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Secret 2nd wives and double lives

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  • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

    Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post
    I'm good, sis, alhamdulillah. Actually, the reason why this woman was posting on the internet that her husband died was because she was proud of him. He died a shaheed, :insha:. The family came in contact and sorted out any pending business transactions, etc. She is taken care of, alhamdulillah.
    :masha:!! May Allah grant the brother Jannat.

    Alhamdulillah, it's good that she didnt experience any complications.
    I wonder if it would have been a different story if she hadn't posted on the Internet though...
    Allah's Messenger :saw: said: "Allah the Exalted said: I live in the thought of My servant and I am with him as he remembers Me. When he draws near Me by the span of his hand, I draw near him by the length of a cubit, and when he draws near Me by the length of a cubit, I draw near him by the length of a fathom, and when he draws near Me walking I draw close to him running." (Al-Bukhari)

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    • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

      Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
      I don't know why people keep it secret, but it happens.
      In the west, polygyne is illegal by law, so of course they have to keep it secret otherwise they could end up in jail What a pity and sad situation realizing the fact that gays and lesbians have legal rights to marry which means same sex marriages (which is not even natural for a human being to imagine) but when it comes to Islamic plural marriage, it is illegal. Saddest part, yet Muslim brothers and sisters on this forum themselves speak against this sunnah of our Prophet (PBUH) for a man to have more than one wife.

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      • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

        Originally posted by Bint-Al-Islam View Post
        if that was my husband i would simply ask for a divorce the minute i found out about the second wife.
        i would also take the house, the cars and the kids :up:
        Very typical western influenced mentality. So, you would not think twice about breaking a family, about your kids, losing your husband, and even not consider the provision in the Islamic Sharia for your husband that allows him to marry another woman, but what you would do is, you will simply ditch him over this? This is exactly what the dangerous issue is among the Muslim sisters, they have been brain washed by the pretty much lost, so called modern societies of the west.

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        • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

          Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post
          I just wanted to comment on this thread quickly. Please, I am not looking for any arguments here. I am simply stating my own experience.

          When I was married before, my husband worked 7 days a week often. He had a job with odd hours, so could be day or night. Sometimes he was out of the house for 16 or 18 hours a day. I always assumed he was working or doing something work related, or maybe with friends or doing whatever he wanted to do. He would sometimes say he was going out with a friend. That was fine. What was important to me was that he would call 45 minutes prior to coming home so that I could have food ready and be dressed or whatever needed to be done (I don't like being surprised). As far as finances, I have no idea how much money my husband made exactly. We had separate bank accounts. It may have helped that I had my own money, so I could buy pretty much what I wanted as far as extras, but I also helped out buying stuff for the household sometimes, too, because I wanted to. What I do know is that the things he was supposed to pay for, he paid for them on time always. We had a decent place to live and good food, nice furnishings, etc. I had no reason to ask about money, where it was going or what the amount was. I have no idea if he had a second wife. I never asked. I assume he didn't because he never mentioned it. My point is, it is possible for a man to have a second wife without lying about it. Some women, like me, don't even ask what's going on as long as everything is okay at home. Call me stupid if you want, but that's my personality. If he had a second wife and I found out about it, why would it bother me? I mean, it wasn't affecting my life in any way. I had everything I needed and I was well taken care of, so why should I be bothered if I found out? Anyway, that was my experience.

          About announcing the marriage, what if the woman lives in a different city or country? Would it not be acceptable to announce the marriage locally (where the woman is from) and announce to her people only?
          Stupid???...NOT AT ALL SISTER!!!! Your approach has a lot of wisdom in it. Your are much smarter than a lot of those westernized Muslim women of this time who ONLY think they have become too smart! They would straight go for a divorce over this and start thinking about what is going to happen in their lives later.....after breaking their family, house for the kids, making their father a visitor at the door instead of live with them under same roof etc. etc........that is what is supposed to be dumb!!!

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          • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

            Marrying a 2nd wife by secretly from the 1st wife.Is like having a fake beard. :)
            صلى الله على حبيبه محمد و على آله و أصحابه و سلم
            Al-Muslimeen

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            • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

              Originally posted by Belle SansMerci View Post
              Did anyone even mention here that a nikah kept secret is a sin and a crime according to Islamic law? You cannot keep nikah a secret, if you do, then it means that your intentions aren't pure, even for your second wife.

              How could you announce your second nikah in a western country, where you could actually get arrested for marrying another woman?? I know a few cases where some brothers in different states end up in jail for that.

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              • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                Originally posted by saadullahkhan View Post

                How could you announce your second nikah in a western country, where you could actually get arrested for marrying another woman?? I know a few cases where some brothers in different states end up in jail for that.
                So are you saying secrecy is the answer?
                https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

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                • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                  Originally posted by Khalid b. Walid View Post
                  Why would you keep a second marriage secret?

                  If you can't even inform the first wife of your intention to take a second wife then are you actually fit to handle two marriages?
                  Could be more reasons but in the west, the one I am absolutely aware of is that it is illegal to have a second wife at one time. If someone (for any bad intentions against you) call the authorities, they put you in jail.

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                  • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                    I don't think you have to announce it to everyone. Just family and friends. That's sufficient.

                    As for jail, why would you go to jail if it's only a Islamic nikah? It's not registered, so police can't do anything.
                    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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                    • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                      Originally posted by saadullahkhan View Post
                      Could be more reasons but in the west, the one I am absolutely aware of is that it is illegal to have a second wife at one time. If someone (for any bad intentions against you) call the authorities, they put you in jail.
                      Is that the US you are talking about? I don't know if that is true for the UK for example (because you don't have to register your marriage), but people still get married secretly anyway. I do not believe that they get married secretly because it is illegal, but because they are insecure within their first marriage in some way and they just don't want the first wife to know.
                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

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                      • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                        Originally posted by ..... View Post
                        I don't think you have to announce it to everyone. Just family and friends. That's sufficient.

                        As for jail, why would you go to jail if it's only a Islamic nikah? It's not registered, so police can't do anything.
                        Exactly, or even just close family and friends...but I guess you can't trust the first wife...she might put you in jail :/
                        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

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                        • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                          Originally posted by hayatto View Post
                          Brother, that comment was in a joking manner, it did not sound as serious...

                          Islam goes out of window too for brothers when they enter polygamy without being able to deal with what it entails and it's purely done for lustful reasons.
                          Sister, it is not right to paint this beautiful and respectful provision in our deen and the sunnah such a way saying 'brothers do it for lustful reasons'. I want to give this caution as you are not the only one, many sisters like to project it this way, to make it look dirty.

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                          • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                            Originally posted by Umm_Hanzalah View Post
                            So are you saying secrecy is the answer?
                            Well, in such a situation, I guess.....or....you tell me??

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                            • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                              why would any woman want to be a mans secret wife? doesnt her marriage deserve to be celebrated the same as the first wife? i think being kept a secret would make a 2nd wife feel insecure about her husbands true intentions.
                              and yes, a husband should tell a wife where he is going, its her right to know what her days are and how they should be shared this should be discussed inside of the entire family and agreed upon..


                              read: http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.a...D=6969&CATE=89
                              Last edited by Tahiyah; 21-11-11, 07:34 AM.

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                              • Re: Secret 2nd wives and double lives

                                Originally posted by Umm_Hanzalah View Post
                                Exactly, or even just close family and friends...but I guess you can't trust the first wife...she might put you in jail :/
                                Under which crime?
                                As far as I know, when people in the west have mistress, and get caught there is no law that says guy goes to jail.
                                Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                                "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                                - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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