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Woman had child out of wedlock - how should she be treated by her family?

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  • #31
    Re: Woman had child out of wedlock - how should she be treated by her family?

    Originally posted by *Aisha View Post
    Thats stupid The sisters didnt do anything wrong yet they are judged by what another family member does? ridiculous and ignorant!
    Alot of things are stupid, but yet people still do them.
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    • #32
      Re: Woman had child out of wedlock - how should she be treated by her family?

      Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
      If she repents and regrets it, then I don't think there's anything wrong with welcoming her back. That's probably a good thing to do. At least, it'll give the family a chance for guiding her to Islam. :insha:
      The sky is blue. Thats how obvious your above statement is. But she's shacked up with some next man, her parents have a greater duty to protect their own children from her evil than they have to her. If they keep relations with her this is an encouragement to her sisters and other relatives because they will see her do this and it will lessen their resistance to doing bad things.why? because if they do half of what she has they will turn around and say "she did twice as bad as me and you kept her, so now you must keep me also"

      back in the day parents were parents and if they said to a child "your dead to me" that was the end of it. nowadays the reigns of power are in the hands of children. I've seen men who kept proper control over their sisters lose it completely over their daughters and they got no shame in it.
      Rajab is a month of cultivation, Shaban is month of irrigating the fields, and the month of Ramadhan is a month of reaping and harvesting.”

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      • #33
        Re: Woman had child out of wedlock - how should she be treated by her family?

        You say his statement is obvious yet you start the next sentence with 'but'.

        So what is a 'real' parent supposed to do, accept someone's repentance and keep 'silat al-rahm' or banish them?
        "The discovery of truth is prevented more effectively, not by the false appearance of things present and which mislead into error, not directly by weakness of the reasoning powers, but by preconceived notions, opinion, and by prejudice." - Arthur Schopenhauer

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        • #34
          Re: Woman had child out of wedlock - how should she be treated by her family?

          of course there;s a but in there. mirror wrote as though she's repented, which is fine and dandy but has she repented? repentant women don't live with their boyfriends and haram children unashamedly. when the thread starter tells us she has repented and wants to join the fold then my comments may be different. but for the time being, don't see anything wrong in what I said based on the info presented.
          Rajab is a month of cultivation, Shaban is month of irrigating the fields, and the month of Ramadhan is a month of reaping and harvesting.”

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          • #35
            Re: Woman had child out of wedlock - how should she be treated by her family?

            Originally posted by Medievalist View Post
            The sky is blue. Thats how obvious your above statement is. But she's shacked up with some next man, her parents have a greater duty to protect their own children from her evil than they have to her. If they keep relations with her this is an encouragement to her sisters and other relatives because they will see her do this and it will lessen their resistance to doing bad things.why? because if they do half of what she has they will turn around and say "she did twice as bad as me and you kept her, so now you must keep me also"

            back in the day parents were parents and if they said to a child "your dead to me" that was the end of it. nowadays the reigns of power are in the hands of children. I've seen men who kept proper control over their sisters lose it completely over their daughters and they got no shame in it.
            I don't think so. I doubt her sisters are just waiting for an excuse to go out and hook up with a guy.

            If they have their heads straight, things like this shouldn't influence them at all. It's clear that this is wrong and if they accept her back it would be a big deal for her. I don't think any of the sisters would want to even go near that and take a chance.
            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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            • #36
              Re: Woman had child out of wedlock - how should she be treated by her family?

              Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
              I don't think so. I doubt her sisters are just waiting for an excuse to go out and hook up with a guy.

              If they have their heads straight, things like this shouldn't influence them at all. It's clear that this is wrong and if they accept her back it would be a big deal for her. I don't think any of the sisters would want to even go near that and take a chance.
              How does a parent determine that though? I mean, mostly obviously, does it not depend on how old the children are, the amount of adherence to Islam they exhibit, the views they express? Yet, even after that, as a parent you won't know exactly what your child is thinking and it is your job to protect them. Should you protect them from each other? I can't help thinking about the bonds the siblings might have with each other, and how I've witnessed the great influence siblings can have on each other. It doesn't mean they'll do what she did, but their views might change and some of their actions might change. I really feel for the parents, this must be a total nightmare.

