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  • I need some advice

    Last edited by AhlulQuran88; 20-12-11, 06:33 PM.

  • #2
    Re: I need some advice

    Wa 'Alaykumus Salaam.

    You're in a difficult situation, and i can't really help you because i'm not married.

    It depends on your individual situation, you need to first find a girl, and then during the "negotiation" period you must ask her about studying, because you get some people who are pro their partners studying, while there are others who want you to spend all your time with them, therefore it's imperative that you ask the question before marriage.

    If she's okay with it then go ahead and get married, but if she's not then rather wait until you're complete or find someone else.

    Because your body has a right over you, but your wife also has a right over you, so your studies should be in a way that she is satisfied with and her rights are being fulfilled.



    "The `Aalim knows who is a Jaahil, because he used to be a Jaahil before. But the Jaahil does not know who is an `Aalim, because he was never an `Aalim before."


    Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullaah in Majmoo`ul Fataawaa.


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    • #3
      Re: I need some advice

      It would be wise to find someone else in your same situation, who wants to focus on studying or some other thing and is not ready to settle down and start a family. It would be unfair to marry a sister who wants to start establishing a permanent household and having children when you are not ready for that. You can't take a wife only for the purpose of pleasing your body. You need to give her the full status of a wife and respect her rights over you. Be clear about your goals and expectations and don't accept anyone who is not going to be happy in the situation.
      Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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      • #4
        Re: I need some advice

        :wswrwb:

        Plenty of sisters who want to study, seek one of those Insha Allah
        Allahumma innaa na'udhu bika min an nushrika bika shai-an na'lamuh; wa nastaghfiruka limaa laa na'lam

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        • #5
          Re: I need some advice

          Wa Aalaikum Assalam

          What is the priority? Think about it akhi.
          If you have any questions feel free to PM me!

          Humililty, Sincerity, and the quest for Truth. There is no purpose in life but to seek the pleasure of Allah.
          There is a possibility a female might use this account to read something!

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          • #6
            Re: I need some advice

            Originally posted by Abu Mus'ab View Post
            Wa 'Alaykumus Salaam.

            You're in a difficult situation, and i can't really help you because i'm not married.

            It depends on your individual situation, you need to first find a girl, and then during the "negotiation" period you must ask her about studying, because you get some people who are pro their partners studying, while there are others who want you to spend all your time with them, therefore it's imperative that you ask the question before marriage.

            If she's okay with it then go ahead and get married, but if she's not then rather wait until you're complete or find someone else.

            Because your body has a right over you, but your wife also has a right over you, so your studies should be in a way that she is satisfied with and her rights are being fulfilled.
            :jzk:
            make sense
            Originally posted by inprogress View Post
            It would be wise to find someone else in your same situation, who wants to focus on studying or some other thing and is not ready to settle down and start a family. It would be unfair to marry a sister who wants to start establishing a permanent household and having children when you are not ready for that. You can't take a wife only for the purpose of pleasing your body. You need to give her the full status of a wife and respect her rights over you. Be clear about your goals and expectations and don't accept anyone who is not going to be happy in the situation.
            Good advice i took that onboard inshalah ,look for someone who wants to study the deen with me, starting a family is the issue as such but just that she is ready to study the arabic language and that is she is ready to memorise the quran.

            Originally posted by al-siddiq View Post
            Wa Aalaikum Assalam

            What is the priority? Think about it akhi.
            the priority is that i marry someone with serious ambitions in terms of studying islam, someone who wants to at least study the basics like the memorisation of the quran the study of the arabic language and wants to commit to that she doesn't have to want to go to Al-azhar but at least have a desire to get grips with the basics thats important to me.

            the above is very important to me and that is my priority

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            • #7
              Re: I need some advice

              before I got married to my wife, she said she is teaching and she will be studying to gain a further teaching qualification after marriage, I had no problem with it and it causes no issues. so something like this should not be a problem for you.
              Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

              -Quran (57:20)

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              • #8
                Re: I need some advice

                Asalamu Alaikum,

                It depends on the individual. If a person can handle being single for a few more years then they can put their studies first and focus on that. On the other hand if they are often thinking about marriage then the Scholars have recommended that this individual get married and then seek knowledge. I've talked to many married brothers and many have said that marriage helps the individual become more focused.

                If you find a sister who wants to seek knowledge then I personally wouldn't pass up the opportunity.

                May Allah grant you a spouse that has the drive to seek knowledge.

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                • #9
                  Re: I need some advice

                  Marriage often changes your kismat.

                  My husband often says that if he didnt marry me, he seriously doubts that he would have been able to fulfil his dream of studying Arabic fulltime.

                  Of course, serious discussions went on before he could do this - i.e. family planning needed to be put on hold for a year due to travelling, we had to leave our family and live in Egypt, he was out of work for a year etc etc

                  Just find a sister who is on the same page as you.
                  https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

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