                some how it all ends up that they need more time, and they want to delay the right of man, even though they are getting ready to be marriage itself for months in most cases. i think if they need time, they should seriously delay the marriage date and not just its consumption. right??
                Absolutely not, because there's no intimacy at all prior to marriage. They can get to know each other intellectually and from a personality point of view prior to marriage, with chapperones present. However there's no alone together, no removing of hijab etc, no physical contact or anything like that until *after* the marriage. THat's a strict rule in Islam, and if Muslims actually follow the rule, usually they are not ready to consommate the marriage on the wedding night, becuase most people don't go from zero physical contact/intimacy, to everything, in one night. There are exceptions, it's an extremely individual thing.

                If you rush someone, especially a woman, into doing more than what she's ready for, you can do some serious psychological damage that can be enough to destroy all love between the couple.

                And this thing of doing everything but actual sex prior to the wedding is NOT from Islam. It's not even from Christianity, although it's what Christians nowadays often do, although some are more strict about these rulings.
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                • #9
                  Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

                  Originally posted by dhak1yya View Post
                  Mirror, according to that opinion, how does the couple get around the fact that they're broadcasting that information to the neighbourhood? In Saudi the couple marry and live separately for a number of months or even years, then have the wedding party when they move in to their own house together. The time in between they spend time together, go to restaurants etc, but as far as I know when they actually consommate the marriage is between them, i.e. could be the wedding night, could be after they move in together, could be any time in between, could be not yet, etc. That;s how it is as far as I know, of course I'm not Saudi and looking into other cultures from the outside you can miss some subtle stuff. But that's how it seems to me.
                  well! prophet did it. so, i dont think one must have objection over walima or broadcasting of consumption (as you are putting it)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

                    Originally posted by dhak1yya View Post
                    Mirror, according to that opinion, how does the couple get around the fact that they're broadcasting that information to the neighbourhood? In Saudi the couple marry and live separately for a number of months or even years, then have the wedding party when they move in to their own house together. The time in between they spend time together, go to restaurants etc, but as far as I know when they actually consommate the marriage is between them, i.e. could be the wedding night, could be after they move in together, could be any time in between, could be not yet, etc. That;s how it is as far as I know, of course I'm not Saudi and looking into other cultures from the outside you can miss some subtle stuff. But that's how it seems to me.
                    Well, it's not 100% that they have consummated the marriage. Like the brother said, she could be in her menses. No one can know for sure. It's still their business.

                    But, eventually, when she's pregnant, it will be "broadcast-ed" anyways, right? Is it so wrong?
                    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

                      Originally posted by rackspace View Post
                      i will like to give another example.

                      consider wife wants to get intimate, then it is husband's responsibility to satisfy her.

                      even if he feels, he needs more time, it is still his duty to take care of her wife's need.

                      after marriage, it is more important to fulfill the desire of woman than to respect the desire of husband who wants to delay intimacy. because this is fundamental use of marriage.
                      For newlyweds, if one spouse wants to take things more slowly, the other spouse should respect that, or risk causing serious problems in their relationship. Sex is an expression of love, when you bring co-ersion or even force into it, it becomes an act of violence and psychologically damaging. If you love and care for your spouse, you will not do something like that to them.

                      Muhammad :saw: waited until Aisha (ra) was ready, that was more than three years.
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                      • #12
                        Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

                        Originally posted by dhak1yya View Post
                        don't be, I've been here far too long and post too much lol



                        Absolutely not, because there's no intimacy at all prior to marriage. They can get to know each other intellectually and from a personality point of view prior to marriage, with chapperones present. However there's no alone together, no removing of hijab etc, no physical contact or anything like that until *after* the marriage. THat's a strict rule in Islam, and if Muslims actually follow the rule, usually they are not ready to consommate the marriage on the wedding night, becuase most people don't go from zero physical contact/intimacy, to everything, in one night. There are exceptions, it's an extremely individual thing.

                        If you rush someone, especially a woman, into doing more than what she's ready for, you can do some serious psychological damage that can be enough to destroy all love between the couple.

                        And this thing of doing everything but actual sex prior to the wedding is NOT from Islam. It's not even from Christianity, although it's what Christians nowadays often do, although some are more strict about these rulings.
                        i strictly object your use of 'especially women'
                        dont base your argument on a single gender solely.

                        and there should be no rush or hurry in the act itself. but delaying the complete consumption makes no sense.
                        because of very nature of man's need, it is better to fullful it. thats why it is grave sin to turn down husband's advances.
                        no matter the first night or 100th.
                        Allah has created this system, it must be perfect.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

                          Originally posted by dhak1yya View Post
                          Absolutely not, because there's no intimacy at all prior to marriage. They can get to know each other intellectually and from a personality point of view prior to marriage, with chapperones present. However there's no alone together, no removing of hijab etc, no physical contact or anything like that until *after* the marriage. THat's a strict rule in Islam, and if Muslims actually follow the rule, usually they are not ready to consommate the marriage on the wedding night, becuase most people don't go from zero physical contact/intimacy, to everything, in one night. There are exceptions, it's an extremely individual thing.
                          Well, we can't really say that this is usual. We are not aware of it.

                          Allah knows best what the norm is.
                          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

                            Originally posted by dhak1yya View Post
                            For newlyweds, if one spouse wants to take things more slowly, the other spouse should respect that, or risk causing serious problems in their relationship. Sex is an expression of love, when you bring co-ersion or even force into it, it becomes an act of violence and psychologically damaging. If you love and care for your spouse, you will not do something like that to them.

                            Muhammad :saw: waited until Aisha (ra) was ready, that was more than three years.
                            exactly. its expression of love. and being turned down will feel so bad that it will destroy the very marriage.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Walima vs Consumption of Marriage

                              Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                              Well, it's not 100% that they have consummated the marriage. Like the brother said, she could be in her menses. No one can know for sure. It's still their business.

                              But, eventually, when she's pregnant, it will be "broadcast-ed" anyways, right? Is it so wrong?
                              If it's not 100% certain if/when they actually consummated the marriage, then it's not broadcasting. As you say, it's obvious they're going to do it sooner or later, because that's the purpose of marriage. Just the if/when is up to the couple.
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