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Secret 2nd wives and double lives

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  • dhak1yya
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Astaghfirullah, thread closed

    Please keep your assumptions about other Muslims/Muslimah's motives for saying/doing certain things to yourself.

    Leave a comment:


  • Umm_Adam_
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Ameen

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  • Juvegirl
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Originally posted by khadijacam View Post
    Polygamy is "legal" adultery plain and simple.
    Aouthibillah

    Leave a comment:


  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Fear Allah, sister. You're calling His law adultery?

    May Allah guide you, increase you in knowledge of His deen, and forgive you.

    And, by Allah, I am not trying to appear pious or putting up an act.

    Leave a comment:


  • Umm_Adam_
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    May Allaah guide you to the right path Ameen

    Leave a comment:


  • khadijacam
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Originally posted by wahbieisam View Post
    Polygamy is adultery period really If a man takes another wife , he commits adultery against his first wife, he also causes the second wife to commit adultery by interfering with the first marriage
    Polygamy is "legal" adultery plain and simple. No other way bout it. A mistress is another woman and and a 2nd wife is also another woman. People like to sugarcoat it with all these deeni sayings but that is the bottom line. I am sure many of the western mistresses would certainly love to become a 2nd wife if western men could practice polygamy. Whether you are a man's mistress or second wife, you are still with another woman's husband. A 2nd wife is just when a man makes his mistress his wife. What makes a man look for a 2nd if he is very much in love with his first wife? What makes a man go to the extent of tying himself to another woman for life if he didn't fall in love with her? A 2nd wife doesn't just fall from the sky. The man has to be looking and if he was content with his first he wouldn't purposely go looking.

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  • Umm_Adam_
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    there is only one person i need to win points with and i crave those points my life depends on it

    ALLAAH !!!!!

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  • Umm_Adam_
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Originally posted by khadijacam View Post
    Ok, that all sounds so great in an IDEAL world, but the reality is if a man is married to a woman, he will sleep with her deeni or not. Common sense. How else will they have children?
    LoL get married before you make these judgements.
    seriously your very very childish. remember the prophet :saw: was a revert and all the prophets. so think before you right off reverts

    Leave a comment:


  • Pippin1376
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Sisters, please be reminded that you shouldn't insult one another. Just agree to disagree, or place the other on ignore. You shouldn't allow yourself to type insults, because it will only give you sins.

    Leave a comment:


  • .mirror.
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Originally posted by khadijacam View Post
    Ok, that all sounds so great in an IDEAL world, but the reality is if a man is married to a woman, he will sleep with her deeni or not. Common sense. How else will they have children?
    You have to look past that aspect. There's more to marriage than just that, and those sisters in successful polygamous marriages realize that.

    Leave a comment:


  • khadijacam
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Originally posted by Umm_Adam_ View Post
    the only thing that bothers people is a man sleeping with another woman - and really since when is like about that ?

    we should marry for deen not looks or cars or whatrever
    Ok, that all sounds so great in an IDEAL world, but the reality is if a man is married to a woman, he will sleep with her deeni or not. Common sense. How else will they have children?

    Leave a comment:


  • Pippin1376
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Originally posted by wahbieisam View Post
    Polygamy is adultery period really If a man takes another wife , he commits adultery against his first wife, he also causes the second wife to commit adultery by interfering with the first marriage
    Adultery is having illegal sexual activities with someone who isn't your spouse. Polygamy, is being married to 2-4 women and everything being legal in Shariah.

    Please don't make statements like this, because it could lead you to transgress the limits of this religion. Like I mentioned before, polygamy, despite how much its talked about, doesn't happen very often. So don't worry about it. If one can't handle it, then Allah won't test them with it. And if He does, then He knows you can handle it. Then you're marriage will be even more blessed because you're gaining a lot of rewards struggling with it, but still being obedient to Allah.

    Don't worry about it though!

    Leave a comment:


  • Juvegirl
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Originally posted by khadijacam View Post
    Sure whatever. You are not in their house to know what is actually happening. If you think any sister deep down is happy with such a situation, then I think you are in denial.
    Originally posted by Juvegirl View Post
    And, sister, neither are you in their house to know what is actually happening. So you too cannot say with certainty.
    Originally posted by khadijacam View Post
    I have heard women complaining about their husbands not being fair, so I do actually know what is happening. Some men make it really obvious who their favorite is. I have a lot of personal experience with many people in polygamous marriages.
    If you look at the exchange, Sister Umm_Adam_ was saying that she knows of sisters who are happy. You respond that she isn't in their home with them so she doesn't really know. I counter that neither are you in their home with them so YOU don't know. Now because you know *some* women who complain, you think you can speak for all women in polygynous marriages?

    Here is something to consider: everyone, at one time or another, complains about their marriage. I have a wonderful husband mashallah but even I sometimes complain (May Allah swt and my husband forgive me). I've no doubts whatsoever that there are hard times to being in a polygynous marriage, but that does not mean the woman is completely miserable all the time. If your contacts are, it says something about the company you're keeping to me, more than it says anything about polygynous marriages.

    Originally posted by khadijacam View Post
    Can you honestly say any woman who loves her husband is content with him loving another woman, being intimate with her, having children with her, spending his money on her and basically doesn't have complete freedom with her husband since everything has to be on a schedule. She cannot go on vacation with him when she wants to and has to take turns for everything. hey, maybe some women are actually okay with such a life. But I highly doubt it. Just b/c a woman ACCEPTS polygamy does not means she is HAPPY with it. Big difference. Women are never happy with polygamy, they tolerate it b/c it is our deen and for Allah's sake. Some also still love their husbands and stay b/c they have children with him. It is not b/c they are content with another woman being in their husband's life permanently. Usually the women who are ok, with polygamy are the ones who come after the 1st since they are usually the favored one. It's easier to be the 2nd wife and easier to accept polygamy in that situation.
    OMG what a trial if you can't go on vacation when you want to. I mean, what are the poor and starving complaining about when they CAN'T GO ON VACATION?!?!?!

    There are many instances wherein first wife would accept and even welcome a second (or 3rd, 4th) wife. What is she is not interested in sex but doesn't want to be alone? What if she can't have children but wants to see her husband have them? What if she finds her husband's needs a burden on her?

    I agree it is likely much easier to decide initially to be one of many rather than later on becoming one of many, but that doesn't mean there aren't times and cases where this is PREFERRED by the women involved.

    Just because some of our brothers are doing things wrong, doesn't mean you get carte blanche to put down the sunnah of the Prophet saws and make assumptions about him and the mothers of the believers r.a. and all of the men and women who have practiced polygyny in the last 1400+ years. You can discuss the problems facing the ummah today absolutely, but that isn't the same as saying:

    Originally posted by khadijacam View Post
    Women are never happy with polygamy

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  • Umm_Adam_
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Originally posted by khadijacam
    Would you give it up already. I now know why you are being so hardcore polygamy.
    :rotfl: get a grip, Fear Allaah

    Leave a comment:


  • nousername
    replied
    Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Originally posted by wahbieisam View Post
    Polygamy is adultery period really If a man takes another wife , he commits adultery against his first wife, he also causes the second wife to commit adultery by interfering with the first marriage
    so you deny what Allah, our lord, has said in the Qur'an?? Fear Allah

    And if you be apprehensive that you will not be able to do justice to the orphans, you may marry two or three or four women whom you choose. But if you apprehend that you might not be able to do justice to them, then marry only one wife, or marry those who have fallen in your possession. (Maududi, The Meaning of the Qur’an, vol. 1, p. 305)

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