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  • helping a sister in need!!

    Assalamu Alaykum
    Recently i have heard an incident from a sister who asked me a question.As i wasnt able to give her a proper answer i thought i could discuss it on here.

    The sister i am reffering to was looking to marry a muslim brother. Alhamdulillah, by the grace of Allah and with the help of her family she was put into contact with a brother. Both the girl and the boy had the normal meeting procedure with their walis.Both sides saw a potential.

    It was about 2 months after the meeting they met again. This time however the sister told the brother that she wears the niqaab. After hearing this the brother said that he would never marry a niqaabi and wouldnt ever allow his wife to wear one. His reasons were that everyone shoukd be able to see everyone. And that if people were to see him with his wife he wanted them to be able to see her. He also said that he doesnt understand why women do it and why they have to take extreme measures.
    The sister explained to the brother that she wore it because she feels it is the best way to observe her modesty. And also if she removed it, she would feel asthough a part of her was missing. She felt secure and comfortable in the niqaab rather than without it. the argument continued, each sticking to what they believed was right.
    Unfortunately after this meeting the brother has asked the sister that if she would like to marry him, then she will ahve to remove the niqaab.She wants to marry him but wants to keep her niqaab on.
    The sister said that this is the first time she has come across any brother who seemed to tick all her boxes. Understanding caring intellegent, gt a job etc
    Could anyone please help this sister as to what she should do and what could she possibly say to this brother to make him understand or explain her view.

    I am sorry it is long, but i think writing it like this gives a clearer understanding.

  • #2
    Re: helping a sister in need!!

    :wswrwb:

    She should keep her niqaab on.

    You said the brother is, "understanding, intelligent, got a job." Something is missing here. Is he practicing?

    From the responses he gave to the sister, "brother said that he would never marry a niqaabi and wouldnt ever allow his wife to wear one. His reasons were that everyone shoukd be able to see everyone. And that if people were to see him with his wife he wanted them to be able to see her," it seems he doesn't have the proper understanding of niqaab.

    I think sister should try to explain it to him once more, and if he agree, then Alhamdulillah. If not, then the sister needs to have patience and look elsewhere. There are many, many men out there who will marry a sister who wears niqaab, so there's absolutely no need to lose hope. She needs to put her trust in Allah. After all, she's wearing the niqaab for the sake of Allah. Surely, Allah will compensate her with someone even better than him.
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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    • #3
      Re: helping a sister in need!!

      Originally posted by SisterAishah View Post
      Assalamu Alaykum
      Recently i have heard an incident from a sister who asked me a question.As i wasnt able to give her a proper answer i thought i could discuss it on here.

      The sister i am reffering to was looking to marry a muslim brother. Alhamdulillah, by the grace of Allah and with the help of her family she was put into contact with a brother. Both the girl and the boy had the normal meeting procedure with their walis.Both sides saw a potential.

      It was about 2 months after the meeting they met again. This time however the sister told the brother that she wears the niqaab. After hearing this the brother said that he would never marry a niqaabi and wouldnt ever allow his wife to wear one. His reasons were that everyone shoukd be able to see everyone. And that if people were to see him with his wife he wanted them to be able to see her. He also said that he doesnt understand why women do it and why they have to take extreme measures.
      The sister explained to the brother that she wore it because she feels it is the best way to observe her modesty. And also if she removed it, she would feel asthough a part of her was missing. She felt secure and comfortable in the niqaab rather than without it. the argument continued, each sticking to what they believed was right.
      Unfortunately after this meeting the brother has asked the sister that if she would like to marry him, then she will ahve to remove the niqaab.She wants to marry him but wants to keep her niqaab on.
      The sister said that this is the first time she has come across any brother who seemed to tick all her boxes. Understanding caring intellegent, gt a job etc
      Could anyone please help this sister as to what she should do and what could she possibly say to this brother to make him understand or explain her view.

      I am sorry it is long, but i think writing it like this gives a clearer understanding.
      He wants people to look at his wife? Subhan'Allah.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: helping a sister in need!!

        :wswrwb:

        Iv come across a few brothers who want their wives to take off niqaab, it shocks me every time. Anyway, the sister should pray Istikhara and consult with trusted and practising friends as well as her family. My friends husband didnt want her to wear her niqaab after they got married (she wore it before, he was aware but didnt mind then) he said it was because everyone was looking at them and thought he was forcing her to wear it. And yes, hes a very practising brother.

        Although she kept it on for a while after their marriage, she eventually took it off because of the constant discouragement from him. Ive always known this sister to be very firm in her deen ma sha Allah, so was abit :( to see her like that.
        Allahumma innaa na'udhu bika min an nushrika bika shai-an na'lamuh; wa nastaghfiruka limaa laa na'lam

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        • #5
          Re: helping a sister in need!!

