Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

marrying without attraction?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • marrying without attraction?

    Assalamu alaykum.

    I have been wondering, these days it is so hard to find good guys. So if a good guy is found, but there is no attraction, a lot of people say that we should just put our trust in Allah (swt) and marry them. Being a girl we are emotional beings. So it is possible that we don't find them attractive because we don't know them at that level. And love will come after marriage. But what if that never happens? Is it okay to wait for someone who we are madly attracted to then to settle for a guy we are not? But the guys that we are attracted to aren't attracted to us? Or do you recommend that we go for good guys who we don't develop feelings or attraction for?

  • #2
    Re: marrying without attraction?

    :wswrwb:

    There should be at least some level of attraction.

    Yes, there are good guys (pious) who are attractive, as well.
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: marrying without attraction?

      Originally posted by hirar View Post
      Assalamu alaykum.

      So it is possible that we don't find them attractive because we don't know them at that level. And love will come after marriage. But what if that never happens?
      wa alaykum asalaam,

      That may very well be the case, sister, but the important question is are you willing to take that chance ?
      'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
      Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
      علي الحبشي

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: marrying without attraction?

        Wa alaykumus salam

        Marry someone to whom you are attracted or else there'll be trouble.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: marrying without attraction?

          i know a brother who married a girl who he did not find attractive. he did it for social/family reasons and for the past 2 years, not a single time has he had intercourse. he is trying to figure out a way to dissolve the marriage without hurting her emotionally. and yes, he is at risk for having relations outside the marriage. attraction is very important although not the foundation of a marriage.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: marrying without attraction?

            Originally posted by muslim3 View Post
            i know a brother who married a girl who he did not find attractive. he did it for social/family reasons and for the past 2 years, not a single time has he had intercourse. he is trying to figure out a way to dissolve the marriage without hurting her emotionally. and yes, he is at risk for having relations outside the marriage. attraction is very important although not the foundation of a marriage.
            He should've manned up and said No. If the sister has a hard time getting married now because she's a divorcee, she can definitely thank him.
            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: marrying without attraction?

              Try and put religion as priority, with someone you have some attraction to. Imo, don't make the mistake of sacrificing deen just for attraction, because that's just even worst.

              As the brother above said, there are people who you may find attractive who also have good deen.
              A Fast Growing Islamic Search Website -

              www.Searching-Islam.com

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: marrying without attraction?

                If person puts you off to the point where you dont want to sleep with them this is gonna cause problems. Attractiveness is different to everyone, and it is important to physically like your other half. There are plenty of men to choose from why go for someone you dont find attractive.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: marrying without attraction?

                  Originally posted by muslim3 View Post
                  i know a brother who married a girl who he did not find attractive. he did it for social/family reasons and for the past 2 years, not a single time has he had intercourse. he is trying to figure out a way to dissolve the marriage without hurting her emotionally. and yes, he is at risk for having relations outside the marriage. attraction is very important although not the foundation of a marriage.

                  I would just like to congratulate this brother for not having the balls to be a man in the first place and refuse the alliance.
                  FYI there is NO WAY to dissolve a marriage without hurting the other party...especially if it is onesided. And why did he wait 2 yrs???

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: marrying without attraction?

                    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                    :wswrwb:

                    There should be at least some level of attraction.

                    Yes, there are good guys (pious) who are attractive, as well.
                    Well to be honest brother a pious brother with a full length beard is deemed to be unattractive by alot of sisters. But off course they will be exceptions like everything. Sisters ive heard about through brothers want a stubble brother who dresses to impress (shirt/trousers, suit) compared to a guy in a thobe and a full length beard, i myself have experienced this aswell.

                    Nowadays beauty plays a big part then it should do, why? cause of the evils of tv, you see sisters and brothers watching films, pop groups or whatever and the level of expectations naturally increases, they want a clean shaven guy or a super model etc etc, deen comes last.

                    Allahu Musta'un

                    Btw you will love you're spouse if you both worship Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala the way he should be worshipped, he (swt) will put love in you're hearts naturally.
                    Allahumma Insur Al-Islam Wal-Muslimeen

                    Ahasiban naasu ay yutrakoo ay yaqooloo aamannaa wa hum laa yuftanoon. (Do men imagine that they will be left (at ease) because they say, We believe, and will not be tested with affliction? Surah 29 (2)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: marrying without attraction?

                      Originally posted by She_Bittersweet View Post
                      If person puts you off to the point where you dont want to sleep with them this is gonna cause problems. Attractiveness is different to everyone, and it is important to physically like your other half. There are plenty of men to choose from why go for someone you dont find attractive.
                      When I read your line, I could imagine myself walking into some sort of shopping centre where you could just pick the perfect guy.lol. I agree though, there has to be a minimum of physical attraction.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: marrying without attraction?

                        Originally posted by Ibadah View Post
                        Well to be honest brother a pious brother with a full length beard is deemed to be unattractive by alot of sisters. But off course they will be exceptions like everything. Sisters ive heard about through brothers want a stubble brother who dresses to impress (shirt/trousers, suit) compared to a guy in a thobe and a full length beard, i myself have experienced this aswell.

                        Nowadays beauty plays a big part then it should do, why? cause of the evils of tv, you see sisters and brothers watching films, pop groups or whatever and the level of expectations naturally increases, they want a clean shaven guy or a super model etc etc, deen comes last.

                        Allahu Musta'un

                        Btw you will love you're spouse if you both worship Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala the way he should be worshipped, he (swt) will put love in you're hearts naturally.
                        .


                        Are you kidding me? There is nothing far more Beautiful than a brother with a full beard walking with a thobe!! Clean shaved face just doesn't scream man, no difference between them and the sisters. I have much more respect to the brother with a beard and a thobe, Because they are striving to live like our beloved prophet (peace and blessing be upon him) I can't even look at a brother dress like that because my eyes are glued to the floor! That's how much respect I have for those who strive to be Like the best man to work on this earth, specially with nowadays trends getting worst with being hard to distinguish between a man and a woman in this society! With men's cloths getting tighter and tighter. Allah knows best!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: marrying without attraction?

                          Originally posted by Ibadah View Post
                          Well to be honest brother a pious brother with a full length beard is deemed to be unattractive by alot of sisters. But off course they will be exceptions like everything. Sisters ive heard about through brothers want a stubble brother who dresses to impress (shirt/trousers, suit) compared to a guy in a thobe and a full length beard, i myself have experienced this aswell.

                          .
                          It's cultural/social influences that play a part in defining what we consider attractive.

                          In the UK when my husband walked out with his thobe and full length beard - I didnt have a problem with it. Wasnt fussed. It was a non issue.

                          However, now that I live in a Muslim country where the National dress is to wear a thobe. I LOVE it when he wears his thobe.

                          The difference between the two is that - in the UK. He would look different, stick out, get stared at and people would shout insults.

                          In a Muslim country, he looks just like the rest of them.

                          And that really plays a part in how we perceive others.
                          https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: marrying without attraction?

                            Originally posted by hayat21 View Post
                            When I read your line, I could imagine myself walking into some sort of shopping centre where you could just pick the perfect guy.lol. I agree though, there has to be a minimum of physical attraction.
                            LOL i didnt mean that, but in general there are possibilities out there.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: marrying without attraction?

                              Marriage without attraction is like a flower without smell.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X