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Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

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  • rackspace
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    theoretically you guys are right.. but some women are use to luxury. they came from a rick background and i think it would be fine if they accept some gifts from her parents that will make her life more comfortable. after all she is daughter and heir to her parents wealth. its her wealth too.

    asking her not to accept any gift from parents and dial down her life style just because her husband cannot afford it (although she can) is too cruel and subjecting her to undue misery.

    yea, she should be ready to reject any gifts if her husband desire's so. but from husbands point of view that would a ungraceful move.

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  • neelu
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    If your wife to be wants more lavish things for herself such as more extravagant furniture that may not be within your means, then she can ask her parents to give her the money so that she can buy those things and that is a matter between her and her parents. If they live in luxury and this is very easy for them then it's not such a big deal but if they would struggle to pay for such things then it is a sign of disrespect on her part to ask for or expect such things from them in the first place and should make alarm bells ring for you that she's a demanding person (at least financially).

    Even so, like Mirror, I would also be uncomfortable to bring such a person into my family with such a mentality as part of marriage should be a sense of acceptance to live within the husband's means. Khayr, if her family choose to give her money (whether they tell you about that or not) then that's between them. The important thing is that you should not be asking them for things. If they choose to give you a token gift or two that's well within their means (such as a shirt, tie or maybe watch for example but it cannot be a gold watch) then consider accepting it because they may have other issues such as they worry that even if you don't want gifts but your family would gossip or their community would gossip if they gave nothing at all so accept a couple of small token things if it's within their means. Anything above that such as a car or furniture I think you should refuse to accept it and tell them to return it.

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  • abu saalehah
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    Originally posted by rackspace View Post
    How about this .. I ask my to-be wife. Without dowry, I can provider her decent life style. Now if she is OK with that, thats great. But if she wants a more lavish life and home, then I would need to accept dowry for her sake?
    no, you don't accept dowry full stop because it is not islamic.

    if she wants a lavish lifestyle then she is not a good wife in the 1st place.

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  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    She shouldn't want a more lavish life than what her husband can afford.

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  • rackspace
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    How about this .. I ask my to-be wife. Without dowry, I can provider her decent life style. Now if she is OK with that, thats great. But if she wants a more lavish life and home, then I would need to accept dowry for her sake?

    Leave a comment:


  • Kya
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    Dowry becomes dowry when the guys family ask for certain things. But if they offer without asking, that is still gift. I have heard of the hardship but I guess by never experiencing it, it doesn't sink in.

    Most of my friends have recieved large furniture as wedding gifts. But usually these were combine gift: like brother will buy living room set and an uncle will buy bedroom set...so the cost wasn't too much on 1 person. And if the girl moved in with in laws, all the gift were for her bedroom only.

    Leave a comment:


  • LondonGal
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    It is kinda weird. If the couple are moving to a new place on their own, it is nice for the parents to buy them a gift. I thought it was rude to refuse gift
    It's usually not just a 'gift' - the girls family are known to furnish the entire bedroom, buy furniture, a car etc etc

    My in laws insisted against it as they has previously been through that, when they were expected to completely furnish their daughters bedroom, even though they didnt have the means to do it.

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  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    It's not a gift, though. Dowry is something different.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kya
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    It is kinda weird. If the couple are moving to a new place on their own, it is nice for the parents to buy them a gift. I thought it was rude to refuse gift

    Leave a comment:


  • Khalid b. Walid
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    I've seen this practice of the bride's family giving stuff to the groom's family happens where I'm from. Sometimes the groom's family may demand furniture, kitchen appliances, television etc. from the bride's side. By getting your son married, you can basically have your whole house kitted out with new stuff. Its a horrible practice.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ebony
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    Yes, you can refuse jahez since its not an islamic tradition in the first place.

    Leave a comment:


  • ~TwinklingStar~
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    Even if your bride's family is wealthy enough to give you 'dowry' or 'gifts' or however people wish to call it , insist on NOT accepting anything from them at the time of your wedding because nowadays, this practice has very less to do with the Sunnah and more like, making a show to others.

    Remember , every person who partakes in an evil custom also helps to perpetrate it further. If you accept dowry from your wife's family (who offer it to you willingly) , you'll be amassing sins for yourself without realising it

    because...

    for every girl's family that spends sleepless nights weeping , taking loans, begging from here & there , struggling to gather money because they're unable to get their daughter married off in a decent manner without paying dowry, Allah could hold "YOU" responsible.

    So, man up & have the courage to take a stand against a wrong when you're able to. :up:

    Leave a comment:


  • rackspace
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    some posts on the topics are really inspiring. i really want to like them. this forum should have this feature.

    Leave a comment:


  • Hafsah1
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    Whether your going to insist on not accepting dowry or not,

    make sure that you Do give her mahr.

    Leave a comment:


  • Vishnu
    replied
    Re: Can I insist on not accepting Dowry

    Originally posted by neelu View Post
    Jahez (dowry sent from the bride's family to the groom) is NOT FROM ISLAM!!!! I repeat Jahez is NOT from Islam!!! It stems from a Hindu tradition and has NOTHING to do with Islam whatsoever. You are well within your rights to insist and demand that you do not want Jahez.
    Well, dowry in marriages is an evil social practice. You should educate yourself that Hinduism has nothing to do with dowry, so don't call it a Hindu tradition. Show me a single ancient scriptures that Hindus follow which mandates dowry. This is, just like Islam doesn't yet some Muslims practice it. Don't let your prejudices cloud your judgment on a belief system you know very little about (going by your gross generalizations)

    Leave a comment:

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