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  • confused

    Salaam

    I am new to this forum and this is my first post. Hope everyone is well and having a good Sunday morning.

    I just come out of an extremely complicated long term relationship. Throughout my teens I was gay and recently just stopped seeing the person who I thought I loved.

    I know being gay is haram, but I was so confused back then and could not control my desires.

    At present I think Allah has blessed me and I have refrained from the gay scene for about 7 weeks now, and each day I write a diary of my feelings to help myself.

    I am now 24 and my parents are talking about my marriage, my dads pushing me to find a decent girl and settle. The only problem is I don't feel attracted to women, so I wont be able to fulfil her desires when I get married. Can I marry in the view of developing friendship with a Muslimah?

    Recently a friend of mine had a miscarriage. Her husband left her and she asked me to marry her whilst I went to visit her in hospital. We have been best friends for years and we really get on. She clearly wants another baby, not a husband and I don't want a wife but a friend I can live with temporarily just to stop my parents from hassling me about marriage.

    If we do this, do you think it would be wrong?

    I spoke to a bro about my situation, he told me in Saudi there's psychotherapists who can help my 'unstable mind'. That didn't quite help, he went even further to recommend electric shock treatment in Saudi.

    What do you guys think?

    Salaam

  • #2
    Re: confused

    Bro marriage without sex wont last long. sex is as important in marriage as food in daily life. i dont know any sister who did this. may allah help you bro.my prayers are with you.
    In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but silence of our friends.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: confused

      Originally posted by Londoner007 View Post
      Salaam

      She clearly wants another baby, not a husband and I don't want a wife but a friend I can live with temporarily just to stop my parents from hassling me about marriage.


      Salaam
      I can't understand this :scratch::scratch:

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: confused

        Asalaamu Alaikum,

        I would recommend you check this out - http://gaymuslims.org/

        I wish I could advise you better bro, but I just don't know enough on the issue.

        May Allah ease your difficulties and allow you to overcome your problems.
        Last edited by Perseveranze; 26-02-12, 01:41 PM.
        A Fast Growing Islamic Search Website -

        www.Searching-Islam.com

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: confused

          Sorry, didn't make it clear. Well there are other methods of having a baby than sleeping with someone. We could get married and have a baby without sleeping together.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: confused

            Originally posted by Londoner007 View Post
            Sorry, didn't make it clear. Well there are other methods of having a baby than sleeping with someone. We could get married and have a baby without sleeping together.
            Oh ! you mean IVF ?

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: confused

              errr the NHS aint going pay for IVF for such reasons, unless your thinking of going to a private clinic.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: confused

                True, who needs the NHS anyway.

                Turkey Baster method is just as effective if done in the correct manner.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: confused

                  Originally posted by Londoner007 View Post
                  True, who needs the NHS anyway.

                  Turkey Baster method is just as effective if done in the correct manner.
                  Yuck ..... Lesbians do that .

                  Correct me if I am wrong .

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: confused

                    :wswrwb:

                    I think you should take your friend's advice and do whatever you can to avoid these thoughts and feelings against the same gender.

                    Also, it's very strange that your friend asked you to marry her. Did her husband divorce her? What do you mean he left? Plus, you shouldn't be friends with a woman, as it's not allowed in Islam.

                    One last thing, whatever the case, unless you are sure you have become normal, you shouldn't hide this from any woman you marry, because you will lead her into something she is not expecting from her husband.

                    May Allah cure you of these feelings.
                    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: confused

                      Both scenarios are wrong, don't do either or them.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: confused

                        Ahki pray for Allah to remove this thing from you, wake up at night and raise your hands to the Almighty.
                        you can't get married and avoid each other. Each of you has right upon each other.

                        My advise for you is to not get married and you can explain your parents that you want to delay it for a bit. And turn to Allah and ask for his aid and guideness for surely He guides whom ever he wants.
                        You can ask islamqa.com for any question inshallah.

                        May Allah swt remove this from you and replace you with something he is pleased with.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: confused

                          Asalam alykum. you need to have good companions around you, in good place, i think marying the girl should also be corect, you need to see her parents, not her in hospital, so do not go out of aproblem to another one, after you get married insha allah, you will be used to your new life, it's like sameone who was living in darkness then he saw the light of sun, he couldnt resist it first, but then he get used to it.
                          if your steo is for allah then allah will surly help you and forgive your old sin, but if not, then you will never sucess.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: confused

                            my suggestion would be refraining from entering any relationship with women. read more .. consult scholars, get educated about islam more and then think about marrying some one. in the mean while try fasting and never ever miss a prayer.

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