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Had a talk with mother regarding "Future Partner & Marraige"

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  • Had a talk with mother regarding "Future Partner & Marraige"

    Salaam Alaikum

    By the grace of Allah, this would be the first time my mother and I chatted about my future. She asked me about my future plans other than studies because am close to finishing and my mother would like me to think about my future partner.
    My mother received a proposal for me from back home; however, I don't find that proposal suitable for me as I would like someone whose settled here, not from back home. Moreover, I am afraid about finding a partner from here as its very creepy due to the fact what people may turn out to be and their expectations. I don't know what to do or say. I have spoken to my mother regarding what I feel and she extremely accepts my decisions.

  • #2
    Re: Had a talk with mother regarding "Future Partner & Marraige"

    dear sister i would strongly advice u to merry someone god fearing and with good manners from back home and move to a muslim land this is a great chance why would u stay in the west knowing that its not halal to live here
    one of my conditions when i married recently was to move to a muslim land and i am leaving here in few months insha allah

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    • #3
      Re: Had a talk with mother regarding "Future Partner & Marraige"

      Originally posted by hopes View Post
      dear sister i would strongly advice u to merry someone god fearing and with good manners from back home and move to a muslim land this is a great chance why would u stay in the west knowing that its not halal to live here
      one of my conditions when i married recently was to move to a muslim land and i am leaving here in few months insha allah

      Salaam. I agree with you, but I believe that it all depends on an individuals intentions. No matter where one lives Allah is there to protect his people. I sometime feel like moving to an Islamic land; however, I am very much settled here and not sure whether I would be strong and patient in calling someone from back home: as the process of caLling takes too long and also who knows that the person will be able to get the job. On the other hand, even if I look for a proposal from here it would be a bit scary for me as people here have very higher demands and all.

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      • #4
        Re: Had a talk with mother regarding "Future Partner & Marraige"

        Originally posted by hopes View Post
        dear sister i would strongly advice u to merry someone god fearing and with good manners from back home and move to a muslim land this is a great chance why would u stay in the west knowing that its not halal to live here
        one of my conditions when i married recently was to move to a muslim land and i am leaving here in few months insha allah
        I wouldn't say 'its not halal to live here', theres a difference of opinion regarding this.

        He it is Who sends blessings on you, as do His angels, that He may bring you out from the depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full of Mercy to the Believers. [Quran {33:43}]
        www.QuranicAudio.com
        www.Quran.com

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        • #5
          Re: Had a talk with mother regarding "Future Partner & Marraige"

          I do not understand the mentality that men from back home are unsuitable for marriage. I agree that they may have higher 'domestic' expectations of their wives, but is that to say men raised in the west have no problems? Anybody you meet, from anywhere, can be a bad or good match for you.... whats the harm in giving somebody a chance?

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          • #6
            Re: Had a talk with mother regarding "Future Partner & Marraige"

            Originally posted by Haniya View Post
            I do not understand the mentality that men from back home are unsuitable for marriage. I agree that they may have higher 'domestic' expectations of their wives, but is that to say men raised in the west have no problems? Anybody you meet, from anywhere, can be a bad or good match for you.... whats the harm in giving somebody a chance?
            Unsuitable in practical sense, not religious sense. Theres a number of problems people face when migrating; trouble finding jobs - in this case you don't want the husband living with and depending on the wife, adjusting with the culture when you've lived all your life somewhere else - they won't feel at home and a lot don't like it here.

            He it is Who sends blessings on you, as do His angels, that He may bring you out from the depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full of Mercy to the Believers. [Quran {33:43}]
            www.QuranicAudio.com
            www.Quran.com

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Had a talk with mother regarding "Future Partner & Marraige"

              It depends squarely on the individual, the proposal from "back home" could mean practically anything these days given how the world works. We assume that brothers/sisters back home can't easily adapt to living in the West, and that is true for many, but not so true for others. I have relatives in Pakistan and the Arab Gulf who are 'as Western' as me (I was raised in the West), and among them a some are practising/committed to Islam, while others are not. I also have relatives who are also culturally inclined and don't know much of anything about living in the West.

              It is case-by-case, even when it comes to employment and stuff. I know brothers here with Canadian university degrees who are having serious trouble finding stable employment, while there are "fresh off the boat" brothers who barely speak English but are engineering/science/math professors at the top universities. People from Pakistan (esp in IT) managed to secure jobs at Deloitte, Accenture, etc as consultants thanks to strong contacts/networking, while some medical graduates from Canada can't even find residency, they're back in school learning pharmacy or dentistry at the cost of a lot of debt.