          :wswrwb:

          Tell her to tell him to take a hike. If she believes she is wearing niqaab because it is fardh or for the pleasure. Allah then why should she give that up for a man? Allah will provide her with someone better inshaAllah and I would assume that a woman in niqaab would want her husband to have gayrah and NoTwant other men to see her face!
          Sounds like a clown.
          *~* Learn Patience from Aasiyah (RA); Loyalty from Khadhija (RA); Sincerity from Aisha (RA) and Steadfastness from Fatima (RA).*~*

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          • #6
            Re: helping a sister in need!!

            I think he's not worth it, it's like marrying a man who asks you to take off your hijab, would you do it? Well it's the same if the sister thinks its fardh, and even if she doesnt think niqaab is fardh, why would you change for anybody in this dunya? He either accepts her and that's kool or she should move on, I'm sure there are plenty of brothers who would love their wife to wear one. But does he know what she looks like at least?
            Pray istikhara, but I wouldn't advice her to marry him as there are mashaAllah lots of brothers on this planet up:
            The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing)” (3:185)

            Avoid excessive laughter and useless arguments as they harden the heart and lead to heedlessness.

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            • #7
              Re: helping a sister in need!!

              But he doesn't tick all the boxes does he? As one box would be supporting wife in wearing niqaab. Maybe she should consider a brother that doesn't tick another box instead...

              Recipes for all the family :inlove:
              (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

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              • #8
                Re: helping a sister in need!!

                He is a man, and I assume he is attracted to her because he wants to marry her, but he still doesn't understand why women want to wear niqab?

                Interesting.

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                • #9
                  Re: helping a sister in need!!

                  I am with Sister Naila-k on this one.

                  I doubt any two people completely agree on how to practice Islam, so its not so much the issue of wearing niqaab or not that is the problem but the Brothers lack of support for his (potential) wife and respect for her opinions.

                  If she thinks he "ticks all the boxes", she clearly needs to add a few more boxes, like respect and support.

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                  • #10
                    Re: helping a sister in need!!

                    What if she wants to study or excel in the deen in future and he dislikes it? It wont be a happy union. They have to both want the same things, maybe his perspective seems right to him but it seems a very shallow and naiive perspective for the long run. I think its best they go their seperate ways now, if she leaves him to stay loyal to her hijaab then Allah will most certainly give her someone who will compliment her in this regard. Remember this man will be the father of her children oneday, it is important she chooses wisely.

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                    • #11
                      Re: helping a sister in need!!

                      Drop him like he's a hot piece of coal. The sister needs to look for a husband who is practising and on top of that, look for one who has a keen desire for it.
                      -

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                      • #12
                        Re: helping a sister in need!!

                        Originally posted by Zesty View Post
                        :wswrwb:

                        Tell her to tell him to take a hike. If she believes she is wearing niqaab because it is fardh or for the pleasure. Allah then why should she give that up for a man? Allah will provide her with someone better inshaAllah and I would assume that a woman in niqaab would want her husband to have gayrah and NoTwant other men to see her face!
                        Sounds like a clown.
                        Zesty takes the words right out of my mouth.

                        There is something very very wrong with a man who wants people to look at his wife
                        وَالْعَصْرِ

                        إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                        إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

                        "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

                        "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                        Khanqah Habibiyah

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                        • #13
                          Re: helping a sister in need!!

                          Originally posted by Sam_87 View Post
                          :wswrwb:

                          Iv come across a few brothers who want their wives to take off niqaab, it shocks me every time. Anyway, the sister should pray Istikhara and consult with trusted and practising friends as well as her family. My friends husband didnt want her to wear her niqaab after they got married (she wore it before, he was aware but didnt mind then) he said it was because everyone was looking at them and thought he was forcing her to wear it. And yes, hes a very practising brother.

                          Although she kept it on for a while after their marriage, she eventually took it off because of the constant discouragement from him. Ive always known this sister to be very firm in her deen ma sha Allah, so was abit :( to see her like that.
                          No he wasn't.

                          People like him give the real sincere brothers out there a bad name and he doesn't deserve to be in the 'very practicing' category. The reasons he mentioned is nothing but silly. Subhanallah ajeeb.

                          the sister should get her mahram/wali to have a word with the guy. I mean, who does he think he is. Got married to her knowing she wears niqab, didn't mention anything at the time then after nikah tells her to take it off 'cos people are staring! ... If he did that to my sister or daughter - then I wouldn't be happy.

                          ajeeb guy
                          Last edited by MWarrior; 21-02-12, 01:02 PM.

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                          • #14
                            Re: helping a sister in need!!

                            Okay I think the "everyone should be able to see her " is meant as "everybody should be able to identify her", and the "everyone" also includes other women, since they are also walking in the street.

                            So, thing is she is not in need of this guy, she should keep wearing it if it is what she wants and believes is right.
                            My Blog http://historyeyesopened.tumblr.com/ Watch out sister Nousername
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                            • #15
                              Re: helping a sister in need!!

                              Nothing to think about. Plenty more fish in the sea. But only ONE Allah, whose pleasure to seek.
                              Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.”(Muslim)

                              "Zendagi Migzara..."

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