Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Abuse/Violence in Marriage?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Abuse/Violence in Marriage?

    Salam,
    I'm a female who got married about 8 months ago. My marriage was arranged, I didn't know my husband. I moved to a different country with him because he lived there. My marriage had its ups and downs. It took us a while to get to know each other and understand each other. Now I can proudly say I love him with all my heart.

    The problem started which just little arguments, and I noticed his temper was very bad. I'm a stubborn person too, so I changed my habits and learned to deal with his anger. He always used to threat to hit me every time we used to argue. Until one day we were arguing and he ended up choking my neck for like 5 sec. I got very scared after that. I'm still very young in age and he is only 5 years older than me. I didn't show that I was scared in front of him. He ended up apologizing after for what happened and said he would never hit me again.

    I guess it's true when people say once a man starts hitting he never stops after that. He ended up hitting me a few more times. He has punched me, kicked me, hit me with a shoe, and pushed me so hard into a wall. He becomes this different person when he is doing that. Every time he does it, he says he'll never do it again. But those promises never last. Also every time he gets mad, he starts saying how he regrets marrying me, and that was his biggest mistake.

    Last night he slapped my bare shoulder/back area so hard that his hand prints are still there. I screamed out in pain, because my body went into a shock. He always brings my parents into our arguments, and I don't like that. I was raised very Islamic all my life. And for someone to sit there and say your parents didn't raise you right, anyone would get mad.

    I absolutely don't know what to do anymore, I love him so much, but he just doesn't seem to understand. I don't want to leave him. :( Islam doesn't allow to beat your wife whenever you feel like it. I need some ideas on how I can resolve this issue. I'm very close to my mom, but I don't want to tell her, because she'll just be so upset. One other question I had was, when a man in anger says "I divorce you" does that count? I know if someone says it three times it's done, but when someone in an argument says it does it count toward those 3?

    I'm very upset and emotionally hurt. PLEASE someone give me some advice... :(

  • #2
    Re: Abuse/Violence in Marriage?

    :wswrwb:

    Please, don't hide it from your parents. They'll be more upset to know that you were being hit and didn't tell them. So, :insha: seek help from them.

    May Allah guide your husband.

    Also, see this thread: domestic violence
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Abuse/Violence in Marriage?

      Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
      :wswrwb:

      Please, don't hide it from your parents. They'll be more upset to know that you were being hit and didn't tell them. So, :insha: seek help from them.

      May Allah guide your husband.

      Also, see this thread: domestic violence
      I understand what you are saying, but he is always threatening me that if I ever call my parents and tell him anything then he will divorce me right away. I don't want that to happen...

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Abuse/Violence in Marriage?

        Sister, don't give in to his threats. If he divorces you, then it's not your fault.

        Would you rather live like this where he treats you like an animal or be free of him if he does divorce you?

        You are a Muslim woman, and you do NOT deserve to be treated like this. Allah has given you respect as a woman, so take advantage of your rights and seek to resolve this.
        Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

        "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
        - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Abuse/Violence in Marriage?

          Do you really think he is going to change? I mean after every time he has hit you he has apologised and promised never to do it again, that is what abusers do they will always apologise and say they will never do it again and how it wasn't their fault. As from your story there has also been an escalation in the violence he has shown towards you, how long do you think before one of these days he just does not stop? Do you have kids? If not, could you really imagine raising your kids in that environment, watching their mother get beat up and what if one day you just ain't enough to take his anger out on, what if he starts beating your kids? I have heard of stories where women have been pregnant and their partners have purposely punched them or kicked them in the stomach. You really need to get professional help, see your doctor and I definitely think you should tell your parents, personal opinion is you should leave him.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Abuse/Violence in Marriage?

            I agree with above posts. Istighfarullah for non-mahram talk. Clearly someone who won't change. I'm sure you have made much du'a. May Allah reward you. Have you taken this to your local imam?

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Abuse/Violence in Marriage?

              Originally posted by UnknownForever View Post
              I understand what you are saying, but he is always threatening me that if I ever call my parents and tell him anything then he will divorce me right away. I don't want that to happen...
              My dear sister, as a muslim man I have little tolerance for men who attack women.

              Wives are a trust given to their husbands, and they are supposed to take care of them, not attack them.

              As hard as what I am saying is, you need to sit and talk with him alone. Tell him softly and gently what he has done is wrong, and Allah will hold him to account for it. Tell him you will do your best to help him and change yourself as well.

              If this does nto work, involve a mediator (perhaps your parents).

              If these options do not work, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH DIVORCE. Do not accept the wrongs of a man upon you. It will make your deen hard for you, because the man has great influence over the woman's life.
              If you have any questions feel free to PM me!

              Humililty, Sincerity, and the quest for Truth. There is no purpose in life but to seek the pleasure of Allah.
              There is a possibility a female might use this account to read something!

              Comment

              Working...
              X