              The world is not for stereotyping! I'm not saying that troubled brothers don't exist, I know of plenty of sad examples too but as I said, it squarely depends on the individual. My sister in law's sister married a brother from back home, and to be honest when I didn't know that fact I thought he was raised in the West - just by the way he dressed, spoke clear English, knew stuff, had a Blackberry, etc.
              Last edited by Saqr; 17-03-12, 11:07 PM.

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              • #8
                Re: Had a talk with mother regarding "Future Partner & Marraige"

                :wswrwb:

                Sister, there's nothing creepy about finding a partner here or back home. You can find creeps anywhere, really. Place your trust in Allah and He'll bring about someone who is just the right person for you. Look for a deeni brother and he won't have any high demands :insha:

                If you are planning to move to a Muslim country, then why not marry a brother from there, then? It'd make the process much easier.
                Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Had a talk with mother regarding "Future Partner & Marraige"

                  Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                  :wswrwb:

                  Sister, there's nothing creepy about finding a partner here or back home. You can find creeps anywhere, really. Place your trust in Allah and He'll bring about someone who is just the right person for you. Look for a deeni brother and he won't have any high demands :insha:

                  If you are planning to move to a Muslim country, then why not marry a brother from there, then? It'd make the process much easier.
                  You are right brother. But of all the proposals that I have received are from those high status people. And when I think about their status, it just puts me down and I began to compare myself to them. Maybe, it was because I wasn't settled in life in my study wise, but now Inshallah by the grace of Allah I am very successful ameen. Yet I get this fear about their status's. I am afraid about moving to a Muslim country because then I would have to obtain courses and upgrade my career. Yes, in the end I am leaving everything up to Allah. Inshallah he will help me out. Ameen

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Had a talk with mother regarding "Future Partner & Marraige"

                    Originally posted by Saqr View Post
                    It depends squarely on the individual, the proposal from "back home" could mean practically anything these days given how the world works. We assume that brothers/sisters back home can't easily adapt to living in the West, and that is true for many, but not so true for others. I have relatives in Pakistan and the Arab Gulf who are 'as Western' as me (I was raised in the West), and among them a some are practising/committed to Islam, while others are not. I also have relatives who are also culturally inclined and don't know much of anything about living in the West.

                    It is case-by-case, even when it comes to employment and stuff. I know brothers here with Canadian university degrees who are having serious trouble finding stable employment, while there are "fresh off the boat" brothers who barely speak English but are engineering/science/math professors at the top universities. People from Pakistan (esp in IT) managed to secure jobs at Deloitte, Accenture, etc as consultants thanks to strong contacts/networking, while some medical graduates from Canada can't even find residency, they're back in school learning pharmacy or dentistry at the cost of a lot of debt.

                    The world is not for stereotyping! I'm not saying that troubled brothers don't exist, I know of plenty of sad examples too but as I said, it squarely depends on the individual. My sister in law's sister married a brother from back home, and to be honest when I didn't know that fact I thought he was raised in the West - just by the way he dressed, spoke clear English, knew stuff, had a Blackberry, etc.

                    Yes, I agree with you, brother. It all depends on an individuals.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Had a talk with mother regarding "Future Partner & Marraige"

                      Originally posted by Haniya View Post
                      I do not understand the mentality that men from back home are unsuitable for marriage. I agree that they may have higher 'domestic' expectations of their wives, but is that to say men raised in the west have no problems? Anybody you meet, from anywhere, can be a bad or good match for you.... whats the harm in giving somebody a chance?
                      I am not saying men from back home aren't suitable. What I meant to say was that there are at times when its hard for to get settled. I have many cousins who have gotten married from back home and they are very successful in terms of their marriage. My situation is different, which was why I decided to post here.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Had a talk with mother regarding "Future Partner & Marraige"

                        Originally posted by Peace&Blessings View Post
                        You are right brother. But of all the proposals that I have received are from those high status people. And when I think about their status, it just puts me down and I began to compare myself to them. Maybe, it was because I wasn't settled in life in my study wise, but now Inshallah by the grace of Allah I am very successful ameen. Yet I get this fear about their status's. I am afraid about moving to a Muslim country because then I would have to obtain courses and upgrade my career. Yes, in the end I am leaving everything up to Allah. Inshallah he will help me out. Ameen
                        High status is nothing to worry about. If Allah has given them wealth, then Alhamdulillah.

                        What's bad is if high status, wealth, fame, etc., corrupts people. There are Muslims who are wealthy, but fear Allah and thank Allah for His blessing upon them. High status doesn't automatically means they are bad (even though I can understand why you'd think that). So, maybe, if someone like that comes alone, give him a chance :insha: And, talk to him and get to know his views on Islam.

                        As for moving to Muslim country, I honestly, wouldn't let career and courses hold me back. We need to reconsider our priorities :insha:
                        Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                        "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                        - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                        Comment

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