              I have read Shuyookh advising family to still give naseeha to such a person, so one shouldn't cut ties, yet it only makes sense to worry about and consider the effect of such thinking and behaviour on the younger members of the family.
              Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
              O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
              We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

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              • #37
                Re: Woman had child out of wedlock - how should she be treated by her family?

                Even those who have not had a proper Islamic tarbiyyah wouldn't go near something like that.

                The parents are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Throwing her out would be a poor decision, esp. if she's repentant. That's worse than fearing about what negative influence she might bring in the house. There's no guarantee that if they accept her back, then other sisters will go astray, either.

                :insha: This will also serve as a wake up call for them and the sisters won't even think about it. Having a child out of wedlock is a big deal.
                Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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                • #38
                  Re: Woman had child out of wedlock - how should she be treated by her family?

                  Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                  Even those who have not had a proper Islamic tarbiyyah wouldn't go near something like that.

                  The parents are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Throwing her out would be a poor decision, esp. if she's repentant. That's worse than fearing about what negative influence she might bring in the house. There's no guarantee that if they accept her back, then other sisters will go astray, either.

                  :insha: This will also serve as a wake up call for them and the sisters won't even think about it. Having a child out of wedlock is a big deal.
                  Like I said, its not the actual act of having a child out of wedlock (btw, I doubt people "plan" this), but them being influenced negatively by her. Its like when one of the children of a family starts to go out with a girl/boy, you'll find that another child end's up doing this - its not that it WILL happen, but it certainly has happened and its not surprising either.

                  If she's living with the man, that's not exactly repentant - major sins are still being committed here. They shouldn't ostracise her, but should they be naive? Insha'Allah though, I hope Allah relieves them of this situation.
                  Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                  O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                  We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

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                  • #39
                    Re: Woman had child out of wedlock - how should she be treated by her family?

                    I haven't heard of situations where one does something wrong (as big as that) and others follow suit (even if not something as big). Maybe, that's why I'm not seeing the full picture.

                    If she's living with the man, that's not exactly repentant - major sins are still being committed here. They shouldn't ostracise her, but should they be naive? Insha'Allah though, I hope Allah relieves them of this situation.
                    Good point that.

                    :insha:
                    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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                    • #40
                      Re: Woman had child out of wedlock - how should she be treated by her family?

                      Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                      I haven't heard of situations where one does something wrong (as big as that) and others follow suit (even if not something as big). Maybe, that's why I'm not seeing the full picture.


                      Good point that.

                      :insha:
                      Human beings are capable of many things when led astray, especially when Shaytan or those led by Shaytan are given free reign in your home. I agree with whoever said that only mature individuals who have deen should interact with this woman and only for the purposes of da'wah. She should not be allowed to contact her siblings/relatives until or unless they are themselves mature and have a firm grasp in the deen and they too should only contact her for dawah. Those impressionable younger siblings/cousins/relatives should be openly told that her behaviour is very very wrong and what it means.

                      This may also have the effect of making the woman realise the gravity of her actions
                      Last edited by Umm_Hanzalah; 23-12-11, 03:47 AM.
                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

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                      • #41
                        Re: Woman had child out of wedlock - how should she be treated by her family?

                        remeber how the prophet treated the women who came to him about adultery......its a amazing story we should be compassinate like the prophet (pbuh)

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                        • #42
                          Re: Woman had child out of wedlock - how should she be treated by her family?

                          I see alot of people arguing about this so thought would give an update of the situation so far.

                          The girl in question is now back living with her family, no mention of why she left her man/if she has indeed left him or he left her.
                          He has left her numerous times in the past when she fails to bring in money. She has stolen gold/money from her parents to give to him in the past but obviously cant do that now as they keep evrything in the bank!

                          She has started to visit other relations now and keeps coming to visit, inviting herself.
                          She has apologised for what she has done and wears jilbaab but other than that is doing nothing different. She doesnt pray 5x's and is always going out without good reason. Basically, she is as she was before but is now living at parents house for free.

                          Her mum keeps telling extended family that she is their daughter so they have to take her back and that her husband has to support her in this, but he is soo embarrased by the whole thing that he hardly holds his head-up in family circles. Whenevr people ask about what she has been doing for last few yrs they lie and say she got married and had her kid when the close family know the truth. In fact everyone knows it but just are too embarrased to say it to their face but all say it behind the familys back.

                          Difficult situation but I guess they are trying to move on and hope it works out for the best inshAllah and she is not going to make fools out of them for giving her another chance>